


He's My Collar

by CallmePhire



Series: He's My Collar [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexual Gabriel, Bottom Castiel, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Dead Character, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Multi, No Underage Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Toys, Sex Toys Under Clothing, Teacher-Student Relationship, Top Dean, they'll be switching off eventually, weed of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-04-20 12:06:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 104,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14260620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallmePhire/pseuds/CallmePhire
Summary: Dean was enjoying the teaching life. It's his second year at the local private college and he's feeling good about this year. That is until a certain blue eyed student blows all his morals away with the wind.





	1. To Hell?

**Author's Note:**

> Duh.....of course I had to write a Destiel fic....because I like fluff with a side of struggle and sorrow. Comments are welcome and I hope you enjoy.

Castiel woke up that morning instantly regretting doing so. His head hurt from his late night pre-birthday celebration Charlie organized for him. Today was his actual birthday as well as the first day of the spring semester. He lazily dragged himself out of bed sporting only a pair of boxers and shivered once the cold air of the room hit his bare skin. He wasn’t hopeful or excited like he normally was on the first day of classes. The remaining courses he needed to fulfill his major were only offered in the fall so this semester was filled with useless credits that were mandatory. I mean a mythology class…really? His passion was science and everything that it contained and promised. History wasn’t the slightest bit in his interest. Why study the past when you can create new things for the future.

He made his way to his bathroom and melted into the tub as the warm water hit his back from where he was now seated. He buried his head in his knees as his thoughts began to drift to his ex. _How do we always end up here?_ He thought to himself. He rose to actually wash his body then hesitantly left the warm embrace of the shower. When we left the bathroom he could hear his phone vibrating violently from his desk in the corner. Not bothering to look at what name was on the screen he picked it up and held it to his ear.

“Castielllllll.” Charlie sang his name.

“Morning.”

“I’m on my way over so you better be dressed. I want to smoke before we start the day.”

“Ah yes. A tradition we hold dear. I just got out the shower. I’ll be ready in 10.”

“Hurry. I need coffee too. And by the sound of your voice so do you.”

He hung up and toweled off. Pulling a thick knit sweater on and some jeans he then headed downstairs to see if his father might be home. He wasn’t of course and Castiel rolled his eyes at that not so surprising fact. He practically lived at the hospital nowadays. Even when he was supposed to be off he worked. Saving another soul from the perils of death. Castiel tried not to be negative about it. He loved the fact that his Father was so happy with being a doctor, saving people was important. He felt like a bad person when he felt his jealously towards his Father’s patients.

A beep from outside broke him from his thoughts. He slung his bag over his shoulder and was out the door. So not ready for the day.

“Hello my love.” Charlie beamed as he sat in the passenger seat of her little hatchback.

“Why are you so happy?” he grumbled.

“I’ve been texting that girl I met last night and we have a date set up for tonight. So I have every right to be happy.”

“That’s good.” He turned to look out the window as she drove towards their caffeinated future.

“Don’t be like that. You need to get some action in your life.”

“I’m perfectly ok with my lack of action.” He sighed.

“Clearly not. You’ve been moping since that whole ‘let’s be friends’ bit. Have you talked to him recently?”

“He’s been texting me, but I haven’t really had the energy to respond.”

“You shouldn’t talk to him at all. What he did to you was….” She trailed off.

“I’m just tired Charlie. I don’t even want to think about getting back into the dating pool. It’s messy and tragic.”

“You could at least have some booty calls.”

“You know that’s not my style.” He sighed again.

“Well maybe it’s time to change your style. Stay here I’ll run in. what do you want?”

“My usual.”

“Well I’m adding a shot of expresso. You look miserable.”

“Thanks.” He rolled his eyes.

She left the car on and ran inside the small coffee shop to grab their drinks. No one was in the parking lot so he pulled his supplies from his backpack and rolled a blunt with quick movements and precision. He only started smoking a year ago when he met Charlie. She’s the one who convinced him to do it. Now it was a regular thing for him and he got almost too good at rolling. His turned out better than Charlie’s had, now she always makes him roll.

She returned to the car shortly after he finished and they were on their way to their college campus. She pulled in one of the more vacant lots near the woods. They left the car each with a coffee in their hand and a blunt in the other. Castiel was the first to light his. Taking a deep inhale and holding it. Loving the sour yet earthy taste in his mouth. He blew it in the air and let the wind take it away, careful and not wanting the scent on his clothes. They finished quickly letting the caffeine and marijuana settle them into a very pleasant buzz. They trudged to the building where they both had a class chatting on the way. Charlie still trying to convince Castiel to tap into his hoeish side that she was so sure he had. He just kept grumbling and refusing to be set up with anyone she knew. From what he had seen of Charlie’s male friends they were way too rugged for his taste. Not rugged in the way that he liked.

She walked him to his class as hers was further down the hall. They hugged quickly and promised to meet up for lunch during they’re gap between classes. Castiel walked into his class. A small lecture hall and took a seat in the front row center. His mythology class was taught by a new professor since the old one retired. From past experience with other first time professors their lectures were always scattered and fragmented. He knew he needed to be up close to try and pay attention as best as he could. Especially with the buzz that shadowed over his brain.

A couple more students filed in and took their seats. Everyone pulling out notebooks, binders, pens, and such. Trying to do good from the start, in hopes that they wouldn’t fall behind as the semester drudged on. Castiel was lost in his thoughts again and didn’t realize the professor had walked in until the man started talking. His head snapped up at the lavish bedroom voice coming from the front of the room. What he was now looking at confused him. A man stood with lightly tanned skin and a lean yet muscular frame. He was built much like himself except his shoulders were broader. He wore a simple burgundy button up, the first two buttons undone, dark blue jeans and some work boots that looked slightly worn. What stood out most to Castiel were those green eyes. Piercing, like gems yet soft like a man with understanding. He was gorgeous. He was blinding. It would be his luck to have the hottest man in the universe be the professor of the class he dreaded the most. He moved with grace despite his slightly bowed legs. He carried himself beautifully around the room passing out the syllabus. He paused only for a second as Castiel’s desk. Looking him straight in the eye before moving on the other students and returned to the front of the room.

“I’m gonna take attendance cause that counts towards your grade. Show up and it’ll help you out.”

He paused.

“You know the drill. I call your name and you raise a hand. Eventually I’ll know all your faces and just do it from memory.” He looked at Castiel when he said this.

He began roll call. Each student raising a hand. He got to Castiel’s name and paused. Looking up at him for help.

“It’s Castiel. Cas-tee-el.”

“Ah ok Castiel. The angel of Thursday yes.” he smiled.

Castiel blushed furiously and leaned his head in an attempt to hide his face. How does this wonderful man just recall a random fact about his name? After roll call was finished Professor Winchester went through the syllabus explaining everything it contained. Giving pointers on how the students could guarantee a passing grade. Castiel heard every word, but didn’t at the same time. Too busy concentrating on how the professors lipped moved as he spoke, how he would take pauses between his words to lick at his lips. He was mesmerizing. Castiel felt like he was cursed and blessed to be sitting here in this class. He hadn’t even noticed class was over and everyone left the room until the professor stood in front of his desk only a foot or so between them.

“You’re staring.” He spoke snapping Castiel from his fantasy land.

“Oh gosh I’m sorry.” He scrambled with his things looking around finally discovering everyone had left.

“You alright there Cas?”

Castiel froze at the nickname he was given by the demi-god standing in front of him.

“Um…yes I’m fine. Sorry.” He fumbled and dropped his notebook.

When he bent to pick it up he was too slow and the professor already had it in his hand and was handing it back to him.

“Maybe you need another one of those.” He motioned his head towards the empty coffee cup sitting on Castiel’s desk.

“Yeah I probably should.” He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “See you tomorrow.” He casually tossed over his shoulder and shuffled out of the classroom practically running.

*                             *                             *                             *                             *                             *

He went through his other two classes with half his mind in tact. The other half was filled with his mythology professor. The man had to be part of this history he taught. He was way too beautiful to belong to this time period. Once his third class let out he ran straight to Charlie’s car feeling relief that she was already there waiting for him.

“So how’d it go?” she smiled slipping her phone into her pocket.

“I’m going to die.” He wheezed from his sprinting.

“That’s a little dramatic don’t you think?”

“He’s beautiful Charlie.”

“I’m happy you realized that, but who are we talking about here?”

“That stupid mythology class I have to take. The professor is way too attractive. I’m going to fail.”

“Ohhhhh so you got the hot’s for a prof huh?” he wiggled her eyebrows.

“Unfortunately that would seem so.”

“Go for it.”

“What? No! He’s a professor Charlie. I don’t know how you could’ve missed that fact.” He grumbled.

“So? You’re both consenting adults.”

“It’s not morally wrong no, but I don’t think either of us would be in a position to do such a thing.”

“Hey it’ll help you get that A to add to the collection of all your others.”

They were now headed to the diner just outside of campus where they always ate. It was quaint, small, and old fashioned. It was everything he liked in a hangout spot. They were greeted by the usual waitress and she sat them in their booth and promised to be right back to take their order.

“You should go to his office hours.” Charlie spoke between sips of her water.

“For what? The class hasn’t really started yet.”

“To get some alone time with green eyes.”

Castiel rolled his own eyes at her nickname for the teacher.

“What? This could be a win for you babe.”

“I didn’t know I had joined a game.”

“This is more like war.”

*                             *                             *                             *                             *                             *

 A month of classes flew by and he was no less interested in Mr. Winchester then he had been the first day of classes. Against his better judgement and to prevent Charlie’s wrath Castiel finally decided to go to Professor Winchester’s office hours. His palms were sweating and he had a nervous pit in his stomach as he slowly made his way towards his office. Charlie stood at the end of the hall with her hands on her hips and eyes glaring at Castiel’s back. He felt like a 5 year old all tied up with his nervousness. He pushed his brain to remember the questions he and Charlie had come up with so it looked like Castiel actually had a purpose for being there, other than ogling his teacher and his gorgeous face.

He approached the slightly ajar door and tapped it with a light knock so he didn’t startle the man who was staring intently at the papers scattered on his desk. He looked up and smiled slightly as Castiel made his way into the room.

“Heya Cas what’s up.”

Castiel took a quick glance around the office. It was neat and messy at the same time, but It looked like everything had a place.

“Hello Mr. Winchester.” He said clearing his throat so his voice wouldn’t crack.

“Woah no call me Dean please. Mr. Winchester is my father.”

Dean. Such a simple name, but tied to this man gave it such powerful weight. It didn’t help with all the bass in the man’s voice as he spoke it. Castiel’s stomach fluttered as Dean motioned for him to sit in the lone chair that stood in front of his desk.

“Hello Dean.” He corrected his greeting.

“What can I help you with?”

“Well I had some questions on how to format the upcoming essay.”

“Questions like what?”

“How do you want it to be structured?”

“Shit I didn’t tell you guys that did I?”

“No you didn’t.” Castiel shrank a little.

“Guess you can help me with the email I need to send out then.” Dean flashed him a smile. “Well I wanted your take on chapter’s 1-4. Why you think…”

Castiel’s mind began to wander. His vision moving towards the man’s lips once again.

“Are you gonna write this down? Or are you one of those audio learning types?”

“Um yes I probably should write. I’m more of a visual learner.”

Dean hummed at this and Cas shrank further, wincing at his accidental innuendo. He had spent way too much time with his brother Gabe that summer. He was rubbing off on him at the worst possible time. He took out a notebook and a pen jotting down what the man said. Once he got all the answers he needed he nodded feeling pleased and confident in not only his paper, but how he felt so comfortable with the man in front of him.

“Do you think I could take a look? I need to remember what I said so I can write that email.”

“Sure.” He said handing his notebook to Dean.

He waited patiently watching Dean take notes of his notes and basked in the presense of the man. He noticed the way he licked his lips more as he thought. He wanted to lick those lips. He wanted to lick all over the man. Reeling back a bit at his creepy thought. He wanted to run his fingers through his short spikey hair and tug on it softly while he sucked marks into his strong neck.

“You’re staring Cas.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You ok?”

“Yes I’m fine. How are you Dean?”

“Um I’m good.” He said handing him back his notebook.

“Well I’m sure you’re busy. I’ll see you in class.”

Castiel rose to take his leave. Dean had a twinge of…sadness? Maybe? In his eyes.

“You can stay if you want. I’m just grading some papers for my other classes. I may die if I have to read more terrible grammar alone.” He laughed.

“Sure. Let me just text my friend. She’s usually my ride.” He sat back down hurriedly scooping his phone out his bag.

“Well no that’s ok. If you’ve gotta go you’ve gotta go.”

“It’s fine. I don’t live far from here anyway I could walk.”

“It’s winter Cas.”

“It’s fine. I need to get some work done too. I get distracted at home.”

He pulled out a notebook for another class and propped it on his lap immediately getting to work. He could feel Dean’s eyes watching him in silence. He started sweating again. Nervousness creeping through the veil of the comfortability he felt before.

“I can give you a ride if anything.” He spoke shattering the silence.

“That’s nice of you.”

The silence returned. Both of them emerged in their works. Dean sighed every now and again. Probably finding more grammatical errors that he complained about before. Cas could barely concentrate on his home work for the statistics class he was taking. It wasn’t hard in the least. Dean was what made things hard. He winced at his internal innuendo, stupid Gabe.

“You know you’re the first person to show during my office hours. It gets pretty boring sitting here waiting for someone to show.”

“I’m glad I could relieve your boredom.”

“You’re a funny dude Cas. Much different than others your age.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know you have this innocence about you. And you’re so polite in class. Never on your phone or passing notes. You just seem really determined in everything you do.”

“I try to be that way. It’d be a waste to come to college and not get the most I can out of it.”

“Very true Cas.” He paused. “Wait that’s rude. I’ve been calling you Cas this whole time and never asked if that was ok.”

“I like the nickname. No one has ever shortened my name before.”

“Really cause Castiel is a lot to say. Shit that was rude too I’m sorry.” He rubbed at his forehead.

“No it’s fine I’ve heard it a few times before.”

“It was still pretty rude I’m sorry.”

Dean went back to his work. Slightly flushed in his cheeks from his remarks of Castiel’s name. It actually made him smile. To see that he wanted to be polite to the man. They finished up their work shortly after. Dean leaned back in his chair to stretch. His shirt rose just a little and Castiel saw a small strip of his bare skin. He wanted to touch so bad. Luckily the hulking desk was in the way of Castiel making the worst mistake he had in a long time.

“You ready to head out?”

“Yes.”

They packed up their things and Dean motioned for Castiel to leave the room ahead of him so he could lock up. Castiel watched him as he did it then their eyes met.

“I don’t need anyone coming in hear searching for exam answers.” He winked at Castiel.

They made their way out of the building and into the crisp, cold air of the January night. Dean led him to his car, a shiny black car Castiel recognized as an impala. It was in pristine condition. This man obviously cared very much about his vehicle. He slid into the passenger seat and buckled his seatbelt feeling so uncomfortable and tense sitting in such close proximity to Dean. He started up the car and it roared to life. Like it was happy to see Dean.

“Just tell me where to go.” He spoke while fumbling with the cassette player. “I’m not as old as you may think. I just like the simplicity of tapes.” He commented on Castiel’s staring.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to stare.”

“You do that a lot. It’s cool though.”

“How old are you?”

“27. You?”

“I just turned 21 a few days ago.”

 _Hmm not much of an age gap._ He thought to himself.

“Wow well happy belated birthday.” He shot him a smile before returning his eyes to the road.

Before he knew it they were sitting in front of his house. Castiel’s mood dropped at arriving so soon. He unbuckled his seat belt and gathered his things moving to leave the car.

“Thank you for the ride Dean. Have a good night.”

“It was no problem at all. Come by and see me whenever.” He waved as Castiel shut the car door and retreated to his door.

Whenever.

He opened his door and walked inside. Immediately slumping against it once he heard Dean’s car drive off. He dropped his bag and coat off in his room before searching in the kitchen for some snacks. He was going to smoke the night away and chips would be his companion. He looked on the island in the middle of the small kitchen. A lone black gift bag sat on it. Castiel rummaged through it finding a card and a tan trench coat inside. He tore open the envelope to find a birthday card from his Dad. It had an apology scribbled on the blank portion of the card. That’s right. His dad had been at the hospital on his birthday thus canceling their plans. A p.s. read that this was only the first portion of his gift and that the other half would be arriving on Sunday.

He pulled the coat onto his from and walked back to his room, it swooshing behind him. He looked in his full length mirror and smiled at his reflection. It was a really nice coat. Deep pockets too. He shrugged the coat off and hung it on the back of his door. His phone rang from his bag and he pulled it out smiling to see Charlie’s name.

“Hello Charlie.”

“Details now.”

“I’m fine thanks for asking. How are you?” he said sarcastically.

“I’m great and I know you’re great so details. Now.”

“He told me everything I needed for the paper. He had actually forgotten to tell the class about it and thanked me for reminding him. He took notes and promised to send everyone an email about it.”

“You were there for 4 hours. Unless you guys moved in slow motion for some reason there’s no way that’s all that happened. Spill Castiel.”

“I was going to leave before I self-destructed, but he asked me to stay. Apparently I’m the only one to show for his office hours.”

“Let’s keep it that way. So tell me the part where it got hot and heavy.”

“There was none of that.”

“Castiel Novak I taught you better than that.”

“No flirting Charlie. It’s for the greater good.” He laughed.

“That’s where you’re wrong. Then what happened?”

“I did homework and he graded papers. Then he gave me a ride home.”

“Did he give you a kiss goodnight?”

“You know that didn’t happen.” He rolled his eyes for the millionth time.

“Ugh you’re leaving me hanging. Suspense isn’t good for my weak heart. Well anyway I must take my leave. Milady is awaiting my arrival.” He could hear her smile through the phone.

“Have a good date Charlie.”

“Are we still on for tomorrow?”

“Duh.”

*                             *                             *                             *                             *                             *

Castiel was high. Almost too high. He lazily dragged his phone up to his face and squinted at the notification. He had two emails. One a group email from Dean to his class and another one from him just addressed to Castiel.

Thanks for the help Cas. You saved my ass. ;)

Castiel read it at least 8 million times before it registered. Winky face? Had Dean really put a winky face? What the hell does that even mean? Castiel’s drain flashed to when they left his office and Dean had winked at him about the exam answers. His thoughts seem to attract another another part of his body. His dick swelling with blood and excitement at the thought of Dean winking seductively only for him. He tried to will it away hoping his erection would falter. He would not masturbate to filthy thoughts of his professor. That would just solidify the dangerous crush that formed the minute he laid eyes on the man. Not tonight. Not tomorrow night. Not ever. It took a while for Castiel to fall asleep that night.


	2. The Slip-Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey here's another update! life is smacking me in the face right now so i'll do my best. Comments are welcome!

“Dean I think you’re freaking out for nothing.”

“Sam this is wrong. This is so wrong.” He continued to pace across his brother’s living room.

“This isn’t your first class. I’m sure you’ve found students attractive before. Just let it go and move on.”

“Why’d I take the job at a college? Why didn’t I go with the elementary school offer?”

“Because the college offered way more money.” Sam answered his rhetorical questions.

“I would’ve been safer with the children. I wouldn’t have to worry about this. I sent him a winky face Sammy! A damn winky face.”

“Why did you do that Dean?”

“I didn’t mean to! I meant to just put a regular, friendly smiley face. Then I hit send before I could correct it.”

“Well I’m sure the guy saw the mistake and thought nothing of it.”

“He’s hot Sam and I mean like wow. This is going to go bad Sammy I just know it.”

“First of all stop pacing before you put a hole in my carpet. And can you hand me a bottle? I think Mark is waking up.” He looked down and the tiny baby bundled up in his arms.

Dean walked into the kitchen to warm the bottle for his little nephew. He spotted the picture of Jess on the countertop in the corner. He smiled sadly at the frame. He was still sort of processing the loss of his sister in law. Once the bottle was warmed he brought it to Sam only to be handed the baby to feed and Sam walked off to grab his own food.

The loss of Jess hit everyone hard. She died in childbirth while having little Mark, only holding him for a few minutes before slipping away. Sam was a wreck, but Dean was there to help pick up the pieces. Their schedules in sync so they could take turns caring for the child. This was Dean’s weekend to care for him. He was about to turn a year old in a couple of days. Dean even planned his birthday party, not letting Sam have any say in the matter. He liked the idea of throwing a little shindig for the guy and happily let Dean take over. Dean wanted to celebrate him as well as distract Sam since his child’s birth was also Jess’ death anniversary.

“He’s sucking this thing down quick.” He spoke once Sam walked back in the room.

“Yeah and he’s getting big. We’ve gotta get some new clothes for him.”

“I’ll grab some stuff tomorrow.”

Dean put the baby down to sleep, while he and Sam cracked open some beers and talked well into the night. Dean mostly grumbling about Cas and Sam trying to soothe his worry. Dean now had too many drinks to drive and stayed in Sam’s guest bedroom.

*                             *                             *                             *                             *                             *

Dean found himself in the local mall. It was pretty huge comparing it to most stores in town 3 floors of retail confusion. He pushed the stroller looking for any kind of kids store in search of finding new baby clothes for Mark. He finally found a store and shopped around. Picking up onsies and little pants and sweaters. Putting little outfits together. He felt like a pro. And he must’ve looked like one with all the women in the store giving him smiling side glances. The few men looking at him like he was a new species.

Once he was delighted with his choices he headed to the register to pay. He shoved the bags in the basket below the stroller smiling at hearing Mark’s sounds of enjoyment. He turned the stroller to face him as he sat down on a vacant bench right outside the store. Mark raised his arms motioning to Dean that he wanted to be picked up and Dean happily obliged. He was distracted by the cute baby that he didn’t notice someone standing a few feet away watching in sadness and interest.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean raised his head at the sexy gravely voice addressing him only to find Cas watching him with the baby.

“Heya Cas. How are you?”

Cas looked too good today. He wore a black button-up and jeans with a tan trench coat. He looked so innocent but all too delectable. Dean whisked away the thoughts that were beginning to rise seeing as how he was holding his little nephew.

“I’m well Dean how are you?”

“Good. Just getting some stuff for this little guy.”

Mark clapped and smiled as Cas walked closer as if he knew the guy. Cas smiled widely at the child and turned his attention back to Dean.

“You have a beautiful son.”

“Oh…um not he’s not mine.”

Cas cocked his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. That little motion was somehow the most attractive thing Dean had ever seen.

“He’s my nephew. This is my brothers kid.” He rushed to clear up Cas’ confusion.

“Oh. Ok.”

The lull was heavy. Dean searched his mind for something not x rated to say to Cas.

“What are you shopping for?”

“I needed some new pants.”

“That’s cool.”

Just then Dean remembered that damn winky face he emailed Cas the night before. He hung his head thinking of the right thing to say to his gorgeous student.

“Sorry about that weird wink face. It was supposed to be a smile. I pressed the wrong button.”

“It’s fine Dean I didn’t think anything of it.”

If Sam were here he’d shoot him bitch face #57 and revel in the fact that he was right. Dean internally rolled his eyes at the thought.

“Ok good. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No you’re fine. It takes a lot to make me uncomfortable.”

“Ok cool.”

Another long pause sat between them.

“How’s the paper coming?”

“Honestly I had no idea what to write and then I thought about what you said and it all clicked into place. So far it’s going well.”

He thought about what I said huh? Somehow that made Dean extremely happy.

“I look forward to reading it.”

“It should be good. Well have a good day. I’m going to meet up with a friend.”

“Yeah…see ya Monday Cas.” He motioned towards the squirming baby in his lap. “Say bye Mark.” The baby gurgled and smiled at Cas.

Dean watched Cas leave sad that he couldn’t stay and talk longer. Not that Dean really had anything to say. For Cas being practically a stranger he wanted him around him so badly. Wanting to be closer to his student. Closer than close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

”Dean grief! You didn’t have to buy all this!”

“I didn’t mean too actually. But I guess I got carried away.” He spoke reaching in his back seat to take out yet another bag.

Mark squirmed and fussed in his fathers arms so Sam retreated in the house in search of a bottle. Once Dean finished unloading the several bags and boxes of new stuff for the kid he exchanged good byes and went home to do some grading. He encouraged his students to send him rough drafts of their essays so he could give his comments and they could fix them before handing it in for the final grade. He opened his email to find only Cas and another student named Kevin had submitted drafts. Cas.

There goes his brain wandering again. He sat back in his desk chair and thought about the younger man. He was definitely peculiar never conveyed too much emotion but he he wasn’t cold about it. Just very neutral. His train of thought moved over Cas’ face and stopped at those piercing bright blue eyes. They were pits of endless ocean that you could really get lost in. Those chapped and forever pink lips of his would be the death of Dean if he ever got a hold of them.

His phone rang from his pocket snapping him out of it.

“Hey Bobby. How are you?”

“Annoyed as hell. Are you busy this weekend coming?”

“Nah I’ve got nothing planned.”

“You think you could help out at the shop here? Ash apparently has a cold so he can’t come in.”

“Yeah I can make it in. What time you need me?”

“Bright and early as usual.”

“Don’t ever change Bobby.” He laughed at the man’s grumbling.

“Don’t got the patience to do it.”

He hung up with his uncle and got back to reading his emails. Kevin’s paper was written well and full of everything it should’ve been. Cas’ paper wasn’t perfect but dean could tell it was written with passion. He really delve into the topic and gave enough opinion to back it up. Dean smiled to himself. Hoping all his students would write like this. He quickly typed a response to him. Letting him know his thoughts on it and giving some pointers. He had to fight to control his self and really think about what he wrote.

“That should do.” He thought aloud patting himself on the back for keeping his professionalism.

*             *             *             *             *

The day started off great. Cas had looked beautiful in his black v neck shirt and slightly tighter fitting jeans. They kept sneaking glances at each other that warmed Dean’s heart. He was truly drawn to this kid and couldn’t figure out for the life of him why that was. The next few classes dragged on and Dean found himself distracted and bored since Cas hadn’t been there. At the end of the day he decided it was high time to get high. He drove to one of the less frequented lots used at the college and rolled himself a blunt. It was a little sloppy, but it’ll do the trick. He just wanted to take off the nagging edge that had been sitting on him all day.

It was cold, way too cold to be out here smoking like he was still in his rebellious teen phase. He relished in the buzz and leaned on the trunk of his car. It was clouding his head as he took another long drag letting the air flow slowly from his lips. He hadn’t even noticed the car that pulled up and parked a couple spaces away from his. 

“Is that Mr. Winchester getting high?”

Dean flinched and watched as a red headed girl he never seen before bounced over to him. Another person emerged from the car grumbling and begging the red head girl to leave Dean alone. Dean would know that gravelly voice anywhere.

“Heya Cas.” He breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hello Dean.”

They were completely ignoring the red head at the moment, Dean watched delighted as Cas made his way over to him. Only standing about a foot away. Normally he’d be upset and give his usual lecture about personal space, but right now he didn’t mind the closeness.

“On a first name basis?” the read head regarded Cas with a sneaky grin.

“I don’t like all that useless formality with my students.”

“I see. Well I’m Charlie.” She reached a hand out to him.

He took it with the upmost reluctance glancing in Cas’ direction for help. He just stared at his friend like he wanted to skin her alive.

“Nice to meet you Charlie.”

How did this girl know who Dean was? Had Cas been talking about him to her? Were there good things he had to say about Dean? Was this girl his girlfriend? He read that email 12 times to see if he had any creepy errors in there before he sent it.

“Usually no one really comes out here. This is our smoking spot. But the more the merrier.” She spoke pulling a blunt and lighter from her coat pocket. She handed Dean his own blunt and flashed that sneaky grin again.

“You’re sharing your weed with me? You don’t even know me.” Dean questioned.

“Castiel knows you so that’s good enough for me. Any prof who’s brave enough to smoke on campus has to be an awesome person.”

“Charlie please. You don’t even know if he wants to smoke with us.” Cas begged.

“It’s cool Cas. If you guys don’t mind then I don’t mind.”

“This is some pretty strong stuff Dean. Think you’ll be alright?”

“You make me sound so old! I think I can handle whatever you’re rolling.”

Charlie chuckled at this and Cas remained silent. A faint pink blush on his cheeks. Cas was definitely cute when he was flustered.

“These are rolled amazing by the way.”

“Castiel rolled them.” She patted Cas’ back.

“Good work Cas.” He winked at him.

It was totally in his character to toss such a flirty gesture around, but not at his student. Cas’ cheeks seemed to get more red by the second. Charlie watched the whole exchange with pride. It was the cutest thing she’d ever seen. They passed around the lone lighter and when it got to Dean he was having trouble with the trigger. Cas stepped forward and did it for him. He was so deep into Dean’s space. Every atom in Dean’s body told him to just lean forward a little and capture the younger man in a kiss. He wanted to taste him. Before he listened to his inner perv Cas backed away and puffed on his own blunt. They smoked in mainly silence until Charlie got into her high and sparked up a conversation. They talked about what careers they wanted to go after. Dean talked about how he got into teaching. What they did on their times off, music, any icebreakers you can think of. Before they knew it everyone was comfortable with each other and thc induced laughter filled the air.

“So I know you’re a prof and everything, but I think we should do this again.”

“Like hangout?” Dean asked.

“Yeah I mean it’s not like there’s a monster age gap between us. Castiel might be in your class, but you guys are both adult enough to keep your academic life separate.”

Dean looked at Cas trying to find some confirmation. Did he want a friendship with Dean?

“What do you think Castiel?” Charlie must’ve read Dean’s mind somehow.

“Yeah. I mean if he’s comfortable with that.”

“I’m good with that.” Dean spoke up.

He could feel his face heating up and a flutter of child-like happiness forming in the pit of his stomach. They were all coming down from the high and the cold air was becoming unbearable.

“Well now that we’re all chummy and such do you mind taking Castiel home? I’ve got a hot date with milady tonight and she’s in the opposite direction.”

“Charlie.” Cas spat. “That’s rude.”

“Nah Cas it’s cool. I don’t mind.” He rushed.

“I don’t want to inconvenience you Dean.”

“It’s not at all. You’re on the way.”

“Then it’s settled. Bye Dean. Bye babe.” She placed a peck on Cas’ cheek and bounced away to her car.

They stood there and watched as she immediately pulled off once the car was started. Hot date indeed. Dean thought to himself.

“I guess we should go then.” Cas spoke his hands rubbing together and he was vibrating from being cold.

They got in the car and Dean started it turning on the heat an waited for it to get warm. The usual silence between them hung in the air. Only this time it wasn’t uncomfortable and awkward. It was just what it was.

“Are you hungry?” Dean spoke first.

“A little. Why?

“Wanna grab some burgers together? I know this great spot over on Main street. We can even get it to go if you really wanna get home.”

“Would you rather sit down and eat?”

“I’m game if you are.”

“That would be fine.”

Dean put the car in gear and drove into the night feeling as happy as can be.

*                             *                             *                                             *                             *

The joint was empty for the most part and with Cas being who he was didn’t talk much just kinda sat there sipping on his water. This gave Dean’s mind too much room to wander. He was happy to be here with the man, but he had no idea if their intentions lined up. Cas must’ve felt Dean staring. He looked up and a small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

“What’s on your mind Dean?”

“That’s a pretty loaded question Cas.” He reached up and scratched at the back of his neck.

“I’m willing to listen if you’re willing to talk.”

Just then the waitress appeared with their burgers. Dean prayed internally thanking God that she cut through the rising tension in his chest with food. Dean went in on his burger while Cas picked at his fries. Cas searched Dean’s face for answers, but Dean just ate with his head down to avoid giving answers. Those blue eyes could make him do anything.

“Dean.”

“Yeah buddy?” he said through a mouthful. “I don’t know. It’s best if I don’t share what’s on my mind. It’s a dark road that we don’t need to go down.”

“Does it have anything to do with me?”

Dean choked between bites.  This was how he’d die, with bread and meat in his lungs. He looked Cas in the eye and winced as his inhibitions began to falter.

“A little.”

Cas hummed in response and they returned to eating in silence. Dean picked up the tab. This felt awfully like a date, but he pushed the thought behind a door in his mind. They got into the car and rode to Cas’ house neither of them talking while ACDC played softly in the background. They pulled up to the small house and Dean looked to Cas ready to say his good bye’s.

“I had a good time Dean.”

“Yeah I had fun to Cas’. More fun than I’ve had in a while.” He admitted.

“Would you like to exchange numbers?”

Dean paused trying to formulate an answer besides a shout of yes.

“I’m sorry that was probably inappropriate.” Cas blushed at Dean’s hesitation.

“No no it’s cool.” Dean struggled to pull his phone out of his pocket from where he was sitting. “Here text yourself and I’ll save it.”

“Oh alright.” Cas took the phone and began pecking away. “Goodnight Dean. Thanks again for dinner.”

He said dinner. Now it really sounded like a date to Dean. Cas retreated the car and rushed into the house like he had the last time. Dean drove off once he knew the guy was safely inside. Once he was home he undressed wearing just a t-shirt and boxers he crawled into bed with thoughts of Castiel on his mind. He looked at his phone to save the number and saw that Cas had texted himself a winky face.

*********

“Charlie I don’t know what to do.”

“About What Love?”

“I like this man and its all your fault.” Castiel sat on the edge of his bed and stared down at the phone he had in one hand and dragged from the blunt in his other.

“No no don’t put this on me. You lit the spark. I just fanned the fire.”

“This is highly inappropriate. I even have his number now.”

“How did you manage that? Also I’m proud of you.”

“I just asked him. He’s too easy to talk to. It’s quite unsettling.”

“That’s a good thing. Beautiful things are destined to happen between you.”

“Enough about me. Who’s this lady you’ve been seeing?” Castiel got up and tossed the half smoked blunt in his ash tray for later.

He pulled on some pants getting ready for his unbusy today. They way his schedule was set up he only had one class on Fridays and it was later in the day so he could sleep in. Charlie didn’t have any class, but usually drove Cas to campus so she could study and otherwise socialize.

“Her name is Dorothy. I’m only telling you this because things are going good.”

“I still do not understand you’re superstition.”

“It’s a jinx Castiel it ruins things.”

“Fine. Tell me more.” He stood in the kitchen halfheartedly spreading cream cheese on a everything bagel.

“She’s very funny and adventurous. She always wants to do new things and have fresh experiences. Not a thrill seeker, but she just wants the most out of life all the time. It’s very refreshing and I like that.”

“Those are good qualities to have.”

“Spontaneous and funny. That’s what I need in a girlfriend.”

“Do you intend on making her your girlfriend?”

“If I say yes will you do the same with Dean?”

“Charlie.” He rolled his eyes and sighed between chews of his bagel. “Dean and I are way more complicated than what you have going on. Dorothy isn’t your professor in a class you didn’t want to take in the first place.”

“I know I know, but I really want you guys to work out. Dean seems like a really great guy. I mean you saw him with a baby. He’s family oriented and everything.”

“I don’t think I would be a very good parent Charlie. I don’t know the first thing about babies. What to do. What not to do. “

“Would you ever drop one? Like on purpose?”

“What the hell, no!?”

 “There you have it. You know the first thing not to do with a baby.”

********

Castiel finished with his only class of the day. Nervous for it to end as Charlie had threatened him again to see Dean during his office hours. Why on earth would anyone want to hang out on campus when they didn’t have to?

“Hello Dean.” He stepped in the office.

Dean jumped at the sound of Cas’ voice and looked at him wide eyed. He wiped at the left side of his face and sniffled. A forced smile appeared on his face as he motioned for Castiel to come in and take a seat.

“Hey Cas. How was class?”

“Boring. I had statistics.”

“Ah yeah good old stat. That class kicked my ass. Do you need help with anything?”

Deans eyes were red. He indeed had been crying. Castiel felt a pit of sadness forming in his gut. As if he could feel what Dean felt.

“Are you Alright Dean?”

“Yeah yeah I’m fine. Just a little…family drama.”

“I see. Well I am here to talk if you need me.”

The conversation paused and Castiel didn’t know what to say. He just wanted to reach out and touch Dean’s face. Pull him towards himself and hold him until whatever it was melted away.

“I just came to get some work done. Being here really helped me concentrate.”

“That’s good Cas I’m glad. My doors always open.”

Dean’s tone of voice held enough weight that Castiel felt he meant more then just his office hours. He pulled out his assignments and got right to work. A question nagged at his brain that he’d been wanting to ask Dean since the first second he laid eyes on the man. He decided against it for fear of being to comfortable and ultimately inappropriate.

“So how did you and Charlie meet? You guys seem like really good friends.” Dean asked not looking up from his papers on his desk.

“One of her friends tried to hit on me and she thought it was hilarious that I turned him down.”

“That’s a weird way to form a friendship. I like it. What made you turn him down?”

“He seemed very pompous and I immediately knew he wasn’t my type.”

So Dean now knew he was into dudes. He was into any gender really. It wasn’t an important factor when picking a partner. He was more drawn to personality than anything else.

“Hmm well you like what you like. Too bad for him.”

Cas froze. He didn’t know what to say to that. What did Dean mean by that? Too bad for him? Did he want a chance with him?

“What do you mean Dean?”

“Well you’re a great guy and I’m just saying he missed it by acting like a dick.”

“I see.” Cas sighed. “Are you single Dean?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah I don’t have anyone right now.”

“Yeah me either.”

“I’ll be right back. Gotta take a leak.”

Dean then rushed out of the office and fled down the hall. Cas was crumbling on the inside. He just asked Dean the top question he promised himself not to ask. Charlie was a terrible influence on him. Giving him that friendly courage to go after everything he wanted. Supporting all his terrible decisions. But Dean was single . He didn’t have anyone. _What will I do with that information?_ He asked himself.

*

Dean was sweating. Really sweating. Palms, forehead, his freaking neck. He wandered to the bathroom down the hall. Pacing in front of the stalls trying to figure out what was going on. Trying to get a hold of himself. Cas was into dudes. Cool so was he. Cas asked him if he was single. That’s what threw him into an emotional loop. The phone call from his dad had been bad enough, but he didn’t want to think about that now. Cas even saw him at the tail end of his crying.

He was truly considering making a move on this guy. Crossing all lines and breaking down all walls. I mean what could it really hurt? It’s not like the guy was trying to seduce him into giving him a good grade. He was already doing well and from what Charlie said the guy was a straight A student. He didn’t need seduction.  Could he actually be interested in Dean? Hell its been awhile since Dean had put the moves on anyone. After that whole fiasco with Lisa he didn’t want to be with anyone else. He was perfectly content being alone.

He scratched at his neck then placed his hand on either side of the sink looking at his reflection. His eyes were still red. His lower lids a bit puffy. He ran some water and splashed it on his face. Grabbing a paper towel to wipe down with, he mustered some courage to go back to the office before Cas wonders if he scared Dean off.

*

 Cas looked at him and smiled as he walked back into the room. He looked clearly flustered. He wanted to talk about whatever was bothering Dean, maybe he could help. But he refrained from doing so in fear of pushing the other man away before he really got a chance to be a part of his life.

“Are you feeling better?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.”

They did work in silence for a couple hours before heading out. It felt almost routine to do this. They went to the car and Dean drove him home.  He was so mentally tired from todays whirlwind of emotions. He needed his 4 hours of sleep.

“Thanks for the ride Dean.”

“No problem.”

*

“Sam you got a bottle ready? The kid’s ready to fight if he doesn’t get that milk soon.” Dean called to the kitchen from where he sat on the couch in his brother’s living room.

Little Mark squirmed in Dean’s arms making protests about being held. He fumbled with his phone in the other hand. He was texting Cas, trying to make sure he didn’t answer too fast. It would look weird.

“Yeah here let me take him.” Sam returned to the space bottle in hand.

He scooped up the baby and sat next to Dean. His attention was fully on his phone now, laughing at whatever the text read. Sam looked at him half amused and half concerned for his brother. He was never much of a texter and now his fingers were flying across the screen like a pro.

“You texting that hot student of yours?”

“Hmm?” Dean’s head shot up. “Oh um yeah he gave me his number last night. He’s pretty funny.”

“I’m sure he is. So you ready to make that leap?”

“What are you talking about Sammy?”

“Trying to pursue this guy?”

“I don’t know man what if he’s not even interested in that?”

“Did he ask for your number or did you offer it to him?”

“He asked. That’s not the point. We smoked last night. Him and one of his friends apparently do it pretty often and then the girl asked if it was cool to ya know hangout again.”

“Then let’s do it. Let’s hang out with them tonight.”

“You’ve got a whole kid sitting in your lap right now.”

“I’ll take him to Bobby’s. I’m sure Ellen wouldn’t mind babysitting him for a couple of hours.”

“What would we even do though?”

“We could go to a bar or something.”

Sam handed Dean little Mark who was now sleeping after his feeding to retrieve his phone to make the call. Dean was now wrecked with nerves. He was about to ask Cas to hangout with him and his meddling brother. Sam meant well and he knew that, but this was a pretty delicate situation. Sure Cas was into dudes, but that didn’t mean that he would be into Dean. Maybe he was just really awkwardly friendly. It’s not like Dean had a lot going for him that would cause the guy to be head over heels for him.

Dean: Hey Cas are you busy tonight?

Cas: No not really

Gosh he was hoping the guy was busy and he could avoid this whole fiasco.

Dean: do you want to grab some drinks? Me and my brother were gonna head down to Jo’s pub.

Cas: I’ve never been there. What time should we meet?

Dean: 9ish I guess. You can bring Charlie

Cas: Alright. We’ll meet you there

Dean pocketed his phone and prayed to whoever was listening that Charlie could make it. Dean knew that if it was just the 3 of them everything would go down hill. Sam would make a mess of everything as he always does, and Dean would have to grudgingly clean it up.

“Let’s go Dean.”

Sam came stomping back into the living room with a baby bag in hand. He got his keys and jacket from the rack by the front door and went out of it not even giving Dean a second look.

*

They dropped little Mark off. Ellen gushed about the baby getting big and chastised Sam for not combing his hair. Bobby even got a little wound up about the kid. They were now on their way to the bar. Dean had his music up loud to distract himself from the butterflies that went rogue in his stomach. They pulled up to the gravel parking lot and pulled in a spot right at the front. Dean looked around as he got out of the car and spotted Charlie’s red hatchback.

“They’re already here. Let’s go in.” he growled to Sam

They walked in and were immediately greeted by Jo and her bouncy personality. She hugged them both and whispered something inaudible in Dean’s ear. He couldn’t hear her over the blaring music erupting from the speakers at each corner of the room. He made a mental note to ask her about it later. He scanned the room carefully looking for those striking blue eyes and the messy bedroom hair, instead he spotted Charlie furiously waving him over.

They were seated at a booth towards the back. He went to slide in next to Charlie when Sam practically dove in instead. _Smooth Sammy real smooth._ He thought.

“Hello Dean.” Cas gave him a half smile.

“Hey Cas. This is my brother Sam. Sam this is Castiel and his friend Charlie.”

“Hey guys nice to meet you.” Sam kept his eyes on Dean. Clearly giving Dean his approval of Cas. “I’m gonna go and get some beers. Anything in particular you guys want?”

“Beers are fine. Thank you Sam.”

“Yeah Sam I’ll come with you. It’ll be a lot to carry.” Charlie slid out of the booth and scurried behind Sam in an obvious attempt to leave the two of them alone together.

Dean blushed and shook his head. The foolishness had begun. He sat with his hands folded together on the table.

“How are you Dean?” Cas leaned over and spoke directly in his ear.

Dean shivered feeling Cas’ warm breathe in his ear. His lips felt so close. Dean carefully turned his head and made the mistake of looking directly in Cas’ eyes.

“I’m good Cas how are you?”

“Good. I finished the paper.”

“Wow a whole week early. That’s good.”

Sam and Charlie then returned to the table with beers in hand and smiles plastered on their sneaky faces. It was a bad idea leaving them alone together. Dean could feel it in his gut that a plan was now brewing between them.

“So Castiel, Dean tells me you’re in one of his classes.”

“Yes his general mythology lecture.”

“How do you like it? Dean’s teaching I mean.” His smile grew.

“I’ve never been into that particular subject, but Dean makes it interesting.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah Castiel didn’t even want to take that class. But after seeing how good your teaching was he changed his mind.” Charlie perked up.

“You didn’t want to take the class?” Dean looked at Castiel.

“It was a requirement.” He looked down at his beer refusing to look Dean in the eye.

“Well at least you’re enjoying it so far right?”

“Yes I like your class very much Dean.”

The remainder of the conversation went pretty much the same. Sam and Charlie joining forces trying to bait Dean and poor Castiel into revealing things and talking about things that they pretty much wouldn’t talk about on their own. They glossed over the topic of exes, but Charlie quickly shut that down once she saw the way Cas froze during the topic. Must be a touchy subject. Dean thought to himself. After that the rest was pretty light hearted and Dean was starting to loosen up once he noticed Cas had done the same with the alcohol in his system. He placed a hand on Dean’s thigh at one point telling him how his dad had tried to surprise him with a birthday cake and somehow face planted into it. Dean laughed along trying to hide his nervousness and crippling arousal at the contact with Cas. Luckily the buzzed man hadn’t noticed the change in Dean. He even left his hand there for the remainder of the night.

“Well this was more fun than a man with a 1 year old probably deserves. We should probably head out before Ellen tries to keep my kid hostage.” Sam got up and motioned for Dean to do the same.

“Yeah we’ve got class in the morning and I have an assignment to get finished. Castiel you ready to go hun?”

“Mmm nope.” He giggled.

Good Lord why does he have to be this adorable when he’s drunk. Dean slid out of the booth mourning the loss of the warm hand on his leg.

“Come on. We need to get you home pronto.” Charlie reached out to help a swaying Cas out of the booth.

Once he got his footing situated the 4 of them made their way out of the bar. Dean and Sam said their good bye’s and marched out behind Charlie.

“We should do this again sometime.” Sam spoke up.

“Yes we should.” Charlie grinned mischievously.

*

Dean wanted to hangout with Cas again. He really did but he had no idea how to go about it without letting his lewd side get the best of him. He and Cas had just began to form a friendship and he didn’t want to taint that it by thinking with the wrong head. He only sees the guy twice a week but they text constantly. Monday and Wednesday have become his favorite days of the week. Each of those mornings at 10 am he gets to see him for the hour and a half that the class is in session. Castiel sits front row center every time, his eyes following every one of Dean’s movements. It’s distracting but he also finds himself loving the staring. He even made a habit of licking his lips more often so he could enjoy the way Cas’ eyes got wider every time he did it.

That morning in the shower it had been his fuel to rid himself of his morning wood. He imagined Cas in front of him with his eyes trained on his leaking dick. He stroked hard and fast. His hand flying over his shaft at an alarming rate. He imagined those blue eyes staring at him, lust written all over his face. He threw his head back and braced himself with a free hand on the tiled wall in front of him. He could feel the heat bubbling in his gut, his orgasm was near. He then imagined being held by Cas and his lips gracing over his, he was now over the edge grunting and moaning through his orgasm. _Damn what was that?_ He thought to himself.

Finishing the shower and getting dressed for class he decided to text Cas. He felt a little guilty using the guy in one of his morning fantasies. He wasn’t even sure if the guy was attracted to him. Nonetheless it had happened and Dean decided to shrug it off. He was out the door and on his way to get coffee when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Cas: Good morning Dean. I hope I’m not texting you too early. Charlie apparently has been in contact with your brother and they wanted to hang out Saturday night.

Dean: It’s never too early. I’m on my way to campus now. And um where did you guys want to go?

Cas: Charlie has a place in mind. She won’t tell me where though. She’s well acquainted with a few club owners.

Dean: Well if that’s the case then Sam probably knows and won’t tell me.

Cas: Are you busy Friday night?

Dean: Yeah I’ve gotta babysit

Cas: Oh alright then. See you around campus J

Dean parked in the faculty lot and hesitantly got out of his car finally. He wracked his brain thinking of things he could possibly do with Cas while he babysat. Would he mind hanging out with Dean and the baby? Dean went into auto-pilot once inside his classroom. He taught as efficiently as he normally did with thoughts of Castiel lingering in the back of his mind. His eyes kept flickering to the clock on the wall praying that time would move faster and he could get to his phone to see if Cas texted him.

“Alright guys I’m changing the due date for the paper. Instead of Saturday I want them by Sunday midnight. So you’ve got an extra day to get it together.” Dean said and watched as several of his student visibly relaxed. He smiled to himself at their relief. He was mainly doing this due to his plans for Saturday night. His plans with Castiel.

*

“Hey Cas.” Dean paced back and forth in his living room with the phone to his ear and a baby sitting on his hip trying his hardest to take the phone away from him. “I was just wondering if you wanted to ya know watch a movie or something.”

“Aren’t you babysitting?”

“Well yeah, but I mean the kid’s barely a year old. He doesn’t really do much.”

“Um sure when would you like me to come over?”

“How does 7 sound?” he sat on the couch trying to get his nerves under control.

“That’s fine Dean. Just text me your address.”

“Cool cool. Alright later Cas.” He hung up the phone and glanced at the squirming child in his arms. “Now I need you to be on your best behavior alright.”

The baby made little noises and blew bubbles in response to Dean’s words. He set up the play pen he had brought a few months ago. He laid out a blanket to cover the bottom and tossed some of Mark’s toys in there. He set the baby inside and watch his face light up and being left alone with a ton of toys. He retreated to the kitchen in search of some snacks he could put together for him and Cas to eat. He texted him his address and set up to work something out. He could cook an actual dinner or he could just whip up some popcorn. He looked at his phone and it was already 5:30 so he had time to throw together a pot of spaghetti. He boiled the water and got the sauce ready. Lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even realized time flew by and his phone was ringing. He mixed the noodles with the sauce and whipped his hands on a dish towel.

“I’m outside Dean.”

“Alright I’ll buzz you up.” There goes his stomach again. Backflips galore.

A light knock on his door letting him know Castiel was finally there. He practically tore the door off the hinges to see the younger man standing in front of him. He wore a gray hoodie that fit kind of snugly and a pair of dark jeans that also fit nice on his long, slim legs. His hair was tousled in every imaginable direction and Dean loved it. Taken back by his beauty he just kind of stood there awkwardly.

“Hello Dean. May I come in?”

“Oh yeah my bad.” He stepped aside and let Cas in. “I made some spaghetti if you’re hungry.”

Castiel was indeed starving. He smoked a bit to calm his nerves before he headed over. He looked around Dean’s small apartment. It was nice and smelled like Dean. That heavy fresh scent that rolled off the man every time he got close to him. He spotted the playpen off to the side of the living room with little Mark inside playing with toys and smiling up at Castiel.

“I am actually kind of hungry.” He followed Dean towards the kitchen.

Dean plated up heavy portions for the each of them and they went and sat on the couch. Dean put on a movie that Cas had never seen before. Some cowboy flick. Castiel half listened to Dean explaining the premise of the movie. He was too busy staring at his lips and cute little wrinkles that formed around his eyes whenever he smiled. After awhile they watched and ate in silence. Nothing but the sound of the movie and the small noises the baby made. At some point Dean had made a bottle for the little one and he fed him and put him to sleep. There was something beautiful in the way Dean interacted with his nephew. He was very fatherly….or what a father should be. He was gentle yet firm.

“Did you enjoy the movie?” he whispered.

“Yes it was interesting and full of action.”

“That’s good. Sammy and I use to watch these a whole bunch when we were kids. I love the rawness of the west.”

“Is he asleep?” Cas motioned his head towards the baby.

“Yeah I should probably put him down for the night. I’ll be right back.” Dean rose from the couch and went to his bedroom.

Cas was enveloped in silence for a few minutes until Dean would return. He wanted to have some alone time with him. Some adult alone time. He tried to push the thoughts aside since Dean just had to be straight. Right? Dean tiptoed back into the living room and sat on the couch. Quite close to Castiel. He could feel the warmth rolling off of Dean _. And now my hands are sweating,_ he thought.

“So uh how are classes going?” Dean asked in a hushed tone.

“They’re going.” Castiel chuckled nervously. “It’s not a problem. I’m comprehending the material it’s just a lot of work piled on a lot of work.”

“You got a handle on it though?”

“Yeah it’s fine. I got rid of…distractions so I can better concentrate on everything.”

“I’m happy for ya Cas.” Dean pats him on the back twice, the second one lingering longer than the first. He rose from his seat and took their dishes to the kitchen. Cas took this time to gather his self together and get ready to leave before his heart explodes.

“Speaking of school I should probably get going Dean.”

“Oh um alright. Well I’m glad you stopped by.” Dean wipes his hands on his jeans and walks with Castiel to the door.

Dean watches Cas out his door until he’s no longer in view. He’s got a great ass, his mind wanders once again to awful thoughts. He walks back into his apartment enjoying the joyful high he gets from being around Castiel. Once in bed he falls asleep quickly and dreams of him.

*                             *                             *

Dean was startled awake by his blaring phone, it’s alarm ringing right next to his head. The little bundle next to him snored softly and moved in his sleep. He found smile at the little guy surrounded in pillows. He didn’t have a crib at his place. He never thought to buy one so whenever Mark came over he just barricaded him in pillows. Dean was never a heavy sleeper so any sudden moves or any cried that the baby had made he was awake in a flash ready to take whatever action was needed.

He dragged himself out of bed careful not to wake the baby and took a quick shower. He toweled off and grabbed some old jeans and a t shirt. He was working with Bobby today like he promised. Once he was finished getting dressed he noticed the little guy was awake and getting fussy.

“Time to get you back to your dad.” He picked up Mark. “I’ve gotta work.”

He fed the baby and dropped him back at Sam’s place and headed straight to Bobby’s garage. There were several cars awaiting Dean’s skill so he greeted the grumpy man and got straight to work. He put on some tunes on the old boombox that sat in the garage and put his concentration all into what he was doing. He tried his hardest not to let his thoughts wander to the blue eyed creature he was taken with.

“You gonna tell me what’s bothering you or you gonna keep moping around here?” Bobby approached Dean ripping him out of his train of thought

“I think I’ve got a thing for one of my students.” He sighed.

“Are they of age?”

“Yeah he’s 21.”

“So what’s the issue?”

“Did you miss the part where he’s in one of my classes…that I teach?” Dean grumbled.

“I got working ears boy.” He slapped the back of Dean’s head. “You interested in this guy?”

“Yeah I am.”

“So again I ask what the problem is. Long as you two keep those things separate there shouldn’t be any issues.”

“I mean I think we can, but I got a lot going on Bobby.” He was now elbow deep in a Toyota.

“Yeah I got the call from your daddy too. He asked if he could stay here.”

This caused Dean to freeze like he had when he got the phone call. He didn’t expect to have to see him so soon. After all those years of silence. Silence that he had enjoyed and gotten used to. Now his dad was being thrusted back into his life. At the worst possible time at that.

“What’d you tell him?” He could feel heat piling in his gut.

“He’s got no where to go so I said yes.”

“Hmm.” Dean grunted and gotten back to work.

He wasn’t mad at Bobby for taking the man in. He was his brother after all. Dean would do the same and plenty more for Sammy, but he really wasn’t interested in seeing his dad when his mental health had finally been under control. It was far from perfect but it was manageable.

“He went to rehab you know.” Bobby spoke after the bought of silence.

“Yeah I know.”

“Let’s hope it sticks this time.”


	3. Find Your Bite Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey no hey now! There is some sexual content in this chapter.........yup. I'm happy you guys are enjoying the story so far. Shout out to elfe for letting me know the fic was shown as completed. This is far from complete *nervous laughter*. This is my favorite chapter I've written so far and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it (be gentle please ;( ).

 Sam having Charlie’s number was bound to cause danger to Dean’s life. They were probably making plans to put him and Cas in compromising positions. Dean was right in the fact that Sam would refuse to tell him where it was they were going that night. Dean was a nervous wreck and Sam was having too much fun watching his older brother crumble. They had picked somewhere where they could dance and played more upbeat music. Dean was very wary about the idea.

“Dean just get dressed and let’s go. I’m picking you up now.”

“Sam what the hell I just got out the shower. I don’t even know what I’m going to wear!” Dean shouted into the phone.

“I’ll help you pick something out. Come open the door. I’m out here.”

Dean threw on a pair of sweatpants over his boxer briefs and stomped into the living room of his two bedroom apartment. He pressed the button on the intercom to open the door to let Sammy in the building.

“Dude your hair is still wet.” Sam said bursting in through the door.

“Hell yeah it is. What part of fresh out the shower did you miss?”

“Alright well this isn’t a jeans and t-shirt kind of place so dress how you would for school.”

“God Sammy where are you guys taking us?” he grumbled while rummaging through his closet.

“It’s a cool place I’ve never been, but Charlie highly recommends it so I thought we’d check it out.”

“It better not be one of those fru-fru places. You know I don’t like those. You can’t even get a beer there.”

“It’s not I promise. By the way I’m driving since you drove last time.” He smiled.

“Oh no. No more of that weird matchmaking crap. Be normal.”

“Come on Dean you and Castiel obviously got something going. We’re just trying to push it along.”

“No. Shut down that chick-flick nonsense.”

Dean knew deep down that his efforts were in vain. Once his brother got going he wouldn’t stop until he was satisfied that he had done what he thought was right. They got in the car once Dean was finished dressing. He tuned out Sam’s radio and looked out the window at the dark landscape. He didn’t like Sam’s car or his driving. He’d rather be driving his baby, but he was grateful that he’d be able to safely drink.

They arrived at the noisy venue and were let in before the line of people that were waiting in the cold. That earned some glares and eyerolls from the other club go-ers. What the hell kind of pull did Charlie have at this place? They stepped inside to see strobing lights. 6 foot tall speakers lined up on the sides of the wide stage at the front of the room. A DJ stood behind his table just as enthusiastic as the litter of bodies that gathered on the dance floor.

“Alcohol now!” he shouted in his brother’s ear.

He was going to need a hell of a lot of it to deal with this night. Sam and him waded their way to the bar and plopped down on the only empty stools they could find. A very handsome bartender made his way towards them and took their orders. His eyes lingered on Dean more than Sam.

Dean felt a hand slide across the small of his back. When he turned to protest he was stopped in his tracks by those piercing blue eyes that he was all too familiar with.

“Hello Dean.” He shouted so he could be heard over the music.

“Hey Cas. Where’s Charlie?”

Cas turned his head and Dean followed to find Charlie on the other side of Sam laughing about something he had said. She waved and turned her attention back to Sam.

“Do you wanna sit? I can stand.” Dean leaned in to talk to Castiel.

“No I’m fine.”

At this point the cute bartender returned with him and his brother’s drinks. He took Cas’ order with significantly less enthusiasm. Dean drank the glass of whiskey too quickly. He savored the burn as it slid down his throat hoping it would calm his anxious behavior. Cas had removed his hand and placed them both on the bar in front of him. Dean stared at his profile. God he was beautiful, the colors of the lights illuminating him and his sharp jawline. His slightly chapped pouty lips were slightly parted, like he was just waiting for Dean to dive in. He turned then to Dean with a smile on his face.

“You’re staring.” He chuckled.

Goodness that heavy voice could crumble a mountain. It teetered between a growl and a purr, Dean wanted to hear it all day long. He wondered what he sounded like moaning. It would probably be the sexiest thing he’d ever heard.

“Sorry.” He could feel a blush forming and looked down for fear of Cas catching it.

“It’s ok. How are you Dean?”

“I’m alright. You?”

“Good. I wanted to apologize for last time. I don’t carry my alcohol very well.”

“Nah it’s cool. You weren’t out of control or anything.”

“I touched you in an inappropriate manner. I’m sure it made you uncomfortable.”

“It’s ok really Cas.”

 _I want you to touch me all over_ , Dean thought.

The bartender returned with Cas’ drink and another whiskey on the rocks for Dean. Thank heaven for that cause he sure needed another one. He hadn’t had dinner that night so the alcohol would take effect quicker and harder. Then the thought had hit him. Cas didn’t know he was into dudes. Maybe that’s why he was so upset about what he did last night.

A random patron stumbled behind Cas pushing him into Dean’s side. He practically fell on him. Dean reached out sitting his hand on his back to keep him steady. The thought crossed his mind to remove it once the man was good, but he fought against it, holding Cas close to him now.

“Let’s go dance guys!” Charlie called from behind them.

The two exchanged glances and Cas slipped out of his grasp walking towards Charlie.

“I’m not much of a dancer.” Dean shouted.

“Oh come on it’ll be fun.” Charlie pulled his hand and led the two of them over to the dance floor.

Dean looked back at Sam giving him a look of sheer panic. Dean wasn’t much of a dancer cause he couldn’t dance. He had rhythm and could find a down beat but he felt awkward doing anything past a basic head bob and two step. Sam smiled and waved Dean off as he disappeared into the crowd. The three of them formed a sort of triangle. Dean took off with his single move. His safe two step. He didn’t even know what song was playing. Charlie and Cas seemed a little more accustomed to the art of dancing. Arms moving, hips swaying. They were really into it and Dean smiled watching them.

His attention was shifted when he felt someone snake their way into his space. He looked down to see a pretty gorgeous girl with blonde hair dancing on him. She put her hands on his hips and grinded into him before turning around and grinding on him. He placed his hands on her sides softly and moved with her. They stayed like that for what felt like a few minutes before the girl sauntered over to Charlie and did the same to her. Dean was now dancing face to face with Cas. Closer than they were before. Had Dean subconsciously moved towards him or was it Cas? At this point the song changed. Just as upbeat as the last. He put all his inhibitions aside and pulled Cas’ slim frame to meet his own. He stopped his movements as if asking for permission. Cas came closer still and started moving his hips towards Dean’s. They were dancing, grinding with their bodies fitting together perfectly. A hand of each of theirs placed on the other’s hip. Dean screamed at his body to not get aroused at their motions. He looked at Cas’ face, it read lust all over it. His lips were parted his cheeks were red and his stayed focused on Dean.

In one swift movement he turned around and backed into Dean’s arms. His back against his chest, his ass grinding against him. So much for not getting hard. Dean thought. He moved with the irresistible creature in front of him, his arms snaked around him holding him even closer. He was lost in their movement. The music didn’t even matter anymore, the people around him seemed to disappear and he put his full attention on Cas. He was truly basking in the moment.

*

The end of the night came faster than he wanted it to. He retracted himself from Cas to go outside to meet his brother and Charlie. He didn’t even realize he was holding Cas’ hand until they emerged from the venue getting smacked with the cold winter air outside.

“That was hellish fun.” Charlie exclaimed.

“Are you drunk?” Cas asked her.

“Yes. it would seem that I am.” She leaned on Sam. “I don’t think I can drive right now.”

“I’ll drive you and your car home. Dean you can take Cas right? Just pick me up from Charlie’s house.” Sam shot him a knowing look.

“Um yeah that’s cool. You alright with that Cas?”

“That’s fine Dean.”

And with that they went in their separate vehicles. Dean and Cas rode mainly in silence. Literal silence once Dean was annoyed with Sam’s choice of music and he shut off the radio. They pulled up to Cas’ house and sort of lingered. Dean tried to rack his brain figuring out what to say to the man he basically dry humped on a dancefloor.

“I had a good time tonight Dean.” Cas spoke through the tension in the air.

“Yeah…um that was cool. Fun.”

Cas leaned towards Dean in the small space of the car. Their faces meeting in the middle. Dean’s body had moved without his permission and now they were eye to eye. It felt like a tense eternity before Cas moved the rest of the way and placed a soft kiss on Dean’s lips. When they parted Dean sighed at the space now between them.

“Good night Dean.” Cas blushed and practically ran out of the car and into his house.

Dean sat there in shock at what just took place.

“He kissed me.”

He blushed so brightly his face could rival the sun.

*                             *                             *

Dean skipped his Monday office hours since no one but Cas would occasionally come to them. He opted for meeting Cas in an unused classroom. He stood in front of the desk at the front of the room and Cas did the same for the student desk. They stood there quietly both of them searching for what they could possibly say to each other. Friday night had been a dream and today was time to face the reality of it all. Dean liked Cas…a lot. There was no denying it anymore, and Cas was at least attracted to Dean. But there was nothing else for him to go off of. All weekend he had fought with himself on whether he should pretend like nothing had happened or address the feelings that were inside. He enjoyed the little time he had been around Cas and he’d be a liar and a fool to not admit he was drawn to more than the guy’s supernatural gorgeousness. He was truly not like any guy he’d ever met and he wanted to know more.

“Listen Cas…I don’t” He sighed, “I don’t normally do this, but I need to know what’s happening here.” He scratched at the back of his head trying to grow some extra nerves to have a conversation that he was sure would go wrong.

“You grade papers and I do homework.” He was confused by Dean’s question.

“No I mean with us.”

“What do you think is happening Dean?” Cas couldn’t bring himself to make the first move like he had that night after the club. It was so out of his territory. He’d always been the one to be approached. Never made a decision without being prompted first.

“Are you interested in me?” Dean moves forward towards Cas with his hands in his pockets.

The ball was now in Castiel’s court and he wasn’t at all ready for it.

“If I say yes will I be in trouble?” Castiel visibly shrunk from where he stood.

“No you won’t be in trouble. I just need to know what’s going on and where to do from here.”

“Yes I am interested in you Dean.”

“In like a more than friends kind of way?”

“Yes. Are you as well?”

“Um yeah I am.” He found Dean absolutely adorable when he was flustered. He decided not to hold back anymore. He grabbed at Deans belt loops and pulled him flush to his body.

They stared and shared air for awhile. Neither of them motioning towards the kiss that was bound to happen any second now.

“Cas what are you doing?” He sighed. “Either kiss me or—“

He was cut off by Cas finally making a move. His plush warm lips searched other Deans. Little breathes and sighs leaving him. Gosh this dude knew how to kiss. Dean had to make a conscious effort not to get rough with the guy. He didn’t want to scare him off with his aggressive nature. He let one hand wander to the back of Castiel’s neck while the other settled on his waist, pulling the slightly shorter man closer to him. His leg was positioned in between Castiel’s and he pushed his thigh into his growing erection. Cas let out a soft but lewd moan at Dean’s movement. Dean needed to stop now before there was no going back. He pulled from the kiss with their mouths millimeters apart from each other. Smoking at the school was one thing. You can smoke quietly. You can’t bend someone over your desk with their face planted in a pile of papers, while their hands are tied around their back, with legs wide open and their pretty little….

“Dean?”

He was snatched out of his fantasy by those hauntingly beautiful eyes. Cas’ expression held concern as both of his hands held Dean’s head.

“Yeah Cas I’m good. I just need to calm down.”

“Are you sure you’re ok Dean?”

“Yeah man but we’ve gotta lock it up. You kiss way too good and I’m not trying to get out of control at work ya know?”

“I understand Dean.” He smiled.

“Alright well let’s set up some ground rules for this thing.”

“Ok Dean.” He backed away a bit putting some space between them.

“Well since I work here and you’re in my class we can’t really have people knowing about us. You can tell Charlie but really that needs to be it.”

“I’m fine with that. Any other requirements?”

“No public displays of affection at school. If we get caught we’re doomed.”

“I don’t agree but it’s fine.”

“Are you busy this weekend Cas?”

“Not in particular. Why do you ask?”

“Well I think it’s only right that we go on a date.”

“In public?”

“That’s the idea. Have you never been on a date?”

“Not a public one.”

“Oh…well there’s a first time for everything.”

Dean started to gather his things into his messenger bag, planning to grade everything after that super cold shower. How in the hell had Cas never been on a date before? Honestly there should be heaps of people going after him. The guy was gorgeous. He took the opportunity to dive in for another kiss. It was longer and deeper than the other. Castiel parted his lips as an invitation for Dean to search his mouth with his tongue. He got lost in the taste of the other man. Dean’s hands found their place on his hips and pushed him into the desk that sat behind him. Without breaking contact Cas sat on the desk and opened his legs for Dean to slip in between. This wouldn’t be Dean’s first go around in this position, but it was definitely the hottest. Cas’ legs squeezed tight on Dean’s thighs and his hands sat on his waist, thumbs rubbing little circles on his shirt.

“Dean.” He whined breaking the kiss.

“Yeah we gotta stop.”

=

“Charlie I have questions.”

After the heavy makeout session with Dean, Castiel decided to meet up with Charlie since she had an ounce of free time. They went to their usual coffee shop and sat at a table near the back. Charlie sipped her coffee between bites of her jelly doughnut.

“How can I help hon?”

“Is there a difference between dating and being together?”

“That depends on the couple boo. Why do you ask?”

“Dean said we were going on a date so I’m not sure if he’s my boyfriend or if this is something else.”

“Woah when did all this take place? You’ve been leaving me out of the loop?!” She pouted and poked Castiel’s face.

“You’ve been so into Dorothy we haven’t had time to sit down and talk.” He took a sip from his hot coffee.

“I want details now. Like right now.”

Castiel began to tell Charlie what took place after the night they smoked together. How they went out for burgers. How he kissed Dean after the club, and then they made out in his classroom today. He left out the part of him catching Dean at the tail end of crying. He felt that wasn’t his place to share that with Charlie when he had no idea what was going on.

“So you made out with Green eyes and didn’t think to tell me about it? I’m hurt Castiel.” She fake sniffled and took another sip of her coffee.

“Dramatic as usual, but yes we did some…heavy kissing. We both agreed not to do anything further at school. You’re the only one who knows about this and please for the love of Earth keep it that way.”

“Your secret is safe with me hon. So when are you guys going on your first date? Maybe discuss this stuff then.”

“Saturday. I don’t want to get too heavy. It may scare him off.” Castiel stared down at his drink and half eaten croissant. There were a lot of things he should discuss with Dean, but he knew in his heart of hearts that he just couldn’t. Things between the two barely started and he was already staring off at the cliffs ahead.

“Better now than later. What if he wants something casual? I don’t want you to get your hopes all up and then it crashes and burns.”

Castiel took the time to think about what she said. She was right of course. That there was the possibility of Dean just wanting something casual and no strings attached with him. He couldn’t see a man like Dean being tied down to one person. But with Cas’ very failed relationship not too far in the past he probably should want something easy as well, but he could see himself with Dean, in a serious way. Just the two of them against the world, come what may, type of relationship. It was a long way until Saturday and Castiel was going to dread the week ahead.

*

“So I need you guys to read the next two chapters. I’ve already sent out the homework questions. They’re due the next time we meet. I want hard copies people. And for the love of God please spell check. You’re dismissed.”

Dean watched as his students filed out of the room, some slower than the rest. Cas hadn’t even gotten up from his seat. He just packed his stuff and sat there. Once everyone was out of the room Dean went to the door and peered into the hallway, everyone had dispersed. He walked back in and shut the door locking it and turned to see Cas right in front of him.

“How do you move and make no noise?” he flinched away from him.

He didn’t answer. He just smiled and dove in to kiss Dean. Deeply and forcefully like he had been waiting to do it his whole life. He pushed Dean into the door behind him and placed a hand on either side of Dean’s head effectively cornering him.

“Good God Cas you didn’t have to jump me.” he panted and chuckled.

“Sorry Dean. I just wanted to do that all through class. The way your lips move when you talk makes you irresistible.”

“You’re gonna give me a heart attack.” Dean clutched at his chest.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?”

“Yeah I am. Um you don’t have to dress up or anything. It’s a pretty normal spot we’re going to. If that’s ok.”

“Whatever you choose is fine.” A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and light crinkles formed around his eyes. He looked sweet and youthful like this. Something in Dean rose to the surface and he wanted Cas to look like that at all times.

“So do you have another class?”

“Not for another hour but I’m meeting up with Charlie.”

“Alright well get out of here.” Dean walked out of Cas’ grasp and playfully smacked his ass.

*

Castiel left the classroom with an award winning smile on his face. He was happy for the first time in awhile. He had a potential boyfriend and a great best friend. He’d gone dancing and had the time of his life. Things were finally looking up for him. He stepped out the building where the majority of his classes were to meet at Charlie’s car.

“Hello Castiel.” An all too familiar voice called behind him.

He spun around too quickly to see the one person he’d hoped he’d never see again. He looked the man in front of him up and down. Anger began to swell within him and threatened to burst out.  He knew the day stared off too well to be true, but couldn’t help being slightly optimistic seeing how the rest of his week had gone just as well.

“What do you want?” He growled.

“I came to visit you. Catch up and all that. What I can’t see my best friend?”

“We are not friends. Not even close!” he turned to stomp away. “Dick let me go!” he tore his arm away from the hand that grabbed him.

“Come on love don’t treat me like that.”

He saw a flash of genuine sadness in the man’s eyes but quickly ignored it. Castiel hated this man with everything in him.

“Don’t you dare call me that. And don’t come near me again.” His voice deep and bellowing. He was never more serious about the words that left his mouth then he had been at this moment.

“Please talk to me. I can’t say sorry more than I have already. I didn’t mean for that to happen. Just hear me out.” He heard his feet shuffling behind him as he stormed off.

Hot tears welled up in his eyes. He blinked rapidly trying to hold them back. Dick didn’t deserve any more tears from him. His mind flashed back to that terrible night. The forcefulness around him, the helplessness inside him.

Charlie stood leaning on the trunk of her car ready to happily tell Castiel about her day when she saw Dick jogging after him and she immediately went into battle mode.

“Charlie can we please leave?” Castiel growled his plea.

“Get in the car babe.” She pressed the button on her keys to let him in. “Fuck off Roman!”

“Charlie can we not do this right now?” He rubbed at his forehead stopping a good 3 feet in front of her.

“I’m pretty damn sure you heard what I said.” She shouted. “You’ve done enough and he doesn’t need that right now.”

“I don’t think it’s any of your business really. I just wanted to talk to him.”

“You bet your ass it’s my business! Go to hell and stay there!” she tore the driver’s side door open and hopped in.

She started the car and peeled out of the parking lot. It took every fiber of self control in her not to run his ass over. She glanced over to see Castiel finally letting the tears go. He sobbed into his hand, the ugly painful kind of cry that comes from deep within. His whole day plummeted with his decaying mood. Castiel felt he should’ve expected this. It always rains after the sun shines.

*

Dean walked out of the building feeling like he was on cloud 1 million. He hadn’t looked forward to a date this much in a long time. The high school jitters welled up in his chest and he felt 18 again. He slung his bag over his shoulder with all his graded assignments and walked out of the building. His mood instantly dropped when the scene in the parking lot became visible.

“You’ve done enough and he doesn’t need that right now!” he saw Charlie yelling at some dude he never saw before.

Was he a student? He looked around Dean’s age.

“I just want to talk to him.” The mystery man said.

Dean had no clue what was going on, but when he looked in Charlie’s car and saw Cas’ form slumped over with his head in his hands he was interested in what was going on here. Interested and angry. He was making his way towards the situation when Charlie got in her car and immediately pulled off. Tires screeching and the whole 9. The mystery stood there for a second then walked to his own car. Dean wanted to punch him, hard, and he didn’t really even know what was going on or who this guy was. That was mystery man’s saving grace. Dean promised himself to find out what was going on with Cas and if he saw the guy again, then he would punch him.

*

“Sam you home?”

“Yeah Dean I’m in the kitchen. Mark does not like peas.”

Dean made his way into the house, tossing his jacket and bag on the couch. He found his brother with smashed baby food on his face and on the baby’s face. Green goop was splattered on the tray of Mark’s high-chair. It was even in Sam’s hair that he’s always been so proud of. Dean couldn’t help, but be cheered up at the sight. The dark clouds of his bad mood still hung in the air, but he knew his brother would make it better.

“You look stressed.” Dean chuckled at the whole ordeal. “You’ve gotta cut the vegatables with some fruit so they’ll eat it.”

“How do you know that?”

“When Ben was little that’s what Lisa use to do.” He sat at the kitchen table opposite of Sam and his angry baby.

“Hmm. I guess I could try that. I’ll just give him a bottle for now.”

Dean ignored his brother’s scrambling around the kitchen for formula and pulled out his phone to text Cas.

Dean: hey Cas what’s up?

He waiting a few minutes, anxious to get a reply. He really hoped that whatever happened today wasn’t too bad that it would affect their date for tomorrow night, but what truly mattered was that Cas was ok. Dean was fully prepared to reschedule.

Cas: Call me.

Dean quirked up his eyebrows at that. He never pegged Cas as a phone conversation kind of person. He stepped out of the kitchen into the living room and dialed his number. It rang a couple times then the line connected.

“Hey Dean.”

“Who’s this? Charlie?”

“The one and only. Sorry I just kind of pulled off. It didn’t dawn on me that you were there until I was halfway down the road.”

“What the hell was all that about?”

“How much did you hear?” she sighed.

“Oh just you telling the guy to piss off. Who was that douchbag?”

“Castiel’s ex. I don’t want to get into it cause it’s messy and it’s personal. That’s a story only he can share with you. But what I can tell you is that guy is the worst thing to ever happen to Castiel. Him showing up like that has done a number on him.”

“I knew something smelled wrong about that whole thing. I wanted to body slam the guy.”

“Hell yeah we could’ve tag teamed his ass. Me and Castiel have been eating our hearts out. He’s asleep now.”

“Well I know you’ll take care of him.” Dean let go a sigh of relief.

“He’s a tough cookie. He’ll make it through this. I’m just happy he has such a caring boyfriend like you Dean.”

“Damn right he does.” Dean said before he even gave it a second thought.

*

Later that night Dean was snuggled up with little Mark in his lap watching movies. Sam was snoring next to him when Dean got a text from Cas.

Cas: Are you busy

Dean: just hanging with the baby and my brother. What’s up?

Cas: Can you come ovr?

Dean: yeah gimme 20

“Sam.” He said shaking his brother’s shoulder. When he didn’t stir Dean shook him a little harder. “Sam!”

“Hmm what man?”

“I gotta go. Here take your kid.” Dean handed the squirming bundle to him. “And wipe that drool up. It’s gross.” He scolded playfully.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah everything is cool. Cas needs me.”

“Ohhh does he now?” Sam raised his eyebrows and smiled slyly.

“Not like that you weirdo. Some crap happened today. I may or may not be back.”

“Alright see ya then.”

Dean was halfway to the car when he realized that he admitted to Cas being his boyfriend. ‘Dammit Dean!’ he cursed to himself. He drove the short distance towards the man’s house to find Charlie’s car not outside. It was pretty late so Cas must’ve sent her home. He wasn’t even sure if that’s what Cas wanted and he could possibly imposing on him. With that whole ex business happening today he probably wasn’t ready for another relationship. And if it’s as messy as Charlie said then was Dean sure he wanted to jump right into that?

 He walked to the door and knocked politely. Cas opened the door shortly after and Dean almost gasped at the sight of him. His eyes rimmed red and puffy from obvious crying, he wore a t-shirt that was at least 2 sizes too small and a pair of sweats that were too big. They hung dangerously low on his hips and a line of skin showed above them. Dean would be aroused and ready to go if this wasn’t the worst possible time to be aroused. Cas stepped aside to let him in and Dean took in the view. It was a pretty large house by his humble rural understanding of houses. Everything looked clean and modern. The living room was painted white and had a tan suede couch with matching chairs on either side. A 60 inch tv was mounted on the way with a set of speakers placed in front of the wall on either side.

Cas led him to the large couch and was about to sit when Dean tugged him into a hug. Dean wasn’t a hugger, he actually wasn’t much of an affectionate person at all, but Cas clearly needed a hug right now and that’s just what he gave him. It took a few moments before Cas wrapped his own arms tightly around Dean.

“Charlie told me you were there.” Cas said in his ear from where his head was placed on his shoulder.

“Yeah she told me to call.”

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this. I just…I don’t know. I wanted you here right now.”

“It’s cool Cas. I’m glad you asked me over.”

They took a seat on the couch and Dean wrapped an arm around him tugging him close. They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, Dean could only hear Cas’ sporadic sighs.

“Listen Cas. She didn’t tell me any details or anything if you’re worried about that.”

“I know. She wouldn’t do that.” He wrapped his arm around Dean’s lower back and leaned in closer.

“I’m not ever gonna pressure you into telling me what happened between you and that douche, but I want you to know I’m here for you.”

“Thank you Dean.”

“And…I may have agreed with Charlie when she called me your boyfriend.” He took a pause. “If you’re not ready for that or if that’s not what you want then I’m totally cool with that.”

Cas started to laugh. A low soft chuckle but a laugh none the less. Dean could feel his shoulders shaking into the side he was leaning into.

“How is this funny?” Dean asked slightly annoyed by Cas’ actions.

“I was literally dreading asking you that on our date tomorrow.” He tried to stifle his laughter.

“Why would you do that?”

“Well when you said we were dating I didn’t really know what that meant. If it was something casual or something monogamous. I asked Charlie, but she said I should have that conversation with you.”

“I still don’t get how this is funny.”

“You don’t seem like the type who wants to be tied down. And I am.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong. I like both. Depends on the partner, but why is this funny?”

“Cause it happened so naturally. It wasn’t forced like the conversation would’ve been.” He laughed again. “Imagine it, one second I’m asking you if you want to be together and the next I’m asking you to pass the bread. It would’ve been painfully awkward.”

“Yeah that is kind of funny when you put it like that.” Dean finally saw the humor in it all laughing along with Castiel.

He unwrapped his arm from Cas and pulled him up to look him in the eye. The red ring was starting to fade, his eyes were going back to their distracting appearance and a slight smile was on his face. _This is more like it._ Dean thought.

“Don’t be afraid to talk to me. I can’t even begin to tell you how many problems that’s caused me in my life. You got something you wanna ask or tell me don’t hesitate. When you’re ready I’m ready.” He said looking him in the eye.

“Are you saying you want complete honesty between us?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. We gotta start off strong if we’re gonna do this whole relationship thing.”

“Ok then Dean. You’re eyes remind me of a warm Autumn day. You smell like sandalwood and sunshine.” He inched his face towards Dean.

“Don’t get all sappy on me now Cas.”

Their lips touched and it wasn’t the normal heat and lust dripping interaction that it’d been previously. This kiss contained feelings, pure and intentional. Dean felt he was really taken with this guy. He was truthful when he said he was both the monogamous type and the casual type. The latter had been his game for the last several years after he and Lisa broke it off. The fire wasn’t there between them, and it hadn’t been for a long time, but there was a flicker of one here.

Dean suggested they watched some movie to get Cas in a better mood. He was surprised and a little mad that Cas hadn’t seen anything from the MCU. How could you not? It was literally an infestation within the movie world at the moment. He flipped through his on demand and decided to kick it off at the beginning with Iron Man. Cas had a lot of questions, but Dean didn’t mind since he had seen all these movies dozens of times. They were both having an amazing time and stayed as close and physically connected as they could be throughout each movie. Midnight was crawling up on them and neither cared since the weekend had officially arrived.

“A lot of people don’t even realize that before all these Marvel movies came out that Blade is in fact a Marvel character.”

“Blade….the vampire hunter man?” Cas questioned.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen Blade.” Dean sighed.

“I’ve heard of the character, but have never seen the movie. Is that a bad thing?” Cas smiled innocently knowing Dean was definitely going to complain about Cas’ lack of film knowledge. It wasn’t entirely his fault. His parents never really exposed him to things like this. He rarely went to the theater as a kid, and forget about going with friends. Studies always came first, especially when his mother was still alive. She was a rough woman and claimed all that she did she did out of love. She’d roll in her grave to find out her youngest son was gay. His father had always been more lenient and accepting of his children, more hands on and overall more loving. It was so engrained in him that even with the freedom he has now he doesn’t spend much time cultivating his small list of hobbies.

Castiel laughed at the parts Dean did and he didn’t mind his constant talking. He was truly becoming taken with this man. He felt like Dean could both be friend and lover, his past relationships had never been this…pure. Being this close to Dean made him both aroused and happily giddy. He dipped his hand under Dean’s shirt and traced his soft, slender fingers along his abdomen and snaked his way up his chest, pausing to squeeze his pectoral. Dean wrapped his arms around the other man’s back and tugged him closer still. Cas, lost in the moment they were having, decided to get bold and he stood and swung a leg over Dean’s other thigh and straddled him. He sunk down until he was fully seated on the man under him. Dean could feel Cas’ arousal on his through the thin material of the sweatpants.

“You taste like magic Dean.” Cas laughed bringing his lips close to Dean’s.

“That was pretty cheesy dude.” Dean laughed softly. He placed a kiss on Cas’ lips then leaned his head back to take in the sight of his face. His lips were parted and his cheeks were flush like they had been in the club the other night. Dean took in so much pleasure just staring at the beautiful man in front of him.

“Oh no. No sex before the first date. I wanna do this right.”

“Look who’s sappy now.” Cas laughed as he slid off of Dean’s lap.

He now was on his knees on the floor in front of Dean, lust and hunger in his eyes. He reached up and unbuckled his jeans and slid down his zipper with ease. Dean just stared down and watched the scene unfold in front of him.

“Lift up.”

Dean did what he was told and used his arms to hold him as he lifted his lower half. Cas pulled his jeans and boxers down to his ankles with professional speed. Dean’s erection bounced out in front of him and before he could protest Cas’ fingers were holding him. Sliding up and down slowly dragging a low moan out of him.

“Open.” Cas drew back and put a hand on each of Dean’s knees pushing his legs wider. He moved closer to the couch settling in between Dean’s legs and his head going towards Dean’s dick. He looked up at him, he was asking for permission from Dean.

Dean nodded his head and immediately threw it back against the couch once Cas’ plush lips made contact with the head of his dick. Cas moved all the way down until he could feel Dean’s arousal bumping against the back of his throat. He pulled back slowly, his lips wrapped tightly around the firm shaft. He pulled off with a pop before darting his tongue out the tease the head of it. Dean moaned a little louder, cutting it off at the end like he hadn’t meant for it to be that loud.

“Watch me.” Cas spoke.

Dean lowered his head against his better judgement and looked at Cas and the display made just for him. His mouth millimeters from his dick. He moaned just at the sight of it. Cas smiled and closed his eyes, his tongue shooting out licking a line from base to tip. Then he took it all in his mouth again with such friction Dean thought he was going to stroke out right then and there. Cas bobbed relentlessly. Little moans from deep in his throat rang out. Dean shuddered at the vibrations and put his hand to the top of Cas’ head and then he just stopped.

“No. Don’t do that.”

“Um…alright.”

He returned to his endless suction and Dean could feel he was getting close. He tapped the man’s shoulder trying to let him know. Words were lost on him and he couldn’t get any out in the state that he was in. The threatening orgasm came to its peak and crashed through him like the wave it was. He was shaking as Cas caught all he had to give and continued to suck him through his release. Once he was sure Dean was done he came off again with another pop. He slid Dean’s pants and boxers up to him and Dean pulled them the rest of the way on. Once he finished piecing himself back together Cas came plopping back on his lap in the same straddle he sat in before. Dean looked down to see Cas’ erection still high and mighty through those damned pants. Dean put his index finger under the waist band beginning to pull them down and peering at the start of his happy trail when Cas shot out a hand that gripped Dean’s wrist with a painful force. He took his hand and moved it around to his lower back and placed it there. He looked in Dean’s eyes with slight sadness.

“Do you want some help with that?” Dean smiled sweetly trying to ignore the disapproval that was all over Cas’ face.

“You don’t have to.”

“I don’t have to or you don’t want me to?” his smile dropping slowly off his face.

Cas burrowed his eyebrows and his eyes darted left to right like he was thinking about a proper answer to Dean’s question.

“I’m not ready for you to do that.” He said finally. “I just wanted to make you feel good.”

“Well I feel pretty damn good after all that.” He made a mental note of Cas’ reaction. Another thing they would have to discuss when Cas was ready. “You were pretty bossy there.”

“I like to take control sometimes.” He smiled slyly.

“I can see that and I don’t mind it. What was with you not letting me touch your hair?”

He frowned at that. Dean was running out of ways to not make Cas upset.

“It’s just a thing I have.”

“That’s fine with me. I don’t want to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.” Dean yawned.

“Are you tired? Have you eaten dinner?” Cas hopped off his lap clearly done with the moment they were having.

“Yeah I ate at Sam’s place. Dude can’t cook so I made his helpless ass some lasagna.” Dean stood and followed Cas to the entryway.

“Let’s go to sleep then.” Cas tugged his hand leading him towards the stairs. “Unless you want to go home. That was rude of me. You probably want to go home.” He let go of Dean’s hand.

“I’m cool with sleeping here. Do you live alone?”

“No my dad lives with me, but he’s away on a doctor’s conference and won’t be back till Monday.”

Dean hummed in response and Cas continued to lead him to his bedroom. Cas’ bedroom. He barely knew the dude a month and he was already getting to his bedroom. Cas opened the large black wooden door to reveal a room much like Dean’s but 3 times the size. He had a king size bed with black blankets and a million pillows of varying sizes and textures. He had two dressers. One with a tv on top, and his desk rested in the far corner of the room. Cas went to the opposite of the bed farthest away from the door and began to undress. Dean followed suite and he watched Cas…closely. His dick reminded him of its presence and he internally yelled at it to calm the hell down.

“I usually sleep in boxer’s.” Cas’ voice cracked through the silence.

“Same.”

They both crawled into bed and Cas snuggled up to Dean’s side with a hand on his bare chest. Dean silently thanked whatever strings were pulled to get him to the spot he was in now. He kissed the top of Cas’ head and snaked a hand around his back tracing little circles into the soft skin. They laid like that for a while before finally dozing off thanks to the silence between them.

****


	4. Not Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short....partly because I really wanted to get something up and because the next chapter is pretty long. Plus I really like the title I came up with for the next chapter *corny, evil chuckle ensues*. No warnings for this one. It's pure gushy fluff. An honest Thanks to every one that's read this fic so far and a extra special thanks to all the comments and kudos. You guys truly warm my cold heart with every word. The next chapter is already written and will be posted in the next day or so. I'm just editing and fixing the timeline. Enjoy xoxo

Dean opened his eyes at the sunlight that washed gently over the room. He was cold, missing the warmth of Cas’ body on top of him. He sat up lazily half wanting to just lay back down and drift off again.

“Good morning Dean.” Cas emerged from the bathroom with a pair of boxer briefs and his skin flushed from the hot shower.

“Good morning. Why didn’t you wake me up? Would’ve been nice to take a shower together.” Dean joked.

“We’re not there yet Dean. Our first date is tonight.”

“You’re right. I’m impatient. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, “Cas laughed, “What are you doing today?”

“Well it’s not my weekend to babysit so I don’t have anything planned.”

“Wanna go get breakfast?”

“Do you have anything in that massive kitchen? I can whip up some of my famous omlettes.” Dean flashed his award winning smile.

“I’d like that very much.” Cas had a sideways smile. “There’s plenty in the fridge. I’m not much of a cook. That’s my brother Gabe’s department.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yes, I have several siblings. My dad was very much a player back in the day.”

“Wow…that’s interesting. You older or younger?”

“I’m the youngest out of all of us.” He pulled some clothes out of his dresser and began pulling the clothes on him.

Dean enjoyed Cas putting clothes on as much as he loved to see him take them off. The way his strong, slim arms reached up to pull the shirt on, the way his strong thighs disappeared into a pair of sweats. It was all so mesmerizing and Dean absorbed every second of it. Cas was right, this was only their first date and Dean had to remind himself that he was no longer part of his previous lifestyle. Cas wasn’t an easy lay that he could hump and leave, he was a mystery game that Dean was all too willing to play. He truly wanted to get to know Cas and everything that made him who he was. Even the dark parts that seemed to surface since yesterday. He wanted to be everything Cas needed and vise versa. It scared him that only a month into them even sharing a space he wanted so much. This was all new to Dean, but he would let the feeling flourish. He felt he wasn’t worthy of someone like Cas, but he was ready to take the dive anyway.

“You’re staring Dean. What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing. Let’s get down to that kitchen.” Dean feigned a smile.

Once in the kitchen he cracked several eggs, mixing them with some seasoning and had them in the pan and cooking before Cas finished pouring their glasses of orange juice. He watched them sizzle while he got lost in his thoughts. His dad was due to be released from rehab tomorrow. Bobby was going to pick him up and he would live at his place until he got back on his feet…if he ever did. John friggin Winchester, the bane of Dean’s existence. On the surface Dean abhorred the man with everything that was in him. The things he made him do through the years were enough to warrant ages of therapy, but the abuse was even worse. Deep down Dean knew he still loved the man, but he refused to let himself feel those feelings, scared to let his dad back in when he had done so much damage.

“Are they ready?” Cas asked frowning at Dean’s obvious sadness.

“Yeah they’re ready.” Dean faked another smile.

“Are you alright? You seem stressed.” Cas took his omelet that Dean had sat on a plate.

“Yeah I’m good.”

“You know I’d reciprocate the comfort you showed me don’t you?”

“Yeah I know Cas. It’s just family drama.”

“You said that last time…when I walked in your office and you were crying.”

“Did I? That feels like it was so long ago.” Dean made his own plate and sat at the island that was placed in the middle of the room.

He began eating and tried his hardest to avoid Cas’ concerned looks. He wasn’t ready to talk about all of that yet. The wounds that were still scabbing over in his head were threatening to burst if he ever saw his father again. Cas was great, but this was deep. Cas had his own secrets that he wasn’t ready to share with Dean, and he was fine with that. They were still practically strangers despite the fact that they were now together. Time always tells, a saying that Dean held to be the truest truth he knew.

“If you aren’t ready to tell me that’s fine. We all have our demons.” Cas spoke in between hefty bites of the plate of food. “This is amazing by the way. The best plate of eggs I’ve ever had.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Dean made another mental note about what Cas had said. He was grateful that he wasn’t going to push the subject. Dean knew his personality and he needed that once in a while. Just let him know that you’re there for him and that’s all he wanted. Eventually he would come around….if he was pushed to the very edge.

*

Castiel: Sorry I probably can’t hang until later. Maybe

Charlie: And why is that? You know I need a daily dose of your face

Castiel: Dean is here J

Charlie: it’s 9 am why is he over so early

Castiel: He spent the night. And before you even say it no not like that

Charlie: Don’t lie to me Castiel! Did you sleep with him?!

Castiel: No I did not. I’m not ready for that. Especially after yesterday

Charlie: I’m sorry hun. You don’t deserve that. What Dick did was so wrong

Castiel: Dean was so supportive last night.

Charlie: I’m so glad babe

“You doing some fancy fingerwork over there Cas.” Dean laughed sipping on his 3rd glass of orange juice.

“Those lips look pretty good against that glass.” He teased.

He was comfortable. Dean just had that air about him, that makes you feel like everything will be ok and you’ll win a million dollars in the morning. He watched the man blush at his comment and cough a little choking on the substance. It made him laugh a little.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what Dean?” He rose up from the island and glided over to where the other man sat.

He slid his arms around his neck and placed a peck on his lips. Dean melted into his arms scooting forward on the stool. He was eager and he didn’t want to tease the other man too much knowing he wasn’t willing to go all the way just yet. He pulled back and stared into those gentle green eyes. Dean looked so beautiful just sitting there like that ready to be devoured. Cas truly couldn’t help himself and he dove in for another kiss. The tang of the citrus drink was ripe on his lips mixed heavenly with a taste that was solely Dean.

“Now look what you’ve done.” Dean moaned in his mouth.

Cas lowered his head and stared at the beginnings of Dean’s erection. He brought a hand down and cupped it tightening his fingers around it.

“All that lust in your eyes. You’re truly sexy Cas.”

“Thank you Dean.” Cas could hear his phone vibrating behind him. “That’s probably Charlie again.” He reached over and picked it up.

He stared at the screen to see it was a text from Dick. His happy go lucky mood was replaced by pure distress. Why was this man so damned persistent?! He sat the phone on the counter to avoid tossing it against the wall.

“You ok Cas?” worry was written all over Dean’s face.

“No.” he answered honestly. “It was him. I don’t even want to open it.”

“Then don’t. Let’s spend the day together and you’ll be so preoccupied you won’t even have to worry about it.”

“Why are you so understanding?”

“Because I know what it means to be deeply hurt by someone you cared about, someone you trusted in.”

“Well thank you for breakfast.”

“Let’s get dressed.” Dean hopped off the stool and led Cas up to the bedroom.

“Where are we going Dean?”

“You’ll see come on.”

*

“Is this a park Dean?”

“Yeah I thought it would be fun to kick back and just be young for awhile. Do you want me to push you on the swings?”

“Alright.” Cas laughed and walked over to the swingset, Dean not far behind. He sat on the cold seat shivering at the sensation under him. Dean walked up behind him and starting pushing. The wind was bitter at first whipping around him as he gained air time.

“See? Isn’t this nice?” Dean asked.

“It’s cold, but yes this is enjoyable. I haven’t done this in many years.”

“You make yourself sound so old.” Dean laughed.

“I feel old to be honest. Like I’ve lived for so many millennia.”

“Listen today is just about fun. Tell me a story or something.”

Cas tacked his brain trying to find a happy memory that he’d be willing to share with Dean. He’d had many that he shared with Charlie and some of his other friends. He had even wilder ones from his adventures with his brother.

“There was this one time. My brother Gabe has just turned 21 and he wanted to go out drinking with me so badly. Of course he couldn’t just wait for me to turn 21 so here I am at 16 being snuck into a strip club.”

“You’ve got to be lying. That can’t happen.”

“Oh but it did. It was a shit show the second we walked in. Girls everywhere I turned. It was nerve wrecking. I hadn’t even had my first kiss and here I am being offered alcohol and lap dances. Gabe thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. I was mortified, all those older women and my raging teenage hormones.”

“I can only imagine. You all flustered and turned around. I wish I was there for that.”

“No you don’t. I was so awkward.” Cas let his feet skid him to a halt and he hopped off the swing.

“You’re awkward now, “ Dean started, “But in like a cool, model way.”

“I’m not too sure what that means Dean.” He cocked his head to the side and squinted at Dean.

“It’s a compliment man.”

They hung out at the park for a few more hours until Castiel was visibly shivering. They were in the middle of October. The leaves turning colors heavily contrasting the grass that remained green, the whole scenery reminded him of Dean’s eyes. They walked back to his house in search of warmth. Once inside he went to the kitchen and put the kettle on to boil so he could make some tea. Dean stripped out of his coat and boots and sat patiently in the living room for Cas to return. In that time Cas found a perfect opportunity to really get a look at Dean. The plentiful freckles that sprinkled across his face, those soft lips that were always slightly parted when he was deep in thought, his strong and lean neck that went on for miles. No matter what position he was in his t-shirt showed off his beautiful, fit frame. His long legs that were strong and slightly bowed, Dean was simply a pleasure to look at. Cas thought he had struck some serious gold with this guy, thinking Dean was way out of his league.

The kettle began screaming snapped Castiel from his blissful thoughts. He took it off the oven and began steeping the tea. That’s when he felt a pair of arms snake around his middle.

“Is it ready?” Dean purred in his ear.

“Almost.” Cas felt his breath catch in his throat.

“I’m not really a tea freak, but I’ll drink it.” Dean began rubbing his hands along Castiel’s hips.

“It’s a fruit blend. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

“I’ll like whatever you give me.” he nibbled at Cas’ ear.

Castiel melted into the embrace. He leaned his head back and laid it on Dean’s shoulder. He could stand here forever, just embellished in the warmth that the other man gave him. Dean’s hands wandered up to his chest and neck as his head bent down and trailed gentle kisses on Castiel’s neck.

“Dean, “He started, “It’s going to get cold.”

“I’m not opposed to that.” He let his tongue drag along Cas’ earlobe and loved the way he shivered in his arms.

Castiel spun around in Dean’s arms and kissed him gently. They stayed like that for a while until Cas withdrew completely. The impending conversation that he knew needed to take place before they went any further darkened his mind. He didn’t think he could tell the details of what took place on that terrible night, but he could at least tell Dean what he was and was not ready for.

“Let’s sit and drink this tea.” He wormed out of the other man’s arms.

As they sat facing each other, a cup in hand and their legs tangled around each other Castiel felt like….like he was washed ashore and Dean was the only one who was able to save him. In normal instances he’d panic and run for the hills screaming, but somehow, maybe it was just because it was Dean, he didn’t want to run. He wanted to stay and fight for it all. After that terrible night with Dick it took him a year before he could even go on a date. And whenever it came time to be intimate he shied away and ran. A couple of times he quite literally fled the scene and never saw that individual again. Now that he was finally comfortable with some intimacy he wanted to set up some boundaries that he really didn’t want to cross.

“Dean, I just have some things I need to get off my chest.” He sighed.

“Yeah Cas what’s on your mind?” his normal cocky smirk melted into a gentle expression of concern.

“I’m sure you’re aware that what happened between me and my ex was…. far from being ok. I don’t want to share everything right now. There are just some things that I’m sure you’ll want to know before we make this…official.”

Dean didn’t say anything he just looked at Cas with patience on his face. Gosh this was so hard for him! It’s been 2 years why is this so hard? He lowered his head and focused his gaze on the cup of tea. He watched the steam rise, forming little plums and curls as it moved into the air and dissipated.

“Intimately….i’m not ready to take it as far as you want to. I just want you to be aware of that, and if that’s not something you’re ok with or you’d rather not wait then I totally understand that. I’m just….not really over the…trauma…and I don’t want to put you in a position that you don’t want to be in.”

“Cas,” Dean reached out and sat a tender hand on Castiel’s thigh. “I’m not here to just fuck you and be done with you. I’m here cause I like you. If there’s anything you’re not cool with then we don’t have to do it. I’ll be ok waiting for you to be comfortable…cause if we do then I want it to be a decision we both made. I want you to enjoy what’s happening between us ya know.”

Dean pondered what could’ve possibly happened to make Cas to wary about physical activities. He had a few things in mind that were plausible, but he did want to think to hard on them. It made him angry that anyone would think to hurt this man. Sure as hell he was curious, but he’d never share that with Cas. This obviously was some deep stuff and they were barely together a day. Now was the time to just enjoy each other and get to know each other before they start digging through each other’s skeletons. This was all new to Dean. Getting close before doing anything physical, hell his relationship with Lisa had started out with sex. Before they got serious she was just a one night stand that he wanted to keep around.

“I just want you to know that it’s not you.”

“It’s not you either. It’s that asshole.” He took a pause squashing down the anger that was bubbling within him. “Listen. Everyone has a little dark in their life. You don’t have to tell me anything. It’s really none of my business. Like I said before when you’re ready to share I’m ready to listen.”

“Thank you Dean.” He finally looked up at the gorgeous man in front of him.

“Any time Cas. But although this leaf water was good I should probably go home and get ready for our date. Shower and all that.” Dean untangled his legs from around his boyfriend and stood up walking towards the door.

Like he wanted and half expected Cas got up and followed him. He opened the door to the house and almost stepped out until he felt a soft tug on the hem of his worn leather jacket. He turned to see a worried look on Cas’ face. He looked like he would never see Dean again. His frown was too evident and Dean leaned forward to kiss away.

“I’ll be back Cas.”

_I’ll always be back._


	5. Bumping Breadsticks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp this goes up a bit later than expected. I had a bit of a vacation plus I got sick...meh, but anyway hope you enjoy this chapter. there's some sexy times within. As Always please leave comments and let me know how I'm doing!

Dean dressed quicker then he thought he would. 1 part excitement and 5 parts nervousness. He changed his shirt 7 times! He’s never done that before a date. Not even Lisa who he’d been with for 4 years. Finally deciding on a gray v neck and a dark blue flannel he tossed his boots on and was out the door.

Once he picked up Cas they headed over to his favorite steak shop in town. He took Sammy here when he first moved to Sioux Falls. It was only a couple months after Jess’ funeral and Sammy wanted a fresh place to start. What better place then around the corner from your brother? Dean was excited that day that Sammy had signed all the paperwork and was officially a homeowner. They went out to the steak house with Bobby and Ellen to celebrate their sudden reunion.

They walked inside the old fashioned place and Dean took Cas’ hand leading them over to a perky hostess. She sat them down and gave them their menus and brought out water and breadsticks while they thought of what entrees they wanted.

“Breadsticks.” Dean held one up and laughed.

Cas cocked his head to the side in confusion then his face melted into that all too sweet smile that Dean loved. He laughed softly and shook his head as Dean took a huge bite of the bread.

“Shall we talk awkwardly about our relationship?” Cas quipped.

“Cas we’re already together what more could you want from me?” Dean joked.

“I want a house and a farm and… oh 20 kids.” He laughed.

“That’s way too many mouths to feed. I had a hard enough time taking care of Sammy.” Dean was clutching his stomach now he was laughing so hard.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll be the greatest scientist in the world and we’ll have tons of money. Oh and we should have horses too.”

“Horses? That’s a lot of work.” Dean paused to take a breath and a drink of water. “Damn Cas I haven’t laughed like that in years.”

“I’m glad you’re having fun Dean.”

“But no seriously is that what you want?” Dean said hesitantly.

“Not 20 children, but something like that. Also not a farm. Too much silence.”

They talked like that throughout their date. They ordered the same dish, Castiel couldn’t really decide on what he wanted. The conversation flowed easily between them, only taking breaks to take a bite of their food or a sip of their beers. Cas felt at such ease with Dean. Not that he didn’t feel comfortable with anyone else, but with Dean he didn’t need to be careful with his words. The man enjoyed his dry sarcasm and sassy remarks, and he loved Dean’s helpless flirting and plethora of innuendoes. It was simple and by the time dessert came Cas found himself overwhelmed by the sheer affection he had developed for the other man. Dean had been right. He never forced Cas into anything he wanted to do. If they glossed over a topic Cas wasn’t comfortable with Dean instantly picked up on it and swayed the conversation to a different direction all together. Things between them were wonderful and plain, and that’s exactly what Castiel had wanted.

“You really like pie Dean.”

“Mmm,” he mumbled between hefty bites, “What’s not to love about pie. Don’t tell me you don’t like pie. I can’t have a boyfriend that doesn’t like pie.”

Cas smiled at Dean for using the endearing term. “I like pie Dean you don’t have to breakup with me.”

“Good cause I don’t want to.” He scooped up the last of the dessert. “You ready to get on out of here?”

“Yes we can go Dean.”

Dean payed for their meal even after all of Cas’ fussing. They left side by side their hands brushing as they walked to the car. They drove back to Cas’ house to the sound of Led Zepplin. Sitting in front of the house Cas wanted to invite Dean back inside and Dean didn’t know if he would be pushing too far by asking to go back inside.

“Would you like to—“

“Yes.” Dean half shouted and then cringed at how eager he sounded.

They walked inside hand in hand Cas wanted to hear more from Dean. He wanted to touch him…physically, mentally, and everything else in between. He led him to his bedroom and pushed him to sit on the bottom edge of the bed. He looked at him and Dean looked back, with such compassion in his eyes. As if Castiel was the only thing he could see. Cas removed his t shirt slowly and flung in across the room, watching as Dean sat patiently, his eyes roaming across Cas’ bare torso. Castiel went to undo his pants in the same fashion. Once they were removed he sauntered into Dean’s space.

“You’ve got too many clothes on.” He said snapping the other man from his trance like state.

Without further prompting Dean stood and removed his clothes in a flash, like they were burning him all of a sudden. Castiel reached forward placing his hands on Dean’s chest. Sliding down and pausing to flick at each of his nipples. He felt a shudder ripple through the man and he leaned in to kiss him. Their lips meeting in fever and ecstasy. A fire burning between them waiting to be fanned with each breath they released. Contact from hip to chest, lightening flowing through every point of contact.

“Lay down. “ Cas breathed breaking the kiss.

Dean did what he was told. Sliding awkwardly up the bed until his head rested on the plethora of pillows on the bed. Cas slowly crawled up Dean’s body trailing kisses as he went along. A low moan escaped those plump lips that Cas loved so much. Once he got to his neck he sucked and nibble hard on the spot where he could feel Dean’s excited heartbeat.

“You’re so beautiful Dean.” He purred into his ear.

That earned him another delicious moan.

“Can I touch you Cas?” he said through another moan.

Cas hadn’t even realized through this whole exchange that Dean hadn’t put his hands on him. He was so careful with him. It was endearing but at the same time Cas was ashamed he had put Dean in a position where he had to be so weary of what he did. He wanted Dean to be free of worry.

“Cas?” he felt a hand on his releasing him from his self-loathing spiral.

“It’s ok you can touch me Dean. I want you to.” He tried pushing his fears aside.

“Alright, you just say the word and I’ll stop.”

Cas dove in for a kiss so passionate, he bit on Dean’s bottom lip relishing in the taste of the other man. He tasted like beer and pie and everything that was wonderful. Dean’s hands flew up on Cas back rubbing gently and he pulled the other man fully on top of him. He rolled until they were on their sides. He removed one hand from Cas’ back and brought it down to his thigh, pulling his leg up and wrapping it around his hip. He snapped his hips forward grinding their arousals together. Cas moaned at the sensation. This excited Dean and he did it repeatedly, his hand kneading Cas’ ass.

“Is this ok?” he asked.

He saw the initial hesitation in Cas’ face began to dissolve as he thought it through. “Yes.”

Dean dug Cas’ arousal out of his boxers and began to stroke him. He moved towards Cas’ neck and began kissing and biting every spot he could hit. Cas moaned through each kiss and some point he got his hand on Dean’s erection and stroked him with fever. A little out of rhythm but damn did it feel good. Dean could feel his orgasm coming and he didn’t want it to end. He stopped all movement and pushed Cas on his back.

“I want to taste you.” He growled.

Before Cas could protest Dean already had his mouth on him. _This is ok this is ok. Dean isn’t gonna hurt you._ He kept repeating to himself. He felt his head start to swirl with pleasure as Dean took time taking all of him in his mouth. He pushed toxic thoughts aside and fell into the moment. He bucked up into Dean’s mouth and he had let him. He looked down at the hazy green eyes staring back at him and Dammit that was the hottest thing Castiel had ever seen. He felt his threatening orgasm descend upon him.

“Dean, Dean I’m gonna—ugh” he tried to warn the man.

Dean merely winked at Cas as he hollowed out his cheeks putting so much pressure on his shaft and he watched in awe as Cas’ orgasm came crashing through him. He screamed Dean’s name and some other obscenities as his body trembled. It was profound how Dean had reduced such a strong and straightforward individual into a shivering mess. His checks were flushed and his head tossed back half buried in the pillows. Dean pulled off and slid up Cas’ body to watch the beautiful state he was in.

“How ya feeling Cas?”

“I’m…alright Dean.” He grabbed his face and kissed him deeply and slowly. A kiss dripping with compassion. Despite Dean trying to pull away Cas just kept leaning into him. He grabbed his erection and began stroking furiously. Dean moaned into his mouth Cas loved hearing those noises from him. It was like Dean writing songs only for his ears to hear.

He rolled Dean on his back and spread his legs as he licked a stripe up his dick, fondling his balls until he brought a finger down to tease his perineum. Dean bucked his hips and Cas placed a firm hand on his abdomen to hold him down. He sucked relentlessly at his erection until Dean screamed out filling Cas’ mouth with warm, sweet release. He stayed on him until he was sure he finished and came off slowly. He laid next to the panting man loving the way his chest rose and fell rapidly, until he got the oxygen he needed and returned to a normal breathing pace.

“Damn Cas you’re so good at that.” Dean rolled to his side and wrapped an arm around Cas’ back pulling him towards him. They laid there flush against each other staring in each other’s eyes, soft smiles on their red swollen lips. No words were needed and both men just enjoyed each other’s presence until sleep had chased them down.

*                             *

Dean groaned as his phone sang tunes into the silent morning. He tried to ignore it the first few times, but whoever was persistently interrupting his sweet sleep (which was friggin’ rare) clearly wasn’t going to stop until he answered. He slowly withdrew himself from Castiel’s death grip and dug around in his jeans until his phone was revealed.

“Yeah Sammy.” He spoke in low tones as he slipped into Cas’ bathroom shutting the door behind him.

“Dean where the hell are you and why haven’t you picked up?!” Sam yelled in his ear.

“I’m at Cas’ place. What’s going on and why are you panicked?”

“Dad called me.” he heard his brother release a heavy sigh.

“Is he at Bobby’s?”

“Yeah he said he’s staying there for a while and he wants to see us. Wait did you know about this?”

“He called me about a week ago. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Well it would’ve been nice to have a head’s up, but it’s fine. I know you had your reasons. And I have my reasons for not going.”

“Sam—“ he let go a sigh of his own.

“No Dean. Not this time. Remember the last time he supposedly went to rehab? He didn’t show up at my wedding cause he was black out drunk in some hotel.”

“Yeah I know I remember.”

“He was rattling off about how he wants to finally be a father to us, and how he wants to see Mark and be a good grandfather to him. All sweet talk and bullshit.” Sam’s tone raised significantly as he talked. “I don’t want him around you Dean. We both know that never ends well.”

“What if he has changed Sam?” Dean was surprised by his own optimism. He really did want his Dad to get better. He was the only parent they had left of course other than Bobby.

“No Dean absolutely not!” he shouted. “Listen I know you’re a grown man and you can handle yourself. Believe me I know first hand, but I don’t want to see him trying to tear you down again.”

“’I’m a bit stronger then I use to be Sam.”

“I know you are, but…let me go see him first. See if he’s really worth it and then you can go if you decide you really want to. Dean, please?” he could hear the anger and desperation reading loud and clear in his brother’s voice.

Dean was slightly annoyed, but also tons proud of his brother’s sudden overprotective attitude. He had taken care of Sammy since he was a child and now he could tell his brother wanted nothing more than to give back that same care. Ever since Sammy found him that night he tried to—

“Dean are you still there?”

“Yeah Sammy I’m here. Alright we’ll play this your way.”

“Thanks Dean.” He heard his brother’s sigh of relief. “Now you wanna share with the class why you’re at Cas’ house this early in the morning?”

“Class dismissed bitch.”

“Jerk. Oh Mark’s waking up. I’ll text you.”

They hung up and Dean retreated out of the bathroom to find Castiel awake sitting up in the bed. With the sun shining through the window he could now see the gargantuan love bites he left all over Cas’ neck and chest. He didn’t even remember biting into hip but there laid a red circle on the area. He found his bed head kinda sexy, but his slumped shoulders and frown were less sexy and more concerning.

“Is everything alright Dean?” he looked up his eyes meeting his boyfriends

“Not as much as they were last night, but not terrible.”

“Do you want to share?” he asked carefully and gently as Dean crawled back into bed.

“It’s just…my dad is back in town and he wants to meet up with Sammy and me.”

“I take it that’s not a good thing.” He wrapped an arm around Dean and pulled him to his chest.

“No…no it’s not a good thing.” Cas could feel Dean holding tighter to him. He wanted to reach out and make everything right for Dean. He knew prying would be received negatively so he resisted the urge to. Dean would open up in due time. He would just have to be patient and wait.

The silence Dean emitted for the rest of the morning hit Castiel’s soul. They ate breakfast that Dean cooked, the only sounds being the cutlery clattering against the white porcelain plates. They washed the dishes in that same threatening silence and Castiel felt his resolve crumble to pieces.

“Did he do something bad to you?” Cas asked before he could halt the words from leaving his lips. Dean turned to him and gave him the saddest smile he’d ever seen on the man’s face. He cringed at his expression and immediately regretted mentioning the subject once again. Dean stopped drying the frying pan and sat it in the dish rack next to the sink.

“That’s a pretty loaded question Cas, but to put it bluntly he kind of ruined me.”

“I’m sorry Dean I shouldn’t even have mentioned it.” He repented approaching the man and wrapping him in a tight embrace.

“It’s alright Cas. I’m not as fragile as I use to be. I’m just not up for going into detail right now.” he took a long pause looking at Castiel.

Dean studied his face. Looking for any negative reaction. Anything he could turn into an escape route from those concerning eyes. When he found nothing but real compassion he didn’t know what to make of it. It stuck him right in the middle of his chest and he let the feeling resonate throughout his body. In all honesty he made a habit of doubting his partners level of compassion and genuine care. What his father did to him really messed him up when it came to love. He just couldn’t shake the thought that he wasn’t actually loveable.

“I just want you to know I’m here for you.” Cas buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck and stayed there.

Dean’s body felt stiff in the embrace, the whirl wind of emotions preventing him from melting in the embrace like he usually would. His walls were building themselves back up against his will. He wanted to be open with Cas. He wanted to be vulnerable in front of this man he cared for, but old scars were resurfacing and he couldn’t bring himself to do that.

“I know Cas.” He said with a sigh. “I should probably head out though. I’ve got some papers to grade and errands to run.” He slowly pulled away from Cas.

“Um yeah that’s fine. I’ve got some homework to do and Charlie probably wants to hang out.” he said not letting his eyes meet Dean’s.

He leaned forward and placed a passion filled kiss on Dean’s lips. They pulled apart and Dean gave him a sad smile before retreating for the door. He slipped out with a small goodbye and gloom all over his face. Castiel immediately grabbed up his phone and dialed Charlie. He craved the company of his friend in such an emotional time as this. She didn’t take long and showed up on his doorstep bright and happy within the hour.

“Castiel wow you’re back from the dead?” Charlie shouted as she entered his house. She embraced her friend and hugged him tight to her own lithe frame. “I’ve missed you.”

“It’s only been a day.”

“Well if you weren’t with your green eyed lover then I’d probably rebuttal that point. And that’s the perfect Segway for you to tell me everything that happened.” She plopped down on the couch.

Castiel walked over to the seating and sat next to Charlie sighing and keeping his head low. His mind still burned with the need to know what had happened between Dean and his father that he had such an aversion towards meeting with him. He honestly felt bad about the need to know being so strong when he had his own issues that he wasn’t sure he was ready to share with Dean. He went through the lighter details of his Dean filled weekend, carefully glossing over the more….risqué parts and laughed as Charlie blushed and giggled like the little school girl she was. He flawlessly skipped over the parts of the morning and sighed when Charlie was satisfied with the tale that he whipped up to replace what actually happened.

They spent the rest of the day watching Netlfix, smoking weed, and doing homework. It was such a carefree day Castiel almost forgot the daunting text he’d left unanswered from Dick. Each glance at his phone screen reminded him of the person who wouldn’t leave him alone and constantly haunted the back of his thoughts.

“He texted me this morning.” He said driving a bloody stake through the jovial tone their conversation was taking.

“Can I just punch him please?” Charlie crossed her arms over her chest and her face morphed in anger.

“Violence won’t undo what he did to me.” he took a breathe to get his thoughts in order. “Do you think I should tell Dean?”

“Only if you feel you can trust him with that kind of information. Otherwise don’t.”

“While being…intimate some things I just can’t bring myself to do. It just takes me back to that night.”

“Have you shared that with him?” she questioned with a judgemental eye brow raised.

Castiel loved how protective his friend was over him. She had been with him through the after math of the whole ordeal.  He was grateful for her kindness and every chance he got he had let her know that. For a while after that night Charlie was the only person he had felt comfortable being himself around. That was of course until Dean fell from the sky and swept him away in an ocean of green.

“We’ve talked about it and he agreed not to try for anything that I was uncomfortable with.”

“Do you trust him?” her expressioned softened, but with the intensity in her voice struck deep within Castiel’s mind.

“That is a question that I have yet to have an answer to.”

*                             *                             *                             *

Armed with a strong cup of black coffee Dean set out to get all of his work done. He was babysitting tonight and he wanted everything done before little Mark was due to be over. He was determined to grade the daunting stack of essays that littered his desk. He really wanted to complete this task, but then blue eyes flooded his vision every time he really got into it. He sighed and stretched his arms above his head and moved his hips in the office chair trying to get more comfortable.

“Focus dammit.” He hissed aloud at the intrusive thoughts that surrounded the thoughts of his angel. His angel, he thought and smiled to his self.

He mentally relived the thoughts of that morning. He had been quite cold to Castiel especially when he went to leave. He couldn’t help it. It was in him to run away from anything emotional, to lock up his mind’s doors when it came to discussing himself. Surface things being exposed didn’t bother him in the slightest, but when you got skin deep he just couldn’t do it. It was even difficult to expose himself to his own brother. Every time he lost something he just buckled down and rolled with the punches. Did it pain him to be like that? Of course, a sensation that constantly racked his core and he’d only let himself crack when he was in the confines of his apartment. To be that vulnerable in front of anyone stirred up sheer panic, just the thought of it happening sped up his breathing and caused that all too familiar tightness in his chest to well up inside him. He had felt just that when Cas decided to ask again what happened between Dean and his father. He quit and he fled. His usual tactics still strong after all these years.

He rose from his chair and decided to get himself another cup of coffee. He glanced out the kitchen window to see the sky painted in deep purples and blues as the sun was setting. October was ending soon and November was rolling it’s way in and the days were getting shorter. He sighed and listened to the sputters and spews his coffee maker made. He was so tired. The whirl of the day took a heavy toll on him. His eyelids drooping by the second. If he stood here any longer he’d fall asleep right where he stood.

He heard his phone in the background, vibrating violently from several texts received. He poured the hot black liquid into a mug and retreated back to his desk. On the screen he found texts from Cas. This was the kicker he needed to perk up his mood.

Cas: So Charlie is throwing a Halloween party. She says you have to be there

Dean: I don’t think it would be cool to have a prof show up at a college party.

Cas: no one but us will be there from the school. She’s really only inviting her larping group.

Dean: the hell is a larp?

Dean: you know what don’t answer that. You sure it’s just you two?

Cas: I’m sure of it. Plus you gotta wear a costume anyway.

Dean: I’m not good at this.

Cas: why don’t we go get costumes tomorrow? It’ll be a date J

Dean laughed at that. God how could one man make him blush so damn much. He took a second thinking about what kind of sexy costume he could see Cas wearing. A sexy Roman soldier or maybe some kind of toga situation. He would really look good in anything. He always wanted to do that weird movie montage of being in a store trying on a bunch of ridiculous things before settling on the only logical choice. It would be fun and easy. Like things with Cas have been for the last couple weeks.

Dean: fine. You’ve convinced me.

Seeing Cas tomorrow meant he absolutely had to finish everything he had to do tonight. He took a huge gulp of his coffee and set his mind to it.

“Dammit.” Dean flinched at the sound of a knock at his front door. “Sammy and his damn giant hands!”

He rose from his chair and rushed to the door before his brother could knock again in impatience. He flung it open and was greeted with two smiling faces. It warmed his heart as he stepped aside and let the two of them in.

“I’ve got a date tonight Dean.” Sam grinned setting down little Mark in the playpen. Dean froze from where he stood in front of the refrigerator while getting a pair of beers. It’s only been a year since Jess’ death…how could he already be getting dates? Dean took a minute before choosing his response. Sam and him grieve differently and they move on different as well. He couldn’t compare Sam to himself. That wouldn’t be fair to him.

“That’s great Sammy.” He came back into the living room sporting the most genuine smile he could muster at the moment.

“Yeah she’s a girl I met while buying diapers. Can you believe it?” he beamed.

“Come on tell me a bit about her.” Dean sat on the couch and handed his brother his beer.

“Well her name is Ruby. She’s a nurse. She’s really into her job but hates her boss. She’s pretty intense but I can tell she has this soft tender side about her and…”

Dean felt bad about it but he was honestly half listening to his brother talk about his new girl. He was worried about the next time he would see Cas. He would definitely have to apologize for his behavior that morning before they got on with their costume picking activities.

“So do you think it’s too soon?” Sam asked cautiously.

“I can’t really make that call Sammy. If you feel that you’re ready them you should go for it.”

“That’s the thing Dean, I’m not really sure if I’m ready for this. I mean I want to, but God do I miss her. I just think it would be ok do integrate myself back into the dating world you know.”

“Listen man more power to you.”

“Thanks Dean.” His brother beamed at him. “I know you don’t like the chick flick moments, but I really appreciate your support with this.” He played with the hem of his shirt speaking carefully.

“You’ve got my blessing Sam, but really it comes down to who little man likes.” He took a swing from his beer and peered at Mark’s little smiling face looking between his father and Uncle.

“You’re right,” Sam chuckled and rose from his seat on the couch. “Well I better get going. I’ve gotta shower and such so I’ll see you tomorrow morning yeah?” he spoke walking towards the door.

*             *

Dean awoke the following morning to find his nephews leg digging into his neck. He sat up straight to find him laughing and looking at Dean with a smirk on his face. Dean rubbed at his tired eyes giving a playful glare to the child who now laid on his back.

“You are truly your father’s child.” He chuckled and raised him in his arms. “Let’s get you in the playpen so I can get presentable.”

As he walked to his living room and placed little Mark in the playpen with some toys he heard a knock at the door.

“That must be your dad. Hope he brought some breakfast that he didn’t cook.” Dean said walking towards the door.

He expected to see his brother when he opened it but he was instead greeted with a mess of tousled dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Cas stood there wearing his trench coat and a button up with the top 3 buttons open and jeans that looked delightfully snug on his strong thighs.

“Hello Dean.”

“Cas um hi. How did you get here? Did I miss a text or something?” Dean stepped aside to let his boyfriend in.

“No I just really um wanted to see you.” He spoke with his head down refusing to meet Dean’s eyes

“Well I was just about to make breakfast and shower and stuff.”

“I’m sorry.” He rushed “Did I interrupt your morning?”

“No Cas you made it better.” Dean approached him and sat a hand on his forearm. “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet. I just kinda woke up and rushed over here. I wanted to apologize—“

“No Cas,” he sighed and took a breathe carefully choosing his words “I shouldn’t have acted like that when I know you were just trying to help. It’s just…dad is a really sensitive topic for me and if we talk about that we’d be diving down a rabbit hole that I just can’t handle right now.”

“I understand Dean. I shouldn’t have pushed you to talk about it. I’m not ready to talk about…Dick ,so you shouldn’t feel pressured to talk about your dad.”

“Wait,” Dean let out a laugh from deep in his gut, “That assholes name is Dick?! Oh damn that’s rich.” He continued to laugh as Cas’ head cocked to the side and squinted his eyes.

“My name is Castiel and you laugh at Dick?”

“Your name is…pretty.” Dean now had a scorching blush on his cheeks.

“Thank you Dean.”

“Alright well let me go fix breakfast. Just keep little man some company. He doesn’t like being in a room by himself.” Dean let Cas’ arm go and walked into the kitchen.

Castiel was now having a mini internal freak out. He’d never been around kids since he was the youngest of his brothers who were all much older than him. He didn’t know the first thing about keeping a child company. He walked to the playpen and looked down on the child who looked up at him with wide wonderous eyes. Immediately a smile spread on his small face and he put his arms up like he was reaching for Castiel.

“You want me to pick you up?” Castiel asked the child as if he could speak back. Little coos left his mouth like he was telling him ‘yes idiot embrace me’.

He reached down and picked up the squirming bundle, holding him like he was a giant priceless gem, which in retrospect he was. Mark wrapped his little arms around Castiel’s neck and placed his head on his chest giving him a hug.

“Hey Cas do you want some coffee?” Dean asked walking back into the living room. “Aww look at you guys getting acquainted.”

“I don’t have much experience with children Dean maybe you should take him.”

“Nah man you’re doing great so far. He’s a good kid, never really fussy.” Dean beamed at the site.

A loud knocking at the door let Dean know that this time it was actually his brother. He opened the door and looked at the site of his ruffled hair.

“Wild night?” he chuckled.

“You have no idea.”

“Hello Sam.” Cas turned around to greet the tall flustered man.

“Hey Cas. I see Mark has a new friend.” Sam made eyes at his brother.

“Da Da!” little Mark yelled out.

Dean and Sam froze with surprised expressions on their faces. Cas looked between the 3 on them not having a clue what was going on. He rushed over to Sam and handed him the child and went to stand close to Dean.

“He called me Dad Dean!” Sam beamed.

“He called you Dad!” Dean could feel tears forming right behind his eyes and quickly blinked trying to shrug off the warm sappy emotion that was welling in his chest. He remembered being there when Sammy said his first word. He felt so proud and loved filled him from head to toe.

“Has he never spoken before?” Cas questioned touching Dean’s shoulder obviously seeing through Dean’s façade.

“No he hasn’t. Not a word.” Sam answered. “Wow this is great. Mark’s first word.”

Dean rushed around the living room now getting all of Mark’s things together and helped Sam sling the diaper bag over his shoulder. His brother kept that bright grin on his face as he said his goodbye’s to Dean and Cas. He left telling Mark that they would work on more words and he’ll know everything by the time he’s walking.

“Well that was great.” Dean sighed looking at a clueless Cas. “Breakfast is ready.”

They retreated to the kitchen sitting at the table across from one another enjoying the food that Dean made. Castiel knew he was a little beside himself with the noises that he made, but Dean was simply a master at cooking. It truly was only bacon and eggs but everything was bursting with flavor. He finally looked up at Dean once he finished his plate to find his boyfriend’s face slightly flushed and staring right at him.

“Sorry.” He mumbled through the last bites of his bacon.

Dean rose from his seat and approached Castiel. There he stood in front of his stool slightly taller looking than usual. Castiel’s eyes lined up with the strong chest in front of him, he looked up seeing raw desire written all over Dean’s face. He reached out and placed a hand on his chest feeling the muscle twitch under his touch.

“You can’t make noises like that Cas.” Dean carded a hand through his hair and looked down at him through his long lashes.

“The food was really good Dean.”

“I bet you taste even better.” he breathed reaching for Castiel’s face tilting his chin towards him.

 Dean bent slightly and placed deep, slow kissed along Cas’ jaw until he came to his lips. He paused before placing a chaste kiss of them, his hand wandering to the back of his neck. Cas leaned into the touch parting their lips from one another. Dean chased his mouth with his kissing him harder this time.

“Why do you smell so good?” Dean growled his lust for Castiel g rowing with each breathe he took.

“I showered this morning.”

“Which reminds me I should probably take mine.” Dean reluctantly withdrew himself from Cas remembering the only thing masking his horrid morning breathe was a cup of coffee and a plate of food.


	6. You've Gotta be The White Knight Babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Here's another addition to this. I've been struggling with a nasty cold so I'm trying my best to write as much as I can. As far from over as this story is I've also been writing another Destiel fic. When an idea hits I can't resist them. It'll bother me until I write it down. No warnings for this chapter. It's pretty fluffy, but the next chapter.......I'll apologize in advance for that. As always thank you so much for reading and commenting. It brings me joy!

Mid-terms were crawling up slowly and as the time grew closer the couple saw less and less of each other, for the next two weeks. Dean had to make all of his prep papers for his classes and Castiel had a heavy amount of studying to do. Charlie joined him through most of that time and insisted there was no reason for him to study that hard since he’d ace everything anyway. Though he agreed with her it wouldn’t hurt to be overly prepared for it.

He texted Dean throughout the days they couldn’t see each other and he found himself truly missing the other man. Now he was huddled over several open books and papers neatly organized for each subject and his phone in his hand. His neck was stiff from sitting in the same position for far too long, but he just continually tapped away on the screen and sipped from his coffee he actually took a break to make.

Dean: You better study hard. This exam won’t be easy.

Cas: Can’t you just give me an A? Since we’re dating? Jk

Dean: in you’re damn dreams. I’m not gonna like grading these things

Dean: your peers can’t spell

Dean: most can’t make a coherent thought

Cas: Don’t be too hard on them

Cas: College is stressful

Castiel chastised himself for texting for too long and dove back into his books despite the buzzing from Dean sending several more messages. He liked being on top of everything he could control in his life now that he had that power. It was freeing to have your own life in your hands. He hadn’t shared this feeling with anyone fearing that he’d be seen as weird for that, but with his upbringing it was certainly true.

As an hour passed he finally decided to take an actual break, his brain was tired. He pushed back from his desk and descended the stairs in search of a snack. He was surprised to see his Father sitting in front of the tv. Definitely a rare sight to see the man so relaxed and actually home for once.

“Hello Castiel.” His Father smiled as he approached him.

“Hello Father.”

“How are you? Is it mid-term time?”

“Yes it is. How’d you know?”

“I’ve been home all day and haven’t seen you once.” He chuckled grabbing the remote and putting the program he was watching on mute.

“I’ve been well. How are things at the hospital?”

“Eh stressful as usual. They kicked me out and told me to spend the day at home.”

His father’s face was weathered and his hair was beginning to gray. All the stress was in fact getting to him. His bright eyes dulled by the lifestyle he lived, always on the go helping those around him. Castiel was grateful that they had sent him home. He clearly needed the rest. Castiel nodded and continued his route to the kitchen in search of food.

“I ordered Chinese if you want some. May have gone a bit over board.”

Castiel could definitely go for that and stopped his food hunt resorting to just getting a glass of water. He walked back to the living room and sat in one of the armchairs that sat adjacent to the couch. Phone in hand he began clicking away texting Dean. He hadn’t realized he was smiling until his Father made mention of it.

“New boyfriend?” he questioned keeping his tone light and question blunt.

“Yes.” Castiel answered hesitantly.

“Is it serious?”

“I’m not sure what is considered serious.”

“I mean,” he took a breathe, “Like have you been together for a long time. Are you thinking about taking big steps with this guy?”

“No we haven’t been dating long, but I suppose I’d like for us to be serious.”

“Good, good.” His father clearly racking his brain for something else to say.

That’s how their few conversations tended to play out. A few awkward sentences and then silence. Although his father had always been supportive when it came to Castiel’s sexuality and his life choices he never really offered much else. So many unspoken words between them for so long. His father was aware of what happened with Dick, but much like everything else he offered his silent support and never pressed to talk about it. Sometimes he was thankful for his silence and many others it was downright painful.

“Do you think I’m gonna meet this guy?”

“Soon possibly. If everything goes as good as it’s been.”

“Cool you should invite him over one day.”

Castiel had left the part out about him being his professor. He honestly didn’t know how his father would take that and he’d rather have the semester be over and not be in Dean’s class when his father found out what his boyfriend did for a living. The doorbell rang over the house cutting the tense silence. His Father rose from his place on the couch and got the food from the delivery man.

After plating up there food they sat in mainly silence watching a documentary on the Animal Planet and chewing their food. Castiel happily ate and texted Dean trying to offer comfort for the man’s boredom. In mid conversation he received a phone call from an unknown number. Reluctantly he answered and was stunned at how much noise was happening on the other end.

“Um Hello?” he spoke into the receiver.

“Cassie!!! It’s your favorite brother!”

“Gabriel? Wow hello.”

“How ya doing guy? You busy?”

Castiel couldn’t figure out what on earth his brother could be doing that so much noise was around him. Gabriel was the epitome of a free spirit, always doing something wild, dangerous, and probably illegal. Castiel glanced at his father who had his eyebrows raised and a slight smile on his face at the mention of his other son’s name.

“I’m eating dinner and watching tv with Dad.”

“Woah Daddie-o isn’t at the hospital? Well I have good news for you both.” He took a long dramatic pause to which Castiel rolled his eyes at if Gabe could see him. “I’m coming home brother!”

“When?” Castiel could feel a bundle of excitement taking him over. He loved his brother, more than any of his other siblings and was more than happy for him to come home.

“I’ll be home the day before Halloween so prepare your anus Cassie we’re going partying!”

“Well I actually have a party to go to that night. If you would like to join me.”

“Woah wait a minute like a real damn party? Booze and costumes too sexy for real life?”

“Yes Gabe.” He chuckled. “Music and the whole nine.”

“Whaaaaaaaat!? Hell yes we are in there! Novak brothers gonna tear shit up!”

“I suppose we can do that.” Castiel let out a full on laugh. He turned to look at his father who was practically beaming for some reason. It warmed his insides and he motioned for his father to take the phone and talk to his son. He shook his head and told him he’d talk to him when he got home. Castiel continued talking to his brother for a while until whatever he was doing finally distracted him and they ended the call abruptly. By this point he had received several texts from Dean, half of them contained him asking Castiel to come over and relieve him of his teaching duties. Truly he was tired of studying and wanted to get out of the house.

“I’ll be back in a little while Dad.” He got off the couch and went to through his dinner trash away.

“Alright. Be safe.”

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean wanted to pick Castiel up, but for some odd reason he’d rather walk in the blistering cold. Dean took advantage of this time to clean up a little bit and setup the living room for a cozy night in. He had his tv ready for them to start where they left of a couple weeks ago with the Avengers movie. He brought some blankets from his bedroom and spread them on the couch along with some random pillows. He knows Cas has been studying quite hard and just wanted to show him a relaxing night. He was just putting all of his exam stuff away when he received a knock on the door.

“Hello Dean.” Bright blue eyes greeted him as he swung open the door. He stepped aside to let the slightly shorter man in and ushering him further into the living room.

Castiel chuckled at the sight in front of him. There was a giant bowl of popcorn in the middle of Dean’s coffee table and two large mugs filled to the brim with hot chocolate. Dean wasn’t kidding when he said he just wanted to cuddle and be warm with Castiel. Once they were seated Dean tossed a large fuzzy, black blanket across both their shoulders and cuddled next to his boyfriend. He let the movie play as Cas grasped one of his hands and intertwined their fingers together. He felt all of his walls slowly crumbling as time went on. He was content he could spend time with someone else like this, just basking in each other’s warmth with no hidden motives.

“Dean I hope you don’t mind, but my brother will be joining us at the Halloween party.”

“That’s fine with me. Which brother is it?”

“Gabe. The only one I actually like.” He smirked. “He’s coming back from wherever he is and spending a couple weeks with my father and I.”

“That seems cool.” Dean could feel a bit of nervousness inside of him.

“Also my father wants you to come over for dinner or something.”

“You sure about that? I’m not the best with Dads. Moms love me, but fathers are hard to get around.”

“My Father isn’t very judgmental. I’m sure he’ll like you for who you are not only cause I like you, but because you’re a good person.”

“You give me way too much credit Cas.” Dean squeezed his arm around Cas’ waist and kissed the top of his head.

“I give you the credit you deserve. This isn’t a perfect world but you sure do grace it with your imperfectly perfect presence.”

“Dammit Cas you really are gonna give me a heart attack.”

The moment between the two was suddenly interrupted my Dean’s phone ringing loud. He had to admit for the last couple days he had been scared it was his father calling. He’d been dodging him and Bobby’s calls for the last week or so. He’d promised Sam he would wait before taking the dive and he always made good on his promises. Pulling it from his pocket he was it was indeed his brother calling.

“Hey Sammy what’s up?” Cas perked up and mouthed to Dean his greetings. “Cas says hi.”

“Tell Cas hey, but um Dean?”

“Spit it out. What’s up?”

“I went to go see Dad. And I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but he was actually sober.”

“That’s good to hear.” Dean took a big sigh of relief. “Did you take Mark with you?”

“Yeah I did and they were great together. I actually could hold a conversation with the man…I was amazed. Oh and Bobby is upset you’ve been dodging him all week.”

“Yeah I know, I know. I’m gonna hear his damn mouth when I see him. I just…didn’t wanna have to speak to Dad before I was ready. I’m not even really sure I’m ready now.”

“This is something you need to take time with Dean. He was rough, rougher than any Father should be on a son. None of what he did was right. I just wish I knew about it sooner.”

“Yeah I know Sammy. Maybe after the semester is over I’ll go over there. Give Bobby and the girls my best.”

“I will. One question though…are you and Cas like dating?”

“You’re so late brother.” Dean chuckled and was grateful for the change of topic. “We’ve been dating almost a month now.”

Castiel quirked up his brows at mention of their relationship. He’d been trying not to eavesdrop since most of the conversation revolved around Dean’s family issues, but now he was definitely interested and he paused the movie to listen in.

“You really like him huh?”

“Yeah Sammy I do.” He looked at Cas and gave him a wink and a smile. “You coming to Charlie’s Halloween party Friday?”

“I want to, but I can’t. I’m working on this case 24/7 it’s killing me.”

“You know Charlie’s gonna kick your ass now right?”

“Yeah I know. I already told her and she threatened to rain down unholy terror on me. Whatever the hell that means.” He laughed. “You know I’m gonna have to give Cas the talk now right?” Sam’s tone went from joyful to insanely serious.

“Hey bitch I’m the big brother here.”

“Does it really matter? Anyway I gotta go jerk.”

Dean ended the call with Sam and glanced at Cas who was all wide eyed and curious looking. He kissed his forehead and went to play the movie when Cas reached over and took the remote before he could grab it.

“Dean what did he mean by talking to me?”

“You listening in on my phone calls? That’s what we do now?” Dean laughed at the fear in Cas’ tone.

“I just want to be prepared.”

“You have nothing to worry about with Sam. He might seem like a giant scary…giant, but he’s really just a ball of play dough.”

“Dean…?”

*                             *                             *

 

Friday came soon. Faster than Dean could realize. Mid terms whizzed by with the week and now he had a ton of grading to struggle through. Most of the exam was multiple choice which made his life a hell of a lot easier. He was now getting out the shower getting dressed for the party. He was nervous and excited he’d get to dance and spend quality time with Cas since they weren’t able with exams happening. But he was nervous to meet his older brother. Plus he’s a professor attending a college party. His costume didn’t have a mask but it did have a hat so if he spotted anyone he recognized he could pull it down to hide his face. He couldn’t resist being Indiana Jones.

Once dressed he texted his boyfriend letting him know he was coming over and anxiety was in full war mode within him. He pulled the Impala to the front of the house and elected to actually go to the door.

“Hello Dean.” Cas smiled sweetly swinging the door open for his partner and motioned for him to come inside.

Dean smiled at the sight in front of him. Cas was dressed in a black and yellow striped shirt with some black skinny jeans. They weren’t tight enough to be repulsive but they fit snug enough in all the right places. He had a set of translucent wings strapped to his back and a small set of antlers on his head. Dean’s stomach turned as he took in the sight of his boyfriend. ‘dammit he’s freaking adorable and hot at the same time.’ He cursed to himself. Dean approached the shorter man and placed a hand on his hip while leaning towards his ear.

“How the hell did you manage being cute and hot at the same time?” he spoke lowly to Castiel.

A blush formed on the man’s cheeks and wandered its way down his neck. Dean pulled away as he noticed two other men walking into the room. They were both pretty short but the one who was shorter looked older and appeared to be Castiel’s dad. They had the same bright eyes that swallowed up your soul. He spoke first.

“You must be Dean.” He stretched his hand towards him and Dean took it firmly. “Woah…got quite the grip there. I am Chuck, Castiel and Gabriel’s Father.”

“Very nice to meet you sir. Cas…tiel tells me you’re quite the renowned doctor.”

Castiel didn’t think his dad would be home Halloween night. His nerves have been eating him alive since the man told him he had the night off. Gabe had just got in from the airport earlier that day, and despite having just taken a 28 hour flight the man was impervious to jet lag. He worried about the impending doom that this conversation was bound to bring.

“Well I wouldn’t go that far.” Chuck laughed nervously. “What do you do?”

“Oh I’m a professor.”

“Good that’s good. Well I hope you guys have a good time tonight. It was nice to meet you Dean. You should come over for dinner some time.” He turned to his boys. “I’m probably gonna eat and turn in.”

Dean took the last comment towards him as he’d better come for dinner if he knew what was good for him. The man didn’t sound threatening at all, but Dean could admit he would rather be in the good graces of Cas’ family. Gabe clapped Dean on the back and ushered him out the door before Cas could get a hold of him. He even closed the door behind them.

“Let’s have a chat Deano.”

Dean frowned at this and knew exactly what the small, smirking man wanted to talk about. Dean had been around his fair share of big brothers to see a threatening conversation from a mile away. Cas quickly came out of the house, but rolled his eyes as he watched Gabe take his boyfriend away from him.

“I know my baby bro likes you a lot. I also know that you’re his professor.”

‘Great so the cat is out the bag.’ Dean thought and mentally rolled his eyes.

“Cassie hasn’t had the best luck with guys if you can imagine the impossible. So what I need you to do is be easy on him. Clearly he’s smitten with you and from what I’ve heard from him you’re a decent dude. So just treat him well and we’re all good.”

“I hear you loud and clear man.”

“He’s trying to burn a hole in my skull with his eyes right now isn’t he?” Gabe cringed.

Sure enough Dean looked past the man and saw Cas with his arms folded at his chest and his eyes glaring straight at his brother.

“Yeah he is.” Dean laughed.

“Alright let’s go before he tries to commit fratricide.”

They walked to the car where Gabe offered to ride them in his car. With some arguing from Dean he finally submitted and they were finally on their way. Apparently the party was being held at the club they had gone to the night that Cas first kissed Dean. He actually liked that place even though they didn’t play his type of music. If Cas was happy with going there then Dean could see himself there every Friday night. They arrived not even 15 minutes later with Gabe’s brisk driving and all. Dean had sat in the back with his boyfriend, one of his hands sat on his thigh softly stroking on the material of his jeans.

Cas no longer had any motivation to go to the party. With Dean rubbing his leg and sitting so close to him he wanted to go back to the man’s apartment and undress him with his mouth. His boyfriend was wearing a costume of a character he had no clue who it was but the get up looked sexy on Dean. It made him feel kind of silly to go as something as simple as a bee, but he liked bees. The way Dean had looked over his body like Castiel was the most attractive thing he’d ever seen made him feel not so silly, and when the man whispered in his ear he felt he had done something right in choosing this costume. Who the hell knew an insect could be so appealing.

When they got to the club it certainly was bustling. Charlie had rented the whole venue for the night. Everywhere Dean turned new faces surrounded him. Whatever a larp was he was certainly happy that none of his students knew about this. They walked inside being ushered by a host. She had led the 3 men upstairs to a private large room. There were comfy looking couches everywhere accompanied by a large low sitting round table in the middle of them. The walls were painted black and several full, unopened liquor bottles sat on the table. Dean assumed this was the VIP section and he was eternally grateful that Gabe had driven that night. Free booze and a sexy boyfriend on his arm spelled a great night for Dean.

“Pick your poison boys!” Gabe shouted while holding up a bottle of whiskey and vodka.

“I’ll take the dark stuff.” Dean grinned and reached for the bottle.

“That was a test Dean, you passed with flying colors. A man after my own heart.”

The 3 men sat around on the couches, Cas leaning close to Dean. He poured a glass for each of them and kept them filled the second they got empty. By the 3rd cup he cut Cas off, he knows he’s a light weight. Gabe seemed to be on the same level as Dean. Both men were feeling it, but it hadn’t gotten quite where they needed to be.

“Where’s Charlie?” Cas asked putting his arm around Dean’s waist.

“Not sure yet. You ok Cas?” Dean watched his boyfriend cozy up to him. His hand was now stroking his thigh a little too high up for Cas’ normal touches.

“I’m fine Dean…just good.” He smiled a half goofy smile.

 _Fine my ass_. Dean thought. He was definitely cutting Cas off. The night had barely started and he was already buzzed. Dean got up promising Cas that he would find Charlie. He was ok with leaving him alone since his brother was there. He left the VIP lounge and descended down the stairs in hopes that he could fine his host amongst the heated bodies flooding the dancefloor. To his right he spotted the bar so of course he’d have to get a drink first. He ordered quickly and waited with his arms propped up on the bar. The music was loud but enjoyable, the bass was flaring and he could feel it in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to get Cas back on the dancefloor like he had on that fateful night weeks ago.

Suddenly he felt a pair of arms sneak around his waist and hug him from behind. These arms didn’t feel like Cas’ and Dean spun around quickly to find a stranger with a smirk on his face. Smug bastard looked way too satisfied for Dean’s taste. It didn’t help that the guy was wearing the deepest v-neck shirt that he’d ever seen. Smug guy looked him up and down like Dean was a damn buffet and he didn’t like it one bit. He swiped the guys hands off of his hips and took a step back, bumping into the bar and really didn’t have anywhere to go.

“You must be Dean?”

“Um….how do you know me?”

“Darling Charlie said to look for a man with gorgeous green eyes. Figured that could be no one, but you.”

Dean’s rising bad attitude was wiped away with mention of his favorite redhead. He followed the mysterious v-neck man to get their host. They snaked through half naked bodies in stereotypical Halloween costumes. Some got grabby and Dean had to evade a lot of inappropriate touches. They finally got to a room in the back. It appeared to be the employee break room.

“Dean!” Charlie bounced from her chair and embraced him.

“You look great! Spock? Wouldn’t have you any other way.” He wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“Where’s our precious Castiel?”

“He’s upstairs with his brother. Drinking some water.”

“Drunk already?” she laughed.

“Only a little.”

“Well this is our friend Balthazar from high school.”

“Pleasure.” V-neck man smirked at Dean. “So you’ve managed to snag our Castiel’s interests.”

“Seems so.” Dean was still a bit wary of the man despite him being a friend of Cas. Something in his gut told him he wouldn’t like him very much. “I should probably head back upstairs to check on him.”

“We’ll join you.” Balt spoke up.

Once they returned to the VIP lounge Dean was for certain he didn’t like this guy. He was very touchy with Cas and it was rubbing him the wrong way entirely. Cas was seated in between them and his attention was honed in on the smug man. Dean was half paying attention to the conversation, but if he was totally honest he wasn’t interested in the wild stories of Europe this man had to offer. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he was more than glad to see it was from his brother.

Sam: Mark has been saying Dada non-stop J

Dean: Look at him go! He’s gonna turn out smarter than you

Sam: I sure hope so. Hey are you busy tomorrow night? I’ve got another date and Ellen can’t watch him.

Dean: Yeah I could squeeze him into my very busy schedule

Sam: Didn’t you just finish finals? All you have to do is grade.

Dean: That takes a lot of concentration Sammy! Don’t belittle what I do mr lawyer.

Sam: you know im not doing that. How’s the party?

Dean: it’s ok. Some friend of Cas’ is totally flirting with him. Pissing me off

Sam: Tell me all about it tomorrow lol. Ive gotta hear this

“Dean? Are you listening?”

Dean was snapped out of his circle of thoughts looking up to see ocean blue eyes peering into his soul and dark eyebrows knitted in concern. The look on his boyfriend’s face made him feel just a little bad about his internal jealous spiral. But what could he do? He was just a man and Cas was a friggin CATCH if he ever saw one. He reached up and dragged a lazy hand through Cas’ messy hair and plastered a fake grin on his face. He hoped it would do the trick at easing his boyfriend’s worries and it seemed to as Cas slowly smiled back. Dean’s eyes flicked to look over Cas’ shoulder and he saw Balthazar with his own smile on his face, and when their eyes met he winked at Dean. A fresh fire ball of anger welled up in Dean’s chest, but he’d rather die than let it show on his face. He brought his attention back to Cas to calm himself down. His hnad sat at the back of his neck now and he pulled him towards him to whisper in his ear.

“How about you show me what you can do on the dancefloor?”

Cas drew back still smiling and intertwined his fingers with Dean and pulled him towards the stairs. Once they reached the bottom they were met with intense dance music blaring through the building. It was mind numbing and that’s what Dean wanted. Distraction. Since he practically raised his brother Dean had developed a very protective aspect to his personality. Anything that threatened what he cared about he was more than ready to either remove it or destroy it. In some of his relationships it had gotten him in trouble. He was seen as the raging jealous boyfriend even when he didn’t mean to be. It was just ingrained in him. As he got older it’s a trait he’s come to hate and he’s been…sorta working on getting rid of it entirely. Which is why the two of them were now impossibly close grinding amidst other sweaty, happy bodies. Cas had his back to him and Dean held his hips as they flowed against one another, each movement in sync. He was so wrapped up in how they just _fit_ together. Cas put his arms up and his hands were now caressing Dean’s hair. He sank into the feeling. Yes he was practically being petted, but who was he to deny such affection. He placed wet kisses on the back of Cas’ neck and he just loved how heated and soft his skin felt.

The song changed and they changed with it, Cas spun around in Dean’s arms and now they were chest to chest with one of Dean’s legs in between his. Dean was consumed by the moment and he wanted this. He craved this closeness with Cas. For the remainder of the night it was mainly the two of them melted together as one moving unit. Charlie came by a couple of times to dance with them, Gabe as well before he was swallowed by the crowd, but other than that their time was uninterrupted. Dean decided this was how things were supposed to be. Maybe he was really starting to fall for Cas. The man certainly had him under his spell.

As this night wound down Dean realized he had drank his fill, his buzz humming through his brain now. His body was filled with pleasant white noise as the two of them followed Gabe out to his car. Dean shivered as the cold October air whipped around his body. He held Cas close with an arm wrapped around his waist.

“That was a kick ass party!” Gabe exclaimed as they piled into the car. “Don’t be getting hot and heavy with my brother in that back seat!” he scolded watching Dean kiss Castiel’s neck in the rearview window.

“I’ll be good. Scout’s honor.” Dean drew back but kept Cas pinned to his side.

“Dean. How are you getting home?” Cas turned to face him.

Something about alcohol made Cas’ voice sound much more deeper and alluring than it normally was. He needed to stop talking now before Dean broke his promise to Gabriel.

“Hey Gabe you think you can drop me off at my place? I’ll get my car in the morning.”

“I’ll go with him Gabe.” Cas spoke up.

“Alright love birds show me the way.” Gabe sighed. “Since you two are getting some I might as well use one of the numbers I got at that place.” He grumbled.

*                             *                             *                             *

Once they arrived at Dean’s apartment he was more than happy to get out of his costume. He was even more glad to get Cas out of his. Dean watched Cas as his back was towards him. He took off the antlers and then the shirt. His back glistened with the sweat of the alcohol and the night of dancing. He sauntered over to him and placed a hand on each of his hips. Dean was getting ahead of himself and he needed to be cautious. He kissed at the back of Cas’ neck and trailed them down to his shoulders. ‘Gosh how could he still smell so good after all that dancing?’ Dean wondered to himself. He ran his hands down Cas’ arms, feeling how soft his skin was. Cas’ clothes were very deceiving, Dean would’ve never thought there was all this lean muscle under those button ups.

“How ya feeling Cas?”

This earned him a giggle and a head roll as Castiel spun in his arms. He had a dopey grin and his eyes were quite dilated. Nope. Dean stopped himself right there.

“I feel good Dean.” Cas said as he dragged his hands down Dean’s chest his eyes following their trail.

“You want some water? Let’s get you to bed.”

“I don’t want water I want you.” He pressed himself against Dean from chest to hip.

“Are you drunk Cas?”

“Maybe.” He giggled.

That giggle told Dean everything he needed to know. Was he turned on by Cas’ affection? Hell yeah, but he wasn’t gonna take advantage of a drunk person. Whether they were together or not. He helped Cas out of his pants and coaxed him into the bed then went to the kitchen. He filled up a glass of water from the tap and paused to calm down his aroused state of mind before returning to the room. When he opened the door he found Cas sprawled out on his bed knocked out. He sat the glass of water on the night stand on Cas’ side of the bed and found a packet of aspirin to place next to the glass should Cas wake up before him. He smiled at the trail of drool that was falling out of Cas’ mouth and making its way towards his pillow. Despite drool being disgusting somehow because it was Cas it was adorable.

*                             *                             *                             *

As Dean assumed would happen Cas woke up before him. He opened his eyes and looked at the bare part of the bed and missed the warmth of the body next to him. He heard groaning coming from his bathroom and that drew him out of bed. He found Cas cuddled up with the toilet half conscious. Poor thing was so hungover he didn’t know what to do with himself. Dean got the awesome idea of trying to princess carry Cas back to bed. As he bundled up his limp body and tried to stand he could feel his legs screaming for relief. Cas was way more solid than he thought. But he grinned and bared it and dumped his boyfriends body in bed.

“Sorry Dean.” He grumbled.

“Nothing to be sorry for angel.”

Dean swiped some of the stray hairs away from Cas’ sweaty forehead and tucked him under the covers. He hated to see Cas in pain like this but he had to admit he did like the idea of taking care of him. Cas pushed himself up in a sitting position as Dean shoved the glass of water and aspirin into his hands. He smiled watching Cas drink the water like he hadn’t had the substance in 20 years.

“Thank you for that. I feel terrible. I barely remember anything.”

“You had fun. That’s all that really matters.”

Cas reached for Dean’s hand and once it was in his grasp he held it as if he was hoping Dean wouldn’t go anywhere. He tugged him towards the bed and he crawled back under the sheets with him, all while still holding his hand. He drew Castiel closer until he was laying on his chest. They laid in silence that was comfortable, no expectations for conversation, just enjoying each other’s presence. Dean knew he had a ton of things to do, but he wasn’t pressed to get any of it done in this moment.

He brought a hand to Cas’ already messed up hair and ran his fingers through it gingerly. He smelled of cedar wood and citrus, it wasn’t an overpowering smell, but Dean enjoyed it either way. He brought his chin down to rest on top of the other man’s head and wrapped his arms around him. Dean was really in this moment, he was grounded by it. His heart was beating quickly the more he thought about his feelings for Cas. Dean was never vocal about how he felt about a person, even family. He’d rather show his affections, handing them out like rare gemstones.

Cas wriggled in his arms until he lifted his head and giving Dean the smallest smile he’d ever seen on the man. He strained his neck to kiss his boyfriend’s chapped lips. They might look dry, but they’re the softest pair of lips he’s ever had the pleasure to kiss. Sure Cas was hot and all, of course Dean wanted to ravage his body until he was a writhing mess, but the kisses they shared were far more important than any other physical contact they could share. Dean never thought such a careless gesture could mean so much, but the more he kissed Castiel the more it meant to him. When the hell had he become such a sap?! These thoughts never arose with any of his exes, even Lisa who he was 5 seconds from proposing to. Even though they were technically in the beginning of their relationship it felt so much older than it was.

“Dean your phone is ringing.” Cas spoke softly.

Dean reached over and grabbed the vibrating device that he was doing his best to ignore. One look at the screen and his whole fuzzy mood was destroyed. His father was calling. Knots began to form in his stomach and if Cas wasn’t practically on top of him right now he would began to have a full blown panic attack. He felt his heart start to race and with that his breathing quickened. He gave Cas a quick kiss in hopes that it would calm him down. His dad has been calling him for weeks. He wants to escape the inevitable, but he knows he can’t avoid the man forever. Bobby and Ellen will hunt him down eventually if he stays MIA. Reluctantly he picked up the call, putting the phone to his ear and not saying a word.

“Dean?” the deep, raspy voice of his father rang through all too clear.

“Hey Dad.” He sighed.

“How ya been son?”

“I’ve been good Dad. What about you?” Dean cleared his throat.

“Hanging in there. Got myself a job.” He chuckled.

Dean closed his eyes focusing on the soft touches Cas placed on his chest. He must’ve looked as in distress as he felt if Cas’ worried expression told him anything. His eyebrows were raised and knitted in the center of his forehead and his mouth was shaped into a pouty frown. Dean would think it was quite adorable had this been any other situation. He placed his free hand on Cas’ cheek wishing it would ease his lover’s worries. He didn’t like making Cas feel like this, so he tried all the self-control he could muster.

“That’s really good to hear Dad.”

“How’s teaching going? You still doing that right?”

“Yeah I am. It’s going well.”

“I got to meet my grandson the other day. The boy is big. He’s gonna be tall like Sam, I can tell. When you gonna come by? Bobby been grumbling about you.” His father let out another breezy laugh.

“I’ll um…make my way over there soon.”

“Good, good.”

“Hey um I’ve gotta go. Gotta grade a bunch of papers and such.”

“Alright.” He paused. “It was good talking to you son. Seen you soon.”

“Yeah. Bye Dad.”

Dean hung up the phone, and he wanted to put it back on the night stand, but he couldn’t bring himself to reach over. He could barely breathe let alone move. Cas crawled up until they were face to face. He kissed Dean softly everywhere he could reach. His eyes, nose, cheeks, lips, and forehead all were showered with soft drops of affection. Should he really go see his father? Dean had always had a handle on everything in his life. He worked hard for everything he had. Hell he worked hard for everything Sam had too. He was always on top of everything, but this little dark corner of his life was the only thing out of his control. His father was unpredictable, tough, and ruthless. Dean use to think he did what he did out of love, but after years of suffering with their tattered relationship he wasn’t even sure if his father had even loved him. Those words never left his lips according to Dean’s memory.

Cas withdrew himself from Dean’s hold and left the room. Dean couldn’t even bring himself to reassure his worrisome boyfriend that he was ok. Nothing in him was pushing him to lie for the sake of lying. He laid his head back and stared at the ceiling. The dark corners of Dean’s mind were growing again and he felt truly powerless against them.


	7. As Long as Your River Flows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooooooooo sorry this is hella late. But my computer has been having some issues. Luckily I got that taken care of...for now. But I'm still alive and writing. I hand written the next couple chapters I just gotta type and edit them so updates will be quicker. As always thanks for reading. Please comment. It keeps my blood pumping! xoxo

Dean was stressed, and Castiel didn’t like that one bit. He had never learned how to comfort another person, but he would put in his best efforts to try. He left Dean in his bed in search of getting him some coffee and breakfast. Castiel wasn’t much of a cook, but he could make a basic breakfast. It wouldn’t taste nearly as wonderful as Dean’s cooking, but he needed to do something. The least he could do was feed the man. From what he gathered he knew his father had called him. The conversation sounded fairly normal, but without knowing the depth of the situation he couldn’t figure out why the small talk was so much for Dean to handle. What could his father have done that something as small as that could throw Dean off like that?

He gathered all the ingredients for some eggs, bacon, and toast and got right down to cooking. He tried to recall how Dean had done it for the couple of times his boyfriend had cooked him breakfast. He added the spices he could recall and slathered butter and jelly on the toast once it popped. He plated the food and stood back to look at it. He felt a flutter of pride at the food he had made. Dean didn’t like too much sugar and cream in his coffee, unlike Castiel who liked all the fixings with his. He got everything together and slowly made his way back to the man’s room.

Walking inside he didn’t bother to close the door. He looked at Dean lying in the same position he had left him in. His eyes looked so distant as he stared at the ceiling barely blinking. He hadn’t even acknowledged Castiel walking back into the room, he was very lost in his thoughts.

“I figured you might be hungry.” Cas laid the plate and mug on the night stand beside the bed and crawled back under the covers with his boyfriend.

“Um…oh thanks Cas.” Dean offered a sad smile.

He sat up and took the mug in his hands taking a large sip of the caffeine. Castiel was at quite a loss on what to do now. He had done some googling on how to comfort a partner when their going through something. The gist of what he read had the same point of making sure the person knows that you’re there for them and not to push them too far. How could he be more there for Dean than he was right now? He sat at his side watching him slowly eating the food he just made him. What could he say? As always when Castiel found himself in these mental spirals Dean was the one to pull him out of it.

“This is good Cas. Thanks.”

“I know it’s not nearly as good as your food, but—“

“It’s amazing. You made it with your heart in the right place and that’s what matters the most. Sorry I’m such a downer this morning. My head’s just not in a good space right now.”

“Don’t apologize Dean. I’m sure the call from your dad was stressful. I’m here if you need me.”

Castiel spoke without thinking about it first. He hoped that Dean would always need him.

*                             *                             *                             *

With all his papers graded and emails sent Dean sat back in his chair feeling quite successful. He got everything done that needed to be done and damn that felt good. Despite Cas sitting not 5 feet from him he managed to grind away at his desk while Cas did his homework. He turned around to him and was met with eyes full of care and a small smile on his face. He was more grateful to the younger man than he could ever put into words. After the morning’s fiasco he was sure that he would just wallow in bed for the rest of the day, but with his boyfriend there silently giving the strength to carry on he did what he had to do.

“Since you’re my boyfriend you get to know you’re grade early. I still sent you the email though so you should check it out.”

Even though the grades were supposed to be sent via the school’s website so that the students could see them Dean still felt the need to send personal emails to each student. He would tell them what they need to work on and how good they did.  He loved sharing knowledge with people who didn’t have it previously, and was always willing to give pointers and offer help. That’s what he loved the best about teaching anyhow, it’s what made him want to pursue his career in the first place. He watched as Cas check his phone and loved the grin that slowly made it’s way on his partner’s face. Dean loved seeing a full out genuine smile on his face and he would put his best efforts forth to keep it that way.

“Thank you for the feedback Dean.”

Dean rose from his chair and approached Castiel. He bent to and placed a kiss on his forehead, pullng his head back by his chin to place a kiss on his lips. He loved the hopeful look in his eyes. To say that his eyes were just blue was like saying that grass was just green. There was so much more to dwell on and take in. His eyes contained all of Dean’s hopes in dreams. Those eyes made Dean want to be a better and stronger man that he already was. The expression on Cas’ face alone filled Dean with such warmth he didn’t even need to touch him to feel the passion that Cas was giving off.

“Happy to help.” He smirked pulling away to continue his work.

Cas clearly had other plans grabbing Dean’s wrist and pulling him to join him on the bed. He scooted up to lay in the middle of the bed all while dragging Dean to lay on top of him. Dean used one of his elbows to hold him slightly above Castiel so that he could keep looking into his eyes. He was in a trance of sorts and had no qualms with being dragged down further. Cas put a hand to Dean’s cheek rubbing at the stubble on his face since he hadn’t shaved all weekend. Crashing their lips together in a much needed kiss Dean swallowed down Cas’ sighs and affections. He would take whatever the man had offered. Cas reached his arms around rubbing up and down Dean’s back as they kissed. Heat was pooling in his stomach and he had to put a mental brace around his impending arousal.

Cas rose his hips to meet Dean and his kisses were growing in desperation. Dean groaned as Cas’ erection ground into his own. Castiel growled low in the back of his throat in response. Dean loved every bit of physical contact he had with the man, but his favorite was whenever they kissed. Every slide of their lips sent a wave of emotion through Dean’s body. He felt a soft hand creep up the hem of his t-shirt and when skin touched skin his resolve began to crumble. He pulled away from Cas sitting on his heels and peeled the shirt off slow, hoping Cas would enjoy the little show he was giving. He knew he was right when he heard Cas inhale sharply.

“Hurry up and come back here.” Cas growled.

“I’m not gonna be the only one topless sweetheart.” Dean spoke as he slid his hands under his boyfriend’s shirt pausing to rub his now perky nipples under his palms.

Cas sit up like Dean and mimicked his previous motions, but unlike Cas, Dean dove straight in after the shirt was tossed away. Instead of his lips he went for his neck with the intention of leaving a few dark marks. Cas groaned and squirmed, holding Dean’s shoulders tightly.

“Dean…please.” He moaned.

“Please what?” Dean teased his vow low and volume and tone. “Gotta tell me what to do Cas. Doesn’t that get you going?”

Cas moaned again as Dean bit down on his pulse point. He was at a loss for words, but his body knew just what to do. While Dean worked relentlessly on his neck his hands had other plans and flew to undoing Deans sweatpants. He pulled them down as best as he could in the position he was in, they settled on the bed where his knees were bent. Dean pulled back now and they both looked at his ready erection. Cas moaned at the sight of Dean not wearing any underwear. Like he was ready for Castiel at any time. Dean had to bite back a devious laugh at the expression on Castiel’s face. He dove back in and laid the man down all while kissing him.

Castiel wanted nothing more in this moment than to finally be with Dean the way they both clearly wanted. Dean made him feel safe, wanted. He never pushed too far and maintained a beautiful balance of soft and rough. He was the perfect partner in all aspects, always knew just what Castiel wanted in each moment. It was breathtaking, but more importantly it was easy. He didn’t have to think too much with Dean, but he couldn’t shake that dark feeling. Dick had been that way in the beginning….but then he took too much.

Dean was now undoing Castiel’s jeans. Once they were open he stopped. Green eyes staring at his blue ones. Dean was asking for permission. Cas nodded enthusiastically and that was all the man needed before he tugged down the pants and boxers all in one swoop. He gave Cas no time to recover before he wrapped his kiss swollen lips around his hot shaft. It was electrifying and overwhelming, but he wanted it no other way. Past partners were predictable, he knew each move was coming before it came. They were monotonous and boring. But Dean, dammit Dean was a loose cannon with eternal ammo. Each movement different from the last. He never licked the same way twice and it was surprising, and surprise was arousing to Castiel. Dean took him all the way to the back of his throat and this pulled a particularly loud moan from Cas. If Dean could smile right now he’d flash him one of his brightest smug smiles, but seeing as how he was heavily occupied he opted for moaning around his arousal.

Castiel was close. So damn close. Words flew from his mouth, half of them incoherent. Most of them were broken versions of Dean’s name. His hips gyrated upwards and Dean just held his head still letting Castiel rut into his mouth. It was beautiful, so fucking beautiful watching Dean look up at him through hooded eyelids and those unnaturally long lashes.

“Dean…so beautiful.” He gasped at his orgasm came crashing down on him like a falling building.

And Dean took all of it. Drinking down every drop that came out, and Castiel threw his head back at the sensation. Dean pulled off with a pop and he sat back staring at a torn apart Castiel looking very pleased at what he had done to him.

*                             *                             *                             *

Monday was slow. Slower than Castiel cared to experience. Midterms were over and he was pleased with all his grades, he got all A’s like he knew he would. Despite that he was proud of himself. Dean planned to take him to dinner tonight to celebrate. This caused Cas to be a bit nervous. Sure they had hung out a bunch of times, but only had gone on one real date. Dean informed him that the restaurant was ‘froo-froo’ as he called it and told him to dress up. Castiel wanted very much to see Dean in formal wear. He imagined the man in various types of suites throughout the day. This is why he skipped his last class of the day and went home to find something to wear. He was no fashion expert, but he did know what looked good on him. Nothing too loose and nothing too form fitting was where he felt the most comfortable. He had a few options to choose from since his mother had brought him a lot of suites to wear to fancy charity dinners that their family frequented, but since her passing he hasn’t so much as looked at that side of his closet. He pulled out a navy blue suite and shook off the thin layer of dust on it. He knew he’d still be able to fit it since he hadn’t grown any since he wore it to his high school graduation.

He wanted to pair it with a black shirt as he had on that day. Gabriel insisted he did so because it brought out the blue in his eyes. With much protest he finally gave in and he couldn’t help but to admit that his brother had been right. He laid all of the clothes on his bedspread and went to take a shower.

Once he was under the spray of the water he let his thoughts take over. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out why Dean was even into him. Somehow they kept up conversation between them but if he really looked at it most of them were carried on Dean alone. Castiel never really had friends before, sure he had people who talked to him through his grade school days but he never had someone he could truly call friend until he went to college. He wasn’t knowledgeable about how a relationship actually worked. He only knew what Gabriel had told him. This whole world was new to him. The fact that Dean wanted to take him out as if it was something special it was all new to him. Despite his rocky, recent past he still wanted to be around him. Cas couldn’t for the life of him figure it out.

He got out of the shower and toweled off quickly, tugging at his wild strands of hair trying to figure out how to make it presentable. He slicked it down as best as he could with the help of a comb. Walking out of the bathroom he heard the telltale jingle of getting a text. Reaching for his clothes and phone at the same time, a small smile rang across his lips as he read Dean’s text. He would be on his way soon meaning Castiel better get dressed quickly.

Several minutes later and he was faced with Dean in a suit. His gut swell with all the fuzzy feelings possible and something else dark and primal rang through as well. Dean looked incredible in all black. His tie matched his eye and it took a God level amount of self-control not to tug Dean inside and forget all about dinner.

“Wow Cas…you look awesome.”

Awesome. A word that Dean only used for things he thoroughly enjoyed. He said Castiel had looked awesome. To anyone else it would just be a simple compliment but to him it was the compliment of a lifetime. No one’s ever told him he looked awesome before, and certainly not someone as attractive as Dean Winchester. He blushed at the statement and followed the man out to his shiny, freshly washed car. Dean rush to Castiel’s side and opened the door for him jutting a arm out signaling him to get in. it was a sweet gesture despite how unnecessary it was. Castiel slid in the seat as Dean got behind the wheel. He smiled at Castiel and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. This caused him to blush deeper and try to hide it by gazing out of the window. They drove to the sounds of classic rock and no words between them. It was comforting not to be required to talk. He was sure they’d have more than enough of that at dinner. He enjoyed these moments with Dean just sitting and not speaking, nothing but the sounds of the car or music in the background. He loved just being with the man. Just being allowed to exist in his space. Of course he was far too introverted to share these thoughts with Dean. He’d rather show them through actions like gently sitting his hand on Dean’s thigh as he was doing now. Just a silent conveying of his emotions. Somehow Dean could always tell what Castiel wanted to say in these serene moments. Once they stopped at a red light he shot him one of his award winning grins. Dean had such a lovely smile, one that could crumble great empires, he loathed the times when that smile was missing.

They pulled into the restaurant parking lot and Dean ran to the other side to once again open the door for him. He shook his head and chuckled at it this time.

“You don’t have to open doors for me Dean.”

“I know I don’t have to I just want to. Let me be nice.” Dean reached out a hand and Castiel took it without another thought.

They walked inside and were greeted by a host at the booth that sat in the middle of the entrance.

“Good evening gentlemen do you have a reservation?”

Castiel looked to Dean with a nervous glance. He had no idea they’d be going somewhere that required reservations.

“Yes it’s under Winchester.” Dean spoke not meeting Castiel’s scrutinizing gaze.

They were led to a booth off to the side. Their menus were laid out and the waiter came to the table with water and they were finally left alone. Dean looked down at the menu with his eyebrows knitted in concentration.

“Reservations Dean?”

“Yeah um this place is really hard to get a table at apparently, but I know a guy.”

“Oh do you?” he smirked, one corner of his mouth turning up at Dean’s response.

“Yeah one of my buddy’s is the sou chef. He’s probably gonna be the one cooking our meal. He told me what to order since this place is really fancy and a simple guy like me can’t read half of this mess.”

“You are far from simple Dean.” He full on smiled now.

Dean visibly swallowed before strapping on a smile of his own. The waiter returned and took their drink order. Castiel sticking with his water and Dean asking for a beer.

“I wouldn’t have brought you here if they didn’t have at least beer.”

“I’m glad they could accommodate you.” He chuckled. “So what made you want to do all this?” Castiel just had to know.

“Well I know how hard you work in school and…. I don’t know I just wanted to give you an extra special night off. You told me a while back that you’ve never been on a real date. And sure we did go to that steak house, but I wanted to do something really nice ya know?”

“I understand Dean.” Castiel cut off his nervous rambling. “The thought is nice and I’m very appreciative. But I must tell you that you don’t have to take me to an expensive restaurant every time we go out. I’d be happy just driving around with you in your car.”

“Are you saying you wanna take a road trip with me Cas?” Dean choked on his sip of water. “If so then that’s by far the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Of all the sexy things I could say that’s the one you deem the best?”

“Yes. I’m pretty sure nothing could top that.”

The waiter returned with more water and Dean’s beer. They barely gave her a glance but still thanked her as she took their meal orders and fled the table.

“Even if I said I wanted to slather apple pie on me and watch you lick it off?”

Dean’s eyes went wide and he stared at Castiel for a good while. A blush creeped on his cheeks and made it’s way down his collar, Castiel was pretty sure his whole chest was flush along with his face.

“That’s pretty damn sexy Cas. Is that a promise?”

“If you want it to be.”

“Hell yeah I want it. Nothing in this world could make me not want it.”

Now Castiel’s face was burning red. He liked how being wanted by Dean felt. Arousal replaced his excitement. Though they were in public the direction of this conversation wasn’t as daunting as it would feel with anyone else. He leaned over the table propping his chin on his hands while his elbows sat on the surface.

“What if I rubbed it all over my dick?” he spoked quietly.

“I’d lick every damn morsal off and keep licking even after it’s gone.”

Castiel had to fight back a moan at that. He swallowed it down and letting nothing but a soft sigh leave his lips.

“You could put it on your ass too and I’d lick it just the same.”

Castiel didn’t have a response for that. He didn’t trust himself enough to know that actual words would come out anyway. His intention was to tease Dean, but he didn’t expect the other man to play along and he found himself more aroused than he probably should be in a public setting.

“You like that idea Cas? Of me lapping up pie off your tight little hole?”

Before Cas lost his mind or Dean could continue the waiter showed up with their food. Castiel sat back in his seat and began shoveling food in his mouth. Dean sat back with a devious grin on his lips. He was clearly pleased with himself. Dean ate much slower than Cas. Making a show of wrapping his lips around the fork with each bit he took. After a while of that Cas was painfully hard in his dress pants. They weren’t exactly made for times like this and he had to keep shifting in his seat trying to sit comfortably.

“Dean.”

“What? You started this.” He laughed. “But if you want me to stop I will.”

“At least until we’re done here.”

Cas had never really given much thought to what he proposed. Sure it crossed his mind a couple times but he never fully imagined what it would be like. Dean taking his time running his tongue across his flesh. Using his lips to catch the pieces of apple, while sending shivers across Castiel’s entire body.

“You thinking about it aren’t you?” Dean smiled.

“Maybe. Let’s talk about something else for now.”

For the rest of the dinner they kept the conversation light and off of the obscene things that they were both clearly thinking about. Dean laughed a lot and that caused Castiel to laugh as well. It was a light hearted sound that was infectious. He enjoyed this side of Dean more than any other. Something about making that man happy gave Castiel so much joy. The waiter returned shortly with the check and they left the restaurant hand in hand.

“Wow Cassie’s got himself a boyfriend.” Castiel whipped around to see Dick leaning on the side of the restaurant with a tall dark haired man leaning up against him.

Dean flung into action and began tugging Castiel away towards the car.

“You gonna walk away from me now? Act like you don’t know me?”

Castiel could hear the slur in his voice, and that voice was coming closer. He refused to turn around but he knew Dick was following them now. Dean unlocked the passenger door and hurried Cas inside the comfort of the Impala. He rubbed his hands down his thighs trying to get the sweat off as well as calming himself down.

“Look buddy. Clearly he doesn’t want anything to do with you so leave ‘im alone.” Dean tried to choke down his anger and remain calm but dammit was it hard.

Cas looked past the situation that was brewing to Dick’s….date who still remained leaning on the building. He smirked at Castiel and winked at him. A creepy dark feeling welled up inside him and soon it was choking him. He was hot all over and felt cold at the same time. He drew in deep exhales trying to hold onto the little bit of calm that he had left.

“I don’t think I wanted to talk to his new chew toy. I’m pretty sure I addressed him.”

Dean laughed menacingly. This was getting ugly and Castiel felt utterly useless in way of stopping it. “Hate to disappoint, but you address him then you address me. He don’t wanna talk to you and that’s that.”

“You don’t even know what you’re saying right now. You know nothing about him!” Dick rose his voice making his second mistake of the night. He walked deeper into Dean’s space until there wasn’t much left between them.

Dean’s hands were balled into fists and that was the last straw for Castiel. He knew all about Dick’s past and he knew what he was capable of, the last thing he needed was to drag Dean into something he didn’t need to be in. He mustered up all the courage he had and got out of the car approaching Dean.

“Dean let’s just go.” He tugged on his arm.

“No I don’t know everything there is to know about him. But what I do know is that you’re a piece of shit who needs to leave him the hell alone.”

Though he knew full well what Dean meant the statement still stung a little. He hadn’t told Dean too much about him. Fearing that he would run away, or be disgusted with him he avoided the conversation altogether. He wanted nothing more than to prove Dick wrong.

“Oh I’m a piece of shit?! That’s rich coming from a professor who’s fucking one of his students.” Dick laughed from deep in his gut.

Castiel froze. He knew Dick could easily bring this information to the school and get Dean fired. His father was a heavy donor and they’d certainly listen to him. Dean didn’t seemed phased at all, and if he was not a inch of it showed on his face. He kept his features blank and neutral.

“And? Cas is a grown ass man! Back the hell off.” His voice rang low and loud.

Without another word he walked towards the car with Castiel on his arm. Once they were both strapped in he started the car and immediately sped off. They drove for a while in silence until they got back to town. Only then did Dean speak.

“Do you wanna go home?”

“Do you mind if we go back to your place?” Castiel visibly shrank in his seat.

“Whatever you want angel.” He patted his thigh.

Such a simple touch and word of endearment but it rang through Castiel’s body like a favorite song. Being this close to Dean, not in the physical sense as much as an emotional one meant so much to him. Dean had no clue who Dick was or wasn’t to him, but that didn’t matter. Just the sheer sight of Castiel being upset made Dean go into a protective mode he’d never seen on the man. He was so ready to fight for him, for his comfortability, and that spoke novels to him. Now was a better time than ever to share his story.


	8. The Other Shoe Always Drops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!! There are some serious warnings for this chapter. There's a flashback of graphic non-con sexual things. pleaaaaaaaase even if the smallest possibility of this could trigger you do me a HUGE solid and do not read it. I really don't want ANYTHING that I post here to affect anyone negatively so I strongly advice those who this applies to, DO NOT READ!!! I'll post a little summary of that section at the end of this chapter. IT'S MARKED WITH A BUNCH OF THESE GUYS: ***** AND END WITH A BUNCH OF THESE BOYS : 888888 anything after that is pretty safe, just normal sad things. Our boys go through a lot in this chapter....anyways happy reading, and as always please comment or just say hi, I'm friendly I promise xoxo

He was sweating…like a lot. He wanted nothing more than to strip out of that damned suit, but that would create distraction. He was dead set on getting this off his chest and if he didn’t do it now then he doubted he ever would. So now they sat on opposite sides of the couch with mugs of hot chocolate in hand and a cold silence hanging in the air. Dean didn’t speak cause he didn’t want to ruin whatever moment was transpiring between them now, and Castiel didn’t speak because he was terrified. His leg bounced nervously as he tried to find some bravery within him.

“Cas.” Dean spoke quietly. “If you aren’t ready to talk about this then you don’t have to. I’ll still wanna be with you whether you do or you don’t.”

Castiel looked up at this and was honestly shocked. He searched Dean’s eyes for any thread of deceit and when he found none that made his mood rise just a little. To think that Dean would take him as he is whether or not he knew the truth was baffling. How could he have so much trust in him?

“No Dean I need to tell you about this. You deserve to know.”

“Cas.” He chuckled. “In all honesty I don’t deserve shit. I meant it when I said I never wanted to pressure you into anything that you didn’t want. Hell if this is something you wanna take to your grave then by all means I’ve got no say in that.”

“I think you do deserve it and I’m going to share it with you. It’s just…difficult.”

“Take your time sweetheart there’s no rush. I’ll still be here.”

Castiel wanted to believe that. Every fiber in his being was telling him that he could trust Dean’s words, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He knew the man was telling the truth, logically he knew he was, but this was so much. How could Dean bare to look at him the same after he knew how tainted he was? How dirty he’d become in such a short amount of time. He took a big sigh and looked down at his mug. He couldn’t meet Dean’s eyes while he did this and he hoped the man wouldn’t take offense to it.

**************************************************************************************

He dug through the mud that was his memories and images were brought to his mind as be began to speak.

Dick was close to him growing up. Their families were close for generations from what he was told. His family expected them to be lifelong friends, but Castiel never particularly liked Dick and he had never shown any interest in him until they were older. At the start of senior year of high school when Castiel’s mother died Dick began to hang around more. Castiel was vulnerable at the time, he was never really close to anyone other than his father and Gabriel, but Dick made effort to befriend him. It took a lot of work, but he eventually let him in. They hung out every chance they got that year, Dick even ditched his prom date to hang out with Castiel since he didn’t have one. That struck a particular cord within him and he found himself developing romantic feelings for Dick, but of course he hadn’t shared those thoughts.

Graduation came and went and the summer after they were inseparable. Dick had taken him to his family’s vacation house down by the shore and gave Castiel his first kiss. It was magical, like out of a romance novel and Castiel was smitten at this point. But it was very one sided as he later found out. They began dating, but it was always a secret since Dick’s family hadn’t known that he was bisexual. They only kissed in private. Whenever they went anywhere in public they had to act like friends to keep prying eyes from being suspicious. At first Castiel understood and was ok with it, but after a while it weighed on him. He didn’t like that he couldn’t be himself regardless of who was around.

They started college and roomed together. It was nice to have their own space together. Castiel gave his virginity to him without a second thought. He was convinced they were in love and that the hiding would past soon. But Dick had other plans. Many other plans. He partied a lot and abandoned most of his studies, while Castiel spent his nights in their room studying. He felt left out and despite himself he pushed his way into Dick’s party life. It started off with just attending, then evolved into him drinking, that turned into him smoking cigarettes. It almost went to him dropping acid, but he had, had enough at this point. One night they were out with Dick’s friends where these activities took place. Dick was off his rocker in a cabin in the wood’s that belonged to one of his boy’s families.

It wasn’t a scene for him. Everyone around him was high off their ass while he retained a slight buzz from booze. Clothes were flying everywhere and it wasn’t long before people were partaking in all kinds of sexual acts. Despite the looseness that the alcohol gave him Castiel was insanely uncomfortable with the situation. Men and women alike were making relentless passes at him even knowing he was with Dick. Castiel left the main room in search of his boyfriend to find him shirtless with some other guy in the back yard. Pain rang through him and killed his buzz completely.  He fled the scene in tears. He was beyond hurt and cried himself to sleep that night.

Dick hadn’t returned until the end of the class day the following afternoon. Castiel did his best to ignore him. He really tried to be angry with him and he was, but that only lasted a couple of days with Dick doing his hardest to butter him up. The following weekend he found himself at another party. Dick had promised to just stick to a light amount of booze and to leave the hard drugs alone. But of course that was a lie.

Castiel found himself on a lone chair in the corner of the living room. Dick was nowhere to be found within the throng of high, and grinding bodies. He nursed his lone cup until he finally finished it. He debated for a while before going to get another one. When he went into the kitchen he found Dick in a huddle with his friends. He was quite high. One look at Castiel and he had him pinned against the counter sloppily kissing on his neck. Castiel pushed him off to look into his dilated eyes. He wanted to be disappointed, but he couldn’t deny that he expected this.

“Here baby have a drink.” He smiled and slurred.

Castiel took the cup thinking nothing of the smiling faces of all of his friends. He sipped from it and was delighted to find it very sweet like he liked it. He wasn’t use to the taste of straight alcohol and at that time he didn’t like it. He drank and he drank, standing on the sidelines of Dick’s huddle of friends, half listening to the conversation. After a long while he wasn’t listening at all, he was more confused on how the counter beside him was now changing colors and the room was spinning.

“How ya feeling baby?” Dick asked with a daunting smile.

“I’m not sure.” Castiel laughed. Why in the hell was he laughing when he was very concerned?

After that he lost a lot of what happened next. He vaguely remembers dancing. He doesn’t remember taking his shirt off, and he definitely doesn’t remember agreeing to going to a bedroom with Dick and a bunch of guys he hardly knows. He was laid out on a bed now with Dick lying on top of him grinding into him with his mouth latched on his neck. It felt good, always felt good when Dick touched him, but when one of his friends climbs on the bed and starts rubbing his arm and kissing on the other side of his neck he got a jolt of clarity.

“Dick what’s going on?”

“Don’t worry baby we just wanna loosen you up. Have a little fun.”

Dick climbs off of him and let’s his friend kiss him. Castiel struggles now to the best of his ability. His arms feel weakened all of a sudden. He’s stronger than this and he knows it. Whatever happened between the kitchen and now did something to him physically and he can’t for the life of him figure out why. What he does know is that he doesn’t want to be kissed by a complete stranger. He tosses his head back and forth trying to avoid the other man’s lips. He feels someone fumbling with his belt and starts to thrash wildly.

“Baby calm down it’s me.” Dick speaks up.

That does nothing to calm him and he continues his rebellious movements. Suddenly his legs are pinned down by two sets of strong hands. He’s helpless and he knows it but he keeps fighting. The man who was kissing him draws back and crawls by Castiel’s head and holds his arms down. Dick rubs his hands all over his exposed body. From his neck to his chest to his stomach, kissing along the way as if they’re alone. As if this is ok. He palms at Castiel’s groin, his own genitals betray him and an erection quickly forms.

“See baby? You’re enjoying this. Just let it happen. We won’t hurt you. We just want you to enjoy yourself.” He talks as he takes Castiel’s dick from his boxer briefs.

He bends forward and puts his mouth to the head and sucks slowly. Castiel’s body betrays him once again and he lets out a moan.

“You like when I do that don’t you.”

“Dick get off!” he manages his first full on yell. It causes his head to spin even more.

He doesn’t want this. Why can’t Dick tell he doesn’t want this? The guys holding his legs let go with one hand, each reaching into their pants and taking out their own erections and began stroking at the sights set out for them. Castiel is panicked and disgusted.

He browns out for an undetermined amount of time and when he comes to he’s on his knees now. From what he can feel he’s got someone with their fingers in his ass and a dick in his mouth. He doesn’t know who’s behind him but he looks up through hooded lids to see that the guy that held his arms is the one in front of him. He takes advantage of his current consciousness and bites down on the guy’s dick. The man yells out and slaps Castiel hard. His face is burning now, adding to the list of impressively terrible sensations he’s experiencing now.

“Hey! I said no hurting him!” he hears Dick’s voice ring out.

“The bitch fucking bit my dick! The hell you expect me to do?!”

“Cassie play nice now. We’re all here to enjoy this.” Dick’s voice sounds oddly close so he must be the one behind him. “Look at you just opening up for us. So fucking sexy Cassie. You’re so damn sexy.”

Castiel feels his consciousness fall away from him again. He tries his hardest to keep it, but despite his efforts it slips through his fingers.

The next time he comes to one of the guys he recognizes as holding his legs is rocking into him. His dick is inside of him and he’s pounding into him without a care in the world. Castiel feels exhausted. Like he ran a marathon through hell. His body has failed him at this point. He’s moaning and writhing despite him wanting to fade away and disappear.

“Damn Castiel. You’re so hot like this. Wanna be my boyfriend to? Wanna fuck me like you fuck Dick huh?”

Castiel feels something wet and warm being painted on his chest as he slips back out.

“Look at you Cassie. So spread out and taking all of us like a damn champ. You’re so good at this baby. So damn good.”

The next time he comes to he’s in his bed. Like the night prior was just a dream. The sun is shining right on his face and his head is pounding mercilessly. He’s laying on his side in a t-shirt and some sweatpants. He smells soap on himself. He tries to move but everything ached so badly. Everything hurt so badly he could barely move. So he just stopped trying. He just laid there with silent tears rolling down his face and just let everything hurt.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

When he finished his story he was surprised to not find himself in tears. His brain and heart hurt with the retelling, but some small part of himself felt relief. He was finally, finally able to tell Dean, and although it hurt like hell he was proud of himself for being able to. He expected Dean to kick him out of his house and tell him he never wanted to see him again. But when he looked up from his now cold hot chocolate he didn’t expect to see Dean crying.

His face glistened with the wet pieces of sorrow that ran down his cheeks. He made no noise, they just fell as he looked at Castiel like he was so apologetic.

“Dean.” He let that final word slip his lips before he was crushed in a hug by the other man.

Dean wrapped Castiel up like he was ready to protect him from the whole world. He put all his strength into that hug. Castiel could hardly move. His arms were pinned up at his side. The mug threatening to fall from his hand. To be honest he didn’t really want to move. This was the complete opposite of the reaction he was sure to get.

“Cas.” He choked out. “I’m so sorry. So damn sorry.”

“It’s ok Dean.”

It wasn’t though. It was pretty far from ok. But with Dean by his side Castiel believed that it one day would be ok. Dean finally let him go and took the mug from his hand and set it on the table. He dove back in for another hug, this time Castiel had time to properly wrap his arms around him. He melted into this hug. He wanted it more than the air he breathed. He never truly needed physical contact. But in this moment with Dean he truly wanted nothing else. He let the strong arms embrace him and ground him in the present. That was then and this was now. Castiel felt like he deserved this present.

“It’s not ok. It was never ok. None of that was ok. But I can swear on my life nothing like that will happen with me.”

“I believe you Dean.”

“Dammit Cas you must trust me a lot.” He pulled away from the hug with a chuckle and a fresh batch of tears on his face.

“Can I be honest with you Dean?”

“Always.”

“I didn’t—expect you to want to be with me after that.”

“I told you I’d be with you whether or not you told me. Regardless of the subject matter. I meant that.”

“I know I know, it’s just…well now you can see why I’m so hesitant to believe anything any one says.”

“No yeah I definitely get it now. And I respect you even more now.”

“Why?”

“Because not everyone can go through something like that and come out the other side.”

“Well I wouldn’t have if I didn’t have Charlie. See one of the guys didn’t keep it a secret like it was originally planned. Word spread fast and when it did Charlie lost her mind. We didn’t know each other, but she did have a few classes with me, and when people tried to get rough she was there for me. This perfect stranger became so protective of me. You’ve met her. It’s kind of hard to resist her friendship once she has it in her head that your friends.” he laughed shallowly.

“Oh yeah that girl is fearless and careless. Loyal to a T.”

“After that whole fiasco Father eventually found out and he immediately had me transferred. Charlie transferred too. He also severed many of the ties we had with their family. Their business suffered tremendously.”

“What’s his last name? His face looked so familiar.”

“Roman. Why?”

“Oh no wonder. They’re all a bunch of pompous assholes. They use to fuck with Bobby back in the day. Tried their hardest to take his land from him. Tried every loophole they could find. Bobby may be a drunk, but he’s no fool. They found that out the hard way.”

“They do partake in a lot of shady business dealings.”

“Tell me about it,” he scoffed. “I hate all those rich jackass types.”

“I happen to be related to a lot of those jackass types.” He chuckled.

“Yeah but I’ve never heard anything shady of your people. Not yet at least. But I know you, and you aren’t like that. Regardless of your family I won’t think any less of you.”

“Good to know.” He touched Dean’s face softly.

“Well I don’t know about you but I could use a relaxing shower after all that.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

*                             *                             *                             *                             *

Castiel crawled into the bed with Dean after their much needed shower. Nothing sexual transpired and Castiel was glad for that. He was pretty sure Dean was holding himself back for his sake, and that made him even happier. All the emotions that flowed exhausted him. He just wanted to cuddle in Dean’s arms until sleep overtook him.

Laying under the blankets basking in the warmth of his boyfriend as strong arms were twined around him, that’s exactly what they did.

*                             *                             *                             *

Castiel awoke the next morning bright and early. He stretched his arms out before opening his eyes expecting to be still wrapped in Dean’s embrace. What he found was he was perfectly tucked in the bed alone. He sat up wincing at the sunlight that washed through the curtains and crawled lazily out of bed. Opening the door to Dean’s bedroom smells of coffee and breakfast flooded his nose. He smiled softly to himself and walked slowly and silently into the kitchen. Dean had his back toward him humming a tune to himself and swaying his hips.

Castiel walked up behind him and slowly wound his arms around the other man’s middle earning a little yelp of surprise. He’d never mention it though because Dean Winchester doesn’t yelp.

“Well good morning to you too.”

“Good morning Dean.”

“Some one’s happy to see me.”

“That’s a natural reaction when I awaken Dean. But yes I am happy to see you.”

“You hungry? Yes you are. Go head and sit I’ll bring you food.”

“Can I have some coffee first?” Cas spoke still hanging on to Dean.

“Sit and all your desires shall come true.”

“You sure you’re up for doing all that?” he smirked.

“Just sit dammit.” Dean laughed and wiggled out of Cas’ grasp.

He chuckled at he pulled out and sat on the stool at the island. Dean plated some food and brought it over with a steaming cup of coffee. Once everything was laid out Castiel dug in the smorgasbord that was displayed to him. He loved Dean’s cooking. No matter what he made.

“The biscuits are made from scratch.” Dean spoke clearly proud of himself.

“When did you have time to do all this? It’s only 8 am.”

“I couldn’t sleep so I decided to treat you to Dean’s extra special breakfast.” He smiled.

“3rd person hmm? This is sweet. Thank you Dean.”

“Well get use to it.”

“I’m gonna be spoiled rotten.”

They finished breakfast with light, easy conversation. Castiel felt the dark clouds hanging over his mind fading. Dean didn’t dwell on the conversation from the night before and he was grateful for it. He felt closer to Dean after all of this and he wanted to get even closer.

*                             *                             *                             *

“So I haven’t seen you in forever. Would you like to explain that?” Charlie took a sip of her coffee while scowling at Castiel.

Castiel tried to hide his smile he really did, but alas he failed miserably. Charlie’s scowl deepened at his wide, toothy grin. He took her hand in his and tried on his best pout face.

“I do not have an excuse for my actions, but they cannot be blamed on me alone. Dean was a big part in all this so I think the blame should go to him.”

“Oh no no you don’t get to blame it on him. I’m only a phone call away and I haven’t even received that much.”

“I humbly apologize.”

“Now as punishment you have to share all the details of the last week and a half.”

“Well on a good note Dean and I had a nice dinner last night. He got us a reservation at that really fancy restaurant on 4th street. The food was amazing.”

“So he’s been consistently sweeping you off your feet huh? Good stuff.”

“On a darker note,” he continued, “Dick ended up being there.” He slumped in his seat.

Though he was eternally grateful for Dean’s acceptance of his past it still was jarring to see Dick again and for Dean to almost get into a fight with the man. He shared all the recounts of last night and she listened without one interruption. It was difficult going all over it again. A small piece of him felt like he was reliving it just from talking about it.

“So he knows everything now?” she asked once he had finished.

“Every last gory detail.” He frowned.

“I’m sorry sweetie I know that had to be hard. How did he take it?”

“Don’t tell him I told you this…but he cried. Like real tears.”

“As in one little man tears or a full on sob?”

“More in the middle. It was sweet and made me happy. I thought he’d break up to me.”

“Honey no. Dean’s been a sweet guy from the start. I had faith in him.”

“It hurt but it went well.”

“That’s what matters hun.” She smiled taking a final sip on her coffee.

*                             *                             *                             *

The rest of the week droned on for Dean. He was happy to have Cas by his side, and since the emotional night they shared they were closer than ever. Cas was opening himself in ways Dean never knew existed. He saw a whole new component to the man’s personality. His smiles came easier, his laughter loud and bright. It was beautiful, Cas was beautiful. Not to mention brave as hell for telling Dean such a painful past. He was downright inspired by his angel, that’s why on Friday afternoon he found himself in his brother’s apartment getting ready to go see his Dad.

He had his game face on as they made their way to Sam’s truck. He kept his features neutral, showing no emotion even though his insides were screaming. He owed it not to his father, but to his self to do this. He would face the man that instilled such awful fear inside him. The man who did all the wrong things for the right reasons. The man who battered even the most basic things within Dean. The way Cas owned his truth that night struck a thick cord within Dean. This was the first step in a true recovery that Dean felt was long overdue.

They drove to Bobby’s salvage yard and Sam parked in front of the house. He slowly turned to Dean and cleared his throat. He was obviously trying to be careful with Dean given the situation.

“You sure you want to do this Dean?”

“I got to Sammy. This was gonna happen sooner or later.”

“Dean seriously if you have even a shred of doubt right now I will pull away right now and we can go back to my place. Or I could drop you off home. Whatever you want.”

Dean reached up and ruffled Sam’s long hair like he did when they were kids. He hesitated before answering. Almost taking Sam up on his offer, but his mind flashed back to how Cas had told his own story, not a crack in sight. He needed to see this all the way through.

“Just be here for me Sammy. With you and Bobby there I can do this.”

“I’d have it no other way. I wouldn’t let you do this by yourself.”

They hopped out of the truck and made their way to the front door shoulder to shoulder. Just Sam being this close was calming Dean’s nerves. He reached out and turned the knob walking inside with his brother not far behind him. Closing the door behind them Sam walked ahead calling for Bobby and his dad. Dean, however, looked around the house. He felt like he hadn’t been there in ages, but everything felt like it was in the same place as last time. Bobby was a creature of habit. To an outsider his living room would look like a pile of dusty chaos, but Dean was family and he knew that everything in the room had its rightful place. On the desk were piles of ancient looking books as usual. Some were open and some were just meant as coasters for his normal glass of whiskey. The house smelled of burning wood and freshly baked bread. The smell was so familiar, took him back to all the summers he spent at this old house. All the late nights when Bobby would let them stay out well past the street lights turning on. Catching fireflies in the back yard with Sammy while not caring about being bitten alive by frisky mosquitos. It was a darker, but much simpler time.

“Dean! You better not go missing like that again!” Ellen was the first to walk out of the kitchen giving Dean a smack upside his head before wrapping him in a tight embrace.

“That hurt, but I guess I deserve it.” He said rubbing the assaulted part of his head. “How you doing Ellen?”

“I’m fine, but I’d be much better if I got a call once in a while from my oldest nephew so I know he’s not dead in a ditch.” She smirked swatting Dean’s side with a hand towel.

“You gonna stop hitting me if I promise to drop by more often?” he dodged more of her hits laughing all the way.

“She’s not the only one you gotta worry about.” Bobby came stalking out of the kitchen.

They shared a moment of serious silence until Bobby walked the rest of the way wrapping Dean in an equally tight hug.

“I’m sorry guys. I just got a lot going on, but I promise I will make an effort to see you more often.”

“The shop’s not the same without you son.” Dean heard the voice of his father and every muscle in his body locked up. If Bobby wasn’t still hugging him he was sure he would’ve fell to the floor like a pile of broken bricks. Bobby let go of him and stood at his side now, offering silent, solid support. Sam rejoined them and stood at Dean’s other side. John stood on the other side of everyone in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Hey Dad.” Dean swallowed and let out a soft exhale. He slid his shaking hands in his pockets. He could not and would not show weakness. Not when weakness was what John Winchester hated the most.

John slowly approached Dean and gave him a one armed hug. Dean half-heartedly returned the gesture and made sure to pull back as soon as he made contact. John’s face slumped a bit at the lack of emotion Dean was showing.

“How you been son?” he asked but his eyes were focused elsewhere. Dean followed his gaze to find everyone else with a stern cold look on their face. They were ready. So ready to protect Dean at the first sight of this meeting going wrong. It eased some of Dean’s nerves and gave him a sense of calm he didn’t think would be possible right now.

“I’ve been good. How you holding up?”

“Good good. Getting my feet back under me. Your Uncle Bobby’s been a good help with that. And you know Ellen is giving me her good cooking so I’m living alright.”

“I need a good mechanic and you needed a job. Everybody wins.” Bobby chuckled trying to ease the frozen tension of the room.

 “That’s the truth if I ever seen it.” John laughed. “So tell me son, how’s the teaching life going?”

“It’s good. We’re half way through the semester now.”

“You like your students? They good to you?”

“Yeah they’re fine.”

“Well I’m glad you’re doing something you love. I should’ve known the shop wouldn’t keep you forever.” He smiled.

So far so good was the only thing in Dean’s mind. His Father’s words hit somewhere deep, like he was finally understanding what Dean had been trying to show all these years. The life his father had planned out for him was not the one that he wanted to live. Dean was never the type of man to live in someone’s shadow, Sam even less so. But Sam was always labeled the smart one and Dean was the grunt. It took him almost all of his life to realize that it was ok to forge his own destiny. Years had passed before Dean was confident in the plan he made for himself. He wasn’t as sharp as Sam in certain areas, but he was damn smarter than the angry playboy everyone assumed he was. He had his own shoes to fill and he fought for them harder than he fought for anything else.

“Well dinner should be about done. How bout we resume all this over dinner?” Ellen spoke up as she walked towards the kitchen.

All the men in that house knew better than to argue with Ellen. They sat around the table, each setting up their plates and silverware ready for the dishes to be laid on the table. No one spoke. Not a word was uttered. The tension was changing to palpable and it was unknown when one of them would break and an argument would surface. Dean felt like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs at one time. Sam must’ve sensed his discomfort because he hid his hand under the table and softly touched Dean’s knee. That was one of the ways Sam had always calmed him down over the years. He tried to find solace in that touch. _So far so good_ he kept repeating in his head.

Once the food was on the table everyone got their shares and ate in mainly silence. The air in the room was warm. Too warm for Dean’s tastes. He didn’t know if it was the actual temperature in the house or if his nervousness was playing tricks on him.

“So me and Ellen got to talking and we thought it would be nice to have a big family Thanksgiving this year.” Bobby spoke cutting a whole in the silence.

“That’s a good idea Bobby.” Sam half smiled in response.

Dean thought it was a good idea as well, but he was too wrapped up in his internal turmoil to comment. The rest of the table fell into comfortable conversation about what dishes to make and who to invite for this dinner. Dean just continued shoveling food in his mouth trying to keep himself together. He thought he was doing pretty well until his dad decided to speak up.

“You gonna bring that girl you been telling me about Sam?” his dad full on smiled while he said it.

Oh no. This is the number 1 topic Dean had wanted to avoid. Sam tensed up just as much as he had because he knew this was a dangerous topic to approach. Dean stopped eating entirely, his whole appetite was gone now. He pushed his plate forwards and grabbed his beer and proceeded to down it. There were so many thoughts spinning around his head now he felt light headed and slightly dizzy. Sam had been talking to Dad about the girl he met? That was a first. A really big first.

“If that’s alright with all of y’all? I mean we haven’t been dating that long, but I do really like her.”

“Of course it’s alright. If _she_ makes you happy then she’s welcome here.” His emphasis on the word made a icky shiver run down Dean’s spine.

John flashed his eyes over to Dean peering at the expression on his face. That was the last straw for him. He couldn’t do this anymore. He’d avoid any questioning in his direction as if his life depended on it. He’d rather die than be part of this conversation any longer. He pushed his chair back from the table with his head handing in between his shoulders. He muttered thanks for dinner to Ellen and half ran out of the house. As he walked through the threshold he heard another chair move and someone stalking after him. He knew it had to be Sam, but he really didn’t want anyone coming after him right now.

He shut the door behind him, walked past his brother’s truck, and just kept walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you who couldn't read this I promised a summary. And what I promise I shall give. Pretty much Cas is telling Dean what happened between him and Dick and why he shies away from a lot of the physical aspects of their relationship. Dick and Cas were semi-close due to their families but they got closer after Cas' mom dies. Cas develops romantic feelings for him when they start college and he thinks he's in love. Dick takes advantage of Cas' limited knowledge of what a healthy relationship should be like and he basically keeps their relationship a secret. Dick got wild in college experimenting with drugs and alcohol in college. He got pretty wild at a party he dragged Cas to and ended up making out with some other dude. Cas tries to end it but since Dick is a manipulative dick (lol im corny i know) he gets Cas to be with him again. They're at another party and Dick spikes Cas' drink and him and some friends have their non-consented way with Castiel. Cas switches schools after becoming friends with Charlie and....here we are in present day. The end of the trigger heavy section is marked with 888888 as I said in the note above!


	9. Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey hey! This chapter has some sad bits. Some negative coping mechanisms. Warning for heavy drinking. I've been writing like everyday for the past week so chapters will be cranked out at a faster rate. Trying to get myself on a schedule. We'll say every Tuesday for now. I'm a bit ahead of where I thought I would be which is good. As always comments are appreciated! Happy Reading!  
> Song for this chapter: Joji-Demons

It took Dean two hours to get back to his apartment. He stopped at the liquor store on his way and had many plans for the 4 bottles that clinked against each other. Once he got in and settled he sat on the couch with a glass full of whiskey. He pulled out his phone with a long sigh and proceeded to send emails to his students that class would be cancelled for Monday. There was no way he’d get as plastered as he intended and be able to get up the next morning. He rarely ever cancelled class, if ever so he had a nice pile of sick days to use. But he just needed this one. Just one day to himself and he could muster through this and get back to his life. Just one night to throw caution into a fire and wallow in his self.

Seeing his Dad had been a massive mistake. He knew this going into it and these dark feelings were the consequence he deserved. Shortly after sending out the email he received a text from Castiel asking what was wrong. He looked at the screen of his phone for a long time, but he just didn’t have it in him to answer. He thought he was stronger than this, but clearly all those years of repression were destroyed at a moment’s notice.

His phone began to ring again, Sam of course trying to get a hold of Dean and play peace maker like he had for most of Dean’s life. He always knew what to do and what to say to bring Dean out of his dark spiral, but this time nothing would do the trick. He was sure he didn’t deserve his help, this time he walked right into the trap with his eyes open. He didn’t really want it either. Before Dean knew it he was almost to the bottom of the first bottle. His lips felt tingly every time they touched the glass and he wallowed in the warm feeling now in his gut. This by far was the worst way to cope with any situation, but coping was never Dean’s strong suite so he did what he knew how to do. Wash everything away then swallow it down and keep it hidden.

He turned on the tv and watched whatever show was on. Though his eyes were on it he didn’t pay it any attention. He didn’t pay anything attention at this point. He felt numb physically and mentally. That’s what he wanted all along. His phone continued to ring and he paid that no attention either. He was so lost in the void of himself that he almost didn’t hear the banging at his door.

He let go a long sigh and rolled his eyes while getting off of the couch. He was just getting to the halfway point of his second bottle and didn’t want to be interrupted. He slowly walked to the door, swaying a little from getting up too fast. He opened it expecting Sam to come barreling in yelling and waving his arms around telling Dean that he was better than this, but when a pair of arms wrapped around his middle and a face burrowed into his neck he realized this person definitely wasn’t Sam. The figure stepped back and he was met with a pair of eternal blue eyes.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean cleared his throat trying to get his bearings under him. He didn’t mind being drunk and emotionally wrecked by himself. He didn’t want to expose Cas to that side of him. Not in the beginning of their relationship or ever.

“Hey Cas. What you doin’ here?” he tried to keep his voice as normal and even as his intoxicated state would allow him.

“I got your email about class being cancelled and I thought maybe you were sick so I brought you soup. But as I was doing that Sam called asking if I heard from you which made me worry.” Cas pushed past Dean and went to the kitchen to sit the grocery back he was carrying. He pulled out a large container and a box of tea. _Cas and his damn tea_ , Dean laughed to himself.

“I called you a lot Dean. You didn’t answer either of us so I decided to come over.”

Of course Sam had called Cas. He was surprised that Sam hadn’t come with him. He expected a full therapy session paired with a raging intervention.

“Sorry Cas I didn’t hear my phone.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. The alcohol was making him sweat.

“While it was sitting right next to you?” Cas looked at the device sitting on the couch. Precisely right next to where Dean had been sitting.

“Listen Cas, I’m not sick I’m just not….in a good place right now.”

“I know. Sam said you met with your Dad today.”

“Oh yeah? And what else did Sam say?” Dean was getting a little annoyed right now. Sam and his big mouth had no right telling Cas anything. That was Dean’s thing to share and right now he was the furthest thing from a sharing mood that he could possibly be.

“That’s all he said really. Besides that I should come over and talk to you because you probably wouldn’t want to see him.”

“Hmmph.” Dean grunted in response.

Cas didn’t say anything else, but what he did do was pick up all of Dean’s alcohol and take it to the kitchen.

“Hey what are you doing with that!?”

“You don’t need this. It’ll only make it worse.”

“Cas you can’t just come in here and start doing things.”

“And what will you do to stop me?” He talked with his back to Dean putting the full bottles in the cabinet and the half bottle in the fridge, throwing out the empty. “You don’t have to talk about it. You don’t need to tell me what happened. We don’t even have to talk at all. But what you will not do is drink yourself into a coma.” His voice was firm, heavier than Dean had ever heard him. He was dead serious and the baritone in his voice made Dean shutter a little, but he didn’t back down. Alcohol has a way of making him fearless.

“And who are you to stop me huh Cas? You don’t even know how I’m feeling right now.”

That stung Cas, Dean knew it. It only showed on his face for a moment but Dean instantly felt guilt because of it. Cas wasn’t the cause for any of this and he clearly was only trying to help. But Dean knew he couldn’t be helped. Not right now anyways.

“You’re right. I don’t. But I’ve seen where this road leads and it’s no good. So I’m not going to let you walk it. Regardless of _who I am_.” He spat angrily.

“Dammit Cas I didn’t—“

 Cas took a deep breathe trying to calm himself. “No talking right? Turn on a movie and lie on the couch with me.” Cas walked over and placed Dean’s phone on the coffee table as he sat.

“I’m so—“

“Hush and come here.”

Clearly there was no fighting Cas right now. He was dead set on this, it was written all over his face. He lied back on the arm rest with open arms as Dean walked over. He laid on top of Cas digging his head into his chest as his strong, lean arms wrapped around his back. One hand reached up and carded through his hair as Dean fiddled with the remote and found a halfway decent movie that they could watch. Cas continued his soft caresses and halfway through Dean was lulled to sleep.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean woke up amidst his sheets. Soft hair tickled his cheek as he opened his eyes to the darkness of his room. Cas was in bed with him. He could hear his soft breathes amongst the silence of the room. His arm wrapped around Dean’s torso and a leg swung over his hip effectively pinning him to the bed. Dean couldn’t remember getting up and walking to his room. He certainly didn’t recall changing his clothes either. So Cas must’ve carried him to bed and changed his clothes. He blushed at the thought of Cas carrying his sleeping body in a princess hold. Dean was pretty fit if he said so himself, but he wasn’t exactly light, Cas was stronger than he looked. He ran a gentle hand through Cas’ bed head, he was beginning to love how soft his hair was. Wait. _Love?_ That’s a new one. One he would swallow for much later.

“You did good angel.” He whispered. “Thank you.”

“Your welcome.”

Dean flinched at Cas’ full voice rising from where his head sat on his chest.

“You were awake?”

“I woke up when I felt you moving. Just didn’t say anything cause I thought you’d go back to sleep.”

“You scared me. You’ve got a demanding ass voice.”

“No one’s ever told me that.” Cas popped his head up and turned it to face Dean.

If it wasn’t so dark in there Dean was sure Cas’ penetrating gaze would cause him to blush all shades of red, but for now he was sporting a soft crimson. Cas bent to kiss Dean’s chin and he could feel the smile on his lips.

“You snore Dean.”

“I do not.” He gasped feigning annoyance. “Speak for yourself unconscious grappler.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“I can’t move Cas. You wrapped me up in all your limbs.”

“I guess I’m quite affectionate in my sleep. I’m not use to sleeping next to someone. I apologize.” He started to pull away but Dean reached down and grabbed Cas’ leg and pulled it along with Cas’ whole body until he was lying on top of him.

Cas sat up full on straddled on Dean. He placed a hand on each pectoral and leaned down to place a kiss on the other man’s forehead.

“So uh I gotta ask. Did you carry me?”

“Yes. You were sweating in your sleep so I didn’t want you to wake up sore and uncomfortable.”

“Oh um thanks then.”

Cas bent over again and kissed Dean’s lips this time. The movements were soft and gentle. He wasn’t trying to start anything sexual. This was more for Dean’s comfort. Just Castiel’s silent way of letting Dean know he was here for him. Dean’s hands lifted from where they were placed on the mattress and laid on his hips. He rubbed at them through his thin borrowed sweat pants and twisted his head to deepen the kiss for only a moment.

“Cas. Are these my pants?”

“Well when I changed you I….um….didn’t think you would mind. But if it’s not ok I could just put my jeans back on.” He slowly backed his face away from Dean’s.

“Are you kidding me? This is hot as hell.” He removed a hand from Cas’ hip and placed it on the back of his neck pulling Cas’ lips to crash against his.

Dean clearly had other plans for this moment. All heat and passion behind each slide of their lips. It was sweet and warm at the same time. Castiel tried and failed to keep his composure. Against his will a breathy moan escaped his lips. Dean’s hands slid behind him and he was now gripping his ass pulling him forward, their crotches meeting together. This pulled a similar moan from Dean and Cas’ walls were tumbling down. He ground on top of Dean, his fully erect arousal searching for friction. This left Cas panting and wanting for more. He tried to push his brain to form words that he could communicate to his lover, but nothing seemed to flow right. Except for the broken whimpers that left his lips.

Dean reached a hand up while breaking the kiss. His fingers traced against Castiel’s lips. The pad of his index finger applied pressure on his bottom lip asking for entrance. Castiel opened with no hesitation as the rough finger entered his mouth. Dean gasped as Cas swirled his tongue around the digit. He had a pretty good idea why Dean wanted him to suck on his finger. He got confirmation as a second finger entered. Once Dean deemed his fingers wet enough he pulled them free while he pulled their swelled members from their sweat pants. He had them both in the palm of his hand and wrapped his fingers slowly, stroking upwards as he did it. Castiel let out a low moan at the sensation and rolled his head back. Dean’s other hand went for his entrance. That index finger circling around the soft muscle. Castiel threw his hips forward letting Dean know he was ready for more. Dean clearly got the message and let his finger push past the first ring. He let it glide in slowly being so gentle With Castiel.

He stroked them in time with the small thrusts of his fingers and Castiel loved every second. He wanted more and voiced his desires.

“Dean please.” He moaned.

Dean smirked at this grateful for the darkness of the room so Cas wouldn’t flash him his normal squinty frown he only used when Dean acted cockier than usual.

“Whatever you want angel.”

Castiel moaned for so many reasons that time. For the endearing nickname he grew to adore, for the deepened tone of Dean’s lustful voice. The words themselves held so much. ‘What ever you want’ meant whatever Castiel was comfortable with is what Dean would do. Whatever he was willing to offer Dean would accept. In this moment and out of all of their moments thus far this by far was the most meaningful.

This coupled with Dean spearing both his fingers into him and his hand stroking them relentlessly sent Castiel crashing head first into his orgasm. And of course at the feel of Cas spilling over in his hand and repeating broken versions of his name sent Dean on the same path. Once they were bathed in the afterglow of their orgasm Dean slowly pulled his fingers out. He rolled over until Cas tumbled gently off of him to lie on his back. He got up from the bed slowly, hoping his legs wouldn’t fail him as he made his way to the bathroom the get a warm wet cloth. He returned and cleaned them both up then resumed his position in bed with his angel curled up against him.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean awoke the next morning to the screaming ringtone of his phone. He wondered how in the hell Cas could sleep through all this. He jet a hand out feeling around on the night stand until his phone was in his grasp. He picked up the call failing to look at who was calling.

“Dean what the fuck?!” Sams voice booming through the speaker.

“Good morning Sammy.” Dean held the phone slightly farther away from his voice fearing that his brother would break his eardrums.

“Don’t good—Dean why haven’t you called me all this time? At least shoot me a text to let me know you got home fine.”

“I’m good Sam. Cas came over and I got a little distracted.” He sighed.

“I’m glad he did. But um…Dean…how are you?” All the annoyance and anger instantly drained from Sam’s voice as he attempted to subtly approach the sensitive topic.

“I’m alright. And before you ask it’s not a lie. I’m actually alright.”

“Well why are you talking so low? Are you hungover? Are you still in bed? Dean it’s 1pm.”

“Stop badgering me with all your questions. Yes I’m still in bed. You woke me up. And Cas is still sleeping so I can’t talk at normal volume.” Dean took a peek at his boyfriend laid out on his stomach on the other side of the bed. The covers were up to his nose, he could only see a head of unruly dark hair.

“Oh no wonder you didn’t call me back.” He could hear Sam’s smirk through the phone and he wished he could reach through and smack him upside his head.

“Shut your mouth Sam we’re moving on from this right now. I’m safe and sound. What else did you want?” Dean rolled his eyes at his brother’s antics.

“Everyone was pretty surprised you bolted like that.”

“What else was I gonna do Sam? The other shoe was bound to drop and I wasn’t gonna be there for it.”

“I know Dean, boy do I know. Ellen ripped Dad a new one and they got into a screaming match. He even got in her face about it and Bobby punched him.”

“Holy shit really?!” Dean was very surprised indeed. Bobby was a rough man, but he was a slow burn. He broke up way more fights than he got into. For him to punch Dad he must’ve had an extremely good reason to.

“Yeah it was a riot in there. I tried to go after you, but when all of that broke out I had to break it up. I couldn’t leave Ellen there all by herself. Then Jo came home and it escalated from there.”

“Dammit Sammy…tell them I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what Dean? Dad’s an asshole and someone needed to call him on it. If it wasn’t Ellen than it would’ve been me or Bobby. Just this time it happened to be all of us.”

A happy piece of warmth filled Dean up at the thought of his family coming to his aid and defending him. Dean didn’t like to be taken care of, but his family didn’t care what he liked, they cared about what he deserved. It was high time for him to finally learn this.

“What did Dad say exactly?” Dean asked carefully.

“I’m not gonna go into detail because that’s not what you need. It was just the usual about how he doesn’t approve of your dating preferences. We all basically told him he can take his opinion and shove it up his ass until he pukes it.”

“Those some strong words Sammy.” Dean couldn’t help but let out a light chuckle at that. Sam was never vulgar, that was Dean’s thing.

“And you bet your ass I said them too.”

“Dean.” He heard Cas’ voice ring out next to him. “You ok?”

First thing after opening his eyes he’s worried about Dean. It was the cutest and sappiest thing he’s ever experienced. He reached his free hand over and ran it through Cas’ hair. He nodded his head and shook the phone in his hand so Cas knew he was on a call and not talking to himself.

“Well then tell everyone I appreciate it.”

“Of course Dean. You know you don’t have to say it right? We’d do it all again and more in a heartbeat.”

“Well let’s shy away from more cause I don’t want Ellen curb stomping Dad.”

Cas’ eyebrows knitted together in the center of his forehead at this. He sat up fully keeping his dissecting gaze on Dean. Dean mouthed that he was talking to Sam and Cas smiled slightly.

“Tell Sam I said hello.”

“Wait Dean is that Cas? Is he awake?”

“Of course it’s him. Who the hell else would it be. He says hi.”

“Let me talk to him.”

Dean rolled his eyes again and handed Cas the phone. When Cas cocked his head to the side in confusion he shrugged his shoulders.

“Cas. Hey man. How are you? Been awhile.”

“I’m alright. How are you Sam?”

“Been better. But can you like go in the bathroom or something. I want to talk to you about Dean and I don’t want him eavesdropping.”

Cas slipped out of bed without a word and went to the bathroom. It was Dean’s turn to be confused. _What the hell is Sam saying to him?_ Dean thought to himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also if any one has any ideas for cute little one shots send them my way!


	10. Love Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woaaaaaah look who's sticking to their schedule? This one is! So here's another chapter...on time. I'm quite ahead of myself which is a good thing. Ummm there are some warnings for this chapter. STRONG HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE and some general sadness. This chapter was a bit rough on me, but what artist doesn't suffer for their creations? (sue me please, I know I'm corny) As always leave comments and stuff, if anyone wants to hit me up on tumblr I have one specifically for fanfiction and general fan based obsessions: fanofthephire

They spent the rest of Dean’s hooky afternoon together. Cuddled on the couch watching movies until the sun went down. Dean couldn’t be more worry free than he was right now and Cas was the cause of it. Being with him was easy, and with the life Dean had lived he deserved something easy. Everything came natural with him. He was on such a high and not only because they had just passed two blunts between them. Cas was a drug himself for Dean, and he was happy to take him over and over. They were about to start watching the first Indiana Jones movie when a heavy knocking came on his door. Assuming it was Sam Dean approached the door and swung it open carelessly.

“Dad?” Dean froze watching his father stand in his doorway brooding and all.

Cas froze watching Dean’s blissful demeanor change into something frigid and frozen. His father was here, all signs pointing south. He stood with his shoulders tensed ready to go into action any second. Sam had told him a bit of what transpired at their meeting. He didn’t give too many details since it wasn’t his place to do so, but Castiel learned a few things about his father today. He was homophobic, angry, and violent about it. Castiel had experienced some his self from his mother, but it was never aggressive, she just expressed her unneeded disappointment. Castiel’s father had been the complete opposite. He was very accepting and open to talking about it with his son. Castiel’s bravery and his father’s reaction even inspired Gabe to come out.

“Can I come in son?” his tone wasn’t harsh, but it did have a rigidness about it that made Cas go completely on the defense.

Dean stepped aside without a word. John went to speak when he noticed Castiel was in the room. They looked each other up and down. Cas could see the harsh lines of anger began to worm their way on John’s face. Cas didn’t back down. He kept his meanest gaze on the older man. When he looked at Dean’s face though his mask cracked just a little. He looked like a starved, terrified animal in a cage, waiting for Castiel to save him. His heart was wounded for Dean, but he’d be damned before he didn’t protect him.

“This your little boyfriend son?”

“That’s not his name Dad.”

“Like I give a shit what his name is?” John spoke looking Cas dead in the eyes.

Dean could see it in his dad’s eyes, could smell it radiating off of him. He had been drinking again. Just like the last several times all that rehab talk was bullshit. Dean had put his faith in the man yet again hoping he would change. But truth be told he couldn’t change. You aren’t capable of change unless you feel that you needed it. Clearly his dad hadn’t thought about that.

“Dad I need you to go.”

“No son it don’t work like that. I came to talk to you. Not you and your little _fag_.” He turned to face Castiel again. “You can go now.”

Cas felt a growl grow within him and before he could move Dean had crossed the room and stood at his side.

“He’s not going anywhere. _He_ belongs here.” Dean’s chest swelled with confidence. He was getting angry now, his expression matching his father’s.

“Oh and you saying I don’t?” John was shouting now.

Luckily Cas’ phone was in his hand and he dialed Sam while they both were distracted. They were both far enough away from it that they couldn’t hear when Sam picked up. He just let the phone sit in his hand and let Sam hear what was happening. He was smart. He knew he would understand what was happening here.

“You can’t just barge in here and start barking orders!”

“I’m your father and I do what I damn well please!”

“I’m a grown ass man! This is my house and this is my boyfriend! You can’t come in here and insult him like that. Not in my house and not anywhere!”

Their voices were quite loud now. Castiel’s eyes flickered between the rising situation in front of him and the phone. When he noticed the call was ended he prayed that Sam understood. He only lived a few blocks over from Dean so if he was home he’d be there quickly.

“Never too grown to be put in your place!” John lunged at Dean, but Dean was faster and sober and he dodged the swing easily.

Castiel threw his phone down on the couch and jumped in front of Dean. Sure John was a large, solid man, but he couldn’t fight both of them. He spent the new few minutes trying to keep him behind him and calm him down. John was now pacing back and forth in his living room huffing about how Dean was such a disappointment. This threw Dean into a different kind of emotion, one that Cas had hoped he would never see on the man’s face. Heartache. He swore he could hear Dean’s heart crumbling under the hand that was placed firmly on his chest. He didn’t have to hold Dean back anymore because had stopped moving.

“Why can’t you be more like your brother?!” John spat.

Good grief that fucking line tore more holes in Dean than he could count. Since his childhood he’d heard that same line more than anything else his father had ever said to him. It got so bad that it made a terrible wedge in him and his brother’s relationship for several years. That line alone caused Dean to be on the worst weekend bender of his life. And it was said right after his father had found out about Dean’s bisexuality.

Right then his door swung open and said brother came stomping into the apartment. His shoulders were raised with rage and tension. This was going to get even farther out of hand before it got any better. Sam stood toe to toe with his father now. His head towering over the man. Sam may be a lanky man but he was far from weak and could easily take their father down. Cas left Dean only for a second to grab his phone again in case the police needed to be called this time. Dean fixed Cas with a scrutinizing gaze that could only mean him asking how Sam knew about this. Cas nodded and held up his phone. Dean returned his nod with one of his own and went to Sam’s side pushing him back from his father.

“Don’t you say that to him.” Sam growled. “Don’t you dare say that.”

Castiel was clueless about the meaning behind that line, but Sam knew. Sam was there. And he saved Dean.

“What is with you two!? I raised you both better than this.” John backed up as the brother’s stood shoulder to shoulder. They looked like a man shaped boulder, ready to tear down anything that opposed them.

“You need to leave Dad.” Dean spoke. Sam stood his ground, his chest puffed out like Dean’s. This was a solid order and no other options were left for John.

He raised his hands and stomped out of the apartment slamming the door behind him. That was the last noise made for a while. Once his boots were out of hearing distance Dean broke down. His chest heaving and his breathe rapid. Castiel rushed to his side wrapping him in a tight embrace. Sam stood not far behind. His support looming over his brother’s shoulder.

“Dean I need you to count for me alright?” Sam said with a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Cas took this at his signal to back away. Gabe always hugged Castiel whenever he had a panic attack and it brought him out. _Everyone must be different_. He thought. Sam went in front of Dean and had both hands on his shoulders. Dean began his counting and reached ten before Sam told him to recite odd numbers then even. Once he finished those his breathing had slowed down considerably. Sam held onto Dean until it reached normal then ushered him over to sit on the couch.

“Cas you mind grabbing him some water?” Sam asked with a half smile.

No one had spoken to him since John so it took a moment for it to register and he jumped into action. He filled a glass with the tap and brought it over sitting on Dean’s other side and handing it to him. He gulped down half of it and sat it on the coffee table.

“How are you feeling?” Cas asked hesitantly.

“Better.”

“What do you need us to do?”

“I don’t know Cas. I’m kinda tired. I’m gonna lie down for a bit.”

 Dean was sending out all the signals that he needed to be alone right now. He shied away from all his tender touches and even Sam’s supportive hand on shoulder seemed to be too much for him right now. His coldness was very much understood after what just transpired, but it hurt nonetheless. He watched as Dean and his defeated shoulders and dead eyes walked away from them both.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean lying down for a bit turned into Dean being in his room for the rest of the night. Sam went out for a while to retrieve his son from the baby sitter and he returned with the baby and a couple bags in hand. He found Cas sitting in the same spot he left him. Castiel smiled as Sam sat next to him with a very happy Mark pinned to his hip.

“You happy to see Cas huh? It’s been a while.”

The child made all sorts of gurgling noises in his attempt at having a conversation with Castiel. He egged him of with ‘is that so’ and ‘tell me more’. After a while Mark reached out for him and Cas was more than happy to hold him. As soon as he had him in his grasp little hands flew to the top of his head swiping at his hair.

“You like my unruly hair? Uncle Dean does too. He does that every time I try to tame it.”

Mark laughed and looked around at the mention of Dean’s name. This put a drop of sadness in Castiel’s mood.

“Uncle Dean is sleeping. He had a rough day.”

“Yeah and you should go to sleep too.” Cas turned to smile at Sam, but then he realized that he hadn’t been talking to Mark, but he was talking to him.

“I’m not really tired Sam. A lot happened and I can’t—“

“Yeah but Dean needs you right now. More than me.” he smiled a sad smile.

Castiel took the message and handed the child back to his father wishing them a good night. Luckily Dean had a pull out couch and Cas watched for a moment as Sam began to set it up all while holding little Mark. He turned and opened Dean’s door quietly. Walking to his side of the bed he tenderly pulled back the covers and slid underneath. Dean’s back was toward him so he scooted close wrapping an arm around the man’s torso placing a hand on his chest. He could tell by Dean’s breathing that he wasn’t asleep. Even so Castiel didn’t say a word. There were none required and frankly right now he didn’t have any to give.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean woke up the next morning to an empty bed and silence in the apartment. He craved the warmth of his boyfriend, but he knew he must’ve went to class without waking him up, or home to get some clothes. He pulled himself up and out of bed cringing at the pounding madness in his head. He rubbed at the thick stubble on his chin and dreaded even looking at his phone. He picked it up anyway to find a couple texts from Cas.

Cas: Hello Dean. Sorry I had to leave while you were still sleeping. Charlie wanted to have a study session. I cooked breakfast. Your plate is in the oven along with Sam’s. Have a good day J

Dean shot him a thank you text, but was slightly confused about the part about Sam. He went to the bathroom and began his morning routine, a shower, teeth brushing, and deciding to skip the shave today. He left his bedroom to find his brother and nephew bundled up on his pull out couch. The scene was quite adorable as Sam had a protective arm thrown around the child, keeping him bundled up on top of his chest. Dean smiled softly, sheer affection pulling at the corners of his lips as he walked into the kitchen to reheat the food.

“Dean? That you?” he heard his brother’s half sleeping call from the other room.

“Come and get some grub Sammy.” He called.

Sam came shuffling into the room holding little Mark on his hip. Both heads of hair were disheveled messes and Dean couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of them. He sat a plate in front of Sam and handed him a warmed bottle for the little one. Halfway through his plate Dean only then realized that they had spent the night after yesterday’s fiasco.

“Hey Sam you didn’t have to stay last night. I was alright. Just needed to get my head straight.”

“I know. That’s why I stayed. You know I’ll always support you. Even though you don’t like being taken care of.” Sam smirked.

Dean scoffed in response and of course Sam took that as a chance to talk even more.

“Did you just go to sleep or did you and Cas talk it out?”

“I didn’t feel like talking. And Cas knew that. We just went to sleep.”

“He knew?” Sam pushed for more details.

“Yeah…I don’t know Cas just…he’s really in tune with me sometimes. He can tell when it’s time to drop a subject, or when I don’t want to talk at all. Like after I left Bobby’s and you called him, he…um…came over and stopped me from drinking too much.”

“You mean drinking until you black out cause you want to avoid something?”

Dean didn’t answer him which was an answer enough for Sam. Sam was quite happy that Dean even shared this much. They’ve always been amazingly close as siblings go, but Dean wasn’t exactly the sharing type. He expressed his emotions through action, a tight hug, a single tear, a clap on the back. He wanted to continue talking about this, but he would tread lightly to avoid Dean shutting him out again.

“So what happened before I got here yesterday?”

“Well we were just hanging out watching movies and suddenly dad shows up. I thought it was you so I just opened the door. He said he had to tell me something then he noticed Cas and it just spiraled out of control from there. How did Cas even call you?”

“He just did. I could hear you and Dad having a screaming match and I put two and two together. Good thing he did too.”

*                             *                             *                             *

Class went as class normally does. Dean was more worn out than he should have been, and he averted Cas’ glare more than he cared to think about. He knew the younger man was trying to gauge his ‘ok’ level, but did he need to look so damned sensual by doing it? At the end of the period everyone cleared out leaving the two of them in the room together. Cas took his time putting all his notes and books away before getting up and going to lock the door.

He walked over to Dean with his eyes trained on him. Dean stood at his desk with his hands in his pockets as Cas deposited himself in front of him slowly wrapping him into a hug. He sat his head on the taller man’s shoulder and breathed in his scent.

“I’m sorry Dean.” He pulled back slightly only so he could look into big green eyes.

“No Cas you don’t owe me anything. Listen I probably should’ve warned you about my dad. He’s got some really strong views about my preferences.”

“As I saw yes.”

“Yeah well I never even planned for you to meet him so I didn’t think to warn you about him.” Cas turned away at this and frowned. “Not cause of you. You know I’m not ashamed of this in anyway, but because of how he would react. I’m not particularly close with him, so he doesn’t get to meet someone like you.”

“I’d like to meet your family though Dean.”

“He’s not my family Cas, not anymore.”

“Why is that?”

“Because of his homophobic ways and a shit ton of other things.”

“Can I meet your other family?” he asked hesitantly.

“My Aunt Ellen would love you.” He laughed. “Of course you can meet my family. Speaking of which we’re having a big Thanksgiving dinner and I want you to come.” Dean beamed.

“That’s…wow…all of them at once?”

“Sure why not? They don’t bite.” He brought his face towards Castiel’s neck. “I do though.”

He licked and sucked at the side of his boyfriend’s neck until he was grinding on Dean’s leg that was placed between his.

“Dean…please.” Cas gasped.

“Please what angel? You know the rule. Gotta tell me what you want.”

“We also…agreed not to do anything at school.” He placed his hands on Dean’s chest trying to push himself off.

“I’ve never been very good at following rules Cas.” He gripped Castiel’s ass and brought him even closer than before. “Now you gonna tell me what you want or should I just keep being a tease?”

“I want your mouth on me Dean.” Cas moaned as Dean nibbled a particularly sensitive spot.

“As you wish then.” Dean turned them around and began undoing Castiel’s pants. Once he got the belt undone he made slow work of the button and zipper enjoying watching Cas get impatient. Once he had them open he tugged them down to his ankles.

“Dean what are you—“

Dean lifted him up by his ass and sat him on the desk. He parted his legs and he kneeled on the floor looking up at Castiel the whole time. Dean wrapped a hand around his hard arousal and stroked him a few times before wrapping his lips around it. Sure Dean had done this countless times to several individuals, but it was never like this. He never enjoyed it like he did with Cas. All the little whimpers he made, the gasps that left his lips as Dean picked up the speed. The way he leaned back on the deck and tossed his head back as Dean rubbed circles in his thigh. The filthy moans that rang out when Dean took him all the way to the back of his throat. Past partners always came undone when Dean did this, but no one fell apart as beautifully as Castiel did. His fingers carded through Dean’s hair as he moaned his name like a promise. He began to tug letting Dean know he was close, and when the time came for Cas to crash and burn Dean took every drop and swallowed it down like water.

He pulled off wiping his wet lips with his arm and continued stroking Castiel’s thigh watching him gasp in his orgasm rush. Cas waited until his breathing slowed and his mind returned to him before speaking.

“Why are you so good at that?” he whispered.

“After all that now you wanna whisper?” Dean laughed.

He helped Cas off of the desk and put his lower clothes back together while he tried to get his legs ready for walking. Cas went to go reach for Dean’s pants to return the favor, but Dean playfully swatted his hands away. He cocked his head to the side in confusion of why Dean wasn’t letting him do what he wanted.

“We’ve both got a class to get to angel. You can help me out later.” He kissed Cas’ forehead and went on his way.

*                             *                             *                             *

“Charlie. We need to talk. Can you meet me in the back lot?” Cas talked into the phone keeping his eyes out in case Dean could spot him.

“Is everything ok?”

“Sorta. I need your advice and I can’t do this over the phone or sober.”

“8 o clock. Back lot. Got it babe.”

*                             *                             *                             *

Cas stood in the November air with his scarf wrapped around his neck, chest, and half his face. Dean had went home without him, Cas telling him he was meeting up with Charlie for a study session, which was only half a lie. He didn’t like lying to Dean, but he couldn’t exactly share the truth with him since the topic being discussed involved Dean.

Charlie’s car swung around the corner of the science building, bright lights and all. Castiel squinted as she pulled up. She hopped out of the car with two cups of coffee and a lighter in her hands. She hopped over to him with a bright smile on her face.

“How’s it hanging buttercup?” she greeted him.

Castiel frowned as an involuntary shiver rolled through his body. He wondered how on earth she can be so cheery in the cold.

“How do you make a first time with someone special?”

“Wow….just letting the cat out the bag right away? No playful banter?”

“This is hard enough without trying to sugarcoat it.”

“Well why do you want to make it special? I mean you’re both not virgins so…..”

“My first time was stolen from me, so I’d like to consider Dean my first time.”

“Oh right…sorry I—“ she stammered, “Well what does Dean like? Do you think he’d be into the romantic style of doing things or rough, edgy stuff?”

“I’m not too sure.”

“Dip into his porn collection.”

“His what? I’m not sure Dean has that. I wouldn’t know where to look if he did.”

“I’d almost bet my life on it. Dean has a porn collection. Most likely on his laptop.”

“He has two laptops.” He took a sip of his coffee as she lit the first blunt.

“Well,” she took a long drag, holding it in before releasing it as she continued, “He probably uses one for school stuff. It’d be pretty bad if he accidently emailed a student a file full of bondage porn. Smart to have a personal one.”

“What if I find something gross and weird on there?”

“Never ask him about it for one. From what you told me Dean has been very attentive to your needs and wants. If you don’t bring it up neither will he, so just keep that in the dark, discarded corners of your mind. And please don’t tell me.”

“You don’t need to tell me twice. I’d never let other people know about that.”

“Do you at least know what you’re into?”

“I’ve never had the adequate time or partner to try things out with so I’m not entirely sure.”

“Then base it off of what you see. If Dean has anything on his computer that you think you’d want to try then go from there. As for your very first time I’d recommend going very vanilla. Get comfortable with touching each other first. Then you can tie each other up later.”

“Tie?”

*                             *                             *                             *

Cas took Charlie’s advice since he really had nowhere else to turn. He went over to Dean’s place with a bag of take-out burgers and milkshakes. When he arrived Dean had just gotten out of the shower and let him in with glistening, flushed skin and a tiny towel wrapped around him. It took a lot out of him not to jump Dean right then and there. Why would he answer the door like that? Did he have no clue what it would do to him? He thought as he sat on the couch.

“Hey Dean?”

“Yeah babe I’ll be right out.”

“Can I use your laptop?” Cas smiled at the term of affection.

“Use the red one. The gray one is for school.”

So Charlie had been right. He grabbed the red laptop off of the table and went to the kitchen with it. He sat in on the island towards the side that faced the sink, so if Dean did come in while he was snooping he could have time to close whatever he was looking at. He went to his documents and saw the normal files that anyone would have on their computer. A folder for pictures, a couple for music, documents, but one particular folder stood out to him. It read GOODIES and that just had to be the one. He hesitated. He really was terrified of what he would find in here, but made his fingers move anyway. He didn’t have the time to second guess himself.  The folder opened and contained a plethora of videos and pictures. Pressing the mute button he clicked the first video. A completely naked woman appeared on the screen. Sitting on a pool table with her legs open. She caressed her breast and slowly moved down her torso until she got to her arousal, he fast forwarded the video to find a guy had entered the room and was now rimming her ass while his fingers went in and out of her. He clicked again some more to find the man using a large vibrating blue dildo to give her pleasure. Would Dean want to use toys instead of his own body?

Clicking on the second video it started with two attractive looking guys playing chess. How could this move to porn? He clicked the time stamp forward and found that they were playing for the removal of clothes. He clicked further even more and the blonde man ended up naked first. It was decided that he would be the bottom. Moving ahead further still the brunette man that had won the game tied the blonde’s hands to the head board and began opening him up with his tongue and fingers. He seemed to be enjoying it. Castiel was quite aware that these people were still actors and they get paid to look like they enjoy what’s being done to them, but nonetheless he appeared to genuinely enjoy what was happening. Without the use of his hands he was at the total mercy of the other guy. A certain amount of trust would be required to do something like this with a partner. Totally against his decision his mind flashed back to how he was held down during the incident with Dick and his friends. A nasty shiver ran through his body and a pit grew in his stomach. He didn’t want anything like that ever again. He wondered if Dean would want something like this. He wasn’t even sure if he could trust Dean to do this to him, or anyone for that matter.

He clicked out of the video and went to the next one. This time one of the men was blind folded as the other man lapped up his shaft and had his fingers in him. Again something was taken away from the man and despite that he was enjoying what was happening to him. Castiel then heard Dean’s room door being opened and shut and he quickly closed out of the folder and opened the internet browser. With some quick thinking he searched a topic for his biology class and opened several articles to give the appearance that he was doing things for school.

“What happened to your laptop Cas?” Dean asked walking into the room. He was dressed in a v-neck shirt and some jeans, with his hair still damp and tousled everywhere.

“It’s been acting funny and I didn’t want to take the chance of trying to do a paper on it.”

“Understandable.” He walked to the fridge and pulled out a beer. “Well you’re welcome to borrow that one for the time being. You know, take it home with you if you don’t spend the night tonight.”

“I will have to go home later. Father wanted to have dinner together since one of my other brothers are in town.”

“Oh yeah I forgot you had other siblings. Which one is this?”

“Nick, but Gabe and I like to call him Lucifer.”

“You call your brother the devil?” Dean raised his eyebrows and chuckled at this.

“He deserves it. It suites him. He’s a ruthless lawyer and uses it for all the wrong reasons. He represents the people you know for sure are guilty, but he always gets them off. It’s disgusting if you ask me.”

“Wow…then he really is the devil.”

Dean plated their food and brought everything over to the couch. Castiel’s mind was wrapped up around what he had seen so far on that computer. He even took the beer Dean offered without a second thought because he was so distracted. Dean had put on a movie and they ate while watching it, though he wasn’t paying much attention to it. Had Dean realized that he offered Castiel the computer with the porn on it or did he trust Cas not to snoop in his private files? Dean was a very smart man so he leaned towards the later. Castiel didn’t mean this as an invasion or privacy, even though it was, he just wanted to satisfy his curious nature without making things awkward. He could finish his research once he got home and wipe up the trail it would leave behind before he returned it.

*                             *                             *                             *

Castiel spent the remainder of his day debating on whether or not he wanted to order sexual items for him and Dean to use. He decided against it once he finished thumbing through the porn collection. He was mentally exhausted from that and having to deal with his brothers at dinner. He was also painfully aroused. Deciding against his better judgement of taking care of it himself he decided to call Dean.

“Hey Cas what’s up? How did dinner go?” Dean asked when the call clicked through.

“It went well.” He was palming at his arousal through the thin fabric of his pajama pants. The sound of Dean’s voice was getting to him as he knew it would.

“You alright Cas? You sound kind of tired.”

“Are you alone Dean?”

“Um yes.”

“Are you in your bedroom?”

“Should I be?” his tone held so much confusion.

“What are you wearing Dean?”

“What am I—oh. Just my boxers.”

“What color are they?” Cas asked trying to picture Dean with his legs open and spread across the couch laying with his head on the arm rest, his usual position while watching tv.

“Blue, like your beautiful eyes.” Dean had caught on to what this was because his voice dropped at least two octaves. “What do you have on Cas?”

“Just pajamas.” He held back a moan.

“Is your dick still in them?”

“Yes.” he breathed.

“Pull them down and take it out. Nice and slow.”

Castiel felt a little silly doing this, but it was also exciting to have just Dean’s voice and his imagination to go off of. He was trying so hard not to make a sound as the fabric ran across his impossibly hard arousal.

“Now what?” he asked in a half whisper.

“Stroke yourself….slowly.”

“Mhm.” He moaned softly. “Keep talking Dean.”

“You touching yourself for me angel? Using that soft hand to get yourself off on the sound of my voice?”

“Yes Dean.” He held back a louder moan and it sounded in the back of his throat.

“You got some lube sweatheart?”

Cas fumbled with his free hand in his nightstand draw in search of it. He found the bottle and popped the cap waiting for Dean to give him further instructions.

“Yes.”

“I want you to get one finger nice and wet and put it in that pretty pink hole of yours. Just one though. Don’t rush this.”

He followed Dean’s instructions even though he wanted to chase his orgasm right off a cliff.

“I’m touching myself too angel. Thinking about those pretty lips of yours kissing all over me. Those long legs tangled up with mine as I’m stroking you.”

“Oh…Dean.” He whimpered.

“Not yet baby. Don’t cum till I say so.” He stated firmly. “Love how only I get to see you like that. Being torn apart with pleasure.” Dean was just letting everything out at this point. He didn’t even notice he uttered the forbidden L word.  “Love how you’re so passionate with everything you do. Love how you just lose yourself in the stuff you enjoy.”

“Dean…please.” Castiel breathed, feeling the tell-tale signs of his impending end.

“What would you do if I fucked you slow and hard right now? Would you completely lose yourself for me?”

Castiel could no longer hold it and his whole body shook with an orgasm so violent his back lifted off the bed. He spilled over his hand while biting his bottom lip to the point he was sure he’d leave a mark. He heard Dean reaching his climax as well, his moans sent aftershocks thrumming through Castiel’s body. He straight up whined at the noises Dean made. It took a while before either one of them spoke. Nothing but sharp breaths from both of them as they willed their bodies to return to normal.

“How ya feeling Cas?”

“Very good.”

“Gotta admit Cas…I didn’t take you for a phone sex person.” He chuckled.

“That makes two of us.”

*                             *                             *                             *

Cas convinced himself that he would initiate their first time over the weekend and unfortunately the weekend came all too soon. Friday evening after his last class Dean texted him asking if he’d come over for dinner. Castiel couldn’t say no to the man, especially with his intended plans for the night. He now found himself in his room trying to find the perfect underwear to wear for the night. He knew Dean wouldn’t care one bit what underwear he should wear, but he was nervous, and to his nervous brain this was something worth thinking about.

He had several pairs lying on his bed while he stood commando in a pair of sweatpants with his hands on his hips, and deep in thought. So when he heard a knock at his room door he was startled and flipped his bedspread over to hide his underwear debate.

“Um…” he cleared his throat, “Come in.”

“Hey Cassie. Just letting you know I’m heading out.”

“How long will you be gone?” Castiel’s nervous mood was being stomped out by sorrow. He didn’t want his brother to leave. Gabe always brought color and life to the otherwise drab house. His father was never around and Castiel felt truly lonely with no one else here, well until Dean showed up. But even so he liked having his brother around.

“Only a couple hours. Going house hunting!” Gabe smiled brightly.

“Wait what do you mean? You aren’t leaving on another adventure?”

“Nah. I decided to stay around for a while. Figured you want to keep seeing my beautiful face.” He smirked.

“You’re absolutely incorrect about that. But I am happy that you’re staying. What will you do for work?”

“Hey hey Dad isn’t the only big shot doctor around. You forgot I went through school too?”

Castiel had in fact forgot that fact momentarily. Gabriel might me a goof off and a nympho but he was incredibly smart. He even inspired Cas to want to go into medicine although Cas wanted to take a different route entirely. He wanted to do family medicine instead of being a surgeon like his brother and father. That was his desire since he was young, even when both his parents hassled him about his dream he stuck to them. Gabe was always the one that encouraged Cas to follow whatever his heart desired. Even if it had nothing to do with being a doctor.

“To be honest I did.”

“I wasn’t just roaming the planet and finding the hottest babes to ever exist. I also tried to help people. Sure I bailed…and maybe that wasn’t the wisest decision. I mean a lot happened when I was away and I regret that part, but I’m back now and I want to make up for it.”

Castiel had an inkling as to what he was referring to but he just had to be sure, “Make up for what?”

“For not being here for you and Dad. I couldn’t make mom’s funeral and I couldn’t protect you from that Roman bastard. I regret that more than you know, but like I said I want to make up for it. I’m sorry Cassie.” He could see the sadness creeping up in his brother’s features. “I gotta be more of a family man, at least for you two.”

“Thank you Gabriel…that’s appreciated.”

“Plus I need to make sure Dean-o treats you right. No repeats Cassie.”

“Dean has treated me exceptionally well. You needn’t worry about that.”

“Well I’m here to make sure he keeps it up. One hair missing from your head and I swear I’ll remove his—“

“Gabriel. Enough. Point taken.”

“Alright. Well let me get going. I’ve got an appointment to make.” He bounced over to the doorway, “Heh. Look at me having appointments.”

“Never thought I’d see the day. Good luck.”

“Love you Cassie.” And with that his door was closed and his brother was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun little peek behind the curtain: so with this chapter this fic sits at 54k words. Where I'm at beginning the next chapter is at 57k words.....so i just realized I wrote basically 3k words of smut alone.....that's a lot for me. Hint hint, there's a lovely surprise awaiting the next chapter.


	11. Captured Quick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter for some reason felt so long........maybe it's just me. Ummmm there's not too high of a warning for this chapter. Just some sexy times and fluffy stuff. The second half of this chapter was actually cut into the start of the next chapter. It was getting away from me. As always happy reading! Comments are welcomed and encouraged! xoxo

Dinner went well. As well as it could go when Castiel was wound so tight by the restraints of his own sexual tension, that he knew would explode at any second. It was even worse that Dean had no clue what he was doing. He showered Cas with all his romantic affections without even knowing what was happening in his boyfriend’s mind. Every conversation that transpired Cas couldn’t offer more than broken up thoughts and half spoken sentences. He was wrecked with nerves and desires. He had made the decision after much thought and self-reflect. Dean was nothing like his previous partners and he certainly was nothing like Dick. He knew the older man would take care of him, good care. Castiel wanted to do this in spite of the cage of doubt that surrounded his heart. He felt like he needed to take this leap with Dean so they could not only feel closer to each other, but for the magic he knew Dean to possess could wipe away all the sins within him.

 When they finished eating he offered to wash the dishes, brushing off Dean’s attempt at a protest. Castiel just needed something to do with his hands, somewhere else for his mind to go before he pounced on Dean. All the things he found on that laptop a few days prior just made things worse. Cas masturbated more than he ever had because he just couldn’t get enough. That of course made things much worse since his hand wasn’t Dean’s body and that’s what he really craved. He kicked Dean out of the kitchen, shoving a beer in his hand and urging him to go watch tv. He needed to be alone right now before his mind was truly lost. He got about half way through the dishes, trying to get his thoughts in order and remain a sane individual, but that didn’t go far at all.

He abandoned the soapy, sweet smelling water and crossed right in Dean’s view. His heart on his sleeve and his courage in the palm of his hand he stood in front of Dean and was not moving. Of course this earned him a confused look from his lover.

“Everything ok Cas?”

“Get up.”

“Um alright.” Dean did what he was told, curious to find out what this was about. Cas didn’t look mad, more like anxious and he wanted to know why. “What’s going on?”

Castiel didn’t respond, he just grabbed Dean’s hand and began tugging him towards his bedroom. Once they entered the room and shut the door Cas put that courage to use and ripped his shirt up over his head, tossing it to the floor not caring where it landed. Dean’s eyes were wide in surprise as Castiel pushed him roughly against the door. That’s when their lips met, all wet and hot, desperate even. It took a few moments but Dean kissed back trying to keep up with Castiel’s pace. Fingertips of his hand pressed lightly against Dean’s throat, sending bright shivers through him. They stayed like that for who knows long, kissing like nothing else in the galaxy mattered but the slide of lips and battle of tongues.

Finally Castiel pulled back, hesitantly of course and began to strip off the rest of his clothes for Dean. In any other moment but now he’d feel self-conscious being completely naked while Dean was fully closed, but he couldn’t think about that right now. His mind wouldn’t let him.  All that swirled in his head was how he wanted to give himself to Dean, everything that he had. Dean stood there in awe, taking the vision of his lover in all his naked glory.

Dean took the huge hint in front of him and realized what was about to happen as he took his shirt off in a much slower rate than Cas had. Shirtless and aroused he stepped towards the younger man and trailed his fingers on the skin of his bicep, barely touching. This sensation felt far more intense for Castiel than full contact. It was gentle and affectionate. Castiel did the same with Dean’s chest, tracing over every scar and freckle, only when he reached his abdomen did he sink to his knees and hastily undid his pants. He pulled them all the way down and help Dean step out of them until he was naked except for his socks.

Castiel put his lips to work wrapping them around Dean and talking him halfway in. He worked slowly swiping his tongue on the underside before pulling back to the tip. He swirled his tongue around it before giving a sweet kiss to the tip. He took all of him down now bobbing his head while his hands rubbed at Dean’s thighs.

“So good….angel.” Dean moaned.

Castiel loved the praise and picked up the pace. He put a hand to his own dick before Dean’s hand shot out and gripped his shoulder.

“Not yet baby. Don’t touch yourself yet.”

Castiel didn’t want to but he listened to Dean. He kept up his efforts until his lips were swollen and tired. He pulled off and stood up immediately crashing their mouths together. He turned them so Dean’s back was facing the bed and he roughly pushed him down on it. Dean used his hands to lift himself up scooting back so he sat in the center of the mattress. Cas wasn’t far behind him crawling up Dean’s body on all fours leaving tender kisses and bites as he did. When he reached his destination of Dean’s lips he kissed him for a bit before Dean turned his head stopping everything.

“You sure you wanna do this Cas?”

“Yes.”

“You know you’re safe with me?”

“Yes Dean.” He breathed, loved the feeling of being saturated in Dean’s gentle care.

“Sit up.”

Cas once again did what he was told. He really did feel safe with Dean. He knew he could trust Dean to never over step his boundaries. He sat straddling Dean’s hips as Dean’s hands went softly to his ass pulling him towards him.

“Wanna taste you babe.” Dean breathed.

He pulled Castiel forward until his shaft reached his lips and his thighs sat framing Dean’s head. He got the gist of what was going on when Dean tilted his head up and began sucking on him. He used his hands on Castiel to push his hips forward so he wouldn’t have to put too much strain on his neck. Dean loved hearing all the moans and sighs he could pull from his boyfriend. It lit a fire within him that was threatening to burst open with pure animal instinct. He had to pull the reigns back though since this was their first time together.

“Dean please…I.”

Dean pulled off only long enough to speak.

“Gotta tell me what you want angel.”

“I want you…inside me.”

Dean didn’t respond. He just gently pushed Cas back until he sat on his legs and sat up.

“How you wanna do this baby?”

“You pick.”

From what Cas had shared of his sexual ventures it had been a while since anyone had entered him. The easiest way would be all fours, but he decided against it. He needed to see his face. They switched their positions with Cas laying on his back and Dean kneeling between a pair of strong legs. He pushed his knees towards his chest and motioned for Cas to hold them there. Castiel followed Dean’s direction, his mind hazy with possibilities of what Dean would do next. Dean reached over and grabbed the lube that sat on the night stand, which wasn’t surprising at all. But when Dean scooted further away from Cas and brought his face down to his entrance and now had his tongue swirling around it. This was very suprising indeed and felt intense. No one had ever done this before. It felt good to have a warm, wet tongue moving around down there, especially when it belonged to Dean. He had brought his hands up and began kneading into Cas’ butt cheeks pulling them apart while he kept up his motions.

Cas couldn’t help but let out a moan at this, which encouraged Dean to do more. He slicked up his fingers and slowly pressed one into the tight muscle while continuing to lick around it. He looked up at Cas’ face to make sure everything was still ok and found him red down to his chest and his lips hung open. He went back to tonguing at his entrance, finally moving the finger that was inside him. Once it felt loose enough and Cas began to move his hips searching for more Dean added a second and third finger to the mix. Cas was writhing at this point. All kinds of noises flying out of his mouth like a song written only for Dean.

“Dean…I’m ready.”

“I hear you loud and clear baby.” Dean answered as he slowly pulled his fingers from Cas.

He pulled himself up until he was on all fours over Cas. Laying a hand on his cheek he brought his lips down to kiss at Cas’ eager mouth. As soon as contact was made Cas’ arms roamed all over the skin that he could reach. He was squirming now and Dean would be too if the position he was in didn’t give him more self control. Both of their dicks were painfully hard, wanting any sort of friction they could get.

“Dean…I gotta…you need to…get in me.” Cas barely said in a whisper.

Dean complied with out another word. Before Cas could whine at the emptiness Dean’s tongue was swirling around one of his nipples as he pressed his legs wider. Dean was lining himself up now. He down into the other man’s eyes silently asking for permission. Castiel almost moaned at that alone. He gave Dean the nodded he needed and immediately felt the pressure of Dean pushing inside of him. The pressure, oh the damn pressure alone felt endlessly good. Dean kept his slide home agonizingly slow. He didn’t want to cause the other man any discomfort at all.

This was so much more than sex, this was an experiment about trust. Dean wanted to try his absolute hardest not to ruin this. He felt Cas stretch around him until he was fully seated. He could feel the sweat pouring out of his skin. Now wasn’t the time to move, although he wanted nothing more than to pound into Cas’ body without mercy. Dean bent over carefully and began to shower Castiel’s face with kisses.

“Dean…move.” Cas struggled to get out as he wiggled his hips trying to get things going.

Once again Dean was left with no choice but to give his angel what he wanted. He grasped at Cas’ sides and began pulling out slowly, then sinking in at the same rate. A gold lined moan left his lover’s lips and he took that as a sign to pick up the pace. Dean lowered his top half and nestled his head against Cas’ neck breathing harder than ever. Lust filled moans littered the air as Dean found a solid rhythm that was fast, but not at all rough.

Now Dean was all for dirty talk. It spurred him on, gave him a luscious boost of confidence and feeling. He had never shared this with Cas, never really shared it with anyone. So when Cas opened his mouth and words began to fall out he was as astonished as ever.

“Yes Dean….harder!” his voice caught somewhere between a moan and a shout.

“You want it harder baby? Want me to pound you good?” Dean breathed right into his ear.

“Love that thick dick inside me.”

Cas was taking a risk here. He had no idea what he was saying. He’d never done this before. But in all of Dean’s videos there had been conversations like these during the sex parts. He gathered that this was something Dean would be into so he served it up. Hoping Dean would take control of this and continue since this was unknown territory for him.

Shit! Dean was so turned on by Cas’ regular voice, but this, sexed up voice he was doing drove Dean absolutely mad. Dean’s whole body heated up with this, if this is what being on fire felt like then he wanted to be lighted up immediately. His orgasm was on its way, peeking from behind the curtain. He raised his torso and leaned back on his knees still pounding into Castiel. He took his dick in his hands and jerked it in time with his thrusts.

“You look so damn beautiful Cas. You’re fucking glowing baby.”

Dean took his hand off his shaft and gripped both of Castiel’s hips off the bed and more into his lap so he could hit that special spot within the man. Once he put forth that first thrust, hitting it spot on Cas’ eyes shot open and his mouth formed into an ‘o’ as he gasped in surprise immediately following up with a knee buckling moan.

“Feel good angel?” Dean asked the rhetorical question cause he was feeling bold and amazing. He knew it felt good, he just wanted to hear Cas say it.

“Yes….Dean…Ahhhhh.”

Dean moved like that for a long while. Both of their orgasms were about to make their grand entrance. Cas went first, spurting while hollering a mix of Dean’s name and other shameless noises. Dean could feel Cas’ entrance fluttering around him as he came, then it squeezed impossibly tight sending Dean well over the edge. He emptied himself inside Castiel then pulled out carefully planted his body right next to the other man. All his muscles were loose and limp. He couldn’t move, refused to move for at least a few moments. Where moans and screams hung in the air they were now replaced with the haggard breaths of two men in total bliss.

*             *                             *                             *

Thanksgiving was only 3 days away and Dean was definitely planning on not showing up. He wanted to have a quiet dinner alone at home or go to Cas’ house. Those were the options he gave himself. Usually his word was final, but when Aunt Ellen said otherwise he knew all his choices were out the window. Now he found himself sitting in Bobby’s living room with his brother in his aunt to have a big discussion concerning the violent elephant that would be in the room.

“Alright guys what is all of this about?” he sighed. “Cause if Dad is joining us then I’m not coming.”

“He’s gonna be there Dean you know that.” Bobby grumbled.

“Then I want to be as far away as possible.”

“Sam tells us you’ve got yourself a boyfriend. You two serious?”

“Yeah there’s nothing casual about it.”

“You gonna bring him over?”

“Only if Dad doesn’t come.”

“Dean—we can’t avoid him coming. Whether he’s invited or not you know he’ll show up.” Sam added.

“Well one sideways glance is all it’ll take for me to kick his ass out of here.” Ellen piped up walking in from the kitchen. “He thought he could get away with it last time. Don’t you think for a second Sam didn’t tell us about him busting into your place and disrespecting the two of you.”

Dean shot Sam his meanest glare. He loved Bobby and Ellen, but he hadn’t wanted to discuss such a disappointing moment. Sam didn’t buckle under it though, he stood firm knowing he was right in letting them know.

“Don’t you go blaming him for this.” Bobby spoke now. “We got a right to know if something goes off the rail for you boys. Seeing as how we mostly raised you.”

“You’re our sons just as much as his.” Ellen said backing up her husband.

Dean once again was left for no other choices. They were right. They always were there, even when Dean didn’t want them to be. “You know he’s been drinking again?”

“Yeah I caught him stealing a bottle out of the cabinet in our bedroom. Feign for the stuff if I ever saw one. And he was doing so well too.” She shook her head as she spoke.

“I really don’t wanna do this.”

“You need to. For you not for him. He knows he’s welcome, but that invitation comes with conditions. Ones he’s well aware of.”

“Honestly. It’s not me I’m scared for. I’m not the same as I was back then, it’s Cas I’m worried about. He’s seen and heard enough.”

“Well we wanna meet this young man. If your Dad has to be kicked out then so be it. You can’t be afraid to bring him around your family.”

“I’ll have to talk it out with him before I make a decision.”

*                             *                             *                             *

“Yes.”

“Cas did you hear anything of what I said? My dad is a violent, homophobic, raging alcoholic.”

“That doesn’t change my answer Dean. I’d love to meet your family. If he’ll be there then its fine. You said they’d take care of him should he get out of line and it’s fine.”

“Cas—“ Dean rubbed at his forehead trying to find the words he could use to deter Castiel, “I really don’t want to put you through this.”

“Well that’s not your decision to make now is it?”

“Cas—“

“No Dean. You said it was up to me if we went, and I said yes. Now I don’t know what your Dad did to you, but I know he did something. Judging off what he did earlier this week I can tell he is not a good Father. Your family clearly wants you there and I will stand by you through this whole ordeal. Whether it’s perfect or not.”

Dean thought his words over for a while not knowing what to say in response. Cas didn’t know much about Dean’s past at all, but he still wanted to support him. He hated chick flick moments like the plague, but he couldn’t help but feel touched.

“You’re perfect you know that?”

“Far from it, but I’ll try to be for you.”

*                             *                             *                             *

The next day was the last day of classes before the break. While Charlie chose to skip all of them so she could fly out to see family with her girlfriend Dorothy, Cas went to all of his and felt a little lonely without his best friend. He went to Dean’s class with a little surprise for him. Sure it was a bit uncomfortable, but since the night they shared together Castiel was feeling….bold, for lack of a better word. He sat through class feeling all kinds of jitters. He just wanted the period to be over so he could finally have Dean’s reaction to what he had done. Plus it was his only class for the day, since his others had been cancelled so he just wanted it out of the way. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his boyfriends teaching, but he could think of a million other things he could be doing. Most of them involving the delicious man talking in front of him.

He kept a watchful eye on the clock while taking notes. Glancing around the room most of the students were either on their phones are obviously only paying half attention.

“Alright well I know we’ve got….about 20 minutes left of class, but I want to get out of here just as much as you guys,” Dean’s joke earned him some scattered giggles, “So go on and get out of here. Enjoy your break.”

Most of the students immediately left the room, giving Dean thanks and wishing him a happy thanksgiving. One student did drag along a bit, Castiel knew him as Kevin. He’d never talked to the individual except for the few times they were paired up in his Biology class. He was nice enough, a little strange but Castiel didn’t dislike him.

“Hey Mr. Winchester? Do we have any assignments to work on during the break?”

“Nope. I wanted to give you guys an actual break. I’m sure your other professors gave you enough to worry about.”

“That’s…really awesome of you. Have a good break Mr. Winchester.”

He turned to go and tossed Castiel a smile and a wave then left the class without a word. Dean rose from his desk and closed and locked the door. He returned with a serious frown on his face. Maybe this wouldn’t turn out how Castiel wanted it to.

“Cas…I’m gonna ask you again…just to be sure. You really want to come to my family’s house for Turkey day?”

“Dean.” He rose from his seat and stood in front of his boyfriend where he stood in front of his desk. He sat a hand on each of his biceps and gave them a firm squeeze. Not enough to hurt of course, but tight enough to help him get his point across. “I said I would do this with you and I meant it.”

“Yeah I know but—“

Castiel knew Dean was going to go on and on about this so he shut him up with his own mouth. Their lips crashed together and tangled. He used his tongue swiping across Dean’s bottom lip asking for him to open up. He loved the taste of Dean. His lips, his tongue, his skin, everything about Dean was so damn sweet. If he could he’d taste him every minute for eternity, but neither of them had that kind of time or resources. Plus breathing was kind of important….like now. Castiel pulled back only a little, barely a breath sat between them.

“Hush Dean or you don’t get your surprise.” He stepped closer into the man’s space until they were attached from chest to hip, one of Castiel’s legs in between Dean’s parted ones.

“I have a surprise? Well why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.” Castiel rolled his eyes. “Do you want it or not?”

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch—just say please.” He smirked.

“Oh Dearest Castiel, may you please bestow your surprises upon me?” Dean laughed.

“You are painfully dramatic.”

Castiel put Dean’s hands to his belt, prompting him to do all the work for him. Of course Dean did it as slow as possible. He knew what it would do to Castiel and sure enough he was half hard in his pants and haven’t even been touched yet. Once they were open Dean did what Castiel wanted him to do and grabbed two handfuls of his ass. He moved forward to kiss Cas’ neck earning him a flavorful moan of encouragement. As he moved closer to the center of Castiel’s bottom he froze. Cas smiled at this knowing Dean had finally found his surprise.

“Cas….baby…is that?”

“Yes. It certainly is.”

Dean tore at his jeans trying to get them down, then he spun Castiel around to get a look for himself. Sure enough tucked in perfectly was a shiny silver butt plug.

“Oh angel. You had this in all day?” he tugged at it gently sending shivers up his boyfriend’s back.

“Mhm.” He barely managed.

“So good to me.” he resumed kneading into the tight flesh, spreading his cheeks to get a better look. “Take all this off.”

Castiel complied, now filled with nervousness and excitement. Where they really going to have sex at school? He soon got his answer when he turned to face Dean and found him naked from the waist down. His shirt was fully unbuttoned and he was stroking at his thick, hard member.

“Dean are we really—“

“Yes I think we are. Look who’s breaking the rules now.” Dean walked to the other side of his desk and bent over rummaging in his bag. Of course Castiel couldn’t help but look at the sight displayed in front of him. He wanted to bend Dean over just as much as he wanted to be bent over.

Dean came back to him with a small bottle of lube and he shook his head and chuckled at how ridiculous this man was.

“You carry travel lube Dean?”

“What? You never know what could happen. That shiny thing in your ass is proof of that. Come here babe.”

He helped Cas maneuver his way on top of the desk, bending him down on all fours with his thighs leaning on his calves. He leaned his elbows on the desk and left his forearms flat on the surface to give him support. Displayed like a piece of art Dean savored the sight in front of him. Once he got his visual fill he decided it was time to get this show on the road and stood right behind him. He slicked himself up, loving the sensation of it. Slowly he pulled the shiny object from Castiel’s entrance and sat it on the desk with a clang. He lined himself up ready to push in at any time, but he put a hand to Cas’ back asking for permission first.

“Yes Dean...”

Without another word Dean slowly pushed into him. Heat surrounded him immediately and he entered with little resistance. The pressure felt amazing and he had to take a second so he wouldn’t come instantly.

“You gotta be quiet now. We can’t get caught or that’ll be trouble for both of us.”

“Yes…I know.” Castiel tried his best to whisper despite Dean’s little thrust in him. “Move dammit.”

“Love it when you boss me around.” Dean smirked and gave Castiel what he wanted.

He kept his movements sharp, and fast hoping not to create too much noise. But this caused the build up with him to grow fast. He bent over Castiel’s torso as best as he could, holding his shoulders and using them to pull him backwards to meet his thrusts. Castiel was losing his mind now, he tried to stay as quiet as he could. Where screams would fly freely he had to reduce them to little whimpers instead. Dean was moving at a relentless pace, far different from how he’d been a few nights prior, but he loved it just the same.

“You doing alright there angel?” Dean spoke soft and low in his ear.

Now he definitely was going to lose it. Dean speaking along with his endless pounding was going to finish him off.

“Mmm…..ahhh…yes.”

Dean kept going until he felt the tell tale heat in his groin. His rhythm was stuttering but still at the same speed he kept up all this time. Castiel wasn’t the only one lost in the sensations that tied them together.

“Fuck Cas….you feel so good baby…so damn good.”

The rush of it, Dean saying sweet dirty things into Castiel’s ear while he had to stay quiet. He was going insane for it now. His fingers curled and nails scratched at the polished wood, he had nothing to grab onto to ground him.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Cas.”

And with that Castiel’s orgasm came falling upon him. He clapped a hand over his mouth and screamed into it. His head was on the desk now and the feel of the cold surface on his face did nothing to calm him. Dean quickly followed with a grunt that turned into a low moan. They stood there still connected trying to catch their breath. Once Dean felt himself began to soften he slowly pulled out of Castiel. With all the gentle care in the world he dressed Cas and himself back into their clothes.

*                             *                             *                             *

Despite Dean’s better judgement he found himself in the kitchen with Ellen cooking Thanksgiving morning. He was nervous, it showed in his stiff movements and his tired expressions. He hardly did anything and was so drained. All the stress was weighing on him now.

“Soon as we get these pies done I want you to go get your boyfriend.” She spoke while mashing potatoes.

The kitchen smelled lovely. Ellen always put her all into family dinners, and it was evident when after all the hours of waiting you could taste it in the food. Every bite contained hard work and solid love, bursting with flavor. He was excited for Cas to experience most of his family. Thoughts of how it could all go wrong were first and foremost. He texted Cas to get ready while he delicately put on the pie crusts.

Castiel on the other hand was wracked with anxiety. He paced around his room trying to figure out what to wear, and what to do. He had no clue what Dean’s family would be like. Sure they accepted his sexuality, but what if they didn’t like Cas himself? What if he came off as rude cause he was quiet? What if they hated how awkward he was?

“Cassie, walking yourself around like a loon isn’t gonna make this much easier.”

Yes Gabriel just needed to add his two cents in. Even though it was highly unwanted and Castiel couldn’t even figure out why he was even in his room right now.

“You’re pointless observations aren’t helping either.”

“Don’t get snappy with me young man! You’re a big boy now and this is what people do in serious relationships. They introduce the one they love to their dysfunctional and unhealthy family.”

Love?

Sure the words bounced around in his head a couple times, but he was unsure if he was in love per say. He’d never experienced it before and had no clue what it felt like. He enjoyed the time he spent with Dean thus far and he’d love to continue doing that. But he wasn’t exactly in love…at least not right now.

“If you aren’t here to help then why are you here?”

“I couldn’t miss your mental break down.” Gabriel chuckled as Castiel rolled his eyes and shot his brother a nasty glare. “Fine, fine. Want some advice? Wear the dark blue sweater. It’ll look better under the trench coat. The suit will be too much.”

Reluctantly Cas followed his brother’s advice as he received a text from Dean letting him know he was on his way.


	12. Breathing's Easier Underwater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! On time yet again! I'm actually pretty proud of myself, I'm really bad at deadlines, but doing pretty good with this. anyway let's get the rough stuff out of the way. WARNING WARNING!!!!! THERE IS A SUICIDE MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER!!!! THERE IS ALSO HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE IN THIS CHAPTER!!!!! Not a whole lot but I saw it fit to warn you. For those who love hurt/comfort tropes there's quite a bit of that in this chapter. Also light fluff and hella hurt. As always thank you for reading and your comments! Hope you enjoy! Tumblr- fanofthephire (for all your visual Destiel needs and other stuff)

They both sat in silence on the short ride over to Dean’s uncle’s house. Dean sat a supportive hand on Cas’ knee. The gesture served to calm both of them, ground them in each other’s presence and mentally ready them for the day’s events. They pulled on the property and Cas took a deep inhale as Dean parked the car.

He looked at Cas and with a firm hand on his shoulder, turned him to meet his intense gaze. With that same hand he pressed his calloused palm to Castiel’s stubble. He moved his fingers, softly, hoping the touch would get his point across. They were taking a big step, a giant, heaping step. This was no small task to Dean. He wasn’t sure what it meant to Cas, but this meant a hell of a lot to Dean. His family was his lifeline, the people that kept him going, kept him alive. The fact that he wanted to bring him around such a big piece of him meant that he wanted Castiel to be apart of that lifeline.

“There’s no rush Dean.” His sultry, gravel filled voice erupted into the car. Cas obviously wasn’t as nervous as Dean was, but he was still anxious none the less. He really wasn’t in a rush to get inside. He wanted to have all his thoughts in order so he wouldn’t mess this up.

“I’m good… let’s go Cas.” Dean half smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek before getting out of the car.

Once they were inside the level of noise was significantly rising once everyone had realized that Dean had arrived. Hugs were passed between everyone. It was sweet to watch and make Castiel’s heart swell at the sight. His family was never this affectionate towards each other. Any kind of embrace he received from his parents or siblings felt more like a necessary formality than an actual desire for contact, except for Gabriel. He was often times too affectionate for Castiel’s liking. He could tell Dean’s family was the kind of people that loved with their whole hearts, and they loved hard. Out of all the individuals there Castiel only recognized Sam who spotted him still standing by the door and was now approaching him.

“Hey Cas! How ya been?” he clapped a firm hand on his back.

“I’ve been well Sam how are you?”

“Good, good.”

Cas noticed Dean coming back to him with a huge smile on his face. The man was practically glowing at this point, and he hoped with all that he had that he would remain this way for the rest of the night. He took Castiel’s hand and led him over to the people scattered across the room, all wearing similar expressions to Dean. The first person they approached was a short woman with reddish hair. She had a beer in her hand and an apron wrapped around her jeans. Castiel assumed she was the woman of the house and the one who cooked all the food.

“Aunt Ellen I want you to meet Castiel. My boyfriend.” Dean introduced.

Castiel reached his hand forward only to have it smacked out the way and being tugged into an embrace with the woman. He arms wrap around his middle as she pulls him flush to her body.  He’s being hugged by a stranger. Normally he would freeze up and try to end the interaction as quick as possible, he does his best to get comfortable within it, for the simple fact that the man he cares about is currently watching. When she lets go of him he takes a few steps back and a smile pulls at the corners of his mouth.

“It’s very nice to meet you Castiel.” She reaches a hand up to pat his cheek softly. “And a little tip for you. We hug in this family.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

Dean then leads him around the room and he’s met with the same reaction all around. Each embrace different from the last, but still holding its comfortability. If family gatherings are always like this with Dean’s family then Castiel isn’t sure he ever wants to leave. The concept of affection between those who share blood and those who don’t is lost on him. Dean alone helped Castiel realize just how starved for physical contact he was, now Dean has also managed to show him how family is supposed to feel.

“So you the Cas I’ve heard so much about?” a surly man with grizzled features and a ball cap approaches him with a beer to offer and a handshake. “I’m Bobby, Dean’s uncle and his dumbass father’s brother. Nothing like him I can assure you.”

“It’s nice to meet you sir.”

Bobby let’s go of a throat laugh before he continues speaking. “None of that sir crap around here son. That’s John’s deal. You just call me Bobby and nothing more.”

Castiel nods in response and takes a long sip from his beer hoping it’ll help with his nerves. Dean somehow managed to talk his self across the room, he now stood in front of a large, messy desk talking and laughing with his brother. He wanted the comfort of being by Dean’s side, but he did bring him to get to know the people he calls family so he might as well put his best foot forward.

“So what do you do for a living Cas?”

“I’m a student at the university.”

“Wait….oh now this all makes sense.” Bobby chuckled and took a large swig of his own beer, probably not for the reason that Cas kept sipping at his every chance he got. “You’re the guy he was going on about a few months back.”

“Excuse me? I’m not sure I understand.” Castiel chuckled in pure, confused bliss.

“Dean decided—as he does so often—to unload on me in times of trouble. He was worried about ‘the hot student with the blue eyes’, his words not mine.”

“He was worried?”

“Yeah that you would be his ‘undoing’, again his words.” Bobby laughed again due to the obvious confusion on Castiel’s face. “He was worried about liking you and whether you’d want to partake in the taboo of dating your teacher. Either way it worked out for the both of you. What you studying?”

Castiel was happy for the change of topic and got into a good discussion about what he wanted to do after school, then it somehow morphed into them talking about their love of languages, at which point Dean had made his way back over to the two of them.

Shortly following Ellen made the announcement of dinner being served. As they walked over to the table Sam quickly came to Dean’s opposite side and clapped a hand on his shoulder. Cas shrugged off the gesture until he noticed the caged animal look on Dean’s face once again. He followed his trail of vision to find none other than his father coming in through the back door. He had a smile on his face and sat at the end of the table. Sam and Cas ushered Dean over to the side opposing him. Sam sat to his father’s left, Castiel sat in the middle of Sam and Dean keeping Dean boxed between him and Bobby who sat at the other head of the table. Dean was as far away from his father as he possibly could be while still sitting at the table. The silence was palpable, hanging in the air like an invisible fog. If Castiel wasn’t in such a protective mode right now, he’d probably choke on that silence.

“Sammy what happened to that girl that was supposed to come?”

“She’s actually almost here. Had to work so she should be here by dessert.”

All Sam got in response was a half harrumph and nothing else. Before Castiel could react Bobby announced for everyone to dig in and hands went flying. He’d never seen people dart that quickly towards food. He was lucky he didn’t reach for anything or he’s sure he would draw back a nub. Dean noticed the sight and grabbed Castiel’s plate and began spooning different things onto it. Some of them he wanted and some were mere suggestions because Dean thought he should try them. His plate was handed back to him moderately full.

No one spoke for a good while, just the happy hums of eating and silverware scratching against ceramic plates. Castiel actually really enjoyed the food he was given, everything bursting with flavor like it had whenever Dean cooked for the two of them. He’s never been into food as much as his boyfriend is, but he found himself making the sounds just as much as everyone else. When the plates were clean and those who wanted seconds got them Ellen decided to speak.

“Alright everyone you know the deal. Let’s go around the table and say something we’re thankful for. And keep it clean and happy folks.” She shot John a glare that would turn a lesser man into a crying mess. “I’ll start with I’m thankful for all the ones gathered here today. You’re my family, even the new additions,” she smiled at Castiel, “And I’m glad you could all make it here in one piece.”

“I’m thankful for my wife and daughter. As well as all you other idjits.” Bobby grumbled.

“I’m thankful for my wonderful son, he changed my whole world, and for my brother, who’s a pain in the ass but always there for me, and of course all of you here.” Sam chuckled earning a smack from Dean.

“Speak for yourself bitch.” Dean piped in.

“Jerk.”

“Well obviously I’m thankful for all of you today, and I’m thankful for you accepting Cas into our little gathering.” He patted Cas’ knee under the table and shot him a glowing smile that should truly be illegal it was so bright.

It was Cas’ turn and all eyes were pointed in his direction. What on earth should he say? He was obviously glad to have Dean in his life, but other than that what was expected of him? He didn’t want to say too much should it embarrass himself or Dean. He also didn’t want to say anything too ‘sappy’, as Dean would say, should it trigger Dean’s homophobic father. The day was turning out a success so far and to ruin it would be his fault and his alone. This was a big day for Dean, a risk that he was willing to take because he wanted Castiel to be a part of his family. A bunch of words and phrases sloshed around in his head while he tried to formulate a sentence or two. He wished that Dean would’ve mentioned this tradition beforehand so that he could’ve been more mentally ready to be put on stage and expected to say something heartfelt to a bunch of strangers. He took a deep breath hoping it would calm him some, he concentrated on Dean’s supportive touch on his knee, finally deciding what to say.

“I’m thankful for Dean, coming into my life. I’m thankful for you all letting me join you on today.”

He heard a laugh that formed into a cough at the end of the table, clearly coming from John. Castiel had to reel in some self-control not to glare at the man, he felt Dean’s grip on his knee tighten and sat a hand of his own on top. It seemed no matter what he would say, no matter how basic and platonic the words were that they wouldn’t be accepted by John. He could’ve said he was thankful that it didn’t rain today and it still wouldn’t be received well. And that was no fault of his or Dean’s.

“Well I guess it’s my go.” Joh said clearing his throat. “I’m thankful for my son’s. No matter how they choose to live their lives I will always want what’s best for them. And I love them.”

Castiel could hear the back handed insult in that and he cringed. He could practically hear Dean getting angry next to him, but he simply just kept a light caress on his hand letting him know silently that he was here for him. The man could’ve said worse, and by the hate he spat his words at Dean with the other day he knew this. If this was him behaving himself, and this is as cordial, then he would take it over anything else. He could tell, taking a short side glance at Dean, that the words stung him deep within himself. Everyone’s eyes were either glaring at John or looking at Dean softly, everyone else knew there was sarcasm and disapproval hidden within those words.

The others at the table all said there piece and Ellen rose from the table to get the pies. Castiel wanted to offer his help, but the look of sheer disappointment and shame that flooded Dean’s features kept him from doing that. The nature of the situation also prevented him from wanting to comfort his lover. He wanted nothing more than to wrap Dean up in his arms and shield him from any harm. They had grown on one another in the most delightful way.

Once dessert was served most of everyone retired to the living room to enjoy the music that now filled the house, and conversations started among them. The only ones to remain at the table were Castiel and Dean. He watched his boyfriend’s mood sink so low he barely even touched his pie. Sam had went to the living room with everyone else since his new girlfriend showed up and he wanted to introduce her to everyone. They talked with her briefly and Castiel hoped they didn’t seem rude by not joining the festivities, his mind was trained on Dean right now. He wanted to speak, say anything that would take him out of this withdrawn state that he was in now.

“We can leave if you’d like.” He said carefully caressing his hand across Dean’s upper back.

“That would be running away Cas.” He let out a heavy sigh. “To be honest I’m pretty tired of running. Let’s go in there and mingle. That’s what we’re here for.”

Castiel nodded in response and followed Dean towards the living room. They ended up with Sam and Ruby, holding Mark, chatting happily about all of their careers. This caused Dean to go in a whirlwind of a rant about his students’ lack of basic grammar knowledge, it was funny to listen to, so they laughed. Castiel noticed that even though Dean was down, seeing other’s happy and light caused him to be the same. Sure he could still feel the dark cloud that loomed over his boyfriend’s head, but Dean seemed much better now than he was in the kitchen. It warmed his heart to see that his loved ones had such a positive effect on him.

No one noticed, but Castiel did, seeing John slip away from the crowd unnoticed and going upstairs. He was happy to see the man leave. His presence had brought nothing but negative energy from the moment he walked through the door. He knew all about loving someone in spite of not being able to stand them, he could relate to Dean’s family on that front. He’d learned that the hard way from his brother’s and his mother.

The party was starting to morph into something different. Instead of the beer that was passed around at the start, someone had brought out the heavier stuff, that’s when Dean stopped drinking since he had to drive Cas home.

“Come on Dean just one drink?” his cousin Ash asked him.

“Nah,” he chuckled, “Gotta drive this one home safely or it’s my head.”

Castiel had a feeling he was referring to the random threats Gabriel had tossed his way when Dean had come to pick him up. Gabriel really was all talk with minimal bite, he actually really liked Dean and talked about him often to Castiel, but he would whine and complain should he ever share that with his partner.

“Woah!” Ash cooed. “Haven’t seen Dean this protective in a long time. He must be a keeper.”

“Sure as hell is.” Dean smiled and looked at Castiel.

Castiel wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but if Dean’s face said anything than being a keeper was certainly a good thing. Soon enough it was nearing time to go. It was pretty late so Dean grabbed their jackets, he went behind Castiel to help him put his on. Not that he needed helping, but the gesture was nice and made him feel cozy.

Just as they were about to walk out the door, John comes stumbling down the stairs. Everyone can tell he’s heavily intoxicated. Castiel turns and stands with his shoulders squared in front of Dean.

“John what the hell?” Bobby rushes over with his wife following close behind.

“What I can’t join the party?” he slurs.

Sam turns away from Ruby and walks over to the scene that’s slowly unfolding itself in front of him. He comes to stand by Castiel and their both trapping Dean against the door at this point. Castiel feels Dean’s hand on his shoulder, holding it tightly.

“No you can’t. You aren’t even supposed to be drinking.” Ellen chimes in.

“I’m fine! I didn’t even have that much for y’all to start up with me.”

“You shouldn’t have had any to begin with ya idjit!” Bobby shouts.

Everyone can tell by the way he’s swaying that he’s had more than plenty. This was gonna go real south real quick and Castiel wanted to get Dean out of there as quick as possible.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean could feel his heartbeat speeding up, and if it weren’t for the music playing so loud he was sure that everyone would be able to hear the relentless pounding. He was sweating and hot as everything was happening around him. His hand that wasn’t on Cas was still on the door knob. He could run, or he could stand up to his father. Each option scared him just as much, sure he was tired of running and avoiding, but he was also tired of the blatant disrespect. He didn’t need his father to like or accept his choices, but he will respect them. His lack of involvement in either of his son’s lives were evidence enough that they didn’t need him. Sure Dean loved him, but enough was e fucking nough, he was at the end of his short rope and saw it high time to end this madness. If John wanted a fight then he was going to get the fight of the century.

Dean lightly pushed Castiel until he was standing next to him. He loved how protective the younger man was of him, but he was sick of being shielded. His father’s hatred had no foundation, no real reason for it in the first place, and he was fully intent on crumbling it to pieces and blowing it out of his life.

“Stop treating me like I’m not a grown man Bobby! I got this. I don’t need you regulating me.”

“You live in my house! So I regulate as I damn well please.”

“Yeah like how you wouldn’t even let me see my boys half the time!? That you regulatin’ too?”

This was new news to Dean and by the look on Sam’s face it was to him as well. Sure they knew his Dad had plenty of benders back in the day, months on end where he’d get some liquor in him and go missing. He had no idea that some of that was Bobby’s doing. Seeing as how Bobby had saved them from a life threatening situation, he couldn’t be mad at him for that. It was a good choice on his part, no matter how much it had hurt them at the time.

“Hell yeah it was John, but this ain’t the time or the place to be discussing that.” Bobby’s voice was strained from him trying to get his temper under control.

“I don’t give a damn what time it is! We talkin about it now.” He stomped off the landing at the bottom of the stairs and walked up to Bobby. “You kept my boys from me! That’s probably how Dean turned out to be a damn fag!”

And there it was. The expected unexpected. The liquor was in John and the deepest darkest thoughts were unleashed, free to flow as they pleased. Dean was prepared though, he knew this conversation would only lead down to that dark road he never wanted to go back to.

“Dad stop! Bobby’s right. This isn’t the time for that.” Sam interjected. He shot worried eyes at Dean, but Dean didn’t look in his direction at all. He kept his gaze on his flailing father, ready to say what needed to be said at any moment.

“You hush boy this ain’t about you.” He spat at Sam. “This about your uncle thinking he’s above everyone.”

“Don’t you start that shit with me John! I’ve always supported you! Even with the bad decisions you’ve made through life I still stood by you!” Bobby’s skin was turning read from the exertion of yelling. “But there’s always a time when shit goes too damn far. I wouldn’t stand behind and watch you ruin your sons!”

“They’re my sons Bobby and my decisions with them ain’t none of your damn business!” John reached out and shoved Bobby, hard, right in the chest.

Ellen was ready to pounce at John, but Bobby held her back. He was keeping both of their anger in check at this point.

“Dad it’s time to cut the shit.” Dean growled. “So fucking what I like men. You don’t like it then o damn well. It is what it is and it ain’t gonna change. You can either get over it and be the father you never been a day in your life, or leave me the hell alone.”

“What you say to me boy?” John’s attention snapped away from Bobby and was fully on Dean. He stared at his son like he was prey ready to be torn apart.

“You heard me loud and clear.” Dean’s head was held high and confidence dripped from his words.

“You will change your tone and speak to me with respect.” His voice boomed. “I didn’t raise you to talk to me like that.”

At that Dean laughed. It was a noise bathed in sarcasm and spite. Someone had shut the music off and it was the only noise to be heard in the room. Dean could see Ruby off in the corner of the kitchen bouncing little Mark in her arms, he was crying softly, startled by all the shouting.

“You didn’t raise me at all!” he continued laughing. “Bobby and Ellen were more of a parent to me than you could ever be!”

His heart clenched and his hands shook, but he meant every word. John was harsh, and how he treated his sons couldn’t be considered parenting. He was more of an abusive, occasional babysitter than anything that could be considered a father. He wasn’t always like that though, this all came about when their mother died in a house fire all those years ago. It was the worse time in Dean’s life. He was only 4 years old, holding little Sammy in his arms outside the house, only wearing his pajamas in the middle of winter while they watched it burn to the ground. For years the smell, and the brightness of the fire haunted him. He could barely go to a cookout without having a panic attack for so long. Even now he’d have a nightmare about that night. The hot and cold of it all, a shocking contrast he wished to never experience again. Looking back that was the one and only time he had seen his father cry. One of the only times he’d seen him express emotion without the help of alcohol.

John was just about to pounce on Dean, the look of a man with nothing to lose in his eyes. Pure rage and fire radiated from the man and for the first time in Dean’s life, that too familiar look didn’t scare him anymore. Bobby was quick to catch John, using all the strength in him to hold him back, but Dean didn’t budge, he didn’t need to. John couldn’t hurt Dean at this point anymore. He was old and drunk, where Dean was young and sober. All he had left were his hate filled words, and empty threats. And if that’s all he had then Dean would no longer show it affecting him.

“John you need to calm the hell down!” Bobby turned them so John was farther from Dean and pushed him away from him. John stumbled a bit off this, bracing himself on a wooden chair that sat in the middle of the floor, it had long been vacated by whoever was sitting there.

“Y’all not gonna turn this all on me!” he shouted.

“And who would be to blame for this John?” Bobby sighed. He was more than over this whole thing.

“Look how Sammy turned out! He’s a fucking lawyer! Gave me a grandson, and he’s even got a girlfriend. He turned out fine no matter how you see it. How the hell do you explain Dean?”

“We’re done with this conversation John!” Bobby hollered.

“Not my fault he tried to kill himself!”

And like that a thousand daggers shot through Dean in that moment. It was out there and it hurt, but his pride wouldn’t let it show on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm down for doing some one-shots. You got prompts or anything you want me to right then slide them my way! Hope you all have a great day!


	13. All He Saw was a Broken Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still going strong over here! Even though I'm working on 3 other pieces besides this *sighs in agony*. But nonetheless I'm having fun and I hope you guys have fun as well. There's some sappy feels in this one. Not a big warning, but Dean's hitting the bottle pretty heavily here. AS always I hope you enjoy reading this and comments and kudos are welcome!! Hope you guys have a wonderful week! xoxo [ follow me on Tumblr- fanofthephire :) ]

Castiel didn’t say a word, as he watched his boyfriend from where he sat in the passenger seat, trying to blink away tears as he drove. His face was hardened and expressionless, but Castiel could still see the pain in those eyes. His father had went too far, a vase full of secrets was dropped tonight, and all of Dean’s darkest moments were on display for everyone to see. Shortly after the outburst Bobby had punched John in the face and dragged him out of the house, locking the door behind him. All of the other guests left as well, murmuring their ‘goodnights’ and ‘thank you for inviting me’. Ellen had tried to get them to stay, cool off for a while and let Dean collect himself before he set out to drive them home. He refused with repeating that he was ok. Sam left shortly before them, finally having calmed his son enough that he fell asleep, and Ruby left with them.

Now they were in the car, driving in silence, nothing but the sound of the wind ripping through the cracked windows. Castiel shivered a bit at the cold air, but he wouldn’t complain. The mood in the car was so dead it matched the November air, and he didn’t want to ruin the silence, for fear that it would either set Dean off or he would shut down entirely. He certainly would not question the things he had heard tonight. Those were very personal matters that Dean hadn’t told him about, he felt in due time they would have that conversation, but Dean wasn’t ready. For it to just burst out like that, he had no preparation, no mental readying before diving into something like that. Castiel had many questions, but he kept them quiet.

They pulled up to his house and the silence remained. Dean gave him a peck on the forehead and thanked him for coming. He slide out of the car feeling defeated and utterly exhausted, the whirlwind weighed on him so much. But now was not the time.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean spent the rest of Thanksgiving weekend exactly how he wanted. Alone and drunk. The texts and calls came through from those closest to him, but he just didn’t have it in him to get out of bed, much less to let people know he was still breathing. No one came over, not even Sam, who’d always showed up when Dean was like this. The only other person he expected was Cas, he hadn’t showed at all. He was either giving Dean space or giving himself space. It hurt just as much as his father’s words. Dean truly wanted Castiel to bust down his door and storm inside, stopping him from drowning within himself. But he hadn’t, and since old habits die hard, he wouldn’t ask him to.

He felt no different than John, using liquor to escape the dull, strumming pain in his heart. A toxic temporary fix to a very real issue, his favorite pass time. But unlike his father, Dean had very real responsibilities that he had to worry about. At this point in time he was lying on his couch cradling a half full bottle of Jack. Classes were starting tomorrow and it was high time to sober up. Whatever was playing on the Tv was lost on him, he had no attention towards anything but the sloshing in his head and how loose his body felt. Dragging himself off of the couch seemed to be a feat of its own, actually putting his alcohol away was yet another feat.

It’s not that John had really hurt him per say, it was more of what the revelation being out in the open would do to his relationships with those who hadn’t known this information, namely his relationship with Cas. Sure his boyfriend had his share of skeletons, but he got them in the open, Dean was aware of what happened to him. Cas also never tried to take his own life because of it. Would he want to date someone who was so weak? Dean had improved so much since that time, but in times like this his demons still haunted him from shady corners of his mind. He was far from easy to be with, the nightmares, the times where he was withdrawn into his self. Things were simple now, but when they got rough, people tended to run. The only one who stayed long enough for them to get through a couple hard times was his ex Lisa, but even she had a breaking point. Everyone did and he assumed this would be the end of the road for him and Cas.

*                             *                             *                             *

Going to class and doing assignments were never too hard for Castiel. He took notes, he did his projects, made sure he paid the upmost attention during every session. Today, however, was extremely difficult for him. Watching Dean try to teach when the man was clearly distressed was the single most difficult class session he’d ever attended. The forced smile, the lack of enthusiasm, he mainly sat at his desk and rambled for a while before just giving up entirely and turning the class loose to read on their own. His heart burned with sadness for the man. To the average student it probably appeared that Dean was tired and had a rough morning, but Castiel knew better than that. Dean taught with such brightness, he gave the upmost detail on every subject they touched on. He smiled when he taught, moved around the room like every day was exciting and new for him, it was truly beautiful to watch. Today was more than a bad day, Dean looked like he was.....mourning.

Once class ended all the students quickly filed out of the room and as usual Castiel stayed behind. He locked the door to the classroom then walked up to the desk slowly, not trying to startle Dean who was grading a stack of assignments. He looked so drained, as he rubbed at the stubble on his cheeks. His tired eyes gliding across the page and his hand nervously tapping the pen on the wood.

“Hello Dean.” He offered.

“Hey Cas.” He looked up and gave him a sad half smile.

“How are you feeling Dean?”

“I’m alright. How are you?”

“Are you alright Dean?”

“I’m as good as I’m gonna be Cas.” He sighed.

“Well I missed you over the rest of break. I tried to call, but you never answered.”

“Sorry, I uh had some stuff to do.”

They both knew it was a blatant lie, but Dean didn’t know what else to say, and Cas didn’t want to fight about it. Dean shoved all his graded and ungraded assignments into his bag before rising from his desk getting ready to take leave.

“Do you have any other classes today?” he asked not meeting Cas’ eyes.

“Yes.”

“Alright. I’ll be in my office for a while, so just find me when you’re done and I’ll drive you home.”

Dean fled without another word or any sign of affection towards Cas.

At the end of the day Dean was in his office as promised and he drove Castiel home. The ride was filled with a dense silence, unlike all the other times he found himself in the classic car. Despite himself he tried to keep his distance, tried not to pry. It was making him uncomfortable, he felt like he was shoved on the outside and only left to look at Dean through a set of bars that he put up. He didn’t like how that feeling sat within him, taking root in his heart. He was sure that it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

When they arrived at his house he placed a kiss to Dean’s forehead and left the car with a whispered goodbye.

When Dean returned to his apartment that night he felt numb. So damn numb. He reached for the bottle immediately as he discarded his coat to the floor and kicked off his boots. He knew this was wrong so wrong but not a nerve in his body seemed to care. He was spiraling again. It was dangerous to let the darkness overcome his mind again but he was powerless against it. The coolness of the glass felt good against his lips. He didn’t need a cup, just drank straight from the bottle. The conflicting feeling of the cold liquid warming him up as it made its way down his throat. He didn’t love it but he knew he needed it.

Before he knew it he was drunk again. All the assignments he should’ve been grading were thoughts lost in the winds of intoxication. He sat on the couch with his glass friend. A football game playing on the tv with only half his attention on it. His brain was swimming now. Regret at the forefront of it all now. He shouldn’t have been so cold to Cas. It wasn’t his fault that his life was terrible. Wasn’t his fault that his father was a raging piece of shit. But the deed had been done and there was no going back now. Maybe it was better this way. He thought he was giving Castiel an easy out to all of this. Who knows if it’ll get worse or get better?

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean had fallen asleep and awoke to heavy hands hauling him up off the couch. He wasn’t as aware as he probably should’ve been, but whoever it was half carried him half dragged him to his bathroom. He was stripped of his shirt and pants then hauled into his bathtub. He sunk into the porcelain and laid his head on the side. Cold water poured down on his body, shocking every nerve within him and he shivered, finally opening his eyes.

He should’ve known Sam would be the only one to treat him so abrasively. His skin was going numb, but all in all it actually felt good. The sweat from the alcohol and overall stress was being washed away. The bottom of the tub was starting to fill and because of body heat it was much warmer than the icicles that were falling from above. The contrasting temperatures were doing his body good. He looked up at his brother to find him with his arms crossed in front of his chest and a disapproving gaze on his face. Dean was in for it now.

“You wanna explain why I haven’t heard from you in the last couple days?”

“Been busy Sammy.”

“Busy finding your sorrows at the bottom of a bottle? Or actually busy? Cause I’m betting on the first one.”

“I’m fine Sam. The cold shower wasn’t necessary.”

“It was though. You just up and disappear without a word and you think that’s ok? You think drinking is gonna help you?”

“I know it’s not.” He rubbed a hand through his wet hair causing it to spike further. Bracing himself with a hand on each side of the tub he slowly hoisted himself up to a standing position. Dizziness took over and Sam noticed the swaying, reaching an arm out to help Dean out of the tub. “I just need to forget about it for a while is all.”

Dean felt like he honestly didn’t need to explain anything to his brother. He just wanted to be left alone to his own devices. Figure all this out on his own. He had meant it when he said his father either had to accept Dean for who he was or get out of his life. When he let that very dark point of Dean’s life just fall into the open like that, he’d clearly made his choice. Dean didn’t plan on being around should he recant that.

His whole body was wracked with shivers as he pushed past Sam into his bedroom. The warmth of the room felt nice, like he was wrapped in an atmospheric blanket. He stripped off his underwear and got a dry pair, then slipped on a pair of sweatpants and opted for being shirtless.

“Dean you can’t live like this. It’s not healthy and you’re better than this.”

“I really don’t wanna hear that Sam.” His blood began to boil as he watched his brother sling around his usual clichés hoping that somehow Dean would magically become a better man.

“I don’t care if you wanna hear it or not, but you’re gonna listen.”

Dean spun around at that. He never took too kindly to being challenged into something that he didn’t want. It infuriated him that his brother thought he could just do and say whatever he wanted and Dean was just supposed to shut up and take it.  

“Sam I’m not playing intervention right now. I just need to get over this by myself.”

“That’s not how this works Dean. We’re family, which means no one gets to just get over things by themselves.”

Dean wanted to hit something. Destroy anything in his path, but the only thing in front of him and within reach was his brother. Sam was right about one thing, he was a far better man than his father. Perfect, of course not, but he would never be low enough to hitting his brother for his own personal release. It wasn’t right when John did it and it would be even worse for him to emulate that behavior. He opted for walking past Sam in search of another friendly bottle that he could pop open and redrown himself. Shoving through the cabinets above the stove, there were none. Searching through the fridge, he also drew back empty handed. He was almost sure he had at least one bottle left. He spun around racking his brain for where he could’ve possibly hit a bottle.

“I threw it all out. Not a drop left.” Sam said walking into the kitchen.

“Sam.” Dean’s tone was demanding and heavy with anger. “You owe me.”

“No Dean I don’t think I do. It’s time to pull your head out of the sand and deal with this like a healthy individual. Have you even talked to Cas this entire time? I mean if you were dodging me than I’m sure he hasn’t seen height nor hair of you.”

“I saw him today.” His tone changed immediately, and if the tv was still on Sam for sure wouldn’t be able to hear him.

“At school? And what about after? I’m use to this treatment, but how do you think Cas feels?”

“I don’t know how he feels Sam!” Dean shouted, more at himself than at his brother.

“He’s a phone call or a 5 minute drive away. Don’t do this to him. That’s not fair.”

“How do you tell someone something like this? Cause I’d love to hear your fun facts on admitting you tried to kill yourself. Hell if you weren’t there that night I probably wouldn’t have told you.”

Sam’s face told Dean that that had stung. He didn’t mean for it to sound so aggressive, but that’s the way he’s feeling right now. He had no clue how to do this. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to discuss something so heavy with him.

“You don’t have to go all out with it, but at least let him know you’re ok.”

“Clearly I’m not, probably won’t be for a while.”

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean broke down in a drunken haze, he went to the store shortly after his brother left, and decided to call Cas. He cleared his throat as the call was picked up hoping he didn’t sound too far gone to alert the man.

“Hello Dean.”

“Heya Cas.” He drawled.

“Are you drunk?”

Dammit, he cursed to himself. Well there goes that.

“No. Just had a couple of drinks.”

“Should I come over?”

Dean thought about that for a minute. Of course he wanted him to come over. He wanted to hold him and lay on his chest under his sheets, listening to his heart beat until he fell asleep. But Dean couldn’t possibly say that. He’d feel like he was being desperate, and desperate wasn’t him. On the other hand he truly didn’t want Cas to see him broken like this. Broken didn’t look good on him and he felt it was too early to show it. Hell he’d been with Lisa for a year before she’d seen him cry.

“Nah Cas I got stuff to do. Just wanted to hear your sexy voice.” Dean joked in an attempt to sway the path the conversation was bound to go down.

*                             *                             *                             *

The rest of the week unfortunately went much the same. Castiel went through the motions of the day with that same pit of worry in his heart. Dean was all over his thoughts, and utterly ruined his concentration. His last class of the day he didn’t even bother going to since it was a complete waste of time to just sit there and not be able to listen. Dean was getting distant and Castiel had no idea why of all people he’d distance himself from him. He would never pressure Dean to talk about something so painful and sensitive, so why the avoiding?

He walked to Dean’s office with a set of determination to get to the bottom of all this. He walked in the door to find the man slumped over with his head in his hands. His back had the steady rise and fall letting him know he wasn’t asleep. He locked the door behind him and went to sit in the usual chair that sat in front of the desk.

“Dean.” He reached out and tapped the other man’s shoulder. “I know you aren’t asleep. Can we discuss this please?”

“What is there to discuss Cas?”

“Can you at least look at me?” Cas was getting annoyed and Dean could hear it in his voice. He slowly raised his head and was met with an expression that was a mix between genuine concern and worry. “I won’t ask for an explanation, but I do ask that you stop pushing me away.”

“I’m not pushing you anywhere Cas.”

“You clearly are Dean. We’ve barely talked all week and I’m getting tired of this.”

“If you’re so damn tired then why didn’t you come see me for the rest of break huh? You did the last time something happened with my dad. What changed this time?” Dean was starting to get loud and defensive, and that only fueled Castiel’s annoyance. Dean knew he was picking a fight to avoid the real thing. This was his m.o. He was just as bad at letting someone in as he was with coping. Dean was hoping a fight would start, they’d argue for a little, he would take his out, and they’d never have to confront the issue head on. 

“I went last time because your brother asked me to. Because unlike you he communicates when something is wrong and asks for my help.”

“You should’ve known I needed you.”

“Dean….”he took a much needed pause to collect his thoughts. This wasn’t supposed to turn into a childish fight. “You put space in between us so I thought that’s what you needed. I may not be versed in what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship, but I’m pretty sure being a mind reader isn’t one of the requirements. I will always do my absolute best to be there for you, but you need to tell me when I am and not needed. That’s how this works.” His pinched voice slowly rose in volume.

“What am I supposed to say Cas? ‘I’m weak right now and I need you’?”

“Yes! You can change the words however you like, but that should be the general message.” He rolled his eyes. “I know that’s not an easy thing to admit for you, but the least you can do is try. Because right now I’m the only one who’s trying.”

“I really don’t wanna talk about it Cas.” He got from his desk and once again shoved his things in it getting ready to leave.

That was the end of Castiel’s rope. It was a pretty long rope of patience and Dean just burned the last of it away. He stepped in Dean’s way standing tall and strong despite being slightly shorter than him. He kept moving forward and watched Dean’s expression morph from annoyance to a little scared. His back hit the wall and now there was nowhere for him to go. A hand placed on each side of his head from Cas had him trapped in place. If Cas wasn’t as angry as he was Dean would actually find this pretty hot, it was hot, but now wasn’t the time for such thoughts.

“Stop running away from me Dean. Every time I get close you shut down and run away.” Dean was powerless under the gaze of those cerulean eyes. His defenses felt weak and were beginning to crack under the other mans’ anger. “Every day this week I’ve tried to talk to you. Let you know that I’m here for support should you need it. And every last time you just walk away from me. I’ve grown quite tired of it. Then you try and throw things in my face that aren’t even my fault!? This ends now.” He growled.

“Cas I really don’t want to talk about that.” He spoke lowly.

“I’m not asking you to talk about it. I’m asking you to stop pushing me away.”

They both took a pause from this. For Castiel it was to calm down. For Dean it was to think this over. He couldn’t help but think that Cas was right. Running away as usual when he said he was done with that. Cas was only trying to support him in every way that he could. Thinking back this was the issue with all of his other relationships.  Things would get tough and he would push them away until they had no choice but to run. Cas was obviously in this and wouldn’t take leaving as an option.

“I just don’t want you to leave when things get rough.”

“Then stop acting like you do.” He lowered his voice before continuing. “I’m here because I want to be here. Not just when things are easy. Neither one of us has had an easy life, I understand that. Who am I to judge you for your past? And who are you to judge us by your past relationships?”

All of that hit Dean like a freshly lit bomb. Cas was right. Dean wasn’t looking at any of this fairly. He was treating him like he was his past and that wasn’t healthy nor ok. He obviously wasn’t planning to leave, he was fighting to stay. This was all new for Dean, something he wanted didn’t slip through his fingers at the first sight of conflict. It was strange that although they were technically in a fight he was very happy with it. He put a hand to Castiel’s cheek and felt a smile tugging at his lips.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He sighed, letting a small smirk onto his features.

Dean didn’t know if he moved first or if it was Cas, but either way they’re lips were now moving against each other in a very heated kiss. Cas’ arms slid up and around the back of neck, where he carted fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck. It was funny how quick an honest apology diffused the whole situation. Soon enough hands were roaming everywhere they could manage standing up. Dean’s hands were sliding up and down Cas’ back while Cas’ own hands were now kneading Dean’s backside. Everything was back to the warm and fuzzies as it should have been.

“Dean, “Cas whispered, “I think we should stop.”

“And why is that?” he nuzzled his nose against the other man’s neck, opening his mouth to place warm kisses along the skin.

“Because we’re at school. The classroom is one thing, but this is your office. Who knows who’ll be able to hear us.” He pushed back from Dean, but was still locked in his arms.

“Then we need to get home stat.” he smiled and placed a final kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.


	14. Shh! Quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey! This week between chapters felt super long! But nonetheless I managed to get another one up for yall. I'm really trying to up my game on this fic and the other one I'm writing so constructive criticism is welcomed. (just be nice please) There are warnings for this chapter- SUICIDE MENTION AND ATTEMPT!!!!! IT'S MARKED WITH 888888 SO PLEASE BE WARY!!! I'll post a summary at the end seeing how most of this chapter is a flashback! Also I'm adding some tags. As always comments are welcomed and kudos are appreciated. Happy Reading!!! xoxo

Castiel spent the night with Dean, which then turned to the weekend with Dean. It was lovely and something that they both needed. It was Sunday night now and Castiel wanted to get some clothes and books that he would need for the following week. He’d text his father to let him know that he’d be coming home should he be there. Finals were rolling in soon and much or the last of the semester escaped him as he was so wrapped up in Dean. Of course he kept up with his work, but he still felt a little out of practice on some things, and would not tolerate it affecting his GPA. Dean drove him to the house and opted for staying outside since Castiel promised he would only be a few minutes. He noticed his father’s car outside along with one parked behind it that he didn’t quite recognize. Assuming it was one of his brother’s he didn’t think anything of it. That was until he walked into the living room to see Mr. Roman seated on his couch having a heated discussion with his father.   
Castiel observed the scene quietly, hoping he wouldn’t be seen before he can gauge what was happening in front of him. For the 30 seconds it took for either of them to notice him, he found Mr. Roman trying to convince his father into some sort of business deal and his father refusing due to the issues their sons have had. A pit of pride swelled in his chest at his father refusing a deal in defense of him. It gave him the confidence needed to announce his presence and walk into the room.  
“Well hello Castiel.” The snake of a man smiled. “It’s been quite a while how are you son?”  
“I’ve been fine. Father I’m just going to grab a few things and I’ll be on my way.” He did his best to ignore the man.   
His father nodded offering a soft face of remorse for not warning Castiel ahead of time that their unwanted guest would be making an appearance. He offered a soft smile to let him know that he wasn’t upset with him.   
“Going to hang out huh? Glad you do that now.” The other man chuckled. “You were such a quiet child. I’m happy you’re branching out now.”   
His lips formed a tight line, a barrier again the obscene things he wanted to say to that man. If there was anyone he hated more than Dick it was his father. Dick had done terrible, unforgivable things to him, but his father was no doubt even worse. After all that had happened he did his best to sweep it all under a carpet. Castiel’s father had every intention to press charges, but Dick’s father had been quick to throw his money around to get the whole situation to disappear. The rape kit they had done on Castiel somehow went missing, the clothes he had worn that night that would be used for evidence were gone as well. The families of the other boys involved were paid handsomely to deny all claims of that night. The case was soon too weak to pursue and was eventually tossed out. It hurt so bad to see that he would get no retribution for what happened to him. So for this man to be sitting in his living room smiling at him, it took more than enough self-control for him to not violently launch at the man and beat him senseless.   
Chuck must’ve sensed his son’s rage and pushed him softly in the direction of the stairs.   
“Henry I think you need to leave. I’ve already said no and I don’t think there’s anything else to discuss.”  
“Chuck, please think about it. It’s a good deal. I’ll have my assistant send you a copy of it.”  
By that time Castiel was already in his room, slamming the door.  
* * * *  
“That guy’s a piece of shit, apple don’t fall too far from the tree I see.”  
“Yeah well I’m just happy father doesn’t want to deal with him. Can you imagine?”  
“Yeah I imagine my foot going so far up Roman’s ass he’s puking up my shoelaces.”  
“Eww Dean.” He chuckled. He was grateful to have Dean to rely on, always turning something bad into a laughable situation. Castiel only hoped he could one day return the favor. “I don’t want to imagine that.”  
“You’re right that’s pretty gross.” Dean nuzzled into Castiel’s neck and he came to the conclusion this was the man’s favorite place to be. He places soft, barely there kisses on the underside of his jaw. “Either way I’m glad you decided to stay with me this weekend. Sorry again for being an ass.”  
“I have forgiven you each of the thousand times you’ve apologized, I don’t think I can forgive you anymore.” He carded a hand through Dean’s hair.   
“I want to tell you what happened.” He muttered.  
“You—are you sure?” Castiel was taken by surprise. He shifts their intertwined position a little so that their eyes meet. “You don’t have too if it makes you uncomfortable.”  
“Cas,” he sighed, “It will always be uncomfortable, but I think it’ll be better to have in out there. You put yourself out there for me some time ago so it’s only right that I do so.”   
“Then I’m here to listen.”  
88888888 88888888888 888888888888   
Dean didn’t want to dig too deep. It’s not like he set out to tell his whole life story, just the darkest parts of it. He took a deep breath as he let his mind wander back to the roughest of times and let the worlds fall out of his mouth.  
In his youth he’d always maintained the bad boy persona, it was his façade. The mask he put on so no one could every see who he really was. They moved around a lot after his mom’s death. It all depended on whether John could get a job and keep it with his lovely habits. There was two years in high school when they’re dad had a pretty good job and things were ok. They were only a couple towns over so most of the summer and long breaks off from school he and Sam would spend at Bobby’s. Dean was also driving at the time, his dad had loaned him the Impala since he used his truck for work. He liked his independence. He’d gotten close to one individual in his sophomore year, a gorgeous nerdy kid named Johnathan. Dean was a tough guy sure, but he never took to bullying. He felt it wasn’t right to pick on someone that couldn’t defend themselves for your own sick enjoyment. Johnathan had been a victim of bullying for a long time before Dean had got there, but one day they picked on him at the wrong place wrong time.   
Dean had just came out of the restroom, while he was skipping his Algebra class when he saw a couple of the football players beating on Johnathan. He put a stop to it, beating down all 3 of them at once. It was safe to say that everyone involved were in utter shock at what took place, especially Johnathan.   
“Hey kid you need some help getting to the nurses office?” Dean offered a hand to the other boy who was crouched on the floor.   
“My name is Johnathan.”   
“Sure thing. I’m Dean.” He flashed his award winning grin.  
“I know who you are. Why’d you help me?” he took Dean’s hand as he was hauled off the floor.  
“I don’t like seeing people get hurt. Why were they beating on you?” Dean walked ahead a little fully intending on escorting the boy to the nurse’s office.  
“Because I’m gay.”  
This caused Dean to freeze. The boy had dropped that so easily, like he was telling Dean his favorite color or something. He shifted his gaze from the boy’s face to the end of the hallway.   
“Hmm well let’s go get you cleaned up.”  
Dean made good on his promise as he always does and he took the boy to the nurse. He watched him get cleaned up and walked him back to class. At the end of the day he waited by the car as he normally did waiting for his brother, but he was also waiting for Johnathan. When Sammy was strapped in and ready to go he looked back to the school hoping he wouldn’t miss him in the crowd of bodies that came flooding out of the school.   
He saw him straggling behind the pack and half jogged over to him.  
“Heya Johnathan. How you getting home buddy?”  
“Hi Dean. The bus like most everyone else.”  
“You wanna hitch a ride instead?”   
“I don’t want to inconvenience you.” The boy shifted on his feet clearly a bit uncomfortable with the offer.   
“None of that. Just tell me where to go and we’re good.” The look on his face, like this was the first time someone was kind to him struck a chord in Dean. Johnathan didn’t seem like a bad guy, so he couldn’t understand why people would treat him like he was the town leper.   
Dean dropped his brother off first making sure to tell him to do his homework and not to go anywhere before he turned the car around and began to take John home. Most of the drive had been him giving directions and silence between them, but John was fidgeting a little too much for Dean’s liking.  
“Got something you wanna share with the class buddy?”   
“I’m just—this is strange but thank you.”  
“What’s so strange about it? I saw something bad happening to you and I figured I’d help. Nothing weird about it.”  
“Well from what people say about you I just assumed you were like every other guy at school. As soon as they hear I’m gay they either beat me up or avoid me like the plague.”  
“It’s not my place to judge you for what you like. And it’s really none of anyone’s business. You aren’t hurting anyone with it so why do they care?”  
“I just didn’t expect that from you is all.” He visibly sunk further into the seat.  
“Well stick with me long enough and you’ll find a lot of things you didn’t expect. Can’t believe everything you hear.” He flashed a bright smile at the boy before returning his eyes to the road.  
From then on Johnathan and Dean were pretty much inseparable. Dean took him home every day from school to avoid him getting bullied on the bus, they hung out on weekends, even Sam built a friendship with him. Most of the bullying stopped as word spread that he was taken under Dean’s wing. No one wanted to mess with someone who was close to Dean.   
One Friday night Dean had asked Johnathan to sleepover, as they did now and again. John knew about it and said he’d be gone for the weekend and gave his usual command of keeping an eye on his brother. He’d even left money for pizza. They ate and laughed and played video games together. Once it got around to midnight Dean had sent Sam to bed and once he was out of sight he busted out a pair of beers for them to have. He’d figured with all the hard liquor his dad drank he wouldn’t notice a couple beers missing.   
“Dean are you sure about this? I’ve never had alcohol before.”  
“It’s cool man. Nothing bad is gonna happen. You might get a nice buzz and it’ll loosen you up.” Dean popped the caps on both them, sitting them in the empty pizza box he’d throw away once it was time to go to sleep.   
“What if I go crazy?” his wide gray eyes looked up at Dean with such worry it was truly adorable.   
“I won’t let anything bad happen to you. This is me we’re talking about. Just take a couple sips. If you don’t like it I’ll drink it.”  
Tentatively he put his plush lips to the bottle and took a generous sip. Dean chuckled watching the other boy shiver and pucker his lips like he was tasting a lemon for the first time.  
“How’s it feel?”  
“It’s gross. Tastes like liquefied stale bread.”  
“You don’t have to finish it.” Dean took his own sip and watched Johnathan sit the bottle next to him. “So can I ask you something?”  
“You just did.” He smiled. “But sure go ahead.”  
Dean rolled his eyes at the smart remark but continued. “So how did you know you were gay?”  
“It’s not really an interesting story.”  
“I wanna hear it if you wanna tell it.”  
“Well back before I moved here, at my old school, believe it or not I actually had a lot of friends. One of them use to throw these slumber parties when his parents were away. It went much like this, minus the alcohol. But we would play games. You know kiddie party games, until one day they suggested we play spin the bottle. Long story short I got another guy on my spin, we mostly resisted the idea of kissing each other, but we did and I liked it, but when it came to the girls I really just wasn’t feeling it.”  
“That’s actually kind of cute.”  
“I didn’t think so at the time. I came out to my parents and it kind of destroyed their marriage. My dad was furious and left. My mother never blamed me for it though, she actually thought I was all along and was just waiting for me to tell her. That’s why we moved here. She couldn’t afford to keep the house.”  
“Oh man wow I’m sorry about that. Must’ve been rough.”  
“It was at first, but now I’m actually glad it happened. My mom is a wonderful person and incredibly strong.”  
“So have you…found someone here that you like?” Dean nervously played with the hem of his worn t-shirt. Since the day he first met the guy and they’d began to spend more and more time together, Dean was slowly beginning to see him in another light. First it was the boy’s gestures and mannerisms that would get to him, then it was the lingering touches that sent electricity flowing through his fingers, then it was his eyes that made him weak, and the smile that made him feel warm. At first it was a shock to him, to find another guy attractive, he’d resisted it at first, but he just couldn’t separate himself from his friend. Now he was trying to find out information, as lightly as he could.   
“I do like someone, but I’m pretty sure they only like girls.”  
“Have you told this guy? Do I know him?”  
“You may or may not know him. But no I haven’t told him yet.”  
“I think you should. Worse thing you can get is a no. And if he does say no then he’s not worth your time.” Dean tried as subtly as he could to move closer to him.   
“I don’t want to ruin the friendship I have with him though.”  
“You never know until you tried.”   
All of Dean’s inching brought them hip to hip where they sat on the tired living room couch. He’d been looking at Johnathan the whole time, while he’d been looking at the floor. He reached out a hand and touched the boys chin, turning it towards him until they were nose to nose. Dean wanted to take the dive, but he was scared to. There would be no going back from this and that worried him, so Johnathan took the plunge for him. Their lips slotted together in a comfortable, chaste kiss. It was honestly the softest and nicest kiss Dean had ever experienced. He rubbed his hand along the stubble on the other boy’s cheek. Besides the hair, kissing him was really no different than kissing a girl. They pulled back only momentarily before the heat rose between them and the kiss was much deeper this time. Dean pulled out all the stops, making sure he actually enjoyed this. He tugged at Johnathan’s bottom lip with his teeth, he sucked on his tongue, ran his fingers through his soft blonde hair. He was truly enjoying himself, as he felt the pangs of arousal run through him.   
They pulled back finally, because breathing was necessary. Dean smiled, happy that his feelings were reciprocated and that he knew something new about himself. Johnathan, however, looked ready to tear Dean’s clothes off and ravage him whole.   
“How can you kiss like that and just pull away?”  
“I dunno.” He laughed.  
“You’re a monster.”  
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”  
“As you should.”   
They both decided it was high time to go to sleep and not get ahead of themselves. Dean was just getting use to kissing another guy, going any further than that was downright terrifying.   
After that night they continued their friendship like normal, only with much more kissing than it involved previously. Dean could actually see himself having a relationship with the other boy, he just would never tell his dad. Johnathan was aware of Dean’s father being extremely homophobic, so when they were around him, they made sure to never touch and keep everything painfully platonic. Dean could tell it was putting a strain on Johnathan, but they really had no other choice.   
One weekend when John went on one of his benders, Dean planned a romantic evening for the both of them. He wanted to go all the way with Johnathan, and this weekend was the perfect time for that. He’d cooked them dinner and cleaned his room, had a nice movie for them to watch and pie to eat. That night was supposed to be perfect. But like most things in Dean’s life it had gone far from perfect and definitely not as planned.   
During the movie things had got heated, as they often did between the two, and they were fully attentive to each other’s lips gliding against one another. So enthralled in fact that the movie was long forgotten and neither of them heard the front door open, or the angry footsteps that followed. It was only until Dean was grabbed by his hair and tossed off the couch that the reality around them became known.   
“What the fuck is this?!” his father boomed. “You a fucking queer now Dean?!”   
Dean had seen his father angry, he’s been hit a couple times when he did something he wasn’t supposed to, but this violent rage was new. His father came down on him like an unexpected tsunami, waves of punches and kicks landed on his small frame. All he’d heard was the violent slap of skin on skin and the bloody screams that followed. He wasn’t sure if it was him or Johnathan or the both of them. Everything hurt, but through all that Dean could hear the screams of his brother, that was until everything faded to black and Dean felt nothing.  
He woke up days later, he found out, in the hospital. His body felt numb and he was dizzy from the medication that they’d given him. He faded in and out of consciousness throughout that first day, he wasn’t able to talk, but each time his eyes opened he’d see the same two faces of his Uncle Bobby and Sammy. He was in the hospital for a week before Johnathan came to visit him. He expected to never talk to the guy again. It must’ve been terrifying to see something so brutal happen to someone. They had talked from around the time school ended until visiting hours were over and his mom came to take him on. That was the pattern for the second week in the hospital. The three of them coming to Dean’s aid as he tried his hardest to recover.   
They finally let him go on a Friday afternoon after he’d spent 3 weeks at the hospital. Once he was discharged and they left with him in a wheelchair, he’d realized that they weren’t going back to the house they lived in, they were going to Bobby’s. Dean was so grateful for it that he cried when he was taken to the room that him and his brother would share until Bobby had done the needed repairs on the other guest room so Dean could have a room of his own.   
Time slipped away from Dean as his recovery was slow and painful. He did everything the doctors had instructed, from taking medicine, to going to therapy, to physical therapy. He was on a cocktail of anti-depressants that made his head swim. Exhaustion wracked his body most days, and motivation to do anything besides eat and sleep was out the window.   
By the third month of them living with Bobby he had been transferred into the local high school. The only thoughts he had walking through the doors that first day was he hoped no one started bullying Johnathan again. He hadn’t heard from the other boy in quite a while and it was messing with him. The thoughts that ran through his mind did nothing to help his weakened mental state. Sam did his best to try to distract Dean when he’d shut down, made every attempt to make him laugh. It helped a little, but that’s only when his brother was around. When alone the darkness threatened his mind and often times he gave in.   
One day at the end of the school year he received a call from Johnathan. It was a call of goodbye. His mom had gotten a better job in Arizona and they’d be moving once the school year had ended. Dean was torn by this and his spiral had been deeper than it was before. He tapped into Bobby’s liquor cabinet that night and drank until he passed out on the bedroom floor. Bobby was furious, but due to Dean’s mental state and the fear that John had instilled in his son he was careful to keep that anger in check.   
A few days following they’d received a call from John. Bobby was out in the yard looking for parts and Sam was doing his homework. Dean knew luck was never on his side that he would be the one to pick up the phone.   
“Bobby Singer residence.” He answered.  
“Dean!?”   
Dean froze at the sound of his voice. Every joint in his body shivered with thoughts of what his father had done not too long ago.   
“Dean. Son I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I went too far that time I’ll admit it. I just don’t want that kind of life for you.”  
“Why is it so wrong that I like guys and girls?”  
“Because it ain’t natural. It’s wrong and I thought I taught you better than that. Now I’m locked up cause you couldn’t heed my teachings.”  
His father was in prison? That was good news if he’d ever heard it. No one told him that his father was put away. He wondered for how long, so he could get his life together and keep him and his brother as far away from the man as possible.  
“That little faggot boy of yours called the cops on me.” he continued. “I know you’re at your Uncle Bobby’s so hear me and hear me good. That gay shit stops now, or that won’t be the last beating you’ll receive from me.”  
This rippled dark, heavy waves through the core of his being. Saying he was scared didn’t even cover the half of it. Yes he feared his father and what he could do to him, but he felt like he failed everyone around them. Sam had to switch schools because of him, Bobby had two more mouths to feed because of him, and his father was in jail, all because he couldn’t keep himself under control. He was causing damage everywhere he turned, and it hurt him to think that he was hurting the ones he loved.   
He hung up the phone with out another word to John and fled to the bedroom with tears in his eyes. He shut the door behind him and went into the adjoined bathroom and shut that door behind him as well. Only this door he actually locked. His body slid against the faded tiled walls of the bathroom, his knees gave out under him. Sitting there with his knees drawn up to his chest he let the sobs rip from him. Every feeling he tried to keep at bay poured from the innermost dark corners of his mind. The thoughts he tried to shove deep down erupted like an angry volcano, and he felt utterly powerless to stop them. He was finished with this. Tired of living with such a heavy guilt for all the loss he’d made everyone suffer for his selfish gain.   
He sat there until the tears had all dried up and he just shivered in his wrecked state. That’s when he spotted the bottles of his medication. He’d heard how people could die from taking too many pills, he just wasn’t sure which one would work. Willing all of his limbs to work for him, he reached up and grabbed the handful of bottles, figuring if he took a bunch of each they would do the trick.   
Dean didn’t count them, didn’t really see what he was taking. He just took a heaping amount and tried to shove them down his throat as fast as he could. Once he was done he threw the bottles in anger, all the pills scattering across the floor in sharp sounds. He resumed his place on the floor, feeling his body growing heavy. He wasn’t tired per say, just numb enough that he couldn’t really feel his self anymore.   
Just before he closed his eyes he could hear banging on the bathroom door, it got more and more urgent the longer that Dean didn’t answer it. He couldn’t right now. He couldn’t move anything but his eyes. The last thing he heard before his eyes closed was his little brother screaming his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So pretty much in high school our precious Dean saved some boy from getting bullied and made friends with him. they got pretty close and Dean developed a crush on him and actually acted on it. they were sorta together and spending a lot of time together until John came home drunk one day and saw the boys kissing. he attacked Dean brutally, he ended up in the hospital. John ended up in jail, Dean and Sam moved to Bobby's and all of it became too much for Dean. between getting his father locked up, recovering, and feeling like he failed his family Dean snapped and tried to end his life via prescription medicine.


	15. The Way I Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry, I’ve got a serious weakness for sappy shower scenes. But what I am sorry for is this being late!!!! Work and life got in the way but here we are with another one! I got some real ideas for the direction of this fic during a firework show in my town. The ideas have nothing to do with fireworks, so I’m a weirdo who gets inspiration from random things. Just thought I’d share that little tidbit. Remember all those eons ago when kevin actually had speaking parts….yeah he’s getting dragged into all of this. no serious warnings for this chapter, it’s more fluff and some build up for real stuff to happen. This chapter got away from me so I cut it into two. It’s already 10 pages long so that’s a lot of words….heh… As always comments and kudos are appreciated. Happy reading!

Dean came back to the present. He was utterly exhausted sharing that tale. Castiel hadn’t said a word throughout, and until his eyes focused on the man he had forgotten he was even there. Dean always thought that sharing that story would magically lift the weight of it off his shoulder, but it honestly just made him tired. Castiel sensed as much and without a word he stood, helped Dean off the couch where they say and led him to his bedroom. Quietly shutting the door behind him he began to undress, raising a brow to tell Dean to do the same. Once they wore nothing but their boxers they both crawled into bed. Dean immediately snuggled up to Castiel, lying his head on his chest and draped an arm around his waist. He was glad for the lack of questions, and just for the silent comfort the man offered. A loving heart thumped consistently in his ear. The sound of it alone lulled Dean to a deep sleep.  
* * * *  
He awoke the next morning to the blaring of his alarm. But where he’d usually be angry at the noise he was actually not bothered by it. He reached his only free arm over to turn it off, then put his arm on his lover’s back to rub soft circles to softly wake the man up. He’d found out quickly that the man wasn’t a morning person at all, and alarming him to consciousness was a bad idea.   
“Cas, Angel you gotta wake up.”   
He got a mix between a growl and grunt in response as the man stirred.  
“Come on baby wake up. We gotta go to school.” He continued his soft petting.  
“No.” he said as he burrowed his face into Dean’s chest.  
“Yes. I’ll make you coffee and cheesy eggs if you get up for me.”   
A bribe was really the only way to get him up quickly. Dean chuckled as his head popped up and he was met with bleary blue eyes. Castiel couldn’t help but crack a smile at his own silliness. Soon they were both out of bed and getting ready for the day. First, and probably the most needed considering the morning breathe Dean was sporting, they brushed their teeth. They played a game of who-can-swish-the-longest until Dean almost choked on the mouthwash and had to quickly spit it out with force. This Caused Cas to choke while trying not to laugh at Dean’s demise. The entire situation was very domestic, and a bundle of butterflies warmed Dean’s stomach. Turning on the shower and waiting for it to warm up, he tried his best not to stare at how taught and beautiful Castiel’s skin was. The muscled planes of his abdomen were calling out to him. He tried to get his mind out of the gutter but as they stepped under the warm streams of water, he could feel the strings of arousal wrap around him.  
Dean was never good at letting others take care of him, but the way Cas soaped up his washcloth and rubbed every part of him he couldn’t help but lean into it. He was gentle, oh so gentle rubbing the subs along his back, then following it up with a hand to rub at each muscle. Dean could get behind a massage and shower combo. Cas turned him around until his back was against his chest as he washed up Dean’s torso. The further down he got, the more he leaned on the other man, sinking in the touches along his skin. His erection stood at full attention, but was going ignored as Cas now applied shampoo to his hair. He rubbed his fingers, using his blunt nails to scrub his entire scalp.   
“Close your eyes Dean, I’m gonna wash it out.” He whispered in his ear, flicking his tongue at the lobe.   
He obeyed and let his eyes flutter closed as Cas guided him under the shower head and rubbed all the soap out of his hair. When he had done the whole thing twice he turned Dean to face him, lust in his eyes as he slowly sank to his knees. Dean couldn’t help the small moan that left his lips at the actions. Cas took him deep in his mouth with as much suction as his mouth could make, bobbing his head fast and unstoppable.   
“Cas—angel that feels so good.” Dean moaned.   
He kept up the pace until he felt the tell-tale sign of Dean about to come. He pulled off with his mouth hanging open. Dean was torn apart at the sight of messy hair and plump lips. Cas jacked him in front of his mouth until he was spilling over onto his tongue. He wasted not a drop and came into his own hand from the noises Dean made.   
* * * *  
Once class was over Castiel did his usual thing of locking the door and kissing Dean senseless. He took a much needed breath and pulled back only for that. He was about to dive back in until Dean put a hand to his chest to stop him. He looked into his eyes trying his hardest not to pout at being stopped.   
“What are you doing after school today? We were supposed to go out to dinner, but never got around to that since…” his voice trailed off.   
“Well usually I wouldn’t deny hanging out with you, but a couple of Charlie’s friends wanted to study later, and she begged me to come so I had to say yes.”  
“Hmm.” Dean nodded in agreeance. He knew now just as much as Cas that Charlie was hard to resist. “By friends you mean…is that shifty guy Balthazar going to be there?”   
“Shifty? How is he shifty? And yes surprisingly he’s actually trying to do well this semester.”  
“I don’t know. He seemed a little cozy.” Dean shifted his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see Cas’ sly grin.  
“Jealous are we?” he laughed. “You have nothing to worry about I can assure you. It’s just a bunch of college studies trying not to let all the money we’ve spent here go to waste.”  
“I’m not jealous. I mean he was a little handsy with me too.”  
“That’s how he is with everyone Dean.”  
“Yeah, yeah I hear you.”   
“I could have Charlie drop me off when I’m done.”  
“Hmm alright.” He patted Cas’ butt before squirming out of the embrace. “Go on get out of here before I don’t let you leave.”  
* * * *  
Castiel walked into the library itching with nervousness. He’d never done a study group before. He’s been invited, but he’d always found a way to get out of it. Throughout his grade school days and his first year of college he’d always studied on his own. Charlie was the only one he ever felt comfortable to be around him when he got to it. He wasn’t one of those people that needed music or something to distract him or motivate him, he preferred absolute silence.   
Walking past the history section he’d found the large table in the back where they agreed to meet. It was much less of a crowd than he expected, some faces he recognized and a few were new. Charlie bounced out of her seat once she noticed him making his way over. He smiled at her sheepishly as she patted the seat next to her. Sliding under the table and taking his seat he nodded to the new faces and said hello to those who knew him.   
“Everyone this is Castiel. Castiel you know Balthazar, that’s Kevin, Charles, and Alice.”  
“It’s nice to meet all of you.” He nodded again.   
“Aren’t you and I in that class with Professor Winchester?” Kevin asked.   
“Yes.” he didn’t much life the inflections in his voice.   
“He’s a really good teacher, it helps that he’s hot too.” Alice spoke up.   
Charlie snickered at this and Castiel shot her his iciest glare. This conversation was taking a downward direction and he wanted it to be over as of yesterday. He ignored the comment and began pulling his notes and study materials out of his bag. This study group thing was a bad idea and he regretted it intensely.   
“He is quite attractive isn’t he?” Balthazar inserted his two cents.   
Castiel shot him a glare as well for egging this on. Though he and Dean agreed not to make their relationship public at school until the semester was over he still couldn’t take people talking about him lightly.   
“Especially when he wears that burgundy button up.”  
“It does compliment the green in his eyes.”  
Though he was angry, he couldn’t help but agree with them on that. He did think any shade of red looked amazing on Dean, though Dean could wear a clown suit and still look gorgeous somehow.   
“What do you think Castiel?” Balthazar sat his chin on his hand where his elbow was propped up on the table and he winked at him. Cas wanted to slap that grin off his face.  
“I think we should be studying as we intended to do.” The words came out much more aggressive than they were supposed to be, but it was effective as everyone shut up and put their heads in their books.   
Thankfully it was silent until someone decided tapping their pen on the table. He did his best to ignore it and didn’t even know who it was until it finally got to him. He looked up to see it was Kevin and he gave him a pointed look. The man looked surprised and stopped, a blush forming on his cheeks as he used the pen to scribble down some notes.   
For the better part of two hours they actually did get a good amount of studying done. Some silent conversations pertaining to the course work did break out in between, but it was nice to get some intellectual input from those in similar classes that he took. It started off a little rocky but all in all it ended on a good note. They’d all exchanged numbers and there was discussion for doing this again tomorrow. Once everyone dispersed only Charlie and Castiel stayed behind.   
“Soooooo?”  
“It wasn’t all bad.”  
“Sorry about the whole Dean talk. I felt like that made you uncomfortable.”  
“That’s quite an understatement. I didn’t appreciate Balthazar encouraging such conversation.”  
“Well you know he was teasing. He doesn’t mean anything by it.”  
“Either way,” he spoke as he packed up all of his things, “Would you mind dropping me off at Dean’s building. We had dinner plans for tonight.”  
“Ohhhh date night. Well isn’t that cute?”  
* * * *  
Dean got dressed with a quickness so by the time Cas came over he was already ready. The younger man knocked on the door and when he opened it he was met with a pair of wide, bright eyes. A warmness fell over him at the sight. Cas looked happy which in turn made Dean happy as well. He placed a kiss on those plump smiling lips as he ushered him into the apartment.  
“Seems like your day went well.” He stated.   
“It did. The study session went surprisingly well, although there were bumps in the beginning.”  
“What happened?” he followed Cas to his bedroom.   
“Well, there was some…distasteful comments made about you in the beginning.”  
Cas went on retelling Dean about what happened. Dean being the gentleman that he was waited until the end of the story to let loose his cackling. He laughed loud and outright until Cas began to squint and pout, which in turn, made him laugh even harder. When Cas reached out and gave him a swift punch to the shoulder, then, and only then did he stop laughing. He tried to hit back, but Cas was a little faster and dodged the playful hand swiping at him. This of course let to Dean tackling him to the bed and tickling him until he was begging him to stop.   
“Don’t be jealous babe.” He laughed as Cas swiped the last of the tears leaking from his eyes from the tickling. “I’m not looking at anyone but you.”  
And dammit if that wasn’t the sappiest thing Dean had ever said. Cas was turning him into a sap each and every day. He wasn’t scared of the fact, quite the opposite. He decided the torture session was over and he moved from on top of Cas to snuggle into his side, placing his face in the crook of his neck. He wrapped the other man up in his arms and held him tightly. Light kisses were placed on Cas’ jaw and neck, the first lights of arousal strummed through him.   
“Dean we have to get ready for dinner.”  
“First of all I am dressed, second I don’t think I want to go anymore.”  
“That’s not an option. I’m hungry and I need to eat.”  
“But I just want to lay here with you.”  
“You can get all your cuddles and soft kisses when we get back.” Cas rolled his eyes and removed himself from Dean’s embrace.  
It was worth a shot, he thought as he slowly rose from the bed deciding that watching Cas get undressed would be far more interesting than just lying there.  
* * * *  
Dinner was lovely as usual. Castiel had picked the place for them to eat. They went to a small diner just outside of town. He chose this particular place because he knew Dean would like it. He knew his boyfriend wasn’t one for all the fanciness of places he was used to and to be honest he just wanted a peaceful night out that didn’t require formal attire and wondering if you’re making a good appearance to a bunch of strangers. He also knew this wasn’t the kind of place that Dick would ever step foot in, he was a narcissist who needed constant attention and validation even though he acted like he didn’t need either of those things. He was glad to put all manners aside and just enjoy a nice dinner with one of his favorite people. Again he felt the weight of the simplicity, it swelled within him and took root like he’d never seen before. Dean was full of laughter and quirky, lewd conversation. And forget it when the waitress brought them a freshly baked apple pie, Dean was truly childlike then. After the constant dark clouds that loomed over him over the past few weeks he was more than happy to treat the man to a night that cause no consequence.   
Dean’s guarded exterior cracked and crumbled that night, and Castiel was most grateful for it. They left the diner hand in hand, taking the rest of the pie with them. They walked through the brightly lit town, some kind of festival was taking place. Dean was convinced that Castiel knew about this, but he really didn’t plan for this to happen. They participated though, walking around to the booths set up along blocked off streets. So many strangers, with inviting faces, selling an abundant variety of things. One booth in particular really caught Dean’s eyes. A man selling custom made acoustic guitars. He half dragged Castiel to the booth, immediately diving into conversation with the man running it. Castiel just stood there with nothing to offer since he had no knowledge of guitars, but his eyes flickered back and forth between the man and Dean.   
The man suddenly offered Dean one of them, made of a dark reddish wood. It was covered in ornate designs, looked to be hand carved. It was beautiful, with the shiny gold strings that offered a nice contrast. Dean held it for a moment, a soft and thoughtful smile on his lips. A smile that held stories of a past that Castiel knew nothing about. He wanted nothing more in that moment to hear every story Dean could offer involving the instrument. All he really knew of Dean’s past were the dark times his father offered. He wanted to know the light hearted ones, the happy moments in the man’s life, when all the sunshine was on him. Dean strummed one time on it before he began playing a tune that Castiel didn’t recognize. It was a dark sounding song, but it was striking nonetheless. Dean still smiled while he played, only the look in his eyes held a bit of sadness, like this song brought him memories of a time long forgotten. He played for a while, until a small crowd began to form a circle around the two of them. He didn’t look up not once, even though a series of eyes were trained on him. No one said a word, no one sang along, they just focused all their attention on the man with the guitar.   
Once Dean was finished only then did he look up and he only looked at Castiel, their eyes meeting in a somber understanding. He felt like one day he’d hear the story behind that song, it certainly wasn’t a tale for tonight. He handed the man back the guitar with a polite smile and a word of thanks as everyone clapped for his performance and began to disperse. Dean walked away with that sad smile still haunting his features, he hadn’t even noticed that Castiel stayed behind, getting a business card from the man of the booth.  
* * * *  
Castiel awoke the next morning slowly, he felt a strong hand on his chest as he filtered through all the sensations around him. He opened his eyes to see Dean leaning over him, peacefully trying to wake him up. Letting his senses take everything in he smelled the heavy coffee that Dean always brewed, and food. He smiled sweetly at the man and his eyes fluttered closed as a long kiss was placed on his forehead. Dean rose up and walked out of the bedroom, most likely to finish cooking his delightful breakfast. He reached a hand over to the night stand and grabbed his phone, a bit alarmed to see so many notifications popped up while he was sleeping. Most of it had been from the group chat Charlie set up for the study group. They were scheduled to meet again today, he would go even though he was slightly rattled by the last time. A couple were texts from his father asking if he would be home that night, which he really hadn’t thought about. He practically lived at Dean’s, which wasn’t as scary as it would’ve been a few months ago.   
Another message was from Sam asking if they could meet up. That was more off putting than the rest. Castiel liked Sam as much as you can like your boyfriend’s brother. He was a very intelligent man that wasn’t afraid to show it. He was also very compassionate and caring, if his relationship with his son and Dean were anything to show for. Castiel couldn’t really say he had a friendship with the other man though, maybe that’s why he wanted to meet up. He responded in the bluntest way possible so that nothing would be misunderstood between them.  
Sam: heya Cas. If you aren’t busy do you think we could meet up for a bit?  
Cas: Why?  
Cas: Not that I’m opposed. Just wondering if it’s alright to tell Dean.  
Sam: Dean can know but he’s nosy so I’m not going to tell you what it’s about so you don’t have to lie when he asks.  
A wave of worry tumbled over him at that. So he could tell Dean, but the topic was a secret. That was suspicious in itself, but he still scheduled the when and where with the man. He would be picking him up from school after the study group and dropping him off at home so he could spend time with his father that he’d practically abandoned. He showered, brushed his teeth, and finally met Dean in the kitchen.  
“So what’s up?” the man asked laying down a plate of steaming food. “What are you doing today?”  
“Well after school I have to study, then I’m meeting up with Sam and going home cause my father misses me.”  
“Sam? My brother?”  
He nodded while chewing a piece of bacon.  
“What is he up to?” Dean squinted, completely abandoning his food for the topic he found more interesting.  
“He didn’t say, just that he wanted to meet up.”  
“I swear on everything if this is about John.”  
“I don’t think so. If it was something serious I’m sure he would’ve said so.”   
A pang of surprise rang through him at the use of his father’s first name. He hadn’t expected Dean to resort to that. From what little Sam had told him he had a devout sort of the respect for the man even after the situation transpired. He said it as if he was spitting dirt out of his mouth, it was disconcerting to hear such a change in the way Dean addressed his father. Truth be told he didn’t know that. He didn’t know much about Sam so he wasn’t for sure that he would tell something serious like that over text. He said this to put Dean’s own mind at ease, even though his was warring now.   
Now he wondered, if it was about John, would Dean be upset about the two of them discussing it without him. He really didn’t want the dreary mood to return to the man, but he also didn’t want to lie to him. Lies being told never did any sort of a relationship good, and for now things were amazing between them.   
“I don’t want anything to do with that man for a good while. If ever again.”  
He nodded in agreeance, partly because he didn’t have anything else to say about the situation. When the time came, he would find out what Sam needed to say.  
* * * *  
“So how do you not think he’s playing you love? Cause it sounds like a classic smash and dash to me?”   
The current conversation of the group settled on the love life of Alice. From what little Castiel gathered between giving his brain a break, the girl had many troubles in her love life. Why she would seek Balthazar’s help of all people he didn’t know. But if she was dealing with someone who has no intention of committing to her then Balthazar may be the correct person to ask. Takes one to know one and all that. Charlie was off to the side talking to Kevin about some party they wanted to attend at the end of the semester. She bounced in her seat from clear excitement and it was only a matter of time before the invite would be extended to him. Of course he would politely decline, because he had no doubt that some unsavory characters would be there. It’s not that he disliked partied per say, but he didn’t like how rowdy, and overly touchy some people got. He enjoyed the music and dancing, but there was always at least one character who would get out of hand. This was also a college party so it wasn’t like he could invite Dean to go with him.   
“Castiel honey will you be attending?” Charlie said with a pair of batting eyelashes.  
“No I will not.”   
“Oh come on Cassie I think it’ll be good so have some fun after all this is over. It’s not for another 3 weeks so please think about it.”  
He hummed in response and went back to his books. It’s not that he didn’t trust Charlie to not let anything happen to him, it was just when she was having fun she had the attention span of a goldfish on speed. With the bulk of the conversation out of the way everyone returned to their work. It was long until everyone was yawning and looking for a distraction. Kevin politely suggested getting coffee and he took down everyone’s orders, excusing himself to go to the school’s café. They didn’t have the best brew or any of the fancy additives that a local shop would have, but caffeine was caffeine at this point.   
When he returned he handed everyone their cups, making sure to give out change correctly and took his seat. A bit more time passed and Castiel got a text, the ding of his phone cutting through the silence.   
Sam: Hey if you’re still down I’m outside the main entrance  
Cas: omw  
He was a ball of nerves now. This was the first time he’d actually be alone with Sam and it was messing with him. A swirl of possible situations and outcomes ran through his mind now. He put his things away hastly so he wouldn’t make the man wait too long.  
“Aww Cas are you leaving?” Charlie asked.   
“Yes. I’m meeting up with someone.”   
He tried to be as vague as possible so to not alarm Charlie. He felt slightly bad about ditching the group, but more important things were at hand. With his bag on his shoulder Castiel bid everyone goodbye and walked out of the library.  
* * * *  
“Hey Cas. How are you?” Sam beamed as he hopped up into the tall truck.   
The interior was all black with leather seating. It didn’t have the rugged, pure smell that Dean’s car had. It smelled of air freshener and grass, not in a bad way, it was a very subtle scent.   
“I’m well Sam how are you?”  
“Good, good. How’s Dean?”  
He hesitated for a few moments before answering. “Not to be rude Sam, but why haven’t you asked Dean this?”  
“Beecause Dean will just brush me off with an ‘im fine’ and give no further detail. Look Cas, “he took a beat of silence to let go of a heavy sigh, “I’m not trying to use you to spy on my brother or anything. I’m just really worried about him, and he’s kind of shutting me out.”   
Castiel hadn’t been paying much attention to where they were driving, but as Sam pulled into the parking lot of the diner he’d went to dinner with Dean, he felt a little pang of relief. They were seated quickly as it was a slow day there. Their waiter was all smiles like the rest of the staff and she took their drink orders and left.   
“I know he gets really low sometimes, and it’s rough to handle, trust me I’ve been there. But Dean’s a good guy and if you really care about him then you’ve gotta be ready to roll with the punches.”  
“I care about him very much.”  
“I see it. I’m just saying, if you think this will be too much then it’s best—“  
“Sam I have no intentions of leaving Dean. He has shared his past relationship failures with me and I refuse to be one of those peoples. He’s not the only one with bad things behind him.” Castiel was getting a bit annoyed with Sam’s accusatory tone. He was aware that being with Dean was not an easy task. The man had a lot of dirt in his backstory, many things he was still working through. But Castiel intended to be with him through all of it. The good always outweighs the bad with Dean.   
“Alright alright I hear you. I’m again, just concerned.” He put a hand up to stop the direction that the conversation was going down. “I just thought you should know that our dad is back in rehab. Bobby threatened him with a lot of things including a restraining order. I’m not putting any stock in this since he’s been in rehab several times and it’s done nothing for him, but I thought you should know.”  
“That’s good to hear I suppose.”  
“It’s just Bobby and Ellen are like our second set of parents, and they really miss Dean hanging around there. He’s been avoiding their house because Dad was there, and now that he’s gone—well I just wanted to relay that to you.”  
“Why tell me? Why not Dean?”  
“Well if you haven’t noticed Dean and I haven’t spent much time together as of late. I don’t know if that’s my fault, or what, but right now he’s pretty focused on you.”  
“I think you two need to talk.”  
“Yeah—but Dean’s not really good at that is he?” He chuckled.   
* * * *  
Castiel has always been a very observant person. He was always very aware of his surroundings, often times weary when things felt out of place. It was like a 6th sense for him. So when Sam dropped him off at Dean’s building, he felt that same weariness, like someone was watching him go in the building. He walked towards the front door quickly, only pausing to throw Sam one last wave before he darted inside.  
He went up the elevator instead of the stairs, he didn’t want to run into whoever was watching him in the stairwell. Luckily Dean had recently texted him so when he banged on the door it was open nearly immediately.   
“Hey babe. Why do you look out of breath?”  
“No reason.” He lied. He didn’t like lying to Dean, as far as he knew he’s never lied to him and he truly felt bad about it. But Dean had enough on his plate and he didn’t want to worry about any of that. “How are you?”  
He followed Dean into the kitchen where he had dinner set up on the island. Looked like they were having steak tonight. He felt his mood slip away from him as it fell. He was so full from eating with Sam that he couldn’t possibly fit anymore food.  
“I thought you were going home tonight?”  
“Turns out father is busy.”  
“Hmm ok. Well eat up.” He smiled. “Oh and I wanted to give you something.”   
Dean slipped from the room and went into his bedroom. Castiel let out a quiet sigh. He’d have to tell Dean all the things he discussed with Sam and he really wasn’t sure that he wanted to do that. But it would be for the best not to keep secrets between them. He looked at his phone hoping something interesting would pop up that would distract him. What he found was another text from Dick that he would happily ignore.   
“So I thought. Ya know since you’re over here so much that I would give you your own key.”  
In his hand now sat a freshly made key to Dean’s apartment. His confusion greatly outweighed his excitement. He was aware that a key was to be given to a partner in a much later stage in the relationship. With one look at the hope in Dean’s eyes he decided not to mention it. If the man was comfortable enough to give him such things than who was he to question it.   
“Thank you Dean. This is very nice of you.”  
“Well I think you should have it. In case you ever need to crash here or anything, just in case I’m not home. So what’d you and Sam have to talk about?” Dean sat in his seat at the island and began eating the dinner he prepared.   
Castiel took a breath before retelling what happened that day. He shared about how happy Sam was that Dean had shared his life story with him, and how he felt like they were drifting apart due to what his father had done. Dean listened with all his attention on Castiel, and he felt a soft blush forming on his cheeks.   
“Yeah…um I know I haven’t been the best brother lately. I just…I don’t know. I really miss Sam and I miss Mark as well,” he took a breath, “I just didn’t want to be around any family for a moment. It’s like being reminded that these people know something dark about me now. I don’t want to have to explain myself.”  
“From what I’ve seen of your family with the exception of your father, they’re incredibly accepting and passionate people. If you just let them know that you’re uncomfortable with sharing that then I doubt they’d judge you about it.”  
“You’re right Cas. That’s why I just wanted to be around you. You don’t remind me of him at all. But I shouldn’t have abandoned my family, especially not Sam. I mean he was there that night.”  
“You should call him. Ask him to come over.” Cas sat a supportive hand on Dean’s thigh.   
“I might do just that.” He smiled.


	16. We don't Talk Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Hey back on schedule. I know I posted a couple days ago, but I felt bad about being late so I pushed this out quickly. Hope You like it! No warnings for this chapter really. Buuuuut I want you guys to give me gift ideas for Cas. Dean has no idea what to get him for Christmas and neither do I (heh). As always comments and kudos are welcome! come say hi on tumblr- fanofthephire xoxo

That night was filled with food and laughter. It was a little awkward at first, but soon enough the trio fit together like old friends and Dean truly had a good time. His brother and his lover coming together to keep him together. It was warm and exciting and he was very satisfied with how the two got along. They could nerd out together, leaving Dean out of the conversation, but he didn’t feel uncomfortable or left out. He felt the complete opposite of those. He sat back in his suede chair and just enjoyed watching the two of them enjoy each other.   
“Hey Dean so Christmas is in a couple weeks. Have you started shopping yet?” Sam asked.  
Shopping? Dean had barely realized it was December until it was brought up. He would have to buy for Bobby and Ellen, they would of course being throwing another family dinner he’d have to attend. He’d have to get Sam something, he already had an idea of what he would get him. He’d have to buy for Mark, he was only 1 ½ so he’d be the easiest to shop for. Then there’s Castiel, what on Earth would he get him?! Dean was silently panicking as he took a sip from his beer and nonchalantly nodding his head. Of course he had no idea what to get the other man, and yes Dean just needed more stress to add to the forever growing pile. He hadn’t even thought about what he wanted. Usually he’d have a shiny neat list written out on some notebook paper that he would give Sam to spread the ideas around. This year he was severely lacking in Holiday organization.   
“I’ve already finished my shopping. Everything was shipped to my house a couple weeks ago.”  
Of course Cas was done with shopping. Sam thought Dean was an organized freak, but Cas was a force to be reckoned with. Now his head was swimming with the possible things his partner could’ve gotten him. Cas knew what he liked cause Dean talked about it a lot, but Cas wasn’t a man of many words so he was lost on the subject. It would be downright tacky, he felt, to just ask him what he wanted to receive. Cas was a vat of mystery that he was slowly working his way through, but one thing he did know was that the man liked surprises. He didn’t want to disappoint by simply requesting a list of material things. He wanted the gift to be from the heart. And now that was officially the sappiest thing he’d ever let his brain think up.   
“I’ll finish up once I’m done with grading finals.” It slipped out of his mouth before he actually gave the idea thought, but it was a genius one. He felt internal pride at the thought. That’s exactly what he was going to do.   
* * * *  
Charlie was studying computer science. Castiel completely disagreed with her choice and thought she should switch to politics instead. The way that woman smoothly convinced him to attend the ridiculous party without breaking a sweat was a work of wonders. Against his better judgement he found himself agreeing. She had some good points and agreed to stay with him the entire time. She’d even installed some fancy GPS system on his phone so that even if they were separated by the wild, flailing bodies of drunken college students, they’d be able to find each other easily. It put a part of his frantic mind at ease, but he was still very wary about going. She also brought up the point that the possibility of Dick being there shouldn’t stop him from having fun. Balthazar even agreed to being his body guard. That must’ve been quite a feat convincing him to do that. He was the king of partying if there ever was one. But with all of this he actually really wanted Dean to be there. Thank goodness the theme of the party was a masquerade, whatever attire you wanted, but you had to wear a mask or you wouldn’t be admitted. All Castiel had to do was muster up his own political argument to convince Dean to go. That would be the biggest feat of them all.   
* * * *  
“Cas come on baby I don’t even own a mask.”  
And here come the plethora of excuses. Was he being selfish by trying to force Dean to go with him? Probably, but that was a severe afterthought compared to the simple fact that he needed Dean to go. He didn’t doubt his friends, and he was happy they cared so much about his social life, but he needed all the solid figures he could get. Dean most certainly wouldn’t lose him in the crowd, and he’d feel much better to have his boyfriend glued to his hip.  
“I can get you one when I get mine.”  
“This is a college party, and I’m a college professor. I’m not a college kid anymore Cas.”  
“That thought didn’t occur to you prior to dating me?” he quirked up an eyebrow and served up his most seductive smile.   
“This was…you were…,” he took a frustrated pause, “It was different with us.”  
“No it’s pretty much the same. No one will see your face or know that we’re together.”  
“Besides promising Charlie why do you want to go so bad anyway?”  
“It’s not that I want to go, I just want someone to rely on while I’m there. I’m worried that Dick may have been invited as well.”  
Dean took a long gap of silence before deciding to answer. His cheery expression morphed into something dark and twisted. Like he was suddenly on high alert from any possible danger.   
“I’ll be there. Just get me the mask and be here by 9 o clock.” He replied dismissively.   
* * * *  
The party was in full swing by the time they arrived. Music booming from all speakers that surrounded the main dance floor, bodies swaying and bouncing to the beat. It was pleasant chaos. Charlie had her arm wrapped in Castiel’s as Dean escorted the two of them towards the bar. His movements were stiffened, like his arms were too heavy all of a sudden. If it were any quieter in the venue he was sure he’d be able to hear each thud of the boots on his feet. Dean was more stalking than simply walking, a predator ready to tear apart anything in his path. Castiel was no weakling that needed security detail, if it was only another person or two that he was up against. A group of them was another story, and Dick never made public appearances without an entourage to help puff up his narcissistic feathers. A group attacking required a group fighting, and he had his own entourage willing to battle alongside him. It was a comforting feeling, a safe bubble wrapped around him. He knew he could actually enjoy himself tonight because of this, and that was his full intention.   
Sitting down on the open stools with Charlie, Dean decided to stand behind him with a strong hand wrapped around his hip. He leaned back a bit until his spine hit a muscled plane of chest. The bartender bounced over to them, quickly taking their orders, and was even quicker to make them. Cas felt like the odd one out, being the only one to get a fruity drink while his companions just got plain whiskey. They all had agreed to not go overboard tonight so they’d be on high alert should they get separated. He knew Dean could drink a liquor store and still be able to hold himself steady, but Charlie was not that fortunate. He tossed her a knowing look and she raised a hand to wave him off.  
“I’m only gonna have one of these and then I’ll have what your having and space it out with water. Don’t worry buttercup I remember the plan.”   
He nodded in response then spun in the stool, slightly pushing Dean back so that he could wrap his waist in between his thighs. Leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on the other man’s lips, as that was the only thing their masks would allow them to do. He didn’t much understand the purpose of the plastic face coverings. Charlie said it was to add the thrill of anonymity, and cut down on rumors, as well as freeing inhibitions. He saw it as more of a danger personally due to the fact that he couldn’t tell who was who. It was frightening, looking out to the crowd to only see pieces of unknown faces. Dean must’ve been able to sense his discomfort and tugged him forward by his legs, wrapping him in a tight embrace and burying his face on the side of his neck. His lips reached up and teeth caught his earlobe as he sucked the skin into his mouth.   
“Wanna dance with me?” his low voice, ringing loud and clear straight to his eardrum.  
That voice carried lust and desire that had woven itself through his movements as he tugged Cas off the stool and led him over to an open space on the dancefloor. The song had just changed, and Dean held him close, their hips meeting as they began to sway into each other. Their bodies aligned perfectly in everything they did, whether it be dancing, sex, walking next to each other. They were so physically matched that everything else just slid into place with it. The beat picked up and they moved with it, staying in sync. Someone bumped into Dean and Castiel reached out and grabbed his bicep, pulling him closer still to be sure he wouldn’t lose him in the sea of wild limbs.   
“I just wanna take you home.” Dean half yelled in his ear. “Lay out on my bed and have you take me apart.” He pulled back slightly to give Castiel a wink and a smile that spoke at an impious volume.   
If he was saying what Castiel thought he was saying, then Dean wanted to try switching places. It was a new and exciting thought, one that could be read in his dirtiest fantasies. He always assumed that he would be the bottom, Dean had never discussed otherwise, and when it came time for them to lay together it always happened the same way. A bud of anxiety rang through him as doubting thoughts pressed their way through his mind, but just as that began to happen Dean pushed a sloppy kiss onto his lips thus wiping the thoughts away.   
* * * *  
Once they’d had their dancing fill they waded their way back to the bar to find Charlie talking intensely to someone. Upon closer inspection of the build and hair he assumed it to be Balthazar.  
“Cassie!” the man exclaimed while tossing his arms around him. “Happy to see you’ve made it. Safe to assume this is Dean?”  
“Yeah it’s me Sherlock.” Dean said with an eye roll and a scowl.   
“Charming, well I should tell you that I have had a sighting of our dear enemy Dick. He was trying to put the moves on Kevin, but I tore that transaction to shreds.”   
His eyes darted across all the masked faces within view, hoping that none of them would walk over to his little protective group. Things were going too well for it to crash and burn so suddenly. He felt sick to his stomach and the sudden need to get some air overwhelmed him.   
“I need to use the bathroom.” He felt like the walls were closing in as he waded his way through the crowd. He felt a hand tugging at the back of his shirt but he kept moving. There wasn’t enough air in this building, and maybe the bathroom wasn’t the best place to get this air, but it was the first place that he could think of. A couple people shoved against his side, and whoever was behind him lost their grip temporarily, that made it even harder to breathe. Once he saw the lit up sign on the wall for the bathroom he ducked inside quickly.  
“Cassie! Darling what’s going on?”   
So it was Balthazar that followed him…not Dean. That was slightly disappointing, but he was grateful for his friend’s presence nonetheless. He walked over to the row of black ceramic sinks and gripped the sides for a minute to center himself before flicking a hand out to turn the water on. On the coldest it could go he reached into the stream and splashed a handful of water on his face. He felt silly for reacting like this. They were out to have fun and here he was damn near having a panic attack at the mere thought of seeing Dick. It’d been so long despite what those closest to him say. Shouldn’t he be over this by now?  
“You can’t just run off like that love. You had us all worried.” He placed a reassuring hand on the middle of his back and rubbed tender circles on the area. His breathing, which he hadn’t realized had quickened, slowed down to its normal patterns with the help of Balthazar.   
“Worried about what?”   
Castiel snapped his head up at the all too familiar voice that was flooding the space with its sarcasm and laughter. His skin crawled at the noise and he knew just who it was, and that he wasn’t alone. Both he and Balthazar turned their heads to see Dick entering with two of his lackeys trailing close behind, a sneaky smile plastered on all their faces. He back up to the wall with Balthazar standing in front of him.   
“Oh Cassie come on don’t be like that. And you Balthazar, I’m surprised at. Treating me like a leper are we?” he slowly took steps towards them.  
So much for not having a panic attack.   
* * * *  
Dean was getting antsy, and that was putting it lightly. He was worried and felt kind of bad for not noticing Cas slip away like that. At first he’d been relieved to see Balthazar jump on what was happening and trailed after him towards the bathroom, but now he was worried. They’d been taking a bit too long for his liking, even if there had been a line to get in. He told Charlie where he was going and made his way through the dense crowd. Once he got to the door there was no line at all. He pushed on the handle to find it was locked…..no no nonononoo no. This wasn’t right. This was a bathroom in a popular club, no way would it be a single stalled bathroom. There’d be a line out the door. He was panicking now, felt bile rising up his esophagus at all the possible scenarios that crept out of the darkest corners of his mind. He looked around for anyone that could help him. Immediately running towards the bar, he flagged down the first bartender who he made contact with.   
“What can I get you?”  
“I need you to unlock that bathroom door right now!” he hollered over the music.  
“It’s not supposed to be locked…let me page my manager.”   
The girl walked away and picked up a phone he assumed was so the staff could communicate with each other. She talked on it for a few seconds before hanging up and giving Dean a thumbs up and a sheepish smile. His panic was replaced by anger as the seconds ticked out.   
He was seething and made entirely of impatience by the time he noticed a man in a suite with keys in his hand walking towards the room. Dean squared his shoulders, and strapped on his meanest expression heading towards the door. When it was opened he was more than ready to body slam anyone who touched a hair on Castiel’s head.   
The scene that laid out before him was not one that he expected. Castiel stood over Dick squirming on the ground with a look on his face that could smite an army of men. His lip was cut but other than that he looked relatively fine. Balthazar was crouched on the floor with a hand over his left eye and breathing heavily, the two other guys that no doubt belonged to Dick’s crew were knocked out cold on the floor. It was 3 against two and pretty obvious they had won. Dean stepped over Dick’s trembling body to embrace his fuming boyfriend.   
“You did good angel. Let’s get out of here before you two get arrested. Hmm?” he spoke lowly in his ear.   
As if broken out of a trance Castiel flinched in his arms then their eyes met with a soft understanding. He withdrew from Dean only to help his friend off the ground. They turned to see the wide eyed manager surveying the scene. Dean tossed him a sympathetic half-smile and the man schooled his featured in a knowing expression, giving Dean a small nod and moving out of the door frame.   
“Thanks man.” He tossed back as the three of them made their way back over to Charlie, and leaving the club the way they came.  
* * * *  
Dean took everyone home since he had drank the least. Once he dropped Charlie off he made his way to his apartment. Cas didn’t say a word and Dean didn’t want to disturb the charged silence between them. Of course he had questions, but right now would be a bad time to ask. Unlike himself he knew that Cas would share when he was ready to. There were enough emotions involved in that night and he wasn’t one to stir the pot.   
They walked into the dark apartment, both tossing their jackets on the back of the couch, too tired to care about hanging them up. For once the silence was actually starting to get to Dean. He didn’t want to ruin the mood, but at the same time it was making him anxious.   
“Would you like some water or something?” he scratched at the back of his neck. Old nervous habits die hard.   
Cas looked at him with a soft, but sad smile and simply nodded in response before slipping into Dean’s bedroom. Dean turned and got that water he promised, pausing at the sink to get a hold of himself. How do you comfort someone who got into a physical altercation with their abuser? Everything he’d experienced with Cas so far had been all new territory. The way he fell so hard and fast, the way Cas took his own issues head on and didn’t judge him for it, and the way he was so easy to open up to. For the most part everything was new and wonderful, but somethings were a little difficult to deal with and maneuver, now being one of those times. He wasn’t complaining though, he’d take the good and the bad any day with Cas, he was more than worth it. Especially with the fact that he knew he was no picnic himself. But right now he was lost, Dean wasn’t good at lost.  
He walked into the room trying to keep himself in check. Handing Cas the glass of water, he kept his eyes trained on him as he watched him drink. Once he was finished he reached over and set the empty glass on the night stand.   
“I take it you would like to know what happened.” He sighed.   
“Hey, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He kneeled on the floor in front of his man where he sat on the bed. He took both his hands in his, tangling long, soft fingers with his calloused ones.   
“I know that Dean, but I owe you an explanation.”  
“You don’t owe me a damned thing angel.” A sour chuckle bit its way through his lips. “But if you feel you want to share it with me then by all means I’m here to listen.”  
“I just really needed air. Balthazar confirming that he saw him…it just hit me kind of hard so I needed to get away. He followed me and I was happy for it, I was just calming down when him and his friends walked in and locked the door. He started spewing nonsense about how I didn’t belong with you and how you had no right to have me when you belonged to someone else.” He took a pause and Dean stayed silent. “He told me I was disgusting for letting you touch me.” He turned his gaze away from Dean and blinked quickly, no doubt trying to fight tears away. “Balthazar got in between us and started yelling, I’ve actually never seen him so worked up before. Dick got in his face and they were screaming at each other and I was just…standing there. I didn’t know what to do Dean.”  
“It’s ok baby. I wouldn’t know what to do either.”  
“Then Dick hit Balt, and something in me just snapped. I really don’t remember that first hit. Balt said I knocked Dick over and I attacked his friends, knocked them out cold. Dick tried to choke me from behind, but Balt grabbed him and he turned on him, punched him in the face. Then next thing I know I’m standing over him, and that’s when you came in.” his voice trailed off towards the end and that’s when Dean’s guilt came to a peak.  
“I’m so sorry angel. I should’ve gone after you.” He unconsciously tightened the grip he had on Castiel’s hands.   
“No Dean, it’s better that you didn’t. If it had escalated and the cops involved. The last thing I want is for you to go to jail on my behalf.”  
“You know I would’ve.”  
“My point exactly. Not that I want Balthazar to go to jail either.” He chuckled sadly. “I just want tonight to be over.”   
Without another word Dean rose and motioned for Castiel to do the same. Slowly he peeled his shirt off of him, pausing to kiss his cheek before moving to his jeans. Placing his hands on his shoulders he pushed at them gently, for him to sit back down. He untied his shoes, putting them to the side and slid his jeans off where they were pooled at his ankles. He pulled back the sheets, and watched as his boyfriend climbed under them, eyes trained on Dean as he removed his own clothing. He climbed in bed on the other side with Cas’ back towards him. He pulled him with a gentle arm over his chest until their warm skin merged. In the dark they laid silently, their breathing synced as they tried their hardest to fall asleep. Dean waited until he thought Castiel was asleep, kissing the back of his neck and whispering a gentle ‘I love you’ into his ear.  
* * * *  
Castiel awoke to the sounds of cooking, as he did most mornings when he slept over at Dean’s. His phone buzzed from his pants pocket, where they sat on the floor from last night. He reached over the mattress, not wanting to leave the warmth that his boyfriend’s body left behind. The screen read that his father was calling and he had no doubts as to what it was about.  
“Hello father.” He answered tensely.  
“Please tell me you threw an extra punch just for me.” his father laughed loudly through the phone.   
“Um…what?”  
“Castiel. Henry called me hollering about how his son came home with two black eyes and a torn lip. Gosh I’m so proud of you son.”   
“Proud? Father I’m confused.”   
Castiel needed a blunt and he needed it as of yesterday afternoon. His backpack was sitting in the living room in the office chair at Dean’s desk. He winced as he was greeted by the cold air in the room, though he was in nothing but his boxers he would bear with it. Padding into the living room, passing the kitchen and giving Dean a small wave and a smile he went straight for his bag. Rummaging around half listening to his father go on about how mad Mr. Roman was about what happened the night prior. He found his special supplies and plopped in the chair with the intention of rolling.  
“I take it you won?” he finally tuned in fully to his father’s words.  
“It wasn’t just me. Balthazar was there as well.”  
“Ah yes. I knew I always liked that boy.”  
“As I recall when he met you, you called him a French hooker.”  
“He’s very affectionate with you and his v-necks are always very deep son. I never thought he was a bad person. I’ve met some very nice sex workers in my day.”  
“I’m pretty sure I don’t want to dive into that pool. But to answer your question, yes we won.”  
“Where was Dean in all this? I’m sure he’d want to fight for your honor.”  
“Father, this isn’t medieval times. There was no honor to fight for. They locked the door, which I’m sure Dick failed to mention.” By this time Dean had heard his name enough times in the conversation to wonder in with bundles of curiosity. “Dean went to get a manager to open the door.”  
“Either way you did good.”  
“I don’t understand why you’re proud of me.” Cas had just finished rolling his blunt. He looked to Dean for permission and he answered by opening the window in the kitchen and motioning for him to do it in there.   
“It’s about time someone’s kicked his ass for the stuff he does. I’m glad it was you. Him and his father need to know this family is not to be messed with. That reminds me, he tried to threaten me into taking that pharma deal.”  
“They are both determined to a fault.” Castiel lit the joint with a quickness, like it was his life force. He’d never heard his father curse before. “Though I must say I am not proud of the way I lashed out in anger like that. It was unbecoming.”   
“You did what you had to angel.” Dean finally piped up. “I’m proud of you too.” He kissed the side of his face.   
“Is that Dean? Tell him he should come for dinner on Friday. You too.” His father said to which he rolled his eyes at. How could Dean have dinner with his father and he be invited as an afterthought?  
“Alright. I’m gonna go now.” He strained, trying to keep his inhale in for as long as he could.  
“Yeah yeah, I can smell the weed from here. I’ll talk to you later son. Love you.” And with that he hung up.  
Castiel looked at his phone like it told him he was a billionaire. His father knew he smoked? This weekend was filled with too many firsts and it was only Saturday morning.


	17. I'm the One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is hellaaaa late! My apologies. Work and life got in the way (aka me complaining about being a bridesmaid). But don't fret this is last weeks chapter and the chapter for this week will be up tomorrow then we'll be back to our regularly scheduled program. I'm also working on something epic for you guys! Of course it's another fic which should be up within the next month or so. Any way enough blabbing, there are no warnings for this chapter, just fluff. Hope you all enjoy and have a great week! xoxo (follow me on tumblr- fanofthephire)

Castiel was getting paranoid now. Sitting in a coffee shop with Charlie was a nice way to spend a Sunday morning. Huddled over a hot cup of caffeine talking about nothing and everything with his best friend was where he wanted to be, besides hanging with Dean. But he couldn’t be with Dean right now since he kicked him out to grade finals and claimed Castiel’s mere presence was way too distracting. He had rolled his eyes at his boyfriend in half annoyance and half amused. He wasn’t trying to be distracting, but Dean was a dramatic weirdo so he just rolled with it. Now he’s sorta listening to Charlie about the issues she’s having with her girlfriend. He feels a little bad about not being completely attentive but he feels like someone is watching him. Every now and again his eyes will look elsewhere hoping to catch someone in the act, but every time he does he sees that everyone surrounding them has their attention placed elsewhere. He wished he could just chalk it up to the slight paranoia that always comes when he’s too high, but they’d barely finished a blunt between the two of them, so that’s out the door. No, someone really is watching him and it’s bothering him entirely too much.  
They’d finished their meetup and he decided to go home to see if his father is around. He does miss the man now that they hardly see each other. His father had even called him earlier that morning to ask if he was officially moving out of the house. Though his father didn’t mean it to, it actually hurt a bit. Even Charlie had felt slightly abandoned. When he puts his mind to it, he and Dean have been pretty wrapped up in each other. They were both pretty excited with the holidays coming up, though he’s a little happier about it than Dean appears to be. Charlie spilled that Dean has no idea what to get him and he gave her a couple ideas to give Dean so he wouldn’t be totally lost. Castiel wasn’t a material person, he never really had to want for anything in his life. But he did like the fact that Dean wanted to get him something thoughtful and heart felt and was only seeking a general idea of what he would like. The gesture was sweet and brought a warm blush to his face when she told him.   
Now he found himself walking up the side walk to the front door of his actual home. He still felt eyes on him, but refused to turn around and give whoever it was the satisfaction of being noticed. Walking through the door he heard some bustle in the kitchen and went to go investigate.   
“Father what are you doing?”  
He found him in the kitchen and it looked a mess. Batter splayed across the counter, piles of flour everywhere, flour in his father’s hair, and some mysterious red goo dripped all over the floor. His father turned away from the sink with a small, sad smile on his face. It was odd to see the man attempting to cook. He had never been gifted in the kitchen, only able to make small easy dishes. The gourmet meals were left to his mother, she was the cook of the family, where Gabriel had inherited talent from. Castiel took after his father, not knowing his way from the refrigerator to the stove.   
“I’m trying to make your mother’s cherry pie.” He sighed.  
Well that explained the red gunk. Castiel grabbed the only semi-clean hand towel and swiped some flour from above his Father’s eye and smiled down at him.   
“Are you planning to make Christmas dinner?”  
“Well Christmas eve dinner yes. I figured you’d be spending Christmas day with Dean’s family so I wanted to have a small something for the night before. Maybe open a gift or two together?”  
His heart broke for the smaller man in front of him. He was honestly trying to bring their broken little family together for the holidays. They hadn’t done so since his mother’s passing and the thought saddened him.   
“I could help you know. Dean would love to come over for dinner.”  
“Can he cook? Cause you know the two of us would just be the blind leading the blind in here.”  
They shared a laugh as Castiel nodded his head. He was sure Dean would love to spend time together like that, so he shot him a text telling him his Father’s plan.   
* * * *  
Dean found himself in the crowded grocery store looking high and low for pie crusts. Sure there were a ton of other things on his list for him to get, but this was the most important to him. What’s a family dinner without at least 5 pies? There was a woman standing by the freezer he needed to get to. She held two different brands in her hand clearly debating.   
“That one bakes much better if you’re making an apple pie. The other is better for sweet potato because it crisps up real nice.” He offered.   
She turned to give him thanks but the words caught in her throat as a crimson blush formed on her face. She smiled brightly at him and looked as if she was going to say something else until her eyes flicked over to his boyfriend and she just nodded before taking both of the crusts, putting them in her cart and rushing away. Dean laughed to himself about her reaction, Cas was the perfect shield for unwanted conversation. He reached into the freezer and pulled out the last 4 shells. He was lucky indeed.   
They continued around the store picking up all the things they needed by aisle, Cas had a few suggestions and added them to the cart with a tender smile. He was really excited to have Dean cooking in his house. It was so disgustingly domestic of them, and Dean warmed up to the feeling. He’d never thought he’d have something like this. To have someone who could make something as mundane as grocery shopping seem like a romantic adventure. Gosh if Sam could hear his thoughts he’d be throwing him a constant smirk and calling Dean the king of saps. Once they finished all the food items he followed Cas to the personal hygiene section, tossing him a raised eyebrow as he tossed a large bottle of lube on top of the other items. Happy Holidays indeed.  
* * * *  
“Dean it’s ok I won’t be offended. You can tell me I’m hopeless.”   
Dean was doing his best to help Cas’ father make dinner for the night. It was Christmas Eve morning and they’d been slaving in the kitchen for a good 3 hours. Cas had left about an hour ago to do last minute shopping with Gabriel for their father and Dean was left alone with the man. He couldn’t cook to save his life but Dean was trying not to lose his patience. This was Castiel’s father for crying out loud, he couldn’t afford to be disrespectful, but dammit the man was really hopeless. He started him off with veggie chopping and the man sliced a gash through his finger, then he tried having him do the mac and cheese and he somehow messed up the noodle to cheese ratio. Now he wanted him to use the mixer so he could fill some pie shells for his sweet potato pie and he managed to splatter half of it on himself and the other on the wall. He texted Cas begging him to come back as quick as possible and to pick up some extra sweet potatoes.   
“It’s ok Mr. Novak. Castiel will get some more potatoes. Do you mind washing some dishes?”  
“Sure thing. I can do that.”  
Dean was baffled at how this man could possibly a surgeon the way he failed at doing the simplest tasks. Doesn’t he cut into actual people, he thought. Dean and Chuck worked in mainly silence until Castiel arrived with Gabriel. Dean let out an anxious breathe, very happy that he was no longer forced to be alone with his boyfriend’s father. Once said boyfriend walked into the kitchen holding a bag filled with sweet potatoes he shot him a thankful smile and received a nod and a smirk in return.   
“What’s up Deano?” Gabe hopped up on one of the barstools and sat his chin in his hands. “Having fun cooking with good old Dad?”  
Chuck shot him a playful glare at this and Dean shrugged in his uncomfortable state.   
“Show Dean some mercy for having to put up with me.”  
“It really was no trouble Mr. Novak.”  
“Please, just call me Chuck. No need to be formal with me.”  
Castiel’s heart swelled at the friendly way his father was acting towards Dean. He’d never been a hard man to be around, but to see him so accepting of Dean was a nice sight to see. The kitchen looked a mess, there was goop on the walls that looked like potato guts, there was grime on the counter where it looked like something was spilled. It looked like his father had went on a food rampage and poor Dean had to hold it all together. He could smell the wonderful scents that flooded the air from whatever was in the oven so it truly couldn’t have been that bad. He walked around to where Dean was explaining to his father how to make sure the collard greens don’t burn and wrapped an arm around his waist.   
“Hey you.” Dean shot him a smile.   
“Thank you for putting up with Father.” He placed a quick peck on his cheek.   
“Hey! I’m right here you know.” Chuck gasped. “Dean’s been teaching me a lot of things today. I think I might be getting a hang on this cooking stuff.”   
Dean snuck a glance at Castiel once Chuck put his head down to concentrate on the task given to him. He mouthed ‘help me’ and Castiel couldn’t help the chuckle that burst out of him. He pulled his boyfriend from the kitchen and went up to his bedroom. He wanted to talk to Dean about his Christmas gift.   
Once the door was closed Dean braced his hands on Castiel’s hips and pulled him flush to his body. He bent his head slightly and placed a chaste kiss to his ever chapped yet soft lips. He intended to keep it light and innocent, but when Cas twisted his head to the side and poked his tongue out, begging for entry he’d let him in. Who was he to deny Cas what he wanted? His hands trailed a little higher until his fingertips were just above the hem of his t shirt. He just needed to feel the other man’s skin right now. They couldn’t do much else with the Dad and brother in the house, but Dean would take what he could get for right now. He trailed his mouth across the shark jawline of Cas’ face to leave rough, open-mouthed kisses right along his collar bone. Moving his hips forward he could feel Cas’ growing erection. He loved how responsive Cas was at even the slightest touch, like Dean was the only one he would ever want. Truth was he was hoping that would be true for the both of them. He meant the words that left his mouth that night when he said he loved them. Saying them made it real, and where Dean would usually freak out after admitting his feelings, he actually felt relief. Relieved for the fact that he’d said it as well as glad that Cas hadn’t heard him. Dean was never one to fall in love, let alone say it first, and that was something he wanted to keep hold to. He had no idea where Cas’ heart was in that matter, and to say it to him and not receive it back would do more damage than he could handle right now. So as he licked his way up Cas’ throat the words throbbed in his head, and he would keep them there until Cas either said it first, or something caused them to explode out his mouth.   
* * * *  
“So dinner was amazing Dean. Thanks so much for helping me out.” Chuck laughed while pushing his empty plate away from him.   
Everyone was stuffed to the brim with the food that Dean had cooked. Even Gabriel complimented Dean despite him trying to be tough and aloof. Dean knew Chuck was as hopeless as they come when they started off, but towards the end he did get a little better at it. He just didn’t want to do this again any time soon. He was stuffed himself, and the day wore him out. At the start of everyone eating he’d put on some hot chocolate, now that the food was over with, he grabbed the tray of mugs and brought it to the living room. They looked like a bunch of kids, all gathered around the beautifully lit white tree, ready to open exactly one present each. He was so excited to give Cas his present it was eating away at him. He’d gotten something generic for Chuck and Gabriel since he didn’t really know them very well and he thought it would be rude to just show up with nothing.   
Since it was his house they decided Chuck would open his first. Gabe had gotten him a new coat for winter, he looked like a little kid tearing into the wrapping paper like his life depended on it. He’d done the same thing for Cas’ gift, truly beaming at the sweaters that he’d gotten. He’d even given Dean a hug for the mugs he’d gotten. Cas mentioned once or twice that his father lived on coffee (as if he didn’t as well) so he’d gotten him a really nice ceramic one for at home and a good travel one that claimed to keep warm for 8 hours.   
Gabe went next and loved the baking set Cas had gotten him. Chuck had gotten him a $500 visa gift card to buy things for his new home and Dean got him a pot set for it as well. He clapped Dean on the back at the gesture.   
Cas went next, first opening Gabe’s present. It was a $100 gift card to a place called the Toyhouse. He’d quirked an eyebrow in confusion at this, even Chuck had no idea what to make of it. Dean and Gabe knew quite well what it was for and refused to say a word about it. Gabe, because he thought it was hilarious, and Dean because you don’t take about sex toy shops in front of your significant other’s parent. Next he opened Chuck’s gift, a bunch of new winter workout gear, for when he takes his runs in the cold. Lastly he opened Dean’s gift, the lab coat.  
“I know you’re a ways away from graduating, but I thought why not have one now?”   
“Thank you so much Dean. This is awfully sweet of you, I love it.” He gave Dean his gummiest smile, and he could see the unshed tears in his eyes. Dean’s heart clenched at the sight of him, and he had his own rapid blinking to do so he wouldn’t cry. If this was his reaction to the first gift, Dean was ecstatic thinking about how he’d react to what he would give him tomorrow. Chuck must’ve read Dean’s mind as their eyes met and he gave him a knowing smile and nodded his head.  
“It’s your turn now Dean. Open mine first.” Gabe said tossing a neatly wrapped gift his way.   
He unwrapped the gift to find several neatly folded dress shirts. It was just what he needed for work. Now that Cas had told him his students paid attention to what he wore, he felt he needed to mix things up better. He nodded towards the man and gave him his thanks. He opened Chuck’s gift next and found a $500 visa card just like Gabriel’s.   
“Chuck, sir, you didn’t have to give me this. This is a lot of money.”  
“Anyone who can make my son smile like that deserves that and more.”   
Dean felt a blush creeping up his cheeks and ducked his head to open the gift Cas gave him. It was a two part gift of a black, heavy leather jacket and a new pair of work boots.   
“These are great Cas! I love them!” he smacked a kiss to the other man’s cheek and stood up to try the jacket on. It was warm and made of thick genuine leather, with a thin fur lining on the inside. This would definitely keep him warm through the rest of the winter, and he knew he looked damned good in it too.   
They spent the rest of the evening listening to corny Christmas music, talking and laughing while drinking copious amounts of hot chocolate. Eventually they agreed to watch the Christmas movies that played on the Hallmark channel, still laughing amongst themselves, half paying attention to the television. Dean was curled up into Cas’ side on the couch for the rest of the night. There was no other place that he’d rather be.


	18. And it Rises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo you get two chapters this week!!! Life got the best of me and I'm so sorry for not posting!!!! No warnings for this chapter but there may be for the next and you guys know i'll post accordingly!! Either way I hope you enjoy this! happy reading! xoxo

Dean awoke Christmas morning to his bed being empty. Cas had stayed home to spend time with his family. Dean was a little broken up about it, but of course he didn’t voice that. He just smiled and took his leave in silence. Now he sat up in bed thinking of all the things he’d have to do for the day. Though he spent half of yesterday cooking he’d have to do the same today with his Aunt Ellen. He was the only one she could trust in her kitchen. They had this rhythm together that only got stronger over the years, they could cook in perfect silence, doing a dance around the space with no conflict. Anyone else she’d be barking orders at, but not him, not with the way he always knew what he was doing.   
He remembers back when he’d finally recovered from his terrible suicide attempt. Sam and Bobby always either wanted to talk about it or tip toe around him like he was a ticking time bomb, but not Ellen. She just made him come in the kitchen with her and she taught him how to cook. At first he grumbled his complaints as if he had something better to do, but after a week or so he found comfort in the act. Putting together a delicious, hearty meal was calming for him. It was his own sanctuary in its way. Ellen got so comfortable that often times she’d leave him to his own devices with a bunch of ingredients and a recipe book.   
She had asked him once if he wanted to pursue it as a career and he politely declined. He found peace in the kitchen and didn’t want to turn it into a job. It was quiet and therapeutic, something he didn’t have to give much thought too. He shared that with her and she left it at that.   
Finally gathering his thoughts he crawled out of bed ready to start his day. He texted Cas letting him know he was up and that he would come get him once the pies were in the oven since they did those last. Thinking about the enormous gift he got his boyfriend, with Chuck’s help, he was now made of excitement. He just hoped Cas would be as delighted as he was.  
* * * *  
“Sam I don’t know how many times I need to tell you to get out of my kitchen!” Ellen hollered.  
“But I’m hungry.” He whined.  
“I’m gonna swat you with this spoon if you come back in here again!” she wiggled the wooden spoon she held.  
Dean laughed at the scene playing out in front of him. His giant little brother always tried to sneak his big ass in the kitchen every year in search of some scraps he could steal before dinner was served. Each and every time he was chased out with nothing to show for it. Yet another Christmas tradition that he thoroughly enjoyed.   
“Dean, honey, can you hand me that spatula?” she asked and Dean instantly handed it to her. “Is that boyfriend of yours coming today? I hope Thanksgiving didn’t scare him away.”  
“Yeah he’s coming. I think that day did the complete opposite of that.” He laughed. “I think he wanted to punch Dad more than I did. You saw the way I had to drag him out of here.”   
“You were half carrying the poor boy. If looks could kill John would be dead as a doornail.” She wiped her hands on the apron that sat around her hips. “Well no worries this go around. He’s not invited.”  
Dean sighed at the talk of his father. Though he harbored some strong negative feelings for the man for all that he’d done throughout his life he was still a bit saddened that he wouldn’t be there for Christmas. He still remembers the Christmas he’d turned 13 when his father gave him his first beer. It was not a good ideal at all to give someone that young alcohol, but he was certainly happy at the time. He recalls the giddy fuzzy feeling in his head after he finished the bottle. The old memory brings up a laugh within him.   
Sam made another pitiful attempt at getting a handful of mac and cheese, the sound of wood hitting skin brought Dean out of his trip down memory lane. He turned to see his brother rubbing his reddened hand and pouting face. He laughed out loud at Sammy’s demise.   
“Dean we’re just about done. I can handle the rest of these pies so go on and get Castiel. I want the two of you here as the rest of the clan arrives.”   
“Yes M’am.” He nodded taking his leave.  
* * * *  
Cas was just leaving his front door as Dean pulled up. He turned and the second their gazes connected, Cas’ face broke out into a large toothy smile. He loved seeing him smile, among all the other things he loved about him. He walked to the car, with the ends of his beloved trench coat flying behind him. He could see the dark gray button up and black jeans he’d worn under the coat, a twisted tie around his neck.   
“You look like an accountant super hero.” He chuckled as Cas got in the car.  
“I happen to think I look very nice in this coat.” Castiel rolled his eyes as he settled into the seat.  
“Don’t worry, you look plenty hot.” He watched a blush creep up on the man’s face. “I’m just making an observation.   
“Thank you. You look beyond attractive today.” His eyes trailed down Dean’s body, noticing he was wearing the coat he’d given him the night before. “It should be illegal for how good that coat looks on you.”  
Dean felt a blush creeping up from his chest, and he knew his cheeks were downright crimson. Though Cas always seems to enjoy how he looks he never really paid much attention to his appearance and could always admit, to himself, that he’s a little self-conscious. He still finds it hard to accept compliments from Cas, especially after the little revelation he had after that night at the party. Even after so little time he’s in love with the other man. This is a path he could never quite walk down with any of his exes, not even Lisa who he was with for a long time. It didn’t matter how happy the other person made him, he just could never get himself to feel this way. Lisa had broken down some of his walls through their relationship, but it took her such a long time, and he still couldn’t say he loved her. Castiel on the other hand swept through him like an easy challenge, and in 3 short months he had Dean falling all over himself. He just couldn’t bring himself to say the words.  
They pulled up to Bobby’s house not long after. Dean was surprised himself at how quickly they got there and how deep in thought he must’ve been to make this drive entirely on auto pilot. They got out and grabbed the dishes Dean brought from home then proceeded to walk in. They were greeted immediately by Sam holding little Mark. His face lit up at the sight of his uncle and his little arms reached out for Dean. Cas smiled tenderly at the sight of the two of them together.   
“Unc Dee!” he exclaimed.  
“Dean put the baby down and gimme a hand.” Ellen called from the kitchen.   
Dean turned and handed the bundle back to his father and left his boyfriend and brother to help Ellen set out all the dishes.  
Sometime later everyone he loved was seated around the table and digging into the food he helped make. His heart swelled at the plethora of happy eating sounds, especially from Cas who hadn’t looked up from his plate since it was sat in front of him. It was bitter sweet that John wasn’t there, on one hand he wished that his Dad would just get his shit together and finally be the solid figure that a parent was supposed to be, but on the other he was glad he wasn’t there throwing around all the drama he came packaged with.   
Once they finished eating Cas offered to help Ellen clean up, but she swatted him with a towel and chased him out of the kitchen to join everyone else in the living room, where they were all gathered by the tree. It was gift opening time and Dean could barely contain his excitement. Once Bobby gave the ok everyone dove towards the presents. It was all in good fun, though they were shoving each other out of the way. Cas made it a point to lightly elbow Dean in the side trying to get at the gift that Sam got him. Dean turned to see one of the biggest smile’s he’d ever seen on the other man. The corners of his eyes were wrinkled due to how big it was, his nose scrunched up, and all his teeth were showing. It made him look truly childlike. Not to mention how the lights on the tree played off his irises, making his blue eyes shinier. He looked gorgeous like this, it took Dean’s breathe away for a moment, it was infectious and he couldn’t help but to return it. Sam had gotten him a new herb grinder and some rolling papers, plus a couple of graphic t-shirts. It was sweet to see the tender smile and thanks he tossed his brother’s way.   
Dean received more shirts from Sam and a new iPod with one of those radio adapters so he’d be able to play it in his car. Bobby had gotten him a bottle of whiskey and a book on ancient Egypt, Ellen got him some new cook books and an iPad.  
“Where’s my gift from you angel?” he asked placing a kiss on Cas’ cheek as he gawked at the iPad Ellen had gotten him.  
“Why’d she get me this? It’s so expensive!” he whisper yelled in his ear.  
“Don’t feel bad, she apparently got me one too.” He spoke as he watched Cas rip the rest of the paper off of a box to reveal the tablet.   
“I’m very grateful but this is a lot of money Dean.”  
“Don’t let her hear you say that. She’ll rip you a new one.”   
“I heard that you two! Don’t question what I get you. Family always gets the best from me.”  
Dean felt a wave of happiness fall over him at his Aunt affectionately referring to Cas as family. It wasn’t necessary, but he really appreciated the acceptance of his boyfriend into his humble family. He looked to see Cas carrying over a giant gift bag and that same toothy grin on his face.   
“This is for you Dean.”  
He reached inside and saw a black guitar case. He pulled it out gingerly, wanting to not drop it. He draped the case across his lap and flicked the locks open and lifted the lid. Inside was the same guitar he had played at that festival they attended by accident. Where he played a song for a small crowd of people. He could feel tears welling in his eyes at the sight of it. This was a gorgeous instrument and Castiel took the time and money to buy it for him. He pulled it from the case and pushed the shell on the ground in front of him, the guitar taking it’s place.  
“Oh angel it’s beautiful.” He gasped.   
“I thought you’d really enjoy it. You are truly talented with it.” He sat down next to Dean and sat his hand on his shoulder.   
“I love it.” I Love you, he thought. The words almost slipped from his lips before he remembered he was surrounded by family. The first time he would say those words he’d already decided that it would be when the two of them were alone.   
“I’m glad you do. I was worried.”  
“You could’ve gotten me a pair of socks and they’d be the most beloved socks I own.” He chuckled, trying to lighten the heavy mood this was forming.   
“Now you gotta play something for us son.” Bobby spoke.   
“After we’re all done with opening gifts then sure.” His nerves were starting to grow at the prospect of playing for the people whose opinions mattered the most.   
“We’re all done. Ready when you are Dean.” Sam piped up.   
“I still gotta give Cas his present.” He beamed. “We’ve gotta go outside though.  
“Dean, did you get me a dog?” Cas’ head was cocked to the side in his cute state of confusion.   
“Come on and I’ll show you what it is.” He took his hand and led him to the back door through the kitchen. They opened the door and Dean immediately regretted not grabbing their coats. He would make this quick. Bobby had a bunch of broke down, beat up cars in his salvage yard. Most of them were used for parts that he could just grab real quick. Among the mess was the 1967 Mustang he’d gotten Cas with his Mr. Novak’s help. He’d painted it and tuned her up within the last couple weeks of school just so he could have it ready for this evening.   
“Dean.”   
“She’s all yours angel.”   
Cas let go of his hand to approach the vehicle. He touched the hood and lets his hand drag along it as he walks around the car. Dean is starting to feel anxious since Cas has yet to voice that he liked the car yet. He shifted back and forth on his feet, his family was now around him also waiting for an answer as well. Once Cas gets back to the front of the car, he walks quickly towards Dean and wraps his arms around him.  
“Dean I can’t—you got me a car!” Dean could hear the tears in his voice. Well I guess he likes it, he thought.   
“Do you like it?” Still he needs that verbal confirmation.  
“Like it? Dean this is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever gotten me.” he surged up and kissed Dean sloppily and filled with heat. Dean tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss, his tongue reaching out asking Castiel for entrance. He complied instantly and their tongues came together gently shifting the gears of the kiss from heated to passionate.   
After what felt like eons they slowly separated and their foreheads touched in the middle of them. Dean noticed his family had retreated inside, probably to give them privacy in this moment.   
“You are such a giving man. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”   
“You’re right. You deserve so much more.”  
* * * *  
For the remainder of the night they sat on the living room couch, hand in hand and a nursing a beer in their free ones. Dean was filled with warmth of spending such a beautiful time with all those closest to him. Conversations took place among the adults, while the children loudly played with all their new toys. The heavily spiked eggnog raised the overall volume in the room, but Dean was welcoming of it all. Cas was engrossed in an environmental conversation with Sam, while he playfully joked around with Bobby.   
It doesn’t get better than this, he thought.


	19. I Don't Know About my Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnd here's the second chapter as promised! There's some sexy times in this one so be forewarned. Not really any other warnings in this one. As always thanks for the many comments and kudos! I really appreciate it and all that! Follow me on tumblr at fanofthephire if you wanna see my obsessions! Happy reading!!! xoxo

Dean awoke to the sleepy cat his boyfriend was. His arms and legs were wrapped tightly around his body like he was afraid Dean would disappear in the middle of the night. His morning wood was pressed tightly against his hip. His own was trapped under Cas’ strong runner’s thigh. As he tried to move out of the embrace said leg send a pang of arousal through him due to the friction. Any movement he made only made Cas hold him tighter and wasn’t helping his boner go down any time soon. He was rendered helpless. And honestly there wasn’t any other place on the planet he’d rather be. He laughed to himself at how sappy he’d become.   
“Cas, baby it’s time to wake up.”  
“No.” he growled and dug his face further into the side of Dean’s neck.   
“Can you at least let me go then? I need to relieve myself and take a shower.”  
“On one condition.” He popped his messy head up, gazing at Dean with low lidded eyes. “I get to join you in this shower.”   
“Let’s get to it then. This boner isn’t gonna disappear on it’s own.”  
* * * *  
Dean had been playing the guitar every chance he had since he got it. He serenaded Castiel at least 5 times before he finally dropped him off at his house. With several kisses goodbye and promises to see each other later. The scene that unfolded in front of him when he walked in the front door made him want nothing more than to immediately retreat back to Dean. He knew he couldn’t as he heard the Impala’s engine sound farther and farther away.   
“You must see how foolish it is of you to refuse such an offer Charles!”  
“You must be hard of hearing! I have said no countless times and that will not change!”  
Castiel rounded the corner and was in the living room where Mr. Roman and his father were engaged in a screaming match. No doubt about the deal he’d proposed a few weeks ago. Poor Gabriel was trying to keep the peace in the room at the moment. His hands on each of their chests, doing his best to keep the men farther apart.   
“It isn’t wise to keep our sons issues from getting business done!”  
Anger bubbled up within him at the audacity this man had to not only talk to his father this way, but also to belittle his father’s reasoning to not wanting anything to do with him. He stomped over to the scene, pushing Gabriel and his father back with their smaller statures. Mr. Roman’s face dropped all signs of anger were wiped from his face and a look of surprise replaced it.   
“Castiel. Do not look too deep into that statement. Surely you can see reason here?”  
“No Mr. Roman I do not see a good reason in anything you’ve said. You completely disregard the feelings of everyone around you for your own personal gain. Since that is what you set out to do since that’s how you live your life, you are not welcome here. You need to leave.”   
The man huffed and puffed out his chest, looming over the 3 of them as if he was intimidating. Castiel stood his ground and leveled the man with one of his iciest glares. Two can certainly play this game. After a minute of two Mr. Roman broke the deadly staring contest and stomped away to the front door.   
“You’ll regret this Charles.” He threw over his shoulder as he exited the door and slammed it behind him.   
* * * *  
“Sam I really don’t think I can do this.”  
“Come on Cas it’s just for like 20 minutes. I have to get diapers, and I stupidly ran out.”  
“What do I do if he wakes up?” he turned his head to look at the sleeping bundle in the crib.   
“Come to the kitchen and I’ll show you.”  
He silently followed Sam and watched as the man gave him thorough instructions on how to heat up a bottle and how to feed Mark. Castiel was more than a little weary to be alone and entirely responsible for such a tiny person. His knowledge about children was severely limited.   
“Maybe you should wait until Dean is finished with his meeting.”  
“But what if he needs a diaper before then?”  
“Wait until he wakes up and we both take him?” he tried.  
“Cas you’ll do fine. I swear I’ll be back soon.”   
And without another word Sam was out the door and he was left alone. He assumed it would be best to return to the child’s room and make sure he isn’t alone should he wake up. That seemed logical enough. He stood close to the crib with his hands in his coat pockets swaying back and forth on his feet. Peering into the crib, he watched the toddler sleep. He looked so peaceful and serene. His little curls surrounded his face, making him look so much like his father, but his hair was blonde like Sam’s late wife. It saddened him to know the child was going to grow up without a mother, but it comforted him knowing that Sam was strong enough to fill both of those roles on his own.   
Of course not 5 minutes after the man left, little Mark’s eyes fluttered open. He wiggled until he was on his back and looked up at Castiel with a curious look on his face. They stared at each other for a minute before Mark reached his tiny arms up beckoning to be picked up. Castiel immediately reacted and gingerly picked him up. A little frown formed on his face, and if it wasn’t a sign that crying was on the horizon he’d find it cute.   
Rushing to the kitchen, he repeated all the steps that Sam had shown him and heated up the bottle. He fiddled around trying to hold the squirming child still against his hip so that he could test the temperature on his arm. It felt ok and with a shrug he took it to the couch and sat down. Mark laid back on his right arm and laid the rest of his body across Castiel’s lap before reaching for the bottle in his hand. When he popped it into his mouth he held it and drank quickly. Castiel looked down into his big brown eyes and sighed in relief that the boy didn’t cry. Maybe he wasn’t as clueless as he thought he was. Mark was obviously comfortable enough with him that he failed to realize that his father was nowhere around.   
Once the bottle was finished Mark handed it back to him and wiggle trying to get off of his lap. He walked over, as best as his could on his little legs, over to his toy box in the corner. He pulled out a small red ball, about the size of his head and held it up walking back over to Castiel.   
“Ball!” he exclaimed.  
“Would you like to play with me?”   
“Ball!” he repeated and Castiel took that as a yes.  
He shrugged his coat off and walked about two feet to the side of the child. Mark smiled and tossed the ball as hard as he could, having no sense of direction it almost went to the far left of where Castiel was standing. He caught it with ease though and Mark clapped excitedly and walked around in a circle before he got into a squatting position, looking at him expectedly to throw it back. He did, in the slowest under-handed toss he could manage. Mark missed it completely and it landed at his feet. He bent to pick it up and still giggled before throwing it back to him.   
They played like that for a while and Castiel found himself enjoying the simple act quite fun. Mark’s laughter was infectious and he found himself clapping the few times Mark did catch the ball. Before he knew it Sam was walking through the door with his arms filled with much more stuff then just a pack of diapers. He didn’t even have it within him to get mad when he saw Dean walking in behind him.   
“Look who I ran into in the grocery store?” he chuckled.   
“Dada! Unc Dee!” he dropped the ball and forgot all about their game just that quickly in favor of the two familiar men walking into the house.   
“Hey buddy! Getting so big! Can’t believe you’re gonna be 3 soon.” Dean swooped down and picked up Mark before tossing him into the air and catching him against his chest.   
“Did you thank Cas for playing with you?” Sam called out as he reappeared from the kitchen.   
“Tank you Unc Cas.” He smiled and giggled.   
Castiel felt his cheeks heating up at the endearment and the sincere way he said it. He was nowhere near his Uncle and he didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him so, but he didn’t want the assumption to hang in the air. Once he looked at the proud look on Dean’s face he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.   
“I did have fun playing ball.” He chuckled nervously.   
“Well thank you for keeping him entertained Uncle Cas.” Sam laughed outright.   
Mark laughed along with his father as if he actually knew what was going on, and Dean had a heavy blush on his face. He was clearly embarrassed and this whole thing was spiraling way out of his comfort zone at this point. Dean sat Mark down on the floor and shot a disapproving look at his brother. Mark thought it would be a good idea to walk over to Castiel and hold his arms in the air, once again asking to be picked up. He hesitated for only a moment before he thought it was silly not to. It wasn’t his fault that things got awkward.   
* * * *  
Things continued to get more and more out of control. Mark called him by the endearment every time he wanted his attention and Castiel had no other choice but to answer to it. Poor Dean blushed more times than he could count, and Sam laughed harder than he’d ever seen him do.   
They finally settled on a movie to watch after a very heated discussion of what was and wasn’t appropriate for a child Mark’s age to be exposed to. They finally settled on National Treasure, because Dean thought it was hilarious and Castiel had never seen nor heard of the movie before. Mark made it a point to sit on his lap, and half way through it his head leaned against his chest as he’d fallen asleep.   
“All jokes aside Cas, I really appreciate you being able to watch him for a while. He doesn’t get around much outside of Dean, Bobby, Ellen, and I so I’m sure he enjoyed playing with someone new for once.”   
Castiel noticed the soft glance he shot his brother before he started to say, “It was no trouble at all. I did have fun with him. Though I’m not sure why he thought to refer to me as his Uncle. Not that I mind.”   
“Well think of it this way. Whenever he sees you you’re with Dean. So since he calls Dean Uncle, he figures it’s the right thing to call you as well. If you’d feel better I can correct him and he’ll just call you Cas.”  
“It’s fine really. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or confuse him.”   
“And let’s be honest. You’re almost his Uncle anyway.”  
“Sam I swear!” Dean shouted before he caught himself and looked at little Mark sleeping softly.

* * * *   
They went home that night embedded in the fuzzy joy of spending time with people they cared about. Once they got to Dean’s bedroom they lazily undressed and climbed into bed. Castiel immediately wrapped himself around Dean and nuzzled into his neck.   
“Already to curl into me for the night?” Dean chuckled as his fingers scratched at the hair on the back of his head.   
“Of course Dean. This is my favorite spot.” He could feel his face redden as he uttered the truth.   
He really did feel comfortable snuggled up to him like this. It didn’t always lead to other things and for that he was grateful. Dean was perfectly content just laying here like this, and whenever Castiel became doubtful of that he reminded him. Insecurity plagued him often nowadays, and Dean was never discouraging, more than happy to let Castiel know how he felt about him. Dean wasn’t emotional in the slightest, he called them ‘chick-flick moments’, but he would do his best to keep the dark clouds away from Castiel’s mind.  
“I’m glad to hear it. I’d be a little worried if it wasn’t.” Dean laid a kiss to his forehead and continued to run his fingers through his hair.   
It felt good like this, a warm coil forming in his guts at the other man’s ministrations. He rubbed his hand along Dean’s chest where it was laid, then sliding down to the hem of his t-shirt. He reached below the garment, needing to feel Dean’s skin under his hand. He reached up grazing over a nipple, just to hear the satisfied hum he knew was coming.  
“You trying to cop a feel over here?” Dean joked, but his voice sounded much deeper than his usual tone.   
“Of course I am.”  
“What’s a girl gotta do to get some more of that?” his hands were now tracing swirls and random patterns along Castiel’s spine.   
“Take this shirt off for one.”   
He watched as Dean practically ripped the fabric off of him like it was on fire. He smiled down at where Castiel was now laying on his lap. Dean was truly beautiful looming over him like that. With his tanned skin and freckles everywhere, the black ink on his tight chest standing out against everything. His hand reached out on his own and sat on top of his peck where the tattoo was, dragging his hand down the flat planes of Dean’s front as he looked into lustful green eyes.   
“For two?” he questioned. “I think it’s only fair if you take yours off too. Can’t leave me high and dry.”  
He did as Dean requested, flinging off his shirt and tossing it across the room. Then he one-upped him and lifted his hips to strip his pajama pants off as well. His half mass dick flopped against his stomach and he watched Dean’s eyes trail across his naked form.   
“Oh the things I wanna do to you angel.”   
Dean urged him upright and immediately cupped his face in his hands and dove in for a feverish kiss. The slide of their lips and dance of their tongues was slowly driving Castiel mad. He moaned when Dean tilted his head to the side, giving the not so gentle kiss a hotter angle. Dean turned their bodies until Castiel was under him. His naked erection rubbed deliciously against Dean’s clothed one. It was a wonderful taste of friction, but it wasn’t enough.   
“Those pants have to go Dean.”  
He smirked at him as he climbed off the bed, making a slow show of taking his pants off. It took a special type of self-control to not rip the garment off of him and throw him on the bed again. Once Dean was done with his teasing he reached in the night draw for the lube and climbed back over Castiel. Once again he found himself drowning in Dean’s kisses. It was like a sweet poison that destroyed his higher brain functions. All he could think of in moments like this was Dean Dean Dean Dean.   
His hands roamed up and down his arms, along his chest, in his hair. He wanted to feel Dean wherever he could reach. It took him a while to realize Dean wasn’t touching him the same way. He paused their kissing and opened his eyes to see one of Dean’s hands on the mattress holding him up and the other between his legs. Dean was prepping himself. His lust blown eyes were focused on Castiel and his kiss stained lips hung open.   
“Oh Dean.” He moaned, not knowing what else to say.   
“I’m almost ready for you Cas.” He gasped.  
“Dean—I—I’ve never topped before.” Worry was suddenly overriding his arousal.   
“It’s ok angel. I’m gonna ride you until you can’t think.” He smiled then moaned.   
Dean removed his fingers and took a moment to compose himself. He grabbed the forgotten lube bottle and slicked up Castiel’s neglected erection. It felt good to finally have Dean’s hands back on him. He moaned and sank into the feeling.   
“This isn’t even the half of it.” He smiled as he scooted up Castiel’s body.   
He lined himself up, with Castiel’s dick in hand and slowly began sinking down. His expression was twisted in pleasure, his eyes screwed shut, and his mouth hanging open on a silent scream. Once he sunk all the way down Castiel was sure he could die happily in this moment. The tight heat of it all was overwhelming. Dean leaned back, a hand on each of Castiel’s shins before he started rising slowly only to sink back down quickly. A gasp was punched out of Castiel. He didn’t think being inside of another person could feel so good. After that initial thrust Dean kept up a slow and quick pattern as Castiel just laid down enjoying the ride.   
“I need you to move with me Cas.” He panted. Lift your hips when I lower mine.”  
He followed Dean’s instructions, the experience downright exploded as it got impossibly better. His hands grasped at Dean’s hips so he could match his rhythm to his. The noises that came out of Dean were flat out obscene, but they sounded like lustful music to Castiel’s ears. His body picked up the pace on its own in search of the inevitable release. Gripping Dean’s hips harder he pushed up into him with all his efforts, until Dean was basically bouncing on top of him. 

“You’re so beautiful like this Dean. So tight for me.”   
“Harder Cas.” He groaned.  
Forever seeking to please he complied instantly, plowing into the heat of Dean’s flushed body. He felt the tell-tale signs of his impending orgasm. As much as he wanted to stay like this forever he wanted the climax to happen. He’d never experienced such heights as this with any of his past partners.   
“So good Cas.” He moaned. “Never been good like this.”   
Dean’s confession was all he needed to fall off the ledge he stood on. He was grateful for the fall as he felt Dean’s entrance clench around him. He pulsed inside the other man feeling like his whole body was aflame with a pleasure he’d never known before. Dean stroked him through his orgasm with his body and had found his own release within it, painting Castiel’s stomach and chest with the evidence.   
As their breathing returned to normal and the post-orgasmic glow settled over them Dean crawled off of him, releasing his softening dick from his body. He tumbled over and laid at Castiel’s side, slinging an arm across his chest.  
“That was—incredible Dean.”   
“Bottoming is messy.” He grimaced, no doubt feeling the after effects of letting Castiel come inside him.   
“Now you know how I feel. Just stay here. I’ll get us a towel.”  
He walked to the bathroom on shaky legs and wet a corner of his shower towel and brought it back to Dean. Gingerly he cleaned up his entrance and the back of his thighs before he cleaned himself off. Tossing the towel in the hamper he crawled up the bed facing Dean and wrapping him in his arms.  
“What I did—was is good for you?”   
“Of course it was. Didn’t you hear what I said?”   
“Yes,” he paused to get his thoughts together, “You could’ve just been saying that in the heat of the moment.”  
“Heat or not I don’t say things I don’t mean to you.” He reached out a hand carding it through Castiel’s messy hair. “You really give me the best sex I’ve ever had. Like with anyone. And I’ve had a lot of sex.”  
“I just wanted to make sure. As I said I’ve never topped before.”  
“Well that’s a damn shame cause you’re good at it. But I’m also glad I get to keep your skills all to myself.” He waggled his eyebrows.  
“I’m glad you were my first at something.” He tucked his face into the curve of Dean’s neck, where he liked to be the most. “Although I’m upset that I came first.”  
“Not by much, I was literally right behind you. Nothing to be worried about. I’m a completely satisfied customer.”  
He laughed at Dean’s joke before he continued. “I didn’t even know you were ok with bottoming.”  
“I don’t do it often if you can’t tell. I only do that when I feel I can trust someone else with that kind of control over me. Now that I know you’re an awesome top I’m down for it whenever you are.”   
“So it’s more of a trust thing than a preference thing?”  
“Yeah pretty much. Why? Do you have a preference?” his hands returned to Castiel’s back and he was drawing patterns again.   
“I guess I only preferred to receive because that was all I’d know. Now I’m not so sure. I believe I enjoy both, especially if it’s with you.”  
“If I have my way it would only be with me.” he paused. “Forever.” He said barely above a whisper.  
* * * *  
Several weeks had gone by and his family had seen neither height nor hair of any members of the Roman family. He was grateful for their lack of presence, and he’d definitely breathe a little easier if it wasn’t for the constant eyes he felt around him. It was beginning to get ridiculous at this point, but with Valentine’s Day weekend coming up he pushed his paranoia aside to concentrate on doing something nice for his boyfriend. They’d been closer than ever before, balancing school, home life, and the little life they were building together. He was so happy with Dean, more than he knew how to express. He was so supportive of everything he did and was always willing to lend a listening ear. He made him laugh more than he had his entire life, and made him feel like he could always be himself. There was nothing to hide between them since they’d both explored the darkest parts within themselves so early on and were working to help each other get better with time. Dean was so much smarter than he gave himself credit for, in many areas besides the history that he taught. . Every day they’d spent together drew him in further, and he was at a point where he couldn’t see himself without him.  
He was in love with Dean Winchester.  
The car he received for Christmas was his pride and joy, he now understood Dean’s strange obsession with his Impala. It made his life easier in his everyday life, not having to rely on public transportation or getting rides from people. It was a very freeing feeling, which is why he found himself in a bookshop on the outskirts of town. He’d originally gone in to buy some necessary reading for some of his classes. He was standing in the stationary section holding a black leather bound journal with the intent of giving this to Dean on Valentine’s Day. The other man had expressed his desire to write songs, but never got around to actually writing them down, all the tunes were in his head. The journal was beautiful, and sturdy, with a golden clasp attached to the strap that enclosed it. It was simple, but had an elegance about it that made it extraordinary, much like Dean himself.   
He turned, fumbling with the journal in one hand and his other purchases under his arm. Speed walking over to the register he dumped everything on the counter and was met with a smiling face from the dark brown-skinned girl behind the counter. She quirked an eyebrow at him and silently began to ring him up. When she was finished he paid quickly and left just the same to spare himself further embarrassment.   
He walked with his purchases bagged up back to his car. He’d parked on the side of the building since there were no available spots open right in front. Once he made it to the driver side he grabbed his keys out of his pocket. Suddenly half his face was covered with a white cloth and a strong arm wrapped around his neck. Flailing and scratching at the arm currently assaulting he inhaled a sweet scent. His arms had lost all their strength until he could barely struggle.   
“Sleep now little angel.” Was the last thing he’d heard before everything went dark.


	20. Don't you Wanna Play my Game?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter babes. It's a bit of a heavy one. There's some violence, mentions of blood, mentions of non-consensual sex (very little, like literally one sentence, but I thought I should mention it anyhow), and some sad time feels. It's gonna be a little rough for a bit so strap your boots on tight. Also you guys really didn't like that cliffy huh? I kinda laughed a little as I apologized for my sins lol. Anyhow I hope you enjoy this one and as always comments and kudos are welcomed and appretiated! xoxo p.s I want to dedicate this chapter to ThatDudeMason15 because their comments on every chapter really make my day! Love you too sweetie!!!!!!

Castiel was either dead or trapped in some kind of nightmare. He opened his eyes to see a dirty concrete wall in front of him. He moved his legs to find they were tied to the chair he sat on. His arms were tied tightly to the back of it as well. His head was spinning with dizziness and his stomach felt empty. His mouth was dry and he couldn’t lick his dry lips due to the cloth tied around his head.  
“Look who’s awake?” he heard a voice he didn’t recognize, but he could gauge it was pretty far away from the sound of it.  
“Well isn’t that delightful.” Another voice spoke.  
Dick.  
If he could talk he’d start screaming, but the way he was bound it was no doubt pointless. He held his head high though, refusing to be weak. Clearly that’s what Dick wanted.  
“My Dear Castiel, how are you feeling?”  
He felt the chair being turned around and as he was now face to face with the last person on earth he wanted to see, so he averted his gaze elsewhere. Two of Roman’s goons were in the room, sitting at a ratty looking table playing cards. He felt like he was in a cliché kidnapping scene in some low budget action film. All he wanted was to escape this place and get back to Dean.  
Dean.  
Depending on what time it was the man was no doubt waiting for him to pick him up for their date. He had no clue how long he was unconscious for, there were no windows in this building so his concept of time was void. Dick bent to his knees in front of Castiel and put his hands on his thighs.  
“I do apologize for my methods, but you wouldn’t have spoken to me without some—extreme measures.”  
He rolled his eyes. Extreme was putting it way too lightly. He cringed as he felt Dick’s hands kneading into his legs. He was more than uncomfortable but tried to remain calm. There was a storm brewing within him, he was terrified. But Dick was the type of person who needed reactions to spur him on. Castiel would not give that to him.  
“If I take this gag off will you promise me you won’t scream?”  
He didn’t nod. He just continued to look past him.  
“I’m talking to you!” he raised his voice.  
A single nod was all he offered. The cloth was taken off and he was happy to be able to lick his lips. Small blessings and all that.  
“There. Was that so hard?” he continued rubbing his legs. “I’ve missed you angel.” Angel. Dick had never called him that. That was Dean’s nickname for him and for Dick to think it was ok for him to use that mad a ball of anger come to a boil inside of him. He now realized that Dick had been the one following him all this time. He’d had to have heard Dean call him that. This was all some sick game to him. To get him back under his control, but Castiel was no fool. Why have this when he could have Dean. No one in their right mind would agree to being with someone who’s capable of kidnapping. “But you were always a stubborn one. Now I need two things from you. Only two simple things.” He paused and rose on his feet before straddling Castiel’s lap. “You’ve gotta get your father to say yes to my dad’s deal. That’s the main reason why you’re here. But Dad wouldn’t be so rude to have me do this and I don’t get something out of it.” He laughed, a terrible sound to Castiel’s ears. “I need you to break up with that low life and come back to me. Where you belong.”  
The deal, he couldn’t give two shits about that. His father was just as stubborn as he was and that wasn’t going to happen. But where Dean was concerned, well Dick had crossed the line as usual. Dean gave him everything he could ever want in a relationship, even things he wouldn’t even know to ask for. The man was selfless with his friends and his family, adding Castiel to the list. They grew so in tune with each other so quick, and things were great between them. Sure Dean has his bad days, but everyone does including himself. Even when they’re at their lowest they know that they’ll always come back together eventually.  
“No.” he growled.  
“No? What do you mean no?” he cupped Castiel’s face in his hands. “I don’t understand what you see in that man!” he dove in and put his pasty lips on him. The kiss was sloppy, dirty, and wrong. He didn’t have the soft finesse that Dean had. That flawless transition from tender to passionate that slowly undid him at the seams each second it carried on. He didn’t even know what he possibly could’ve seen in Dick, not with what Dean had showed him in the short time they’d been together. Dick was a selfish bastard who only took what he wanted, what he felt he deserved, with no regards to how anyone else felt.  
When he tried to coax Castiel’s mouth open to slide his tongue in, he complied, but only to bit his lip so hard he was sure he’d drawn blood. Dick yelped and drew back immediately, hopping off of Castiel’s lap. He was proud of himself, but only for a moment, Dick pulled back and punched him in the side of his face. His cheek now thrumbed in pain, and the dizziness started up at full force.  
“Why must you always ruin a good thing Castiel!” he hollered.  
“Why did you rape me!” he yelled back. His anger was rising, flowing through every vessel in his body. The anger that he wanted to let out for so long, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t. “You took advantage of my feelings for you and you ruined me! Now I’m happy with someone else and you can’t stand that for once! Once in your damned life you lost!”  
Dick didn’t say anything else, but he hit him again. He cried out in pain as the fist made contact with the same spot. Castiel closed his eyes in fear of another blow when suddenly he felt the world shift from under him. Dick had pushed his chair backwards, and had his head made a loud thud against the hard floor, and his vision slowly turned to black, all he thought about was how he hadn’t told Dean he loved him yet.  
* * * *  
Dean waited all dressed up ready for his boyfriend to pick him up. His fingers played at the end of his tie as he paced the room excitedly for the night to begin. It was his first Valentine’s Day with Cas and he was more than a little anxious. Cas made it a point to want to pick Dean up and treat him. He had no idea where they were going, but told him to dress up, like nicer then what he’d normally wear to class. So here he was in a dress shirt, tie, slacks, and some dress shoes he’d borrowed from his brother.  
8:30pm Dean was a ball or nerves. Cas was supposed to pick him up at 8. He called him and his phone rang but went to voicemail  
9:15pm Dean was angry now. Cas still hadn’t answered, let alone read any of his texts.  
10:20pm Dean called Charlie. She hadn’t heard from him.  
11:00pm Dean changed out of his clothes and into his pajamas. Maybe Cas got held up with something.  
11:30pm Cas wasn’t coming so he sat in front of his tv and had a beer.  
1:02am Cas probably wised up and figured out Dean wasn’t worth it.  
1:35am Dean grabbed a bottle of Jack.  
3:00am Dean jacked off in tears before blacking out  
* * * *  
“Hello.” Dean’s gravel post-drinking voice sounded terrible. He hadn’t even bothered to check the caller I.D to see who was calling. What was the point of caring anymore? Cas hadn’t shown up last night, he didn’t even bother to shoot Dean a quick text letting him know he wasn’t coming. He was stood up in the worse way, by someone he never thought would leave him.  
“Dean? Oh my goodness thanks for answering it’s Chuck.”  
“Mr. Novak?” he immediately perked up at that. Clearing his throat trying to get his bearings straight.  
“Is Castiel there?” the man sounded panicked.  
“No. We were supposed to go out last night—but um—he didn’t show.”  
“Oh no oh God no.”  
His panic jump started Dean’s own inner storm. If Cas hadn’t shown up and now his father was calling around looking for him then maybe he wasn’t stood up after all. Get your thoughts right Winchester, Cas could be in trouble, he chastised himself.  
“What’s going on? Did he not come home last night?”  
“Are you busy right now? Can you come over? It’s much easier to explain in person.”  
“Give me 15 minutes.”  
* * * *  
He should’ve said 10 since that’s how quick he got his shit together and was now standing at the front door of the Novak house. He didn’t bother with the doorbell, banging was quicker and more effective in his mind. It took maybe 30 seconds for Chuck to open the door. He immediately grabbed Dean’s bicep and yanked him into the house and all the way to the living room. For such a small man he had quite a God like grip on him.  
“So I knew you guys were going out for Valentine’s Day, Castiel told me, congrats by the way.” He fumbled with his phone. “I didn’t think anything of it since I trust you and I know you’re safe with him. Then at 2 in the morning I received a picture. It was from a blocked number.”  
He turned his phone to show Dean and it was an image of an angel crying. The text under it said ‘your son is crying’.  
“What the hell is that?”  
“I’ve got no fucking clue. But then at 10 this morning I got a text from the same blocked number.” He switched screens before holding it up once again to show him.  
It was a picture of someone tied to a chair with their head hanging between their shoulders. He pulled the phone closer, and upon inspection he could see that it was not only Cas, but that he had spots on his lap that were clearly blood. Under the picture the there were several texts.  
Unknown: he’s crying because he messed up  
Unknown: he let himself be touched.  
Unknown: he shouldn’t have done that.  
Unknown: but don’t worry. I’ll save him.  
Dean knew without a doubt that this was Dick’s doing. No one else was crazy enough to do some twisted shit like this considering what he had done to Castiel in the past. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to lash out and destroy things. He wanted to rip Dick’s heart out of his chest and light it on fire. But he couldn’t be angry because his heart break had overridden that. He longed for Cas like he never had before, he wanted nothing more than to save him and hold him in his arms forever, so nothing could ever touch him again.  
“You know this is Dick right?” he tried to keep his voice calm and even. Chuck was one false word from breaking down and Dean knew it. He had to be a rock for the man is Cas’ absence.  
“I suspected as much. As soon as I read this I called his father’s office, but it went to voicemail every time. I even called his secretary’s personal phone and she didn’t answer.” He paused as a single tear left his eye. “I don’t know what to do Dean.” His voice broke into a sob.  
“Let me call Gabe. See if he can come over here for you. I’ll make some other calls, see if I can’t get that number revealed and traced.”  
* * * *  
Dean did exactly what he said he was going to do. Gabe was there within a half hour and Charlie was on her way to his apartment. He hadn’t told her what the real deal was, just that he needed her computer skills for something for Cas. He didn’t want her driving all emotional, and telling someone their best friend was kidnapped by their ex and being beaten, was something you did in person. God knows what else Castiel was enduring in the room with that psychopath, but Dean didn’t want to think about that. He had to keep his head on straight.  
Once he was sure that Gabe and Chuck would be at least functional without him he left with promise of being back in a couple of hours. He went back to his apartment to find Charlie parked out front.  
“Hey Dean.” She bounced happily over to him. “What can I do ya for?” she playfully punched his arm.  
His heart broke once again that he’d have to spill the news to her and ruin her usual carefree mood. Placing a supportive arm around her shoulders he ushered her inside to do the inevitable.  
Once they were in and settled he silently watched her set up her laptop and all her other techy things.  
“So what’s this all about?” she asked with a hint of her suspicion in her tone. Sam was right when he told Dean that his silence often spoke for him.  
“Cas—he didn’t show up last night.”  
He proceeded to tell her all the things that transpired between last night and up until this afternoon, obviously omitting the part where he drank himself into unconsciousness. He watched her face fall with every sentence uttered and it took a heap of strength he didn’t know he had to finish the tale.  
“I have Mr. Novak’s phone so you can maybe—I don’t know—figure out where it’s from.”  
“I’ll do you one better.” Her face had hardened in a state of anger. “I’m gonna find where that bastard is holding Cas at. You got any coffee?”  
“Would Cas stay here so much if I didn’t? I got you Red.”  
He got up from the couch and proceeded to get them the caffeine they certainly needed.  
* * * *  
Castiel was teetering now, between being awake and being unconsciousness. His head pounded in pain from the blows and from his fall. His wrists must’ve been torn up with how much he’d struggled at his restraints. With how long they’d kept him tied up in that position he could hardly feel his arms at all. In and out he went, he lost large chunks of time, but even with that he could tell they were moving him.  
He was now tied with his arms at his front and his legs were tied together, plus he was laying down. He was much more comfortable like this, except for the fact that how his mouth was gagged again and his eyes were covered. By the random bumps and interval like stopping he could tell he was in some sort of vehicle. Where in the hell were they taking him??! He tried to ignore the swelling dread within him, and the fact that there wasn’t enough air in here. He couldn’t panic. Not now. He decided to think of Dean and what he would say if he were here right now. Of course he wouldn’t be in this situation if Dean was here, but that wasn’t the point.  
He could hear his voice in his head, all smooth and flavorful, like all the meals he’d cooked for Castiel. He tried to remember his smell, tones of earth and leather, with an underlining sweetness, like warmed honey. He envisioned his smile, bright and strong like his soul. He wanted Dean, needed him, in this moment. But he couldn’t have that so he had to be strong, so that he could return to Dean. So he could call him his angel, and wrap him in his strong embrace, and make him feel like he’s worth something.


	21. Night Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Hey posting a day early because tomorrow won't permit me to post on time! I'm so happy for the turn that this fic has taken! The feedback alone could keep me going. I want to take this time out to say that unfortunately this story will be ending soon, but with bad news comes good news! I've been working on something very special and it'll be posted shortly after I end this story. No strong warnings for this chapter, just sadness (I'm so sorry). As always comments and kudos are welcomed and loved. Follow me on tumblr! fanofthephire !!!

“Dean I got it!” Charlie exclaimed.  
Dean jerked out of his sleep at Charlie yelling. He swiped a hand over his face wiping off the drool that had accumulated on chin. He blinked several times trying to figure out what Charlie could’ve possibly found, then the knowledge of the situation he was in all came flooding back. She was smiling so this was a good thing, maybe the solution he needed.  
“What you got for me Red?”   
“I know exactly where the phone is just not whom it was sent from.”  
“This is awesome.” He bounced up into a sitting position. “So where is it?”  
“Some shotty abandoned warehouse on the end of town. I say we suit up and head over there.”  
“They could be armed Charlie. I don’t want to put any of you in danger. If anything hap—“  
“Hey Cas, is just as much my best friend as he is your boyfriend. He’s also got a father and brother who love him dearly. You aren’t the only one willing to fight for him Dean.”  
She was right after all. Dean was mature enough to admit that much. Though he took everyone’s feelings into consideration he’d forgotten how they’d want to be a part of this with him. They loved him just as much as he loved Cas and it was in their right to come along and help Dean make sure his angel came back in one piece. Dean’s life was now a B rated action movie and there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it. Castiel was a stubborn son of a bitch and he assumed his family would be the same. They were all in this with him whether he liked it or not.  
“Alright. Gimme a few. I just need to call Sammy and let him know what’s going on.”  
“Already done. He should be here in a few.” She beamed.   
“You’re the best.”  
“That I am.”  
Dean went about calling Gabe and letting him know that they got a location. He’d never heard a man so relieved and scared at the same time as he heard Gabe’s half sobs come through the phone.  
* * * *   
Once Sam arrived he immediately pulled Dean into a tight embrace. Dean let himself be held if only to feel the comfort of another for a few seconds. He wouldn’t let himself fall apart like he needed to, but he would allow a glimmer of hope amidst his cloudy mind. They got ready and headed out to the Impala. Charlie in the back seat and Sam in shotgun right where he needed him.   
“Dean, I borrowed some stuff from Bobby. It’s in my trunk.”   
Dean knew what Sam meant and he was grateful for him offering his help, although the two of them were trained he felt a little reluctant to give inexperienced people firearms.   
“Did you bring blades too?”  
“I brought those, and Dad’s weird bat with the nails in it.”  
Dean laughed as the memory of his Dad making the zombie apocalypse contraption. It was one of those rare times when his father was drunk off his ass but still pleasant, in the only way an ex-marine with alcoholism and being a single father can be pleasant.   
Dean found him in the garage of the only house besides Bobby’s that he could call his childhood home, they’d managed to be in that house for about 3 years before John got fired from his job and they had to move again. He’d heard a bunch of banging after he put Sammy down to sleep for the night. Sleepy, and sluggish he’d opened the door in the kitchen that led to the garage to find his father hammering away a bunch of nails into a long wooden bat.  
“Dad what are you doing?”  
“Wassit look like son? Making a weapon.” He slurred not pausing in his noise making.  
“I see that but why? And why this late at night?”   
“You never know when you’ll need one of these Dean. It don’t look like much but it could save ya life.”  
“Are you gonna make me one?” Dean didn’t ask because he genuinely wanted one, he was more amused by his father’s antics than anything else.   
“Let’s give that to Gabe.” Dean chuckled returning to the present.   
“Oh no, no that baby is mine.” Charlie piped up from where she sat behind them on the couch.  
“Sure thing Red.” Sam smiled and Charlie beamed at the use of the nickname.   
First they headed back to the Novak house and filled Gabe and Chuck in on what was going on. Chuck knew of the building and was going to lead them in his car. Dean was nervous, more nervous than he’d ever been for anything in all his years, but he was also ready for this nightmare to be over. He needed his angel back in his arms like yesterday. Castiel didn’t deserve anything that was happening to him right now, or anything that happened in the past. He was the sweetest, strangest, most awkwardly funny person he’d ever met. He doesn’t get 90 percent of Dean’s jokes, nor has he seen any of the movies that Dean has, but that’s the fun part of their relationship. He used to think all those things were pertinent for him to get along with and have things in common with someone, but they didn’t need that. Their interests were separate and grew together with time, just like everything else in their relationship. Dean feels like he’s grown as a person because of Cas, all those years of being comfortable with his façade were washed away and he learned to be himself again.   
They arrived at the building and Dean thought it would be best to park a good distance away from the building so as to not alarm whoever was inside of it. There weren’t any cars parked outside, which made his already agitated nerves bubble up and pairing with his anger. This was the only lead they had and there was no other choice but to follow it. He didn’t voice his suspicions and just handed out the melee weapons to the others while Sam and he strapped on their guns.   
“Alright, Sam and I are gonna take a walk around the building, scope out all our entrance points. Then we’ll come back here and form a plan.”   
Dean and Sam took off without another word. The building looked freshly abandoned, the vegetation hadn’t quite taken over the sides of the building. The grass around it came only shin high so it’d maybe been a few months since it’s been left alone. That means the locks wouldn’t be worn down enough to simply bust open. They’d have to pick them. A couple windows were broken in, probably from some people needing someplace to squat for a while, Dean certainly remembers those days. Most likely more than his brother would. He listened to the noise around them and hearing not much else but the general noise of being outside and their own footsteps. He couldn’t hear anything from the building itself, which could mean two things: Cas and his kidnappers weren’t in there anymore, or they were just in an inner part of the building and whatever noise that was being made the sound hadn’t reached to the outskirts.   
One they rounded back towards where everyone else was they approached the crowd and began giving out directions. Charlie was supposed to guard one of the side entrances and Chuck the other on the opposite side, Gabe was with Sam to come through the back, and Dean was set to bust through the front.   
“Dean why don’t you take Gabe with you to the front.” Sam tried to argue.  
“Sam it makes more sense to have me go alone in the front. Gabe isn’t experienced and you’ll need backup.”  
“Oh yeah? And who’s your backup Dean?”  
“I’ve got me, myself, and I.” he smirked and Sam fitted him with bitch face #403.   
He’d always been a better shot than Sammy, he was the grunt while Sam was the brains. For the sake of time, since they didn’t have any to spare, Sam bowed out and let Dean have his way. Sam knew Dean more than he knew himself most times. He knew the joke and the fact that Dean wanted to go by himself stemmed from the darkest parts within Dean. The joke was an obvious cover-up for his actual feelings, he was terrified. Scared that they would find Cas beaten and battered, and afraid that they wouldn’t find him at all. Going in by himself was Dean blaming himself for what had happened to Cas. He should’ve been the one to pick Cas up that night, in hopes that he could’ve stopped this whole thing from happening. Now wasn’t the time to dwell on Dean’s inner issues and Sam knew that. It was now or never as they went their set, separate ways and walked as quietly as possible.   
Once he reached the front double doors he tried the handle and it gave way easily. It wasn’t locked at all. That wasn’t a good sign at all, he thought as he shook his head to himself. Dick was a pompous, narcissistic asshole, but he couldn’t picture him being this much of an idiot to leave the door unlocked. Especially knowing that either the cops or Dean, or both would come barreling into the place .As he made his way inside he made his way down a long hallway with cemented walls. The air smelled stale, and it was oddly warm inside. He turned to a single door to the left kicking it open at the same time drawing his gun. It was an empty, cleaned out office space, a single rolling chair forgotten in the middle of the floor. He felt some of the little hope he had for finding Castiel leave his body. Another red flag raising as he listened around him again and hearing nothing.   
He sighed and kept moving, no time to think outside the mission of saving Cas. The hallway went on for a while, but Dean could see another set of double doors in front of him. Dusty windows gave him to way to peer into the door before he opened the doors. He took a second to breathe before he opened them.   
Spotting movement he raised his gun, but on a second glance it was only Gabe walking around with his shoulders slumped.  
The factory was empty.   
“Dean I’m sorry man, we searched the back half and didn’t find anything. No sign that anyone besides us has been here for months.” Sam spoke approaching Dean’s rigid form.   
He kept his eyes straight as he tried to keep his emotions in check. Once his vision focused again after blinking back his tears he saw a lone table in the middle of the room with a phone sitting in the center. He walked over to the table and immediately recognized it as Cas’ phone. Picking it up he thumbed through to the messages and sure enough Chuck’s thread was first. The pictures and weird messages he’d received were from Cas’ phone with his number blocked.  
They were played. Played by some bratty psychopath who thought Castiel was a possession he could buy and not a beautiful person that no one deserved.  
* * * *  
Kevin was a simple man. He liked to study and hang out with friends….when he had time for such things. He wasn’t a big party person, but he got along with everyone he’d met. He thought himself to be a likable person. His mother was the only person he slightly butted heads with. She had it in her head that Kevin needed to be the best at everything he set out to do. She had this big plan for him and his life. She wanted him to be a neurosurgeon and head of the field at that. Sure he wanted to be in the medical field, but he didn’t want to do all of that. He wanted to be a simple nurse, preferably in the pediatric. He liked children and children liked him. He could relate to them and their wild minds, full of curiosity and wonder. They had their whole lives ahead of them, so much to look forward to, and if his work could make that journey better, or easier then that’s what he wanted to do. He hadn’t shared his dreams and desires with her of course, she’d know in time.   
His life overall was pretty predictable. He lived on campus since the commute would be completely unreasonable. He went to class during the day and studied in the evening, sometimes being able to fit in a small semblance of a social life in there. He liked routine, and throughout his life that’s what he went by. Every day it was the same thing, from sun up to sundown. While that might drive some people insane it actually gave him a sense of calm since he had never handled surprises well. That’s what he expected this weekend since he didn’t have a date for Valentine’s Day and really wasn’t upset about it. All of his friends were either going out with their significant others, or partying for the weekend to find someone to lay with to take away the loneliness.  
What he didn’t expect, however, was Dick Roman to have broken into his dorm room and having two other people standing at his side and a guy on his knees with a bag on his head in the middle of his room.   
“Heya Kevin. I need a favor.” He smiled eerily.   
* * * *  
Dean was spiraling, dangerously, and Sam knew that. They hadn’t found Cas in that warehouse. It hurt him to see his brother crumbling so slowly. After Dean had pocketed Cas’ phone he kicked over the table and hollered painfully loud. He started lashing out, picking up forgotten items on the factory and throwing them at the walls. He knew his brother was on a violent path and it was a dark road he never wanted to see Dean travel ever again. And if he did travel it he wouldn’t be doing it alone.   
As a lamp crashed into one of the sidewalls Sam jumped into action, holding Dean in a tight embrace hoping to calm him down. Dean thrashed and it was hard for Sam to hold him still. His muscles strained as Dean tried to break out of his arms. It hurt, goodness, it hurt. Physically as Dean dug his nails into his forearms trying to throw his arms off of him, and emotionally as Dean finally stopped fighting and just sank to the floor. Sam fell slowly with him, trying to not let Dean hurt himself as his knees gave out under him. Sam turned Dean in his arms and held his brothers shaking frame to his chest. He could feel the wetness of Dean’s tears seeping through his t-shirt even though he made no noise.   
Gabe must’ve gathered the others and filled them in on their failings. They all huddled together off to the side watching the scene in front of them. Tears filled each and every eye present including Sam’s, but Dean’s were the only ones that fell like a burst damn. Every face he looked at silently told him that they wanted to be anywhere but here, but Sam refused to move until he was sure that his brother was ok.   
They remained on that dusty floor for who knows how long until he felt Dean’s shaking stop. He felt Dean’s arms snake around him and give a final squeeze before he pulled out of the embrace. His expression was one he hadn’t seen on his brother in a long time. A stone cold face of someone who’s given up. That was how Dean’s face had looked before that terrible night when he locked himself inside that bathroom and tried to take his own life. He wouldn’t let that happen again. He was better prepared for that now.   
“Let’s get out of here Dean.” Charlie said sheepishly.  
Without another word they all watched as Dean made his way out of the building alone.


	22. I miss your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooo all!!!! It's only been a week but I miss you guys! And because work has been ugly I have to post a day early again. I'm spoiling you guys, but you deserve for sticking with me trough this. Not may warnings for this chapter.....there's quite a bit going on. I decided to play around with povs other than Dean and Cas'. I hope you like it I tried to make it as clear as possible. As always and forever thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy!!!! comments and kudos welcome!! xoxo

Kevin didn’t know what to do, what to feel when the black bag was taken off the figure on the floor to reveal none other than Castiel’s face. He sustained a head would that yielded a single trail of blood making its way down his pale face. He looked like shit, and that wasn’t meant to be insulting because he really did look like he was dragged through hell. Deep dark circles under his eyes were evidence enough that he wasn’t treated well. His eyes were so unfocused he wasn’t sure if he recognized him, much less knew where he was.  
“It’s not as bad as it looks Kevin. I just needed to…coax him…into seeing that he needs to be with me and only me.”  
“He has a concussion Dick.”  
“Can you fix him?”   
“Umm I think he needs a hospital.”  
“No see—“ Dick pulled back his jacket to reveal a shiny silver pistol poking out from where it was tucked in his perfectly tailored slacks, “I need you to fix him. No hospitals. Aren’t you a nursing student?”  
“Has he been fed?” Kevin acquired nervously. “Given water?”  
“I tried to feed him. I’m not a heartless monster Kevin, but anything I’ve tried to give him outside of water he’s spit out and refused to swallow. He’s a difficult little thing.” He patted Castiel’s head roughly. “Aren’t you angel?”   
This was the first thing that he reacted to since the bag had been taken off, moving his head away from Dick’s hand and tossing an icy glare his way. He turned his head and looked at Kevin with pleading eyes. Kevin didn’t know what to do. He knew Castiel didn’t deserve any of this, no one did. He had no clue that they had even been together at one point, all of this information was confusing his usually quick mind. He wanted to help the poor man, but Dick Roman wasn’t one you betrayed. He’d heard things, rumors of Dick’s violent nature. He was the guy who got what he wanted then he wanted it and wasn’t to be defied. But Kevin was a good person, he prided himself on that. He wanted to help people and this was a great opportunity to do just that. He needed to go about this carefully and quietly though. The last thing he wanted was to be on Roman’s shit list.  
“I’ll need some Gatorade, some antibiotic ointment, bandages, food, and some pain pills.”  
Dick nodded and turned to go.   
“I expect this to be kept quiet Kevin. Don’t want anyone to get hurt if you go blabbing off.”  
* * * *  
Sam took Dean to Bobby’s because that was the best thing to do for his brother. He knew how much the both of them valued the little family they had left and thought it best for Dean to be surrounded by the people who love him the most. Plus with him taking half of Bobby’s weapon collection he thought he deserved to be filled in on the situation. Sam knew Dean had half a liquor store in his house and the last thing he wanted to do was leave him alone with it. Dean would not turn out like their father if he had some say in it.   
Dean was in no state to drive so Sam had taken the key to the Impala and drove them and Charlie on down to Singer Auto with Mr. Novak and Gabriel following them.   
As soon as the front door was opened Dean and Sam were enveloped in the arms of Bobby and Ellen both, in a tight and awkward group hug. Once they’d let go Sam took charge of introductions, keeping a watchful eye on Dean as he slid away into the kitchen.   
He sat at the table with a freshly opened beer in hand and sat with his eyes focused on the table as if it held all the answers he needed. His heart broke to watch his brother in such pain. He was in pain as well as he’d grown to think of Castiel as a friend and a part of the family.   
With their 3 guests settled on the couch talking comfortably with Bobby and Ellen, Sam went to comfort his brother where he sat. He pulled out a chair and sat next to the man after getting his own beer. While he was glad that his brother had opted for just that and nothing harder he still didn’t like seeing him use alcohol as a coping mechanism. He wanted to say something, anything in hopes that it would give his brother some peace of mind. In the back of his mind he knew that any words would only be blown off or serve as wood to the fire he knew that burned within Dean, so he sat in silence. Hoping that his company would be enough in the moment they sat and sipped lightly on their drinks.   
* * * *  
“John not now! This aint a good time for you to be popping up here!”   
Sam could hear the argument coming from the kitchen. He’d just gotten Dean calm enough to be able to join everyone else in the living room and almost like his normal self again considering the situation. The absolute last thing any of them needed right now was their father making his rounds and causing more trouble.   
‘I’m not here to cause any trouble Bobby I swear.”  
“Then what the hell are you doing here?!”   
John pushed past Bobby and came walking into the living room only to met by several pairs of wondering eyes. He looked….better than he had the last time he’d seen him. His hair was groomed and his clothes were clean, they couldn’t smell a distillery with every move he made. His skin even looked better, full of that tan color that he use to have. He’d been supposedly in rehab since thanksgiving and that would be the longest time he’s ever stayed. But 3 months aint enough time for someone to turn around such a life as the one John Winchester led.   
“John this—“  
“I know it ain’t the time Bobby, but it’s gotta be. I owe my sons that much.”   
“The hell you doing here John?” Dean piped up and spat his father’s name with spite and fire.   
Sam risked a look at Dean’s face and he saw that that same mask was back on his face again. He looked at his father and saw the start of anger and it was immediately put out with an exhale, like he was releasing it from his body.   
“I deserve that. I deserve more to be honest. I didn’t come here to start trouble or grovel for forgiveness. I came to apologize.”  
“Well that’s rich.” Dean rolled his eyes and scoffed.   
“I know I don’t deserve another chance, hell I’m not even asking for one. I’m just telling you that I’m trying. No promises, no lies.”  
“You were trying before Dad. And that trial ruined Thanksgiving.”  
“That’s what I came here to apologize about, along with all the other shit I pulled over the years.”  
“It’s kind of late for that now.” Dean’s voiced raised significantly in volume.   
“That may be the case but it’s not gonna stop me from trying.” He took a pause and a deep breathe. “I may not…agree with the way you wanna live your life Dean…but I’ve realized that it ain’t my place to agree. It’s my place to support. And for all these years I couldn’t understand that. I know I can’t just walk back in your life like nothing happened…like I did in the past. I’ll do what I have to do to show you that I’m man enough to be your father again.”   
“Dad.” Sam uttered hoping he would stop before Dean actually snapped.  
“After the shenanigans I pulled on Thanksgiving—Bobby told me what happened when I was in prison. All these years I didn’t know the damage I caused. When I got off I assumed you’d forgiven me for what I did and just shrugged it off—like I would have. I can’t fix that either, but I can apologize for that.”  
Dean let out a humorless laugh. “What you been in therapy John?”   
“I have.”   
“You serious Dad?” Sam asked.   
“Everyday that I was in rehab. They have a um vet program that I’ve been going to. It’s free and it’s been helping the cravings. I ain’t been clean that long but like I said I’m trying.”  
Therapy. Sam hadn’t thought he’d ever see the day he’d see his father actually seeking professional help for his thorny bundle of issues. He knew Dean was still hurting and didn’t wish to hear his father out, but Sam, well he was more tender about emotional things, and he wanted to hear more about what their Father had been up to all this time.  
* * * *  
It was late, 1 am when Sam crept down the stairs of Bobby’s house to find his Dad in the kitchen, huddled over a glass of water with his head in his hands. He could see beads of sweat had formed on the man’s forehead despite it being quite cool in the house. Sam pulled out a chair and John’s head popped up at the sound, fixing his youngest son with a small, gentle smile.   
“Sam. What you doing up so late?”  
“Can’t sleep.”   
“Care to share why?”   
“Listen Dad, I think it’s great. Hell I’m thrilled you’re seeking help for your problem. But Bobby wasn’t kidding when he said that this was a really bad time for this.”  
“You wanna fill your old man in on what’s happening here?”  
Sam was reluctant. He knew he would suffer a storm of Dean’s wrath for telling their Dad in on what was happening. But a tiny part of him really did desire to have their father as part of their life again, without all the problems of course. So he took the plunge and filled his Dad in on all that transpired that day. His father listened pretty attentively, Sam was surprised by that. He didn’t interrupt at all, didn’t utter a word until Sam was done.  
“Fucking Roman!” he hissed. “Of course that shady asshat would pull some mess like this.”  
“Wait Dad do you know him?”  
“Hell yeah I know him! I went to school with that trash bag.”  
“Wait how?”  
“If you can imagine it your dear old Dad is actually a college graduate. Went to business school with that fucker.”  
“College? What did you go for? You never told us this.” Sam was baffled. So many doors were opening and closing today and it caused his head to spin with the information.  
“Sam—you were too young to know this. Dean was even too small to know. Your mom and I,” he paused to let out a heavy sigh, “We didn’t mean for her to get pregnant, different time back then. I married her in her 4th month of the pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong I loved your mother for a long time before she had Dean, but we were both so young back then. Barely knew how to take care of ourselves let alone a newborn baby. But I had a plan and that plan required going to school so I did. For business. Wanted to open my own shop so I could provide for the little family I created. Worked all the way through school and graduated a couple months after you were born.”  
“Wow Dad—that’s wow.”  
“Yeah—and when your mother died—well a big chunk of me died with her, the part that held all my dreams and plans. All that was left were the broken pieces of the man you know as your Dad.”  
“I really had no idea Dad.”  
“I know. I hid a lot of things from you boys cause I was ashamed. Ashamed I let myself get that wrecked with guilt about what happened to Mary. Let it go on for so long I forgot all about caring about the pieces of her that she’d left behind. I owe you an apology to you too Sam. I should’ve been better than I was.”  
“It’s not alright Dad, but I do appreciate it. How we lived, how we grew up, it was more like we were helpless tag-alongs than your sons. Don’t um give up on Dean though. He’s gonna take a lot more time then I would.”  
“I won’t give up on either of you boys. Not anymore.”  
“We don’t even know what to do next Dad.”  
“Have you checked the school? Any places he hangs out?”  
“No we didn’t even think of that.”  
“Well looks like I get to cash in a favor.” He smiled.  
* * * *  
Dean awoke to the sounds and smells of a functional home…at least what he imagined one would look and sound like. He could smell breakfast cooking, the scent of eggs and bacon being made. He could hear the clang of pots and pans, the voices of those he loved most in this world. They tired and failed to be quiet, the sentiment was nice though. He sluggishly made his way out of bed, his head hammering with the memory of what transpired the day before. But he refused to feel sorry for himself, not when his love was out there going through hell fire.   
Shrugging on the clothes from the bag that Sam had packed him he made his way downstairs. Finding Ellen and his father setting the table with plates and cutlery. Bobby in the background taking strips of bacon off the skillet, Charlie and Chuck wrapped in conversation, and Sam blushing over whatever Gabe was saying playfully in his ear. It really was like walking into a family sitcom and Dean didn’t know how to take it.   
John was the first to notice Dean standing in the open doorway and smiled shyly when their eyes met. He had to admit that his dad physically looked like he was getting better. He looked more like the Dad he knew before his mom died, granted his hair was a little more gray in some areas, but his skin held that healthy glow it use to. Maybe he was really trying to turn things around. Dean had no plans on forgiving him anytime soon, if ever, but the effort was noticed even thought he’d never admit it aloud.   
He took a seat next to Charlie and his father took the seat directly across from him next to Sam. He had stopped his conversation with Gabe and turned to his father, the two of them whispering under their breaths. It went on for a while as Ellen laid the cooked dishes on the table, never increasing in volume, but he could hear them practically hissing at each other clearly arguing with one another.   
“Charlie,” He tried to ignore whatever was happening across from him and focus on his friend, “How’d you sleep last night?”  
“Honestly like a newborn baby.”  
“You sure you ok? You didn’t have to spend the night here for my sake you know.”  
“I didn’t have to but I wanted to. Plus your nephew is adorable and I just had to spend more time with him.”   
Dean took a quick glance where Mark sat in his high chair in between Sam and his father. He was looking at the two men with interest, as if he knew what they were talking about. Tapping his plastic baby spoon on the tray, Dean knew it was only a matter of time before he would throw a fit at not receiving any food. As if Ellen telepathically knew this she set a matching bowl of the mashed up version of their breakfast on his tray and he dove in immediately. Doing his best to scoop what he could on his spoon, more food ended up on the tray and back in the bowl than what made it into his mouth. Cute, Dean thought.  
“So Dean, I know it might not mean much coming from me,” his father began, “But I think I got a way to help your boyfriend.”


	23. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS OMG THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER!!!! IM SO FRIGGIN SAD ABOUT IT!!!!! No real warnings for this chapter, just hella feels as per usual. This was a RIDE! For real I enjoyed writing this and having so much positive feedback on it! You guys are the best honestly. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my madness and loving it! I truly appreciated every comment, kudo, read, that you guys put into this story. I wouldn't have continued without you! Do not fret though I'm not quite done with this verse. I'm working on some timestamps (aka fluff overload) for this story, plus I'll be posting a whole new story in a couple of weeks. You've spoiled me truly and now you can't get rid of me! Again love to all who have read this! xoxo [side note: one of my lovely readers turned friend Castiel_Andymion is translating this story into Chinese! They've already posted the first two chapters so if you could pretty please go give it some love even if you're an English reader I'd really appreciate it!] And as always I hope you enjoy this!

Kevin was grateful when all the invaders left his room and he was left alone with Castiel. He needed to find out what the hell was going on and he needed to know now. Like right fucking now. He could feel a bout of panic rising in his chest but he squashed it as quick as it formed. He needed to help his friend, and he couldn’t do that if he was freaking out. He helped the man onto his bed and he was eternally thankful that he didn’t have a roommate this year, imagining explaining to some strange person why he has someone bloody and tied up, probably starving, in their room. He knew it would only be a short time before Dick and his goons returned so he gingerly took the tie from around Castiel’s mouth to get the answers he deserved.

“What the actual fuck man.” Eloquent, he thought.

“Kevin. We don’t have enough time for me to explain everything, but I need you to help me.”

“I want to, trust me, but Dick isn’t one to be played with.”

“If you haven’t noticed I’m well aware of that. Would you happen to have Dean Winchester’s email address?”

“Wait—professor Winchester? Yeah I still have it, but what does he have to do with this?”

“He’s my boyfriend, long story and I’m not going to explain it. Can you contact him and tell him you have me? Also tell him Dick has two people armed with him, and who knows who else he has lurking around the school.”

Kevin’s head was swirling with too much information. Castiel was dating a professor, and this professor apparently had enough skill and backup to be willing to take on Dick Roman. Though Kevin had a million questions swimming around in his brain he leapt into action. He could do what he was told, he was good at that, and this was him helping.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean was livid, more so than he had been when he found out that Cas was missing. Sam had went behind his back and told their Dad what was going on. He hadn’t been surprised though, Sam had a bit of a soft side for their Dad because he didn’t know anything besides the John Winchester of now. Dad was never disapproving of Sam and Sam always chased his father’s lack of love like Dean himself had, but in an entirely different way. Sam wanted their Dad to recognize him and love him regardless of how he was, Dean wanted the Dad they had before their mother died. He knew what John was like before that terrible night. He was fully aware that all good had died in John when his mother died.

As a child and throughout most of his adult life he thought it was somehow his fault, he had a habit of internalizing everything that happened around him whether it had anything to do with him or not. Self-blaming was in his nature, ingrained into the fibers of his being. He’d gotten better as he got older, but not by much. Now he was pacing in front of the back porch, where Sam sat on the steps with his hands folded in his lap and his lip between his teeth. He knew Dean was about to explode, hell Dean knew he was going to explode, but he found it within himself not to. Sam was only trying to help, and he knew that, but it didn’t make Dean any less angry. Sam always did have the greatest intentions laced in the stupid things he did. This was bad, but maybe it wasn’t all bad. Dean took his father’s confession to seeking actual help with a grain of salt amidst a field of doubt, but the hope was there nonetheless. Love did that to people, even one very angry and anxious Dean Winchester.

“Dean I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” His brother finally said.

Dean took the chance of sneaking a glance at Sam and found him looking incredibly small and childlike sitting there. It drew Dean back to the days of their childhood.

“Yeah well you did, and now Dad is in there talking to who knows who about this—situation we got going on.”

“He said he was calling in a favor. He wants to help Dean.”

“That’s your best shot? Dad wants to help? When the hell has he ever wanted to simply help? When has he ever given a damn drop in a bucket about what’s going on in my life?” Dean stopped his pacing and turned his icy glare on his brother. “You heard him last night. He ‘doesn’t approve of how I live my life’. Why would he suddenly give a damn what happens to my _ga_ y boyfriend and _my gay_ relationship?”

“He also said he would support you despite him not particularly liking it.”

“He’s said a metric dick ton of things Sam, and each of those things never came to pass. He said he would come to my graduation and he didn’t. Said he’d be there for your wedding and he didn’t. Said he’d stop drinking, and what do you know, he didn’t. Why should I believe him now?”

“You’re right Dean. You are and I won’t take that away from you. But I’m just saying we can give him this tiny little chance, and if he doesn’t deliver then by all means cut him from your life.”

“This is Cas’ safety, I’m not banking it off of him and his ‘changed life’.”

“You’re right Dean. You’re right.” Sam sighed getting up from where he was sitting and walked back into the house.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dick came back a little after Kevin replaced the gag on Cas’ mouth. They were sitting on the bed together, much farther apart than was necessary, but it gave the illusion that no form of conversation had taken place. Once the door was closed behind Dick and his goons he sauntered over to Castiel and removed the gag himself. He looked surprised to find the other man frowning at him, a steely glare in his eyes.

“Castiel, baby, you need to be wise about this. There’s no need for you to be angry with me.”

Kevin resisted the bitter laugh that bubbled up within him. How in the hell did this—monster—expect Castiel to not be upset. He watched as the man gave him the Gatorade and the half hoagie to eat. He grabbed them bitterly and ate and drank just as agitated. Kevin rose slowly and went to the other side of the room and grabbed a water bottle to give him as well. The sugar would do him some good but he needed to be hydrated as well.

“Kevin clean him up. I have some—arrangements to make so I expect him to look much better when I return. I’ve got people stationed all around this building so don’t try anything funny.”

“Sure thing Roman.” He replied with a sigh.

*                             *                             *                             *

Dean wasn’t ready to admit it was a good plan. He didn’t want to give his Dad the satisfaction of hearing Dean say he did a good job. You don’t reward a bad person, or at least that’s how he looked at it.

“So do you guys think it’ll work?” he had a half smile on his face and looked directly at Dean, though he was addressing everyone in the room.

Dean refused to meet his eyes. He knew he was being stubborn, and by the bitch face Sammy was throwing him it only confirmed as much. Everyone he cared about, including Cas’ people were all crowded into Bobby’s living room. Hopeful looks on all their faces. The person his Dad had spoken too was a Jody Mills, sheriff of a town not too far from them. She owed him a favor for who knows what and from what he told them she was more than willing to them get Cas back. Very few of them knew to what extent this situation was insanely dangerous. Dick was a ruthless psychopath and it boiled Dean’s blood when he let his mind wonder what Cas could be enduring right now.

Everyone looked at him with the question on their face, as if Dean’s agreeance to his father’s plan would get the ball rolling. He offered just a single nod as a response. He couldn’t formulate words right now, and he didn’t want to be selfish. He refused to let the grudge he held against his dad be the thing to stand in the way of him getting Cas back. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he put his emotions aside for now. Pulling his phone out of his pocket to distract himself from what was going on in the room around him, he saw he had a couple emails. Some from other faculty and one from Kevin. He knew the kid was cool with Cas and was in his study group as well as being in a few of his classes.

Dean,

Hey so um as you can see its me, Kevin. Umm glad to hear that you and Castiel are dating. That was a bit awkward to find out, even more awkward that he’s tied up in my room right now. Don’t worry, for the most part he’s ok, but Dick Roman brought him here for me to patch up a small head wound and some other cuts and bruises. Castiel is really hoping that you’ll see this and send help. Dick has two guys with him, they all have guns, and he said he’s got some other people stationed around campus. I’m in dorm building 5 on the 4th floor in room 12. Come quick.

Thanks,

Kevin

Dean felt his eyes well up with tears as he read through the email twice. He looked up to find everyone’s eyes trained on him once again. He smiled even through the tears that were falling down his face. He could finally give hope to himself and all those involved.

“Guys, Cas is at the school. Let’s get ready and head out.” He stood announcing the happiest news he’d heard in a while.

*                             *                             *                             *

Kevin’s computer let out a single ding. He rushed over to it and left Castiel alone with his sandwich and bag of chips. He was happy the guy was at least eating now. And the Gatorade was working wonders, he was already gaining some color back into his skin. After tapping through a couple things he realized he’d received a reply from Dean.

Kevin,

Man am I happy as hell to hear from you. We got a good team on our side and we’ll be heading there soon. Tell Cas we’re coming for him.

Dean

“Hey Castiel?”

Cas turned a tired eye towards him. Poor guy had obviously gone through hell for however long he was in Roman’s clutches. He was more than happy to deliver this piece of happiness to him.

“Dean’s on his way. Said he’s got a squad together and they’re coming.”

The man’s face immediately lit up. Kevin had never seen the guy smile like that, all gums and teeth. He couldn’t help but to smile with him. His joy was infectious, and Kevin found himself feeling such weightless relief that this situation was finally taking a turn for the best. He exited out of the screen and shut down his laptop. The last thing they needed was for Dick to take notice that Kevin was in contact with anyone. Though Dean was on his way to rescue them, this still could take a nasty turn should Dick find out he talked to him. Kevin hoped Dean got into contact with the police at least, hell bring the Coast Guard for all he cared.

“Do you know if Dean has a gun? I hope he has a way to protect himself. You saw right? They all have guns.”  He plopped himself on the small twin bed next to Castiel as he finished his meal.

“Dean has many guns. Well not him himself, his Uncle has many guns. I’m sure he notified his family of what is happening.” He nodded, and Kevin assumed it was more in reassurance to himself than him.

“So um—how long have you guys been together?”

“Since about October.”

“Wow that’s—wow I had no idea.”

“No one really did. Charlie knows, oh and Balthazar. Other than that no one from school knows. I’d appreciate it if, once this is all over, that you refrain from spreading this around. I wouldn’t want Dean to get in trouble for dating a student.”

“Nah man, rumors really aren’t my thing. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you Kevin.”

“It’s kinda funny though,” he paused to let out a chuckle at Castiel’s confused expression, “I kinda wanted to ask you out a while ago, but now that I know you’re taken—“

“I—don’t know how to respond to that.”

“It’s cool man, no its super cool, we can just be friends right?”

“That’s cool with me.”

*                             *                             *                             *            

Dean was anxious to say the very least. He tapped on the steering wheel impatiently at every red light that they had to stop at. Sam kept shooting him side glances as if he could read Dean’s mind and know that he wanted to just fly through all the stop lights. His dad and Chuck were in the backseat, which in itself was driving him to the edge. From what Cas had told him his Dad was very accepting of his sexuality once he’d understood it. He was the complete opposite of his dad, and to have them occupying the same small space was slowly undoing Dean’s sanity. He shot Sam a worried glance hoping his brother could read the feelings on his face. When he nodded in return he knew that he’d gotten the message.  

“So Dean, Jody said her and her people on their way. Do you have a count on how many guys Roman has?”

“No—I was just told about the two he’s keeping close. The 3 of them are armed, not sure about the others.”

“Alright well we’ll keep an eye out.”

They all remained silent for the remainder of the ride. The silence put some of Dean’s stress to rest. They were going into this blind, but with the back-up and everyone he trusted around him he wasn’t so worried about that _. I need Cas to be ok_ , he chanted over and over in his head like a prayer. Hell he hoped someone was listening and was willing to grant his prayer.  They pulled into one of the back lots, the same one he’d smoked with Charlie and Cas all those months ago. Simpler times brought him happy memories.

Everyone teamed up, following Jody’s orders. She wasn’t too happy having a bunch of civilians with guns and doing the job of cops, but she knew she was dealing with a bunch of Winchesters. Even with Chuck, Gabe, and Charlie, they were all a stubborn bunch, ready to risk it all for their family. Dean threw caution to the wind as soon as he’d found out Cas was taken. After a much heated argument he and Sam were going to be the ones to bust in the room with one of Jody’s officers.

When they were all strapped and ready to go, the teams fanned out across the campus all shooting in different directions. Dean knew the campus pretty well, so he lead Sam and the officer, Garth, towards Kevin’s building.

“I’m coming angel.” He squared his shoulders and walked through the building’s front door.

*                             *                             *                             *

Kevin was not happy to have all these people in his room. Especially since 3 of them had loaded pistols and probably knew what to do with them. His room wasn’t big enough for all these bodies and all this tension. Cas was re-gagged and his hands remained tied around his back. He looked much more uncomfortable than Kevin felt, but he was a close second. Dick was pacing back and forth, as if there was enough room for such actions, on the phone with God knows who, trying to make arrangements for something. Kevin silently wished Dean would just bust through the door already.

Though Dick obviously though he was the king of evil villains, he wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. His master plan had more than a couple holes in it, and Kevin knew it was only a small matter of time before the damn burst and everything unraveled in his lap. For one when they came back they hadn’t locked the door to Kevin’s room, they also took his phone but not his laptop, and it would’ve made more sense to have Castiel patched up and taken away immediately, not leaving him on campus to be found. Kevin never saw it necessary to be delighted in another person’s ignorance, but he was more than happy about it now.

“Look I need you to figure this all out right NOW!” he hollered into the phone. “Father was very explicit about—“

Dick cut his sentence short as the door was flung open and 3 blurs rushed into the room. Kevin shook with immediate fear at what was transpiring around him before he grabbed Castiel and moved to the far wall. A tall man with longish hair grabbed one of the goons and pinned him to the wall while hitting him in the stomach repeatedly, a police officer quickly disarmed the other goon and held his gun towards his head. His hands shot up and he dropped to his knees shivering in fear.

Dean went straight for Dick, not even bothering to look at anyone else. Dick tried to go for his gun, but he was much too slow and Dean was clearly quicker. He grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and slammed him against the wall opposite the bed. His fist connected with Dick’s jaw before he got right up in his face.

“You messed with the wrong family!” he hollered.

Dick tried to shove back, he was brave for that in Kevin’s mind. If he saw Dean in the street and didn’t know him, with that look on his face, he’d run the other way. Despite him though Dean kept his hold on Dick and proceeded to body slam him onto the floor. Kevin’s eyes shot to what else was now happening in the room. A few other officers had now come into the room and the goons were cuffed and being escorted out. Dean was on top of Dick and throwing blow after blow on the man’s face. He looked terrifying, like nothing else in the world was as important as turning the man into a bloodied pulp.

“Dean! You gotta stop!.” The long haired man was pulling Dean off of Dick’s unconscious body. “He’s out. Cas is safe now go to him!” he pushed Dean in the direction of where the two of them stood frozen.

*                             *                             *                             *

Castiel didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to think. All he knew in that moment was that Dean was probably going to kill Dick Roman and he had no clue how to stop him. He could feel himself shaking as he watched Dick take each blow worse than the last. His arms were up as he tried to shield his face, but that was utterly pointless. Dean put every fiber of his being into each punch and his one intention was to land them all. He could feel Dean’s anger from where he stood across the room, plastered against Kevin’s side. It was horrible to see his man in such a state of rage. He never wanted to see Dean like this ever again.

“Dean—stop.” His words were barely a whisper, trying to speak through the cloth tied around his head, and took so much energy to say that much. He could feel the stinging of tears well up in his eyes. He just wanted this nightmare to be over.

Sam suddenly was embracing his brother and tugging him off of Dick’s unmoving body. His arms were under Dean’s and he had a hard time hauling him off. He could tell Sam was struggling, an angry Dean packs a lot of strength.

“Cas is safe now go to him!” he shoved Dean in his direction.

Once their eyes met Dean’s whole demeanor softened. His brows drooped and he frowned as he quickly made his way to him.

“Oh angel.” His hands reached out and pulled down the cloth that covered his mouth. He touched a hand to Castiel’s face and he found himself leaning into the touch. He was grateful for a loving touch—something he hadn’t experienced in a while and truly missed more than he could express. Dean turned him around and untied his hands and once he was freed, he wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle and dug his face into his neck. He wanted to be surrounded by Dean and nothing else.

“Dean.” He whined into the crook of his shoulder.

“I know babe I know. Sorry I took so long.” He squeezed Cas in the embrace.

“Don’t apologize. None of this was on you.” He pulled back so he could look at Dean, so he could tell him straight. “This was not your fault and don’t you dare think that way.”

“Yeah but—“

“But nothing, this isn’t on you. You came for me and defended me, and I love you for it Dean.”

Dean looked shock, with his mouth hanging open and his eyes searching Castiel’s for any doubt. He stared right back into Dean’s unwavering gaze meaning every word he said. Castiel had been through much in these last three days. He’d been beaten, cut, thrown around, his entire body hummed with pain. Even with all that his only constant thought had been about the emotional turmoil his absence had caused Dean. There were bags under his eyes, he probably hadn’t slept much, his heart tore for the beautiful man in front of him. If the roles were switched he’d had no clue how he’d be able to make it through this, yet here Dean was standing strong like a tower. The man he loved had come to his rescue and that’s what mattered most.

“I love you too Cas.” He tugged him into his chest once again. “Dammit I love you too.”


End file.
